Regretting losing my virginity...

[xtinaz]

DOnt put yourself in that position sweets. When I first came to God I had a BF and we had a sexual relationship. He was the only guy Ild really connected etc...I thought we were pretty legit in our relationship. THrough my relationship with God I had the desire to do things right and we both agreed to not have sex unless married. He was a nonbeleiver but he respected my decision It was cool but I found myself constantly in awkward situations and tempted to have sex, and it was really hard, fustrating and exhausting for us both. Eventually we drifted apart, I wouldnt hear from him for days but I still held on to the relationship in desperation. I realised that our relationship was based on lust - and I was so insecure and needy - I helplessly avoided being single out of fear of rejection.

The way you are talking tells me you have no peace about it - which is a great indication, you know what the right thing to do is - its just your feelings that are driving you insane This happens when you have sex with someone. You become one, emotionally, spiritually etc. And its so hard when you have sexual relationships outside marriage because its walking out of alignment of Gods order and your sinning against your own body...crazy huh! - thats why you always experience so much pain, grief, humiliation etc from sexual relationships than any other form of sin. Like when you have sex for the first time, its not as gloriuos as you thought - and you just feel dirty. I always hear people speak freely of overcoming the shame of being a theif etc but people who have had sexual relationships carry so much weight and find it harder to overcome. Your minds justifying it, but your hearts on another page

The world glorifys sex, but its not as pretty as it portrays.

Where is your relationship with God at sweets? I really have it on my heart to lead through a prayer, feel free to add onto it. I beleive there is no limitation through the cyberworld! Haha But if your willing just go through this prayer. I know you will get breakthrough

Father,
Im so confused
I dont understand what this guy wants from me
I feel used. Unattracrive and useless.
I ask that you forgive me for my decision

I surrender my fears and worry

Help me unsderstand and see this realtionship from your perspective
I receive your peace and affirmation right now

Amen

Praying for you sis! You will know what to do

 

[xtinaz]

It is true. The Church doesnt talk enough about sex. God created it, not some porn shop. God puts order and boundries in place for our safety and wellbeing not to deprive and suffocate us hes just so awesome like that

 

[NinJaGGS]

I don't know whats best for you... God knows whats best... God speaks through people who loves and care for you...

This young man sounds like he has very unhealthy behaviors, hes NOT evil, but he does do some odd things...

I think you want to hear that you have the right to continue in this relationship... you do... but is this the best thing for you?... you have to get your own answer from God.

Every time I get depressed, I try to fill a void in my life with some-thing... God allows us to do this, to fill our lives with anything we want... but he also tells us that filling our lives with the wrong things is hell. People are not sent to hell, people voluntarily go to hell to fill voids in their lives.

Relationships can be heaven or hell, but if we enter them for the wrong reasons likely they turn into hell.

But like I said, God gave this choice to you. It is your choice.

This is also something to consider, please don't be angry, he may or may not be using you, but are you using him? Are you using his affection to make yourself feel better?

I mean no disrespect. Sex is a very powerful force.

 

[Nautilus]

the problem is not that church isn't talking about it but that the break up of family and family values, that people no longer teach their children the value of their bodies and honoring God instead of seeking their own pleasures and chasing after the world. the problem is people are so focused on themselves they don't spend the time with loved ones and talk about important issues but expect strangers to teach their children values they do not live at home.

the problem is sex is seen as a public thing and ok pasttime instead of a sacred union joining man and woman in the eyes of God.

the problem is that people value human opinion over God's view upon the subject.

the problem is its easier to make a physical connection then a real emotional, mental and spiritual connection with another person where you share dreams and help others walk toward the upward calling of God.

the problem is not the lack of talking about sex, but the lack of real godly marriages that last built upon the principles God sets forth in the bible concerning forgiveness and valuing others higher than oneself.

And also the lack of people willing to talk about sex in general, even just now avoid that as an issue, and bring up all sorts of family issues to justify it. No that doesnt work, if the family isnt providing the lessons then chruch is just as good of a place to learn. Yet it wont teach.

 

[Ugly]

Ok so no matter what I say you guys will tell me to dump him because sex is a sin and for no other reason. Even if I say we'll stop having sex and we will still stay together you guys will think there's a problem. That's not really the kind of opinion I'm looking for right now, sorry. Thanks anyways

So you really just came on here to be told you are fine, what you're doing is fine, he's a great guy, he loves you, and you should stay together... but instead you got truth and don't like it so you just blow everyone off. I hate when people do that. Such a waste of peoples time to give advice when all you want is to be told you're right.

And, don't put words in peoples mouths or speak for them. I for one told you to dump the guy for using you and joking about raping you. So no, nothing else you tell me will change my mind, and not because of 'sex is sin'. Looks like you're wrong on two counts now.

 

[DIYhappiness]

OKay everybody I'm sorry, you were right. Sometimes (nah, all the time) when we have feelings for someone we don't even wanna hear other people's opinions. But today he acted like a jerk and I decided it was enough and broke up. I'm still crying but it's worth it.
Now I know for a fact I will do my best to keep myself for my future husband. Thanks for all your answers.

Xtinaz, sister, thank you, I said your prayer and it made me cry I regret so much THIS was my first time and I regret so much I sinned.

 

[Nautilus]

Sorry things didn't work out for you. Life does get better I have been through a rough break up or two and they suck terribly, but day by day things improve.

 

[iraasuup]

Actually, it's true. Maybe not for 100% of the population, but it's sound science involving brain chemistry.

I find this thought provoking. I can honestly say during my marriage, I never felt a 'physical connection' with my husband. Everyone says 'Oh but sex is so intimate, it bonds you together'... really? I don't know why, but I guess along with many other parts of our relationship, the 'sex' bit was broken.

I grew to dislike it, I just felt used. I had sex, because I felt it was my duty to him as his wife. I allowed him do things that repluse me now, and in a desperate bid to find that 'intimate connection' I resorted to trying new things to 'spice things up' a little. Not bad things, just things I think aren't necessary in a healthy, christian marriage.

Now, I struggle with loneliness (we've been separated nearly 8 mths now) and with that comes the sexual 'tension' for want of a better word. I crave that 'sexual intimacy' that is supposedly out there, and it's a constant battle to keep my thoughts and emotions in check.

This fact about people being bonded by sex confuses me. Does this mean my experience with him will forever torment me if I were ever to re-marry? Will I ever be able to experience 'physical intimacy' in the way everyone suggests it should exist, rather than just seeing sex as an obligation or something I need to do to appease him?

 

[rauleetoe]

=( i would suggest getting out of that relationship...

i know its hard when you have feelings for someone but you will feel better afterwards. And i know any christian boyfriends in the future will appreciate if you save yourself now for him.

Ok so no matter what I say you guys will tell me to dump him because sex is a sin and for no other reason. Even if I say we'll stop having sex and we will still stay together you guys will think there's a problem. That's not really the kind of opinion I'm looking for right now, sorry. Thanks anyways

Did you really come here for advice that is sound or did you hope to be justified? Jesus is not your source..he is not your rock..he is not you God..this young man you leep holding onto is..from a guy who has been there and worshipped at the altar of a pretty woman before God changed my lifr upside down i impoore you..i say thos in love..Get out! Truly repent and make a 180 degree turn..

 

[GOD_IS_LOVE]

I can honestly say during my marriage, I never felt a 'physical connection' with my husband.

This may be due to the fact that you may not have had a good spiritual and emotional connection with him. Which does not change the fact that you were bonded to him before God.

 

[VikkiKate89]

Well for starters the pain you felt after "going rough" is normal. The body takes more of a beating during sex than you notice at the time, but you definitely feel it later.

In my personal experience, removing sex from a relationship is probably the best way to really test if you're meant to be together. If you're not giving into carnal desires every night and actually forced to spend real time together getting to know each other and, dare I say it, talking with each other, it really helps you determine if your relationship is built on something substantial or if it's just sex.

From the sounds of it, and I can only make this call based off 1 side of the story and only the details you've described, it really sounds like he's only interested in sex. And you've also got another problem to deal with since once you've opened the door and allowed that in it's almost impossible to close it and act like it was never opened.

Stand your ground. If you know you don't want sex and it you know it feels wrong to you, if he loves you he'll respect that and stand by you through your decision. If not then let him go. You're better off.

Also there is a chance that his slowly growing lack of interest is simply the honeymoon phase wearing off (that irritating phase at the beginning of every relationship where everything is lovey dovey and couples are at their most annoying). Every couple goes through it and it does eventually wear off. Once the lovey dovey high has worn off that's when you really know if you love each other so keep that in mind.

Above all I urge you to stand your ground with him and I wish you the best of luck.

 

[JimJimmers]

I find this thought provoking. I can honestly say during my marriage, I never felt a 'physical connection' with my husband. Everyone says 'Oh but sex is so intimate, it bonds you together'... really? I don't know why, but I guess along with many other parts of our relationship, the 'sex' bit was broken.

I grew to dislike it, I just felt used. I had sex, because I felt it was my duty to him as his wife. I allowed him do things that repluse me now, and in a desperate bid to find that 'intimate connection' I resorted to trying new things to 'spice things up' a little. Not bad things, just things I think aren't necessary in a healthy, christian marriage.

Now, I struggle with loneliness (we've been separated nearly 8 mths now) and with that comes the sexual 'tension' for want of a better word. I crave that 'sexual intimacy' that is supposedly out there, and it's a constant battle to keep my thoughts and emotions in check.

This fact about people being bonded by sex confuses me. Does this mean my experience with him will forever torment me if I were ever to re-marry? Will I ever be able to experience 'physical intimacy' in the way everyone suggests it should exist, rather than just seeing sex as an obligation or something I need to do to appease him?

I can't speak from experience, Iraasuup, but I believe if you find the man God leads you to, you will be bonded in that most intimate way. I read an amazing article once about the brain chemicals that are given off, and the bonding that can take place. It sounds like there were other problems in the relationship that prevented it from happening, but I'm sure no expert. If you're worried about it, though, I love this verse:

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God."

 

[MonicaLopez]

he is just using you for a booty call, no matter what he says. if he isn't christian, he isn't worth the time.. Christians and non christians cant just date.

HE ISNT WORTH YOUR TIME GOD IS!!!!!

take it from me, i've had that happen to me and am saving myself because i found out that having sex before marriage , is nasty. i felt so low but god picked me up. i havnt had sex for more than 5 years.. SAVE YOURSELF! its the right thing to do.

And dont fall for his tricks! He probably has some other booty call chick on the side.!

 

[JimJimmers]

OKay everybody I'm sorry, you were right. Sometimes (nah, all the time) when we have feelings for someone we don't even wanna hear other people's opinions. But today he acted like a jerk and I decided it was enough and broke up. I'm still crying but it's worth it.
Now I know for a fact I will do my best to keep myself for my future husband. Thanks for all your answers.

Xtinaz, sister, thank you, I said your prayer and it made me cry I regret so much THIS was my first time and I regret so much I sinned.

This blessed me so much, DIYhappiness! I hope through your tears, you see a bunch of friends who love you. -JIM

 

[Livi94]

OKay everybody I'm sorry, you were right. Sometimes (nah, all the time) when we have feelings for someone we don't even wanna hear other people's opinions. But today he acted like a jerk and I decided it was enough and broke up. I'm still crying but it's worth it.
Now I know for a fact I will do my best to keep myself for my future husband. Thanks for all your answers.

Xtinaz, sister, thank you, I said your prayer and it made me cry I regret so much THIS was my first time and I regret so much I sinned.

*HUGS*
I'm sorry you went through something like this, girl, but like someone said above me, in time things will get better. God forgives when we are truly sorry, he loves all his children even though we all sin. I'll pray for you <3

 

[NinJaGGS]

I wish you the best of luck. I pray that your guardian angel guide you to good things. God never abandons us.

 

[Ugly]

OKay everybody I'm sorry, you were right. Sometimes (nah, all the time) when we have feelings for someone we don't even wanna hear other people's opinions. But today he acted like a jerk and I decided it was enough and broke up. I'm still crying but it's worth it.
Now I know for a fact I will do my best to keep myself for my future husband. Thanks for all your answers.

Xtinaz, sister, thank you, I said your prayer and it made me cry I regret so much THIS was my first time and I regret so much I sinned.

Sorry it had to work out that way, DIY, but i'm glad you finally came around. I know how hard it is to allow yourself to see how bad someone really is once you make a connection with them. Just move forward and remind yourself this is for the best.

 

[Searching4Truth]

Yay! You gained some life experience! You can now grow from this. =3

 

[DIYhappiness]

Yay! You gained some life experience! You can now grow from this. =3

Haha I guess there's a good way to see everything...

 

[vikash]

Hi DIYhappiness, the best thing you should do is spend time with God. Spend time in prayers and reading words of God, that will show you the right thing to do. Having sex outside marriage should not be your concern because if you are repenting and regretting it then definitely you must have asked for forgiveness from God and you are forgiven by God.

But first find out what are you regretting? 1) having sex with that guy and after that you find out he is not good person like what he was before or 2) regrets that you got tempted and did this sin and didn't followed God's words.

If it is 1) then you might do this sin again but if it is reason 2) then you might spend more time with God and try walking in righteousness and wait till your marriage.

If you love that guy, pray for that guy, ask God if this guy is the one he had planned for you as your husband. Ask God first and then only take your steps.