All about the bling..er...ring??

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Jullianna

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It's very frustrating when you see yet another person settle for the ring than the relationship, isn't it? In the back of my mind, the meter chalks up another statistic. Lord, please let me be wrong about that...

For those who are seeking to be married, please don't let it be about the first person you can get to say I do. Please make it about the relationship, not the ring.

If you can't call yourself a christian just because you are sitting in a church, can you call yourself a wife or husband if all that made you that way was spouting some words you didn't understand/had no understanding of and a piece of metal on your hand?

If you have the relationship, you have the pearl Liamson talked about in another thread, and you don't even need the ring. You have your bling in the safest place possible. When the time comes to say your vows. Understand them. MEAN them. Bury them deep inside your soul. Jesus heard you say them.
 
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I could be wrong on this, but I think you're trying to illuminate the fact that there are those people who's self worth is so horrendous that they need to "be with someone" in order to feel that they have value. They will not only latch onto the first person that gives them the time of day, but actively manipulate that relationship to push for the commitment within an extremely short time. They have no identity of their own and like a chameleon shift their colors to appear to be the "perfect match" for whatever person they are latching on to at the moment. I think we've all known this type of person at one time or another and the sad thing is that they usually are so blind that they can't see what they are doing.

So often we say that honesty is critical in a healthy relationship, referring to honesty with your partner. How much more important is it to be honest with yourself?
 
Jullianna said:
It's very frustrating when you see yet another person settle for the ring than the relationship, isn't it? In the back of my mind, the meter chalks up another statistic. Lord, please let me be wrong about that...

For those who are seeking to be married, please don't let it be about the first person you can get to say I do. Please make it about the relationship, not the ring.
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What if he throws in a nice car and a house too? :cool:

picture.php
 
Jullianna said:
It's very frustrating when you see yet another person settle for the ring than the relationship, isn't it? In the back of my mind, the meter chalks up another statistic. Lord, please let me be wrong about that...

For those who are seeking to be married, please don't let it be about the first person you can get to say I do. Please make it about the relationship, not the ring.

If you can't call yourself a christian just because you are sitting in a church, can you call yourself a wife or husband if all that made you that way was spouting some words you didn't understand/had no understanding of and a piece of metal on your hand?

If you have the relationship, you have the pearl Liamson talked about in another thread, and you don't even need the ring. You have your bling in the safest place possible. When the time comes to say your vows. Understand them. MEAN them. Bury them deep inside your soul. Jesus heard you say them.
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Reminds me of a song...

Standing before God and all our friends
In that little church
Barely listening to a thing that preacher said
Just repeating every word
I didn't have a clue what it all meant
But girl, for what it's worth

But I do now, I do now
Oh, I'd give anything
If I could just go back in time somehow
I wouldn't break your heart,
I wouldn't break those vows
If I could lift that veil and look you in the eye
And say I do now

I'm guessing there are allot of people who can relate to the song (unfortunately). I wonder if most people think of the vows as something that is done because of tradition, and not because they have TRUE meaning. IDK, just a thought.
 
Wow. I wrote that first thing this morning and it barely makes sense. Sorry :(

Oncefallen, yes, sometimes that is exactly what can happen. Someone who has no idea who they are can be willing to be whatever the other person wants them to be...for awhile.

I also know far too many women who feel incomplete without a man. Maybe there are men who feel this way as well. So they settle for ANY man to fill the void and end up trading him in for a different model time and time again.

I know people who marry the first person who will because all of their friends are married and they feel left out.

I know people who think the next new spouse will make them happy.

It breaks my heart to see these things because marriage is such a precious thing. It's not like a pair of shoes you try on, walk around in a little bit and pick another size or style if the fit is wrong. Marriage is an investment of your love and your faith and your life, and should be valued as such. It should be all or nothing and it should be for keeps.

I hope this post made more sense than the first. :)
 
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I wanna add an amendment to this thread.


It ain't about the wedding ceremony/day either.
 
I've often wondered: if couples put as much time/ effort on their MARRIAGE as they do on their wedding, would the divorce rate be a lot lower?
 
I think the first key is entering into marriage for the right reasons, but even if marriage is entered into for the wrong reasons with the wrong person it can still work for the long term, it's just gonna take a whole lot more work.

Snackersmom, I think if people invested as much time into their marriage as they do anything else the divorce rate would be lower. It seems that a lot of people seem to think that they can place work, social obligations, and even their kids above their marriage. Yes, I included kids in that list, it seems to me that those people I've seen with the strongest marriages place NOTHING in priority above that other than God. If your marriage is healthy your kids will benefit, if your marriage isn't healthy your kids will suffer no matter how much you invest in them.
 
I agree, Oncefallen. :) Even if you don't enter into it rightly, God can bring about amazing changes and turn it into something the couple never believed possible. But, again, it takes dedication, love, faith and commitment. It doesn't just happen.

AND your children are blessed when THEY see YOU doing it right. It's healthier for them too. :)
 
Zan believes there is a balance when it comes to a marriage covenant. You see far to many people (specially in rebound relationships) that say God is called the too a new person and marriage, without seeking wise counsel, conformation and patience. They Jump in blindly under the delusion it's from God.

On the other hand, you see far to many people choosing the first one that comes along that they feel fits, without seeking God and whom HE chooses. Marriage really is a calling from God. A very special, precious thing that God puts together. He calls mates together if allowed and sought.

So again it's about balance and wisdom. Moving to extremes (without God) is never a wise thing.

Faith may seem extreme, but done in context of God's word it's a wonderful safe and special thing.
 
I don't think being a bit malleable is a bad thing... even a fair bit malleable, would certainly help with some things.

But then I like clingy to some extent... lol. :)
 
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I agree with you Julianna, with both of your posts. I thought the first one made sense :)

It's extremely frustrating to see people jumping into a marriage that seems completely wrong. My best friend growing up has always fantasized about her wedding. She has books that she made of pictures of dresses, cakes, rings, and ceremonies she liked. Her wedding day means so much to her for different reasons. I don't think there is anything wrong with being excited and planning for a special day, but when your goal is to be married OVER being with the man God wants you to be with, there are huge problems and it will be a miracle if the marriage lasts.

This friend I'm talking about is in a "serious" relationship and all she can tell me about this guy are negative qualities that this guy has, yet she wants to marry him. She even pushes getting married on him. I don't understand why she wants the marriage more than a good/healthy relationship. My only thought is that she is afraid she won't get another chance.

The sad thing is that most people truly don't understand what true marriage is or what it means. The only way that we can help people that fall into choosing wedding/ring over a person is to pray for them, be honest with them, and be a witness in waiting on the person the Lord has for for each of us.
 
keep_on_smiling said:
I agree with you Julianna, with both of your posts. I thought the first one made sense :)

It's extremely frustrating to see people jumping into a marriage that seems completely wrong. My best friend growing up has always fantasized about her wedding. She has books that she made of pictures of dresses, cakes, rings, and ceremonies she liked. Her wedding day means so much to her for different reasons. I don't think there is anything wrong with being excited and planning for a special day, but when your goal is to be married OVER being with the man God wants you to be with, there are huge problems and it will be a miracle if the marriage lasts.

This friend I'm talking about is in a "serious" relationship and all she can tell me about this guy are negative qualities that this guy has, yet she wants to marry him. She even pushes getting married on him. I don't understand why she wants the marriage more than a good/healthy relationship. My only thought is that she is afraid she won't get another chance.

The sad thing is that most people truly don't understand what true marriage is or what it means. The only way that we can help people that fall into choosing wedding/ring over a person is to pray for them, be honest with them, and be a witness in waiting on the person the Lord has for for each of us.
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No one talks about GOOD and HEALTHY relationships (except for us ;) ) in society on TV in Movies and in everything in between. Its all about the APPEARANCE of SUCCESS. Having a big wedding gives the IMPRESSION of HAPPINESS, which is what we wish to PROJECT. And in the world around us, the only thing that matters is SOCIAL STATUS.

(Christian culture is not exempt from this either.)
 
keep_on_smiling said:
I agree with you Julianna, with both of your posts. I thought the first one made sense :)

It's extremely frustrating to see people jumping into a marriage that seems completely wrong. My best friend growing up has always fantasized about her wedding. She has books that she made of pictures of dresses, cakes, rings, and ceremonies she liked. Her wedding day means so much to her for different reasons. I don't think there is anything wrong with being excited and planning for a special day, but when your goal is to be married OVER being with the man God wants you to be with, there are huge problems and it will be a miracle if the marriage lasts.

This friend I'm talking about is in a "serious" relationship and all she can tell me about this guy are negative qualities that this guy has, yet she wants to marry him. She even pushes getting married on him. I don't understand why she wants the marriage more than a good/healthy relationship. My only thought is that she is afraid she won't get another chance.

The sad thing is that most people truly don't understand what true marriage is or what it means. The only way that we can help people that fall into choosing wedding/ring over a person is to pray for them, be honest with them, and be a witness in waiting on the person the Lord has for for each of us.
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wow.....that is so sad
 
Jullianna said:
That sounds like Let's Make a Deal :) And 2-3 years down the road, the prenup might let you keep the car when YOU get traded in.
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In those circumstances she could have both....too rich for my blood.

I do think the whole prenup thing is ridiculous. If you don't trust someone enough to marry them without it, what are you doing marrying them?
 
Jullianna said:
It's very frustrating when you see yet another person settle for the ring than the relationship, isn't it? In the back of my mind, the meter chalks up another statistic. Lord, please let me be wrong about that...

For those who are seeking to be married, please don't let it be about the first person you can get to say I do. Please make it about the relationship, not the ring.

If you can't call yourself a christian just because you are sitting in a church, can you call yourself a wife or husband if all that made you that way was spouting some words you didn't understand/had no understanding of and a piece of metal on your hand?

If you have the relationship, you have the pearl Liamson talked about in another thread, and you don't even need the ring. You have your bling in the safest place possible. When the time comes to say your vows. Understand them. MEAN them. Bury them deep inside your soul. Jesus heard you say them.
Click to expand...

I had 4 good guy relationships growing up, five, if you count my college roommate for 3.5 years, and, just were buddies, doing things that were fun for all, one buddy I went skiing with, one I did RPG D&D and I concocted a campaign or two he went through, another was competitive soccer buddy, another was movies and just playing board games and hanging out.and, college roommate was soccer and eating @ cafeteria, playing video games.

When I/if I ever get married, I want a friendship like any of my 5 buddies growing up and in college.

The Lord leads. But been single and just one of those 5 buddies kept in touch with, but one buddy, known longest, since age 5, I go see he and his kids a lot now. We talk on phone too, I pray for their starting to go to church all.the time. she grew up methodist, my buddy never went ti church more than a couple years in grade school, but, both, know of God, the Lord does lead. Off topic., a bit, OH BOTHER!, such pitifulness, its hard being a green of so very little brain :D

zander said:
Zan believes there is a balance when it comes to a marriage covenant. You see far to many people (specially in rebound relationships) that say God is called the too a new person and marriage, without seeking wise counsel, conformation and patience. They Jump in blindly under the delusion it's from God.

On the other hand, you see far to many people choosing the first one that comes along that they feel fits, without seeking God and whom HE chooses. Marriage really is a calling from God. A very special, precious thing that God puts together. He calls mates together if allowed and sought.

So again it's about balance and wisdom. Moving to extremes (without God) is never a wise thing.

Faith may seem extreme, but done in context of God's word it's a wonderful safe and special thing.
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Without God, all moves should seem extreme, not to mention, fruitless. With God, ALL things are possible. What does the opposite of that say?

Liamson said:
No one talks about GOOD and HEALTHY relationships (except for us ;) ) in society on TV in Movies and in everything in between. Its all about the APPEARANCE of SUCCESS. Having a big wedding gives the IMPRESSION of HAPPINESS, which is what we wish to PROJECT. And in the world around us, the only thing that matters is SOCIAL STATUS.

(Christian culture is not exempt from this either.)
Click to expand...


I hear a lot of people talk about 'happiness,' and, I used to want that too, right before I crashed my car, thinking of wanting house with white picket fence , wife, and, happy things, like all things Dewalt, but, yeah, I decided that that thinking took away from my Godliness and so I didn't want happiness anymore. ' 'Course, it took a majot car crash at 25 to steer my thinking this way...

So, now I want not happiness, I want the word that is mentioned in scripture: joy :)

Joy in the morning. Joy at noon. Joy in the evening. Joy when I fall asleep and dream

Joy, Joy, Joy. Joy ! :) an impression of joy is NOT what I want, liams, that would be happiness.

David said, 'The joy of the Lord is my strength,' that then explains what makes us STRONG :) and, I want His joy for me, God knows best. God will , if ever I marry, put that kind of feeling of joy into my relationship, too, I hope and pray, I want that, yes, 'that I want most :)
 
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Exactly, Oncefallen.

Trust is EVERYTHING in a relationship. Mutual trust. It's why I don't date strangers. It's why I like to be friends first. It's why I believe in long engagements. I want to truly know who a person is, not just the person they present to me.

"Marriages" like that are business transactions, nothing more. To those who have not yet reached the Geritol generation, they mean "I don't trust you", or more commonly "My family doesn't trust you".


Working for a law firm, I've read a lot of prenups. The only ones I've ever found to be truly useful are those written for couples who marry much later in life. They are both settled, mature and financially secure, so it's not really a matter of trust for them, but rather a means of keeping peace in a blended family of adult children when one of them passes away. The adult kids of the person who passed away can't cause problems for the surviving spouse, so it really can be a caring thing to do at that point in life.
 
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