Sympathy for the Playboy

[Ritter]

There is a general pattern I've noticed in my life that has given me some revelation on what a playboy is and why he does what he does.

Warning: this post contains an uncharacteristic amount of self revelation.

How do we classically view the sexually active male? Well, as a pig. I really don't think there is that much of a double standard or at least as much of a double standard as people say there is. For this reason the term "man whore" has entered the modern lexicon. At one point pig used to mean the same thing, thankfully the pig has now been restored to its status as livestock without sexual impurities.

For this reason, I never had a real understanding of him. On the sexual-asexual scale I fall pretty close to demisexual, so I viewed the playboy with more confusion than derision. It made no sense to me, why a man would float from female to female increasing his chances of an early grave and cheapening his relationship with others to satisfy a bodily itch.

Now, the common explanation Christians give for such behavior is that these people are looking for love in all the wrong places. Probably true, but thanks to experience, I offer you another explanation: he doesn't believe in love at all, or life and the modern world have destroyed his belief in love.

The other day I was listening to this song by The Killers called "Change Your Mind" off their first album Hot Fuss. Great song. Great album. Here is how the first few lines go:

Racy days help me through the hopeless haze but my oh my.

Tragic eyes, I can't even recognize myself behind.

So if the answer is no can I change your mind


With that I was thinking to my past two breakups and my reactions to them. The more recent one being a week old.

Interestingly enough, I'm at my most...impure after these times. During the relationships themselves I'm a physically safe guy because I'm not there for the physical experience, I'm there for the companionship and conversation. I enjoy myself thoroughly. Building visions of the future with this girl. My physical senses become awakened in relation to the power flowing from these visions and from my admiration for her.

The breakup or disappointing friend-zoning occurs, thus shattering the vision. For the next week or two weeks, new questions arise. The internal Socratic monologue ensues.

---

Is love obtainable when people don't know what they are looking for?

Is lasting love an illusion?

Is it worth squandering my youth on a pile of relationships that will offer no lasting gratification in the way of conversation without end?

Would my time be better served by searching for momentary sexual gratification because that is all I can possibly find?

She seems a little looser, I wonder if she will put out?

*INTERVENTION OF HOLY SPIRIT, LOGIC, AND YEARS OF EXCELLENT UPBRINGING*

Well that was a fun detour, back to making wise decisions. I wonder who is ahead in the Rasmussen today...

---

The closest things I have to racey days don't help me through the hopeless haze, but they certainly accompany the hopeless haze. It makes me wonder if some of the men we chastise are the monsters we make them out to be.

Especially today. Our culture is in a hopeless haze for more reason than one. God, the source of love, is being shoved and subverted at every turn. A lack of love has turned into a plurality of everything else, most of it bad.

Friends, people are not searching for love necessarily. It is far worse: they are mourning its loss. It is so far gone, they wonder if it existed in the first place or ever could exist.

The unlikely partners of cynicism and sexual mysticism rule this day.

 

[Liamson]

You my friend are certainly not alone in this.

 

[Nautilus]

he doesn't believe in love at all, or life and the modern world have destroyed his belief in love.

^^I know I dealt with this part more than once.

 

[Ritter]

I didn't expect this to resonate as much as it does.

 

[Jullianna]

I didn't expect this to resonate as much as it does.

It does, and not just with men, with variance.


Even though we KNOW there are good men/women out there (we all know SOME), after yet another disappointing relationship, there are times when we think...ugh...forget about it, enough of this garbage, I'm just going to date for fun and lock my heart up, with perhaps the major difference being that the "fun" part is probably far more sexual in nature for guys. But don't think for a minute that it doesn't cross our minds, because it does, especially since we know that, in the real world, the kind of guys a woman will end up dating for "fun" are going to be the kind of guys who are asking her out for pretty much that as their end game.

And then we remember who we ARE, Who we belong to, and that there ARE good men/women out there, and call a tow truck to haul it out of our brains. We just rushed it and went with the wrong one(s) for us, either because we could or because we got tired of waiting (or both).

Having been pursued by and shut up in patrol cars on duty for hours with true playboy types (*eyeroll*), I'm going to have to go with Nautilus on this. Love is not a factor for them and they 'd be stunned if it ever hit them. There are SOME women a true playboy respects (but would never date):

- His gramma

Oh wait. That's pretty much it. Most of them don't even respect women's wedding bands, then again, a lot of women don't respect men's wedding bands either, huh?

And the older a woman gets, the older the guys get, the less likely they are interested in more than just dating (as the majority will have been there, done the matrimony thing), and the more likely it will be that she will run into more and more of them in varying degrees.

I think we all feel exactly as you describe from time to time. Seems like the word that describes it best is "disillusioned". Once it all filters through our brains, seems like most people either give into it or just shut down emotionally for a bit and bug out. Bugging out is working great for me right now, but it's temporary.

HEY! Can we make that a thing? The "Bugged Out Zone"
I hereby declare this officially a thing by the authority invested in me by...umm..my internet provider.

 

[Jullianna]

ummm..*vested

*glares @ the unyielding server that won't let me fix that*

 

[Liamson]

being bugged out too is not something I would want to bring into a relationship. Its not fair. Its like saying, "What I had before was worth trying for, but you are more of a rebound. Maybe if you stick around long enough we can grow together."

No one wants a half hearted effort to sweep them away. z


But in my past when I was hurt from something I would tend to seek out women that I knew I was incompatible with. Like in MBTI terms an ESTP or someone that I knew I could hide my heart from but, that would stave of being alone long enough to be okay. They would never "get me" which made it so they could never hurt me. I knew that I didn't want to be with the kind of women that I actually would fall for because I felt like they needed my A game, not my relationship hangover self. I was afraid that women who would get me, could see me and see my pain.

 

[zeroturbulence]

So if 'playboy' = 'player' then I have no sympathy.

But if 'playboy' - "demisexual" as you call it, then there's room for some sympathy, but each sexual encounter and the events/thoughts leading up to it must be weighed. If its a pattern of buckling under the weight of temptation after trying not to give in, then yes I know what its like and can sympathize with that.

Now, I must mention that the thread title has caused the song "Sympathy for the devil" by the Rolling Stones to start playing in my head. Luckily, I like that song.

 

[Jullianna]

I agree, Liamson, no one wants to feel that they are anyone's second choice or rebound, and nothing half-hearted could ever be permanent. (And now this song is playing in my head: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fnHHUWs4CgU )

The bugged out zone I'm talking about is more for those who are disillusioned with dating in general rather than for those who were deeply in love with someone and had their heart stomped on, you know? That's a whooole other zone. You don't get to pick that one. You fall in and it closes on top of you and has a far longer recovery period.

 

[Ritter]

So if 'playboy' = 'player' then I have no sympathy.

But if 'playboy' - "demisexual" as you call it, then there's room for some sympathy, but each sexual encounter and the events/thoughts leading up to it must be weighed. If its a pattern of buckling under the weight of temptation after trying not to give in, then yes I know what its like and can sympathize with that.

Now, I must mention that the thread title has caused the song "Sympathy for the devil" by the Rolling Stones to start playing in my head. Luckily, I like that song.

Playboy and demisexual are close to opposites.

A demisexual is someone who only harbors real sexual attraction for someone he or she has connected with on a non-physical level. On the spectrum that runs from Howard Wolowitz to Sheldon Cooper, a demisexual would be half-way between the mean and Sheldon. I'm not quite there, but that's the nearest landmark.

Playboy = Player, and I do have more sympathy for them than I did earlier. Not a whole lot, because I still find them absolutely moronic.

 

[Jullianna]

(server...don't think I don't know you locked me out for 10 minutes earlier because of the glaring. I'm totally watching you)

 

[Oncefallen]

(server...don't think I don't know you locked me out for 10 minutes earlier because of the glaring. I'm totally watching you)

**tries to look innocent

 

[Oncefallen]

On a more serious note, Ritter I understand where you're coming from. It's pretty easy to become jaded towards the females of the species after a break up. Even more so when you've invested years into a relationship just to find out you've been played, I've been there. Of course we get those temptations then because were more prone to be looking to "feel good" when we're hurting.

In my opinion the playboy in many cases were raised into being that way, perhaps unintentionally. Some of them learned by example seeing one of their parents play the game, others were more blatantly told specifically that the that's all the other gender was worth, and of course you get those who were raised better but decided to give in to peer pressure.

Personally, regardless of how they got there I can't understand their drive to do what they do. I can't imagine going out and having sex just because I can without having any emotional attachment to the woman whatsoever and I have had those opportunities if I chosen to. Speaking from experience sex without love is empty and unfulfilling.

 

[zeroturbulence]

Playboy = Player, and I do have more sympathy for them than I did earlier. Not a whole lot, because I still find them absolutely moronic.

Ok then i need to chime in on this because I had a friend who fits the playboy description. He was an amateur bodybuilder and women practically threw themselves on him. He was often sleeping with more than one of them at a time, AND one of these women who was a friend of mine said she KNEW IT and didn't care! Yes, he was that 'hot' to women.

I personally have no sympathy for him nor did I have any when I knew him. I hung out with him because he was a good friend to me, but I had no sympathy for him in the ladies department. One time he was all broken up and depressed because the one girl he was planning on spending his life with dumped him, but he seemed to get over it after awhile. I might have felt a little bit of sympathy for him then but not much because not only was he sleeping with other women, these women were not ugly! No sympathy I tell you! None!

He did try to fix me up with a couple of them, but I just don't have that special something that attracts beautiful women.They were more interested in asking me questions about HIM.

 

[oracle2world]

Men and women have different mating strategies.

You just have to accept it.

 

[Jullianna]

Ritter, I want to thank you for this thread. As djness said a few weeks back, it's about time christians got real with one another and stopped acting like we don't make mistakes or have feelings like these from time to time.

I was listening to a lady speak about "plastic christianity" this afternoon. I agree with her: "It's time for all of us to stop comparing OUR insides to what we see on the OUTSIDES of other christians." It's time to get real, with others as well as ourselves.

I think it glorifies the restoring work of God in our lives all the more if we do.

 

[Ritter]

Ritter, I want to thank you for this thread. As djness said a few weeks back, it's about time christians got real with one another and stopped acting like we don't make mistakes or have feelings like these from time to time.

I was listening to a lady speak about "plastic christianity" this afternoon. I agree with her: "It's time for all of us to stop comparing OUR insides to what we see on the OUTSIDES of other christians." It's time to get real, with others as well as ourselves.

I think it glorifies the restoring work of God in our lives all the more if we do.

Thank you! It was just something I needed to get out in writing. Something I'm still struggling with. Truthfully it perplexes me to no end. The thoughts that run through my head are so uncharacteristic of me.

 

[Ritter]

Please pray for me, friends. I need direction.

 

[alienx7587]

Please pray for me, friends. I need direction.

I can't help but feel you're echoing the thoughts of a generation of young Christian men who desire to remain close to the Holy Spirit in a world that denies Him. Many young men out there (including myself) are betwixt as to why God has placed them in their current position. Personally I can only rationalize my present circumstances by daily noting that God must have something in store for me soon, and it keeping me here until the time comes. Or, He is testing my faith -trying to see how long it will be until I give up (IF I give up.) It is times like these we must remember Job's struggles and how he fended off the theories of his silly friends.

In regards to promiscuity, I guess I also feel pity for the 'playboy'. However, my pity can only extend so far, as many of these so called 'playboy' types have an attitude that they are above reproach, and my friends this simply is not so. Thankfully Jesus is capable of unconditional forgiveness for anyone willing to accept it, but I am only a fallen [conditional and sinful] human being.

After considering all of this (usually on a daily basis), I conclude that I'm better off with the Rasmussen!

 

[Ritter]

I can't help but feel you're echoing the thoughts of a generation of young Christian men who desire to remain close to the Holy Spirit in a world that denies Him. Many young men out there (including myself) are betwixt as to why God has placed them in their current position. Personally I can only rationalize my present circumstances by daily noting that God must have something in store for me soon, and it keeping me here until the time comes. Or, He is testing my faith -trying to see how long it will be until I give up (IF I give up.) It is times like these we must remember Job's struggles and how he fended off the theories of his silly friends.

In regards to promiscuity, I guess I also feel pity for the 'playboy'. However, my pity can only extend so far, as many of these so called 'playboy' types have an attitude that they are above reproach, and my friends this simply is not so. Thankfully Jesus is capable of unconditional forgiveness for anyone willing to accept it, but I am only a fallen [conditional and sinful] human being.

After considering all of this (usually on a daily basis), I conclude that I'm better off with the Rasmussen!

Except for today. Eeeek those results were bad. There are two factors that brighten my day though: time and Joe Biden's mouth.