N
notyouraverage
Guest
I have a very long and drawn out story, so I won't be able to take the time to type it all out...but I'm in my second marriage, married to a man for whom I am wife #5, and found on my birthday evidence that he had emailed, met and had sex with another married woman. He put up profiles 2 years ago on several dating sites looking for discreet 1 on 1 sex, and this woman is in his words, 'the only one that answered' so he started emailing her, called her on the work phone only once, met her in a parking lot 'to size each other up' and within a week followed her to her home and had sex with her. once. This was 2 years ago, and I uncovered the evidence in the days leading to, and found her ON my birthday. He answered 'yes' to my question if he slept with her. He answered this question a few weeks ago on my birthday, and has been telling me over the past 2 years he had made up his mind to tell me after my birthday...but I found it first.
I was a sinner when I first married, but a saved Christian by the time I married the 2nd time....although I had long been away from church, I still thanked God every day and prayed. My husband, though not previously a churchgoer much, did own a Bible and read to me before we were married. I believe he prayed as well.
Over the years, with the good and the bad, my husband gave me no reason to think he wasn't capable of full commitment to his vows. His explanation for this lapse was 'a weakness,' or 'I was in a dark place.' Overnite he found a counselor from our insurance, and asked me to go with him (waiting for him) to his sessions.
He picked out a church and asked if we could go, if not there, then visit, because he said he is interested in finding a church home.
He has lost 14 lbs in 2 weeks down to 225. He invites me to come next to him on our knees to pray before going to sleep. it's like I'm seeing a miracle, and it's of his own accord.
The problem that I need prayer for, is tied to a boundary I gave him very early in our relationship. I told him that cheating on me is a dealbreaker, and I will detach, then I will leave.
I can feel myself detaching due to all the lies he told early in the marriage, and that he was in rehab, and has twice in 10 years gotten very drunk, the last one being last fall when he fell backwards onto our toilet tank, ripping it from the wall and breaking it sending water everywhere...that is after we went out to eat one night as a family (he was fine when we left) but then he became progressively drunker (he had 2 -6 point beers?) to the point where I had to get his buffet plate for him so we would not be asked to leave.
I keep thinking that the Lord is trying to tell me to stay with my values, but at the same time He isn't ready for me to leave the marriage. Is there an equal consequence to my boundary issue? He says that he completely takes responsibility for his horrific action, and doesn't remember much except he felt he 'woke up' after and got sick as he was leaving her house. He says he never went back, and cut off emails to her shortly after.
I am not at all sure what to ask any of you to pray for, but as far as I am concerned, I told my husband that he has destroyed our marriage and I am left here to survey the desecration of our union. It is no more. There is a piece of paper that says we are married, and I do still love him or I wouldn't be so hurt and angry. I do not want to continue on this path, and if I am 'teaching him how to treat me,' I really do not think I taught him to cheat on me although the circumstances of our meeting and marriage were not the best situation.
I fully believed that after I married him, no matter the bad situations leading to it, that by taking vows I was fully committing to all the vows I took, and being a loving, kind wife. I was so blindsided by this...I know that there is conflict in marriages, but we hardly disagreed much at all, much less fought about anything.
I'm still here, but not sure if I should see an attorney or not, just yet. I did suggest to my husband we might want to consider having a post-nup drawn up.
If my consequence to leave for adultery is not inspired by God, then what plan could God have, or what direction should I go? Observe his actions? How long?
Thank you for being here.
I was a sinner when I first married, but a saved Christian by the time I married the 2nd time....although I had long been away from church, I still thanked God every day and prayed. My husband, though not previously a churchgoer much, did own a Bible and read to me before we were married. I believe he prayed as well.
Over the years, with the good and the bad, my husband gave me no reason to think he wasn't capable of full commitment to his vows. His explanation for this lapse was 'a weakness,' or 'I was in a dark place.' Overnite he found a counselor from our insurance, and asked me to go with him (waiting for him) to his sessions.
He picked out a church and asked if we could go, if not there, then visit, because he said he is interested in finding a church home.
He has lost 14 lbs in 2 weeks down to 225. He invites me to come next to him on our knees to pray before going to sleep. it's like I'm seeing a miracle, and it's of his own accord.
The problem that I need prayer for, is tied to a boundary I gave him very early in our relationship. I told him that cheating on me is a dealbreaker, and I will detach, then I will leave.
I can feel myself detaching due to all the lies he told early in the marriage, and that he was in rehab, and has twice in 10 years gotten very drunk, the last one being last fall when he fell backwards onto our toilet tank, ripping it from the wall and breaking it sending water everywhere...that is after we went out to eat one night as a family (he was fine when we left) but then he became progressively drunker (he had 2 -6 point beers?) to the point where I had to get his buffet plate for him so we would not be asked to leave.
I keep thinking that the Lord is trying to tell me to stay with my values, but at the same time He isn't ready for me to leave the marriage. Is there an equal consequence to my boundary issue? He says that he completely takes responsibility for his horrific action, and doesn't remember much except he felt he 'woke up' after and got sick as he was leaving her house. He says he never went back, and cut off emails to her shortly after.
I am not at all sure what to ask any of you to pray for, but as far as I am concerned, I told my husband that he has destroyed our marriage and I am left here to survey the desecration of our union. It is no more. There is a piece of paper that says we are married, and I do still love him or I wouldn't be so hurt and angry. I do not want to continue on this path, and if I am 'teaching him how to treat me,' I really do not think I taught him to cheat on me although the circumstances of our meeting and marriage were not the best situation.
I fully believed that after I married him, no matter the bad situations leading to it, that by taking vows I was fully committing to all the vows I took, and being a loving, kind wife. I was so blindsided by this...I know that there is conflict in marriages, but we hardly disagreed much at all, much less fought about anything.
I'm still here, but not sure if I should see an attorney or not, just yet. I did suggest to my husband we might want to consider having a post-nup drawn up.
If my consequence to leave for adultery is not inspired by God, then what plan could God have, or what direction should I go? Observe his actions? How long?
Thank you for being here.
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