Running out of excuses

[Jullianna]

I've been a risk taker all of my life. After my husband died I made a conscious choice to not stop taking them necessarily, but to narrow them down to calculated risks. Play it a little more safe.

About a year after he died, I met someone very special. We were together for three years while we were both in school (I was working on my Masters, he on a law degree). I made a choice based upon a decision he'd made after graduation to end things, as some of you know.

He travels all over the world work-wise. I had a teen son to finish raising. My son is now a 20 year old man.

He has a very dangerous job. I didn't want to be a widow again.

I've tried it my way. The safer way. I've been hiding from life. I've been hiding online. I've been struggling with all of this for several days now and wondering when I became such a coward. I've also wondered whether those words were not mine, but a question posed by the Lord.

Early this morning that gentleman contacted me. He is in the country to learn yet another language. He wanted to know how my 4th of July went. I told him it was fine and that I'd been to a movie and church cookout with my son. I asked him what he'd been up to this week. His answer: He's been helping to teach underprivileged kids how to fly fish and taking a french cooking class (Since I'm not there to do it for him, he's learning to do it himself.).

And I find myself wondering why he has to be.so.perfect. Why can't he just be a jerk...

I think I may have just run out of excuses, huh, Lord...

Anyone else running out of excuses? Anyone else scared? Anyone else hiding?

 

[Oncefallen]

I've seen you reference this man numerous times in different threads in varying detail at different times. It would appear to me that the only thing holding you out of this relationship is the fear of being a widow again. It seems that his occupation (whatever it may be) matches well with your adventuresome spirit. Other things that you and I have talked about recently make it apparent that God is moving you to some major changes your life, could this be it?

You have never commented on any major negatives in him in any of those posts, and it would appear that if you were involved for three years and only broke it off at that time because of your obligation to your son, and the risk involved with this man job that the relationship was good otherwise. Perhaps it was one of those scenarios of right person, wrong timing. As you've said your son is a man now, so that obligation is complete.

I think that fear can hold us all back from good things at different times in our lives. I can't imagine the pain you went through losing your husband, but there is the risk of becoming a widow again no matter who you marry since women typically live longer than men. God does not promise any of us our next breath much less living to a ripe old age.

So, referencing you back to a thread of mine from recently, what is holding you back?

 

[djness]

You know in life when you met someone like that you have to believe that there is something absolutely terrible about them because them being perfect disgusts you. Or rather it just isn't believeable.

Anytime you see someone in a movie or tv show who is like that, it turns out they beat kids or never leave tips or spit in peoples food for fun. There just cannot be that much perfection without out some evil rotten core right?

The thing is it is usually true, with everyone except Jesus right? Every person I have met like that, and especially guys, they have some seriously messed up twisted thing going on. They go on about their perfect life and they just...well one time you see something and the facade collapses. I've met people who just go on and on about how they life their life for God and do things for kids and they just blantantly lie about some aspect of their life.

And the thing thats odd to me right off the bat....has this guy been waiting on you all these years? If he is really this great are there other women biting their nails thinking about taking that big plunge into the pool of his excellence? How does he not have a ring on his finger at this point right? Does he ever talk about his work to you? Have you ever met any of his friends? You said you went to school with him, did he have a tight group of friends then?

It may be that the guy is one of the scarce few men who has kept themselves pure and undefiled by sin, and on top of that grabbed life by the horns and wrestled it to submission.


Oh and since you asked is anyone else scared or hiding, I guess my answer would be no, given that I'm shallow, immature, handicapped and unable to take care of myself or another person and learning disabled on top of that, I have no dellusions of meeting someone. Oh wait thats a lie, I really do want to I'm just scared I wont be accepted.

 

[djness]

Oh and as to what Oncefallen said, the fear of becoming a widow again holding you back.
My dad died in 2006, my mom remarried within a year.To a guy she had never known before whose wife had also died recently.

She didn't want to be single after having been married for so long and neither did he, and they both love and serve the lord. So why not do that together?

 

[Catlynn]

God's been working with me in the department of fear a lot lately and many types of it. He's been showing me that the main problem with living my life in fear of anything or anyone but Him is dangerous. (I know you know I meant a reverent fear of the Lord when I say that) The danger comes when I am so afraid and paralyzed by fear in one way or another that I either freeze and don't move forward in obedience to what He's told me to do OR I choose to take control of the situation and do things my way. Things seem much less scary when it's all in my hands. The crazy thing is, it couldn't be SCARIER in my hands. I don't know everything! I don't see what all is going on. I have a tiny piece of the huge picture that I try to base decisions off of when God sees the entire thing, has great plans and would do a MUCH better job with the whole thing if I would just trust Him with those scary and uncertain situations too.
All of that to say, I don't have and really never did have any good excuses. My excuses were just my own justifications for me to be in control. :/
I know your heart and and I've seen your wisdom from the Lord and I think that as you continue to bring this to Him in prayer and give the whole thing to Him completely, that all of those do called excuses will start to disappear. Remember that God is good and He loves us perfectly even when we can't see it.

 

[Catlynn]

See, this is why I don't ever reply anymore. When I reply from my phone, none of it makes sense. lol

 

[simplyme_bekah]

Ahh the way I look at fear is that we wrestle God to hold onto it and he just eventually simply takes it away. He is good at reminding us that we are his and he has got this. When you feel fear fill you up like that whisper up I give this fear to you my Lord and then say I claim the peace of Jesus on Jesus name, thank you my Jesus. Works every single time. He eventually gets you to that place where you turn to him and say oh Lord please direct my very next step and you do not want yourself in control of any aspect of your life without first looking to him. I say grab it by the horns and just flow with it. Trust that God is with you each step of the way.

 

[Sarah_D]

A Flower Of God’s Design, The Rosebud…..
A young, new preacher was walking with an older, more seasoned preacher in the garden one day. Feeling a bit insecure about what God had for him to do, he was asking the older preacher for some advice. The older preacher walked up to a rose bush and handed the young preacher a rosebud and told him to open it without tearing any of the petals The young preacher looked in disbelief at the older preacher and was trying to figure out what a rosebud could possibly have to do with his wanting to know the will of God for his life and ministry. But, because of his great respect for the older preacher, he proceeded to try and unfold the rosebud while keeping every petal intact . . It wasn’t long before he realized how impossible this was to do. Noticing the young preacher’s inability to unfold the rosebud without tearing it, the older preacher began to recite the following poem:

It is only a tiny rosebud
A flower of God’s design;
But I cannot unfold the petals
With these clumsy hands of mine.

The secret of unfolding flowers
Is not known to such as I.
GOD opens this flower so sweetly,
Then, in my hands, they die

If I cannot unfold a rosebud,
The flower of God’s design,
Then how can I have the wisdom
To unfold this life of mine?

So, I’ll trust in Him for leading
Each moment of my day.
I will look to Him for His guidance
Each step of the Pilgrim’s way.

The pathway that lies before me
Only my Heavenly Father knows.
I’ll trust him to unfold the moments,
Just as He unfolds the rose​

This poem came to me during a time in my life when I was facing alot of fears... trying to come out into the light Jesus wants me to live in, it helped me to understand, life is risky.. loving others is risky.. but to keep hiding where it seemed to be safe was even riskier.. So I decided to dip my toes in the water.. I did take my time prayerfully though.. slowly came out of my shell, slowly trusting others.. always seeking my Lord's hand, His guidance, His leading.. now i'm a bit braver but wiser too, it's a fine balance for me and i'm always having to work at it with His leading.. Hope you don't mind me chipping in
God Bless you always..

 

[PopClick]

I've seen you reference this man numerous times in different threads in varying detail at different times. It would appear to me that the only thing holding you out of this relationship is the fear of being a widow again. It seems that his occupation (whatever it may be) matches well with your adventuresome spirit. Other things that you and I have talked about recently make it apparent that God is moving you to some major changes your life, could this be it?

You have never commented on any major negatives in him in any of those posts, and it would appear that if you were involved for three years and only broke it off at that time because of your obligation to your son, and the risk involved with this man job that the relationship was good otherwise. Perhaps it was one of those scenarios of right person, wrong timing. As you've said your son is a man now, so that obligation is complete.

I think that fear can hold us all back from good things at different times in our lives. I can't imagine the pain you went through losing your husband, but there is the risk of becoming a widow again no matter who you marry since women typically live longer than men. God does not promise any of us our next breath much less living to a ripe old age.

So, referencing you back to a thread of mine from recently, what is holding you back?

Yeah, this.

 

[Catlynn]

P.S. I think you're a super awesome woman of God. I admire your heart, your strength to do all that was necessary in the midst of a tragedy I can't begin to imagine, your wit and wisdom and you love for God and people.

 

[LightningClap0002]

If only I were a little bit older and a spy.

 

[Jullianna]

LOL Lightning! I needed a laugh. Thanks

djness: I can't imagine what you are going through right now. I don't know why that is happening to you. Whatever happens, you are tough enough to handle it. I can see that strength in you.

Yes, he's dated others since we split up, as have I, but he never really dated much anyway. Why is he still single? Same reason some of the rest of us are. He wants what he wants and won't settle for less. His parents had an amazing marriage and he wants the same (and yes, I know his family and friends).

I don't really want this thread to be all about me. I know I'm not the only one with questions.

Thanks to all of you for your thoughts. I have much to think about and someone I need to talk to.

 

[Ritter]

I experienced the same thing on a microsopic level, Jullianna. As I said in an earlier post, I spent months running from my girlfriend. I came up with excuses while it seemed every corner of creation was telling me to.

"We are too different and will never experience mutual attraction and appreciation on a deep level."

"We do not listen to the same music."

"Her family is too different from mine."

"What about professionalism?"

Well I solved the questionable level of professionalism in asking an intern out by giving her an honorable discharge from the campaign...okay, that was probably questionable. Moving on...

When God finally broke me, there was a corresponding list of answers.

"You're too complex, she simplifies your life, you idiot."

"You can learn to like country...and wear cowboy boots." (Yes, I own a pair. Yes I'm wearing it now, and I really like Lady Antebellum, Taylor Swift, George Strait, George Jones, and Hank II. Ask how that happens to a person into post punk revival and brit rock.)

"Okay, different, but the accept you. Her sister has downs, your brother has autism. You understand and love the retarded for this reason."


I know I'm going off of less experience here, Jullianna, but maybe God is looking to change your heart and grow you through this man.

I am not a different person, and no human can "complete me." However, another person can influence and augment you, and no one does that quite like a romantic partner.

The key is prayer and listening though I am sure you know this. A tall girl who grew up in Harlem tried to do a bit of research before me and K. were together. She walked up to her and asked how special a guy I am, to which she gave a glowing review. My wing woman (without my knowledge) replied "Well, you are a special girl. Don't you think he deserves someone like you?"

So I'll say the same. This guy sounds like one heck of a guy who needs one heck of a woman. That is what you are, Jullianna. It sounds like something you may just want to take a shot at. Fyi, my girl is in TX for the summer then going to VA for school. I'll be working someplace else, and she won't see me until late November/early December. What I do could have real danger involved. I'm glad she's sticking with me nonetheless.

Also if the afforementioned relationships don't work out, you could travel a certain distance in outer space, return when we are about the same standard age, and exchange numbers.

LSBH, bazinga!

 

[GraceReborn]

Anyone else running out of excuses? Anyone else scared? Anyone else hiding?

Well, I don't think I'm running out of excuses... yet
But yeah.. I'm scared and what's worse, I'm scared to admit it.
I tend to pour my heart out here or when I do my journal
but I do not display my weaknesses, my doubts, my fears in real life.

I fear of the pain a relationship may bring.
I fear of getting my hopes high yet in vain.
I fear that I may disappoint the people who love me and who depend on me.
I fear that I might end up with the wrong man....again.
More than anything else, I fear of displeasing my God by making
the wrong decisions and taking the wrong risks.

In my heart, He tells me that I will dance the love dance again.
But not any time soon.
This time, I'm making sure I dance it with His tune and not my own.


"I could have missed the pain.. But I'd have had to miss the dance.." < my exact thoughts about my past (thanks for sharing Julliana )


I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small when you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances but they're worth taking
Lovin' might be a mistake but it's worth making
Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out reconsider
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance

- Lee Ann Womack

 

[Beloved57]

I've been a risk taker all of my life. After my husband died I made a conscious choice to not stop taking them necessarily, but to narrow them down to calculated risks. Play it a little more safe.

About a year after he died, I met someone very special. We were together for three years while we were both in school (I was working on my Masters, he on a law degree). I made a choice based upon a decision he'd made after graduation to end things, as some of you know.

He travels all over the world work-wise. I had a teen son to finish raising. My son is now a 20 year old man.

He has a very dangerous job. I didn't want to be a widow again.

I've tried it my way. The safer way. I've been hiding from life. I've been hiding online. I've been struggling with all of this for several days now and wondering when I became such a coward. I've also wondered whether those words were not mine, but a question posed by the Lord.

Early this morning that gentleman contacted me. He is in the country to learn yet another language. He wanted to know how my 4th of July went. I told him it was fine and that I'd been to a movie and church cookout with my son. I asked him what he'd been up to this week. His answer: He's been helping to teach underprivileged kids how to fly fish and taking a french cooking class (Since I'm not there to do it for him, he's learning to do it himself.).

And I find myself wondering why he has to be.so.perfect. Why can't he just be a jerk...

I think I may have just run out of excuses, huh, Lord...

Anyone else running out of excuses? Anyone else scared? Anyone else hiding?

This gentleman, has great taste, not because of your outer beauty (which you truly have), but because of your inner beauty which shine so brightly to us all here at CC (II Peter 3:4-5). He is blessed in that he has found such a godly women because as I have stated before Julianna, you are a virtuous women (Proverbs 31:10-31). Much admit I'm semi jealous of the man. But if you are still interest in him, remember Paul words considering the state of Israel:
For the gifts and calling of God are without repentance.
Romans 11:29'
Will keep you my prayers.

 

[zeroturbulence]

I've been a risk taker all of my life. After my husband died I made a conscious choice to not stop taking them necessarily, but to narrow them down to calculated risks. Play it a little more safe.

About a year after he died, I met someone very special. We were together for three years while we were both in school (I was working on my Masters, he on a law degree). I made a choice based upon a decision he'd made after graduation to end things, as some of you know.

He travels all over the world work-wise. I had a teen son to finish raising. My son is now a 20 year old man.

He has a very dangerous job. I didn't want to be a widow again.

I've tried it my way. The safer way. I've been hiding from life. I've been hiding online. I've been struggling with all of this for several days now and wondering when I became such a coward. I've also wondered whether those words were not mine, but a question posed by the Lord.

Early this morning that gentleman contacted me. He is in the country to learn yet another language. He wanted to know how my 4th of July went. I told him it was fine and that I'd been to a movie and church cookout with my son. I asked him what he'd been up to this week. His answer: He's been helping to teach underprivileged kids how to fly fish and taking a french cooking class (Since I'm not there to do it for him, he's learning to do it himself.).

And I find myself wondering why he has to be.so.perfect. Why can't he just be a jerk...

I think I may have just run out of excuses, huh, Lord...

Anyone else running out of excuses? Anyone else scared? Anyone else hiding?

I actually have a somewhat similar situation Dianna, but I don't want to elaborate on it in a public forum. All I will say is that sometimes you have to wonder if there really is a pot of gold at the end of your rainbow, or if its just a rainbow with no end.

 

[Stephen63]

Well, Dianna, I'm gonna tell you that I'm gonna be a critic up front on this one. A dangerous job, learning multiple languages, lot's of traveling, law degree, speaks to me that this gentleman is either deep into corporate work, or deep into government work. Either way he's not oblivious to what the world is like, yet he still likes his job. He's a professional, & very tactful. Perhaps diplomatic in nature. Maybe that's why he seems so perfect. Such have the ability to perfect themselves on the fly depending on their surroundings. This is only a guess! Maybe you're not running out of excuses. Maybe these "excuses" were Someone trying to tell you something. Only you know. I hope I'm wrong.

 

[Jullianna]

RITTER: Good luck, Sir And if it doesn't work out, watch all of the Back to the Future movies and pay close attention

GRACE REBORN: <3

BELOVED: Thank you

GABE: Maybe there is no pot of gold, but maybe the rainbow is enough.

STEVEN: Thank you, Sir. You know how much I love and respect you, brother. It is government work (but he's NOT a spy, Lightning haha).

He really isn't perfect. I don't need perfect. Maybe it will work. Maybe it won't. I have to at least find out what it is. Either way I will learn something.

 

[OFM]

I've been a risk taker all of my life. After my husband died I made a conscious choice to not stop taking them necessarily, but to narrow them down to calculated risks. Play it a little more safe.

About a year after he died, I met someone very special. We were together for three years while we were both in school (I was working on my Masters, he on a law degree). I made a choice based upon a decision he'd made after graduation to end things, as some of you know.

He travels all over the world work-wise. I had a teen son to finish raising. My son is now a 20 year old man.

He has a very dangerous job. I didn't want to be a widow again.

I've tried it my way. The safer way. I've been hiding from life. I've been hiding online. I've been struggling with all of this for several days now and wondering when I became such a coward. I've also wondered whether those words were not mine, but a question posed by the Lord.

Early this morning that gentleman contacted me. He is in the country to learn yet another language. He wanted to know how my 4th of July went. I told him it was fine and that I'd been to a movie and church cookout with my son. I asked him what he'd been up to this week. His answer: He's been helping to teach underprivileged kids how to fly fish and taking a french cooking class (Since I'm not there to do it for him, he's learning to do it himself.).

And I find myself wondering why he has to be.so.perfect. Why can't he just be a jerk...

I think I may have just run out of excuses, huh, Lord...

Anyone else running out of excuses? Anyone else scared? Anyone else hiding?

Juliianna sister and friend fear not in Jesus o.k. love u much in Jesus allways

 

[OFM]

thanks 4 sharing b blessed allways amen.