Online/Long Distance Relationships

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C

CC_Bride

Guest
#1
#1
This may sound silly..

But Ive actually started writing a draft for a book on Christian long distance relationships. Im not claiming to be the fount of all knowledge in this area but I do have experience and I see a fair bit of questions around CC re this particular topic and I would like to find out from as many people as possible the other couples here in CC who met and eventually married so I can ask their opinion over my ideas. Can people name some for me please?

The second thing Id love to ask, is if such a book of advice existed, what kind of questions would readers want answered?

Thirdly, if you personally have had an awful/uncomfortable experience in this area of dating/courtship, can you please private message me (or in public on this thread) telling me your story and what happened and why you think things happened in the way it did.

On a side note, I will not be taking any information and using it in my draft without corresponding with and asking for the authors permission first.

Cheers everyone..
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#2
#2
Trilogic and Spunky
DesertJoe and Moopoo
Hommer and DataSpec

I think my major issue with long distance relationships is the lack of trust. It's a difficult thing for me to get past, not only having been misled by guys online, but having had other women intentionally interfere.
 
Liamson

Liamson

Senior Member
#3
Feb 3, 2010
3,078
69
48
#3
I think it can work because eventually, the gap will close and the distance will disappear.

The important thing is to be open and honest about everything. There is a degree of transparency needed to be able to trust.

Having had MOST of my relationships at one point or another become long distance or start that way, I would say, the biggest key is understanding and being able to see who a person is. This is hard to explain but, I think it comes with time and being intentional about what we expect from someone.

Its understanding that long distance isn't for everyone and not everyone is capable of feeling like they are even in a relationship when its not someone that they see every day.

The foundation of the relationship has to be the most meaningful thing in both of their lives. If its because they think each other are ''hot'' it will probably fail but, if its because they are naturally best friends and want nothing else to come between them, I believe it will succeed.
 
O

OFM

Guest
#4
#4
it can sometimes work not allwys at some point the couple needs to have access to each other by being closer together than being far apart.
 
Oncefallen

Oncefallen

Idiot in Chief
Staff member
#5
Jan 15, 2011
6,070
3,457
113
#5
JamesofLinHood and Chantal are CC's most recent marriage, just a couple of weeks ago. :)
 
S

simplyme_bekah

Guest
#6
#6
My mate and me met 6 years ago on a online site called hotornot. We dated online/phone/webcam for about 3 months. We got together and have been together almost 7 years now. We asked God to be our witness as we took the other as husband and wife. Its been really hard, really fun, really passionate, its growing with them but growing out on your own at the same time.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#7
#7
Thanks, Oncefallen. I could only remember their REAL names and didn't think I should post them. Hadn't seen them on chat in a long time and couldn't remember their usernames. :)
 
Oncefallen

Oncefallen

Idiot in Chief
Staff member
#9
Jan 15, 2011
6,070
3,457
113
#9
Jullianna said:
Thanks, Oncefallen. I could only remember their REAL names and didn't think I should post them. Hadn't seen them on chat in a long time and couldn't remember their usernames. :)
Click to expand...
Typical CC couple.....get married and disappear.
 
A

adekruif

Guest
#10
#10
Oncefallen said:
Typical CC couple.....get married and disappear.
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Thereby proving what we have all long suspected; the singles forum is the only forum worth spending time on. :D

And I know CC_Bride is talking about romantic relationships but I do know someone REALLY well online. Without a doubt, trust is the biggest factor in my ''relationship'' with this person online.
 
Ritter

Ritter

Banned
#11
Jul 25, 2005
2,417
34
0
#11
I suppose if I were to read a book of that kind, I would like a chapter on the endgame. How do you go about closing the distance gap? What potential issues are associated with it? Share a few success stories?
 
I

iraasuup

Guest
#12
#12
I had a distance relationship that didn't work.

Do you want stories about that? I would have to pull it to pieces to evaluate EVERY little mistake that was made, but I do have a general idea.
 
Oncefallen

Oncefallen

Idiot in Chief
Staff member
#13
Jan 15, 2011
6,070
3,457
113
#13
simplyme_bekah said:
My mate and me met 6 years ago on a online site called hotornot. We dated online/phone/webcam for about 3 months. We got together and have been together almost 7 years now. We asked God to be our witness as we took the other as husband and wife. Its been really hard, really fun, really passionate, its growing with them but growing out on your own at the same time.
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Every once in a while a post perplexes me. Post claims to have been married for 7 years, profile claims not married. :confused:
 
A

arwen7

Guest
#14
#14
That would be an interesting book to read! :) I think love languages can apply here. If one of the individual's language is physical closeness and quality time. If they express and desire affection those ways, then the relationship may fall apart. An important need is not being met. Eventually, one would have to move to keep the relationship going strong.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#15
#15
Did she mean they made vows to one another, but may not be legally married? Not sure..
 
G

GRA

Guest
#16
#16
Jullianna said:
Did she mean they made vows to one another, but may not be legally married? Not sure..
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If they made vows to each other - they are legally married -- before God, at least...

.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#17
#17
GRA said:
If they made vows to each other - they are legally married -- before God, at least...

.
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God doesn't need it, but worldly authorities tend to want it, especially if a person is from another country. People in some countries have two ceremonies for this very reason.
 
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A

ashleybee

Guest
#18
#18
I've only had the experience of long distance when my husband was in BCT/AIT for the Army and when he was deployed to Iraq. In those times though, it definitely made our relationship stronger than we knew was possible. We already thought that the trust and love we shared couldn't get any stronger than what we had. Definitely got proven wrong! We are thankful for the experience!

I think the key to long distance relationships is communication. With great communication comes trust, in my opinion. If you lack communication, you lack trust. When you lack trust, the relationship just isn't going to work. (Just my two cents)

I would love to read a book on this subject. I don't think I would be looking for any specific questions answered, I would just love to read the stories and their outcomes. I'm a sap for love stories! :) Good luck and God Bless in your book!!
 
I

iraasuup

Guest
#19
#19
Oncefallen said:
Every once in a while a post perplexes me. Post claims to have been married for 7 years, profile claims not married. :confused:
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I'm perplexed too.. by the line where she says 'we asked God to be our witness'. I've heard that before, and it usually means people are just living together as man and wife (using the arguement that it's the heart motive and commitment that counts, and God knows your heart and an official ceremony is just a piece of paper and bla de bla bla), but are NOT LEGALLY married. I COULD be wrong, and please correct me if I am, but in my experience, that is what 'God was our witness' usually means.

So, if I'm not wrong, maybe that's what she means by 'not married' on her profile.. not LEGALLY recognised as married.. but in her eyes is in a relationship she considers marriage? That's all I've got...
 
I

iraasuup

Guest
#20
#20
GRA said:
If they made vows to each other - they are legally married -- before God, at least...

.
Click to expand...

No! They are not. We are required to obey the laws of the land...are we not? God commands us to respect the authority put in place on earth too.

They may have made 'vows' to one another, but that doesn't make them LEGALLY married. In order to be LEGALLY recognised as 'married' then there needs to a marriage certificate, certified by celebrant/minister and the GOVERNMENT of your state.

Marriage in 'God's eyes' would be LEGALLY married, as God has commanded us to respect the laws of the land also. I could make a vow to someone that I will love them forever and never leave them, but it doesn't make me 'married' legally or otherwise... I'm sorry, but it just doesn't.
 
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