It has been mentioned before, but it merits repeat. The world is full of sinners, christians are not immune to sin. But God is incredibly merciful, and so full of grace. He isn't vengeful, and he doesn't dwell on the past. We as people aren't perfect, and everyone has gone through times in their lives where their faith is not what it once was, or lacking...You admitting that you struggle with it, and that you feel like a 'bad' christian shows that there is room for improvement. It seems like it bothers you, and I do think its important that you are aware of that. We are human, we make mistakes. Luckily God will always love us unconditionally. One of my favorite sayings is that "You are never farther from God than a whisper and a prayer." I know what you are going through, I have been there myself. If you are willing, you can make changes. The saying that you are who the company you keep, rings true. Try to immerse yourself in a more positive enviroment. Surround yourself with other christians or people that are good influences on you (If you don't already) Baby steps. :] I have found that no matter what I'm going through, if I take even just a moment to pick up my bible and read, God always has something to say. Something that never makes me feel like less of a person, or less of a christian...but always something that makes me feel loved no matter what, and completely encouraged.
God's love is so pure, warm, and so incredible. The moment you let down your guard and let God in fully and completely, he will show you just how much he loves you.
I hope I was an encouragement, and not too long winded.
I've been there, I know how ya feel. This is actually my first post, but wanted to respond specifically to this because I know exactly what that feels like.
