Trust

[Oncefallen]

Niceguy did have a good point with there being varying levels of trust. Trust at it's lowest levels is something that I figure is given until there is good cause not to, however the deepest level of trust that brings true intimacy is something I don't give readily, it is definitely an earned privilege to be allowed into that part of my heart.

I think that all of us have different things that we are hypersensitive to, sometimes to our own detriment. These "spidey senses" are usually developed through experiences that are usually painful to us. I know for myself, the first sign of a woman chasing me, or signs of severe emotional issues makes me clam up quick and run due to numerous bad experiences with women in those areas.

It is all too easy to allow negative experiences to jade our perspective and cause us to be fearful of allowing people close enough to hurt us. I wasted a lot of years and hurt several people who were very close to me in my younger years because of the defenses I had built up from fear of being hurt. In those years even those closest to me weren't allowed into those parts of my heart, and as a result I missed out on the love and support they had to offer.

As far as whether I trust someone again after a breach of trust I guess it really ends up depending on how my trust was violated, and who it was that violated my trust. In my younger years I violated a close friend's trust in a horrific way, was forgiven, and with time I was restored. Of course there was true repentance and major changes on my part that facilitated that. I guess my point is that like him, I am more prone to consider restoration when there is obviously repentance on the part of the person who violated my trust.

 

[jesuschick]

I love easily and deeply. I don't trust easily though. For me, trust is like respect. It's earned.

There are times when I will begin to follow my heart, but then something will trigger my spidey sense, which I have come to rely upon greatly, and I proceed with caution. More often than not, it isn't long before my spidey sense hits tilt and every bell and possible whistle will be going off. And then the walls go up and rarely, if ever, come back down.

How does it work for you?

I agree with you that respect is earned! :0)

 

[LightningClap0002]

Not to derail, but shouldn't trust in God influence trust in your fellow man?

I feel kind of like an outsider here. People talking about how hard it is for them to trust and how easily trust can be broken. I have never struggled with trust and really can't comprehend what it would take to be someone who does. I trust in God that He will guide my path and protect me. I do get hurt, but I'm not afraid of that pain. I'm not afraid of it coming again and again. Behind every untrustworthy person there is a story and a reason. I could not live with myself if I didn't seek to understand that story. And in understanding it, there is little room left to hate it or fear it. Because in the end all you'll really find is someone that needs God as desperately as you do.

 

[zander]

zan was hoping by the questions he was asking that we would get to the realization that people will let ya down and the only real place trust can be placed is with God. I know that's not what Julls was getting after and i understand her thought, but ultimately only God is truly trustworthy. Love Life and Trust are all risks. With God we know the risks are worth taking Satan is banking on the contrary

 

[Jullianna]

God is absolutely trustworthy, as initially acknowledged. But mankind has continously failed God, so I really don't see how trusting Him means we are to trust everyone walking upright (otherwise we wouldn't have been told to "be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves"); but as has been said, that is not the point of this thread. There are reasons we are encouraged to seek His wisdom in all things. Sometimes that wisdom reveals things we don't want to acknowledge because it isn't the reality we want.

Having said that, there are people I trust with my life..and have.

 

[AsifinPassing]

Jullianna...you are definitely one of the top influential/most replied to/commonly known presences on CC. I see your threads and the responses to them, and a similar/common face as previously posted ensues.

Apart from that, a note or two, before the cumulative response.

HINT: *The Multi-quote seems to only allow up to 3 references...hmm...

Oh, right...sorry...


~!!! Original Post !!!~

I love easily and deeply. I don't trust easily though. For me, trust is like respect. It's earned.

There are times when I will begin to follow my heart, but then something will trigger my spidey sense, which I have come to rely upon greatly, and I proceed with caution. More often than not, it isn't long before my spidey sense hits tilt and every bell and possible whistle will be going off. And then the walls go up and rarely, if ever, come back down.

How does it work for you?

Wow, so much for one-liners...

I too, love fairly easily, seemingly more deeply than most, and have (to a smaller extent) a trust-restraint within areas of my life.

As far as "following your heart"...don't do it!! Please! Now, am I saying don't feel? No. Am I saying don't love? Definitely no! Am I saying don't just go with what 'feels' right? Bingo!

Now, there are spiritual promptings, intuitions, dreams, ext...that I think you should surely, cautiously, chase after, but at the end of the day, let God be the one to guide you. That includes the things He's given you like...oh...reason, logic, passion, compassion, wisdom...just to name a few. Things should be weighed, though. As you said, 'Shrewd as serpents, gentle as doves' , or you could include 'test the spirits', 'don't be fooled', or several other scriptures about our need to evaluate things.

As far as the 'spidey senses' ...these could be a good or bad thing. In spiderman's case, he dodged harmful things coming at him. In the case of crickets with horsehair worms, that burning feeling to jump into the water is a parasite eating away at you from the inside which needs a means to 'finish the job and escape'.

Yeah, I suppose that was a little graphic, but you get my point. Be cautiously confident.

As far as walls go, it's an unfortunate natural defense mechanism. It makes it hard to visit, ya know?

Well that's unfortunate...I brought cookies and everything.

I agree with NiceguyJ that there are levels, and also hear the responses choosing to trust in spite of being hurt. I'm not saying give everyone the inth level of your deepest dependence, but there is wisdom in assuming innocence until proven guilty, and also forgiveness and return of certain levels of trust.

The best way to get people to let you down, never give them a chance. If we shut everyone out...it gets pretty lonely in that room. I'm just sayin', because I've been there.

I trust but, I have often been left wondering if people just say things because they want to be wanted. I don't like playing attention chess or jockeying for position in a herd of suitors. It makes me wonder why I am even there.

I suppose in the same vein, I tend to question people's sincerity. I wonder if they really mean what they say or are they saying it for effect.

It makes it hard for me to trust when someone says something that they know I want to hear but, act as if what they said was actually nothing. So I play dumb, until I can be certain that what they say is what they mean. Some people will say anything just to be friendly, but when there is feelings involved, it muddies the water more than anything.

If people didn't have a need/desire for connection (wanting to be wanted), then they wouldn't talk to you at all. In fact, if people didn't feel the need for other people, we would probably not really ever interact with each other. Woah...sad. Really sad. We'd all be hermits. Subsistence, lonely, strange hermits...

Well, I mean...the beard's cool at least...

Anyway, You shouldn't have to 'play games' or 'compete' for someone, much. Granted, in our instant-gratification culture...there is some competition...curse you media! I like you, but I want people back!

...digressing again...

The doubting/questioning/playing dumb...well, ironically, I'd probably know you were doing that, and question your sincerity, lol. That aside, if a person NEVER said what you wanted to hear, it's likely you would not be their friend.

There's a fine line between being straightforward & honest, and being blunt and harsh. Scripture teaches us that 'truth must be tempered with love'. There's much to be said for being socially, communicably, and personally adept. I'm not saying be fake, but choose the chivalrousness, civil, and courteous route.

Paul speaks about having our speech 'seasoned' or 'honeyed'. Now there's a line when truth becomes a sword, and politeness becomes a lie. We should strive to find the balance. Be honest, but loving.

Now, some people culturally do not say what they mean. Others don't mean what they say, at least in how it comes across. I might say, "You're looking quite lovely/hansom." ...and the persons hears, 'He's hitting on me." No, I'm not. You just look nice, and I commented.

So, it really depends on the person. Like people who say 'Be there at 5pm' and LITERALLY MEAN 5pm on the dot...some who expect you to be early...and other who will show up 'around 5' as in a few (or several) minutes after. This is due partially to personality differences, but also from lifestyles, ways of being raised, ext.

So part of what we have to learn is:
a) Who we are, and how we relate.

b)Who others are, and how they relate.

c)Bridging who I am and how I relate with who the person in question is and how he/she relates.

As far as hurt, sadness, bitterness, anger, pain...ext...feel those things, but then move on and be don't with them. It's rarely (if ever) good to harbor anything. It takes time, prayer, effort, growth, and learning, but we're in this thing called 'life' together.

 

[kayem77]

I trust everyone meaning that I trust everyone with my love and affection in a way a neighbor would do it. I'm friendly, and I don't mind sharing my testimony, a casual story about myself among other things if you are willing to listen.

At the same time I find hard to trust people with the things that make me be me...or the things that I THINK make me be me. I trust my closest friends with some of my worries, desires, interests, but I don't trust 'em with all the thoughts and feelings I have because I fear how people will take those things I either love or hate with a passion. I fear that someone won't see them the way I see them, and don't appreciate or understand them the way I do. I don't know if this means I have trust issues...maybe I do in a sense.

 

[nw2u]

If people didn't have a need/desire for connection (wanting to be wanted), then they wouldn't talk to you at all. In fact, if people didn't feel the need for other people, we would probably not really ever interact with each other. Woah...sad. Really sad. We'd all be hermits. Subsistence, lonely, strange hermits...


[/QUOTE]

I have great need and desire for connection. The connection I desire is one I may never have. I thought I had it. I worked for it. I trusted. I gave as best I could. I shared. I committed. I did the very best I knew how.

I know I had and have faults. I have more now than then but, those are the consequences of what I was put through.

I cannot connect or talk because the people that I see every day, think they know what happened. They think they know who I am. They think they know who I was. It is mostly lies and misinformation perpetrated to take away the things I loved and worked so hard to get. A grain of truth added to a lie makes the lie a truth.

They want to feel bad for me. They want me to accept the things which they think I have done and move forward. How do you accept the things you have not done? How do you move forward when what you move from is not where you were?

They tell me I should feel good about what happened. Why? Because they feel that I should be remorseful and thankful that my ex wife is happy now. What? I didn't want any of this. I did what I could at the time.

They think I am in denial. The only denial I am in is that I will not accept their truth. The truth perpetrated through lies. No one knows for sure what happened. They all have information from one side and they will not believe my side even if I was willing to tell it.

The mess is so huge there is no turning back. I have become what I am today, irreparably broken.

There is no defense. I cannot go back. I cannot go forward. There is just living by going through the motions.

I never before loved as I did in my last marriage. I never hurt, in all my life, the way I am now.

 

[LightningClap0002]

After further contemplating this, I have come to a new realization. I'm not sure that I would call it "levels" of trust, but I definitely have different types of trust. In the end, the temporaryness of things here on earth make it far easier to trust someone with them. WHen it come to trusting someone about my eternal life, that is something I only trust God about.

Similarly, all of the verses that I am aware of about judging and discerning seem to refer to the eternal/spiritual world, not necessarily things that affect daily life on earth.

 

[Oncefallen]

The mess is so huge there is no turning back. I have become what I am today, irreparably broken.

In my experience God works best with irreparably broken. A little over 13 yrs ago I looked at the mess I had made of my life and seriously contemplated ending it since I saw absolutely no way that it could be redeemed. In the years immediately after God did a major work in me and in many ways restored my life in ways I never would have though possible.

 

[PopClick]

After further contemplating this, I have come to a new realization. I'm not sure that I would call it "levels" of trust, but I definitely have different types of trust. In the end, the temporaryness of things here on earth make it far easier to trust someone with them. WHen it come to trusting someone about my eternal life, that is something I only trust God about.

Similarly, all of the verses that I am aware of about judging and discerning seem to refer to the eternal/spiritual world, not necessarily things that affect daily life on earth.

Watch out, world... LightningClap is "further contemplating" something!

I could pick about your last paragraph though: 1 Corinthians chapter 5.

 

[LightningClap0002]

Watch out, world... LightningClap is "further contemplating" something!

I could pick about your last paragraph though: 1 Corinthians chapter 5.

Grrrr, I didn't want to start that thread! You're gonna make me do it, though aren't you... We shall see how motivated I get. Beware the double standard thread. It's coming.

 

[arwen7]

Boundaries, I believe, are important here. A silly (but good) analogy is a house. There are some people who should only be allowed on the other side of the fence, some on the lawn, some maybe on the porch, some looking through the windows of the house, and one or two select few inside our homes. Most people should start outside of the fence, or on the lawn when we first meet them.

Some people will automatically allow others to look through their windows or let them inside their house. They expose too much at a time about themselves, without discerning on whether or not the person is trustworthy enough to know them in that way. It's kind of like a dance, maybe someone is on your porch, but you see some behavior that makes you question their character. They may need to be moved to the lawn or vise versa.

We are told to protect our hearts, for it is the wellspring of the soul. Everything in life follows from it. I've learned this a very hard way, especially with males, because I love connecting with others on a deeper emotional and intellectual level. I am either quick to trust, or don't trust at all because I have trusted too quickly and have been hurt. It made me question if I expect too much out of people or don't expect enough. I really don't have an answer for that. Discernment is key though, but I guess you already knew that lol. So I'm not sure if this is useful information for you

 

[LightningClap0002]

Boundaries, I believe, are important here. A silly (but good) analogy is a house. There are some people who should only be allowed on the other side of the fence, some on the lawn, some maybe on the porch, some looking through the windows of the house, and one or two select few inside our homes. Most people should start outside of the fence, or on the lawn when we first meet them.

Some people will automatically allow others to look through their windows or let them inside their house. They expose too much at a time about themselves, without discerning on whether or not the person is trustworthy enough to know them in that way. It's kind of like a dance, maybe someone is on your porch, but you see some behavior that makes you question their character. They may need to be moved to the lawn or vise versa.

We are told to protect our hearts, for it is the wellspring of the soul. Everything in life follows from it. I've learned this a very hard way, especially with males, because I love connecting with others on a deeper emotional and intellectual level. I am either quick to trust, or don't trust at all because I have trusted too quickly and have been hurt. It made me question if I expect too much out of people or don't expect enough. I really don't have an answer for that. Discernment is key though, but I guess you already knew that lol. So I'm not sure if this is useful information for you

Fair warning, it may sound like I'm just being contrary, but I really am not, I promise!

What has led you to believe that there are levels? It seems to me like people who struggle to trust have been hurt and trust less because of that. As you mentioned, there are times when you now don't trust at all.

I dunno, as some say love and trust are pretty closely related. God commands us to love those that our first instinct is to hate them. I guess at some level it seems like trust is similar. It's one of those things that experience in this sinful world makes difficult. But is that truly what God desires from us? We know that God is just, but also that He forgives completely. Does this kind of love and forgiveness require a real level of trust? Or does God not need to trust man? Or are we so lost that God simply can't trust us?

 

[arwen7]

Fair warning, it may sound like I'm just being contrary, but I really am not, I promise!

What has led you to believe that there are levels? It seems to me like people who struggle to trust have been hurt and trust less because of that. As you mentioned, there are times when you now don't trust at all.

I dunno, as some say love and trust are pretty closely related. God commands us to love those that our first instinct is to hate them. I guess at some level it seems like trust is similar. It's one of those things that experience in this sinful world makes difficult. But is that truly what God desires from us? We know that God is just, but also that He forgives completely. Does this kind of love and forgiveness require a real level of trust? Or does God not need to trust man? Or are we so lost that God simply can't trust us?

Gotcha, thanks for the warning And the same goes from me to you.

Well I found the house analogy to be useful for me because of the times it has been difficult to trust. It is a way of discerning character and it protects me and my heart. Knowing that I have the power in choosing who I let in closer to me. I get a say. In the case of loving your enemies vs. trusting your enemies. I guess a pretty extreme example would be a girl being date raped. With much healing, she may manage to forgive him, but she would be a fool to trust him again. Again a pretty extreme example, but one to illustrate the divide that needs to be made between love and trust. When it comes to God's forgiveness and trusting us, I really don't know if He trusts us. I've been mulling this over for the last hour and I am not sure if I can come up with an answer. There is no doubt that He Loves us and will forgive us. But I am not sure if He trusts us.

I'm not sure if I've satisfied your questions. I just know what has helped me

 

[LightningClap0002]

So, when Jesus said that we should become like little children(Mat 18:3), he was talking specifically about humbling, but do you think that humbling yourself may also involves re-gaining more trust? Often times becoming like a child is used to refer to regaining innocence. In doing so, should we also trust more? When we were children, we (all?) trusted far more than we do now. Our lives seem to have hardened us; is that God's will, or work of the devil?

Sorry, these aren't necessarily new questions as much as an attempt to rephrase/expand some from the previous post. I hope I'm not overwhelming you.

 

[IDEAtor]

Take a slice of bread and throw it into some water, it will eventually sink.
Ball up the same piece of bread and throw it into the same water; it will sink faster.
Then again, if you have the bread, you can eat it, feed somone else, or make it available to something else (birds, etc.).
You see? Trust is not throwing away a piece bread; it is giving it to someone else, risking his or her spitting in another's face (even yours).

"Lord, help us to trust You with each moment that you give and the people included. Give us wisdom in how to approach/avoid each situation or person.
In Jesus' name, amen."

 

[Jullianna]

So, when Jesus said that we should become like little children(Mat 18:3), he was talking specifically about humbling, but do you think that humbling yourself may also involves re-gaining more trust? Often times becoming like a child is used to refer to regaining innocence. In doing so, should we also trust more? When we were children, we (all?) trusted far more than we do now. Our lives seem to have hardened us; is that God's will, or work of the devil?

Sorry, these aren't necessarily new questions as much as an attempt to rephrase/expand some from the previous post. I hope I'm not overwhelming you.

He was talking about welcoming the little children into the Kingdom ("unto ME") and becoming children of the Kingdom. The world we walk in our present bodies is not the same Kingdom where our spirits belong. We are to be loving, but not foolish, as in the scripture I posted earlier. There are several warnings in scripture of things for us to beware of while walking this earth, but since, again, this thread is not about that, I won't look them all up.

 

[GreenNnice]

I love easily and deeply. I don't trust easily though. For me, trust is like respect. It's earned.

There are times when I will begin to follow my heart, but then something will trigger my spidey sense, which I have come to rely upon greatly, and I proceed with caution. More often than not, it isn't long before my spidey sense hits tilt and every bell and possible whistle will be going off. And then the walls go up and rarely, if ever, come back down.

How does it work for you?

Trust in the Lord, He will make do for you, help you through not trusting someone, not easy, it's called walking in Him, praying that He will ensure trust.

Maybe that's why He says Prov. 3: 5,6

 

[LightningClap0002]

He was talking about welcoming the little children into the Kingdom ("unto ME") and becoming children of the Kingdom. The world we walk in our present bodies is not the same Kingdom where our spirits belong. We are to be loving, but not foolish, as in the scripture I posted earlier. There are several warnings in scripture of things for us to beware of while walking this earth, but since, again, this thread is not about that, I won't look them all up.

In truth, I have no idea what this thread is about then.