Whatever happened to just having fun?

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J

Jullianna

Guest
#1
#1
Have you ever been engaged in great conversation with others of all shapes/sizes/ages/shades/genders/whatever, everyone is having a good time...laughing, sharing, learning, fellowshipping...and then it happens...*sigh* ....someone has to make it flirtacious or sexual in some way?

Maybe there's some sort of disconnect in my brain (and there probably is because friends tell me all the time that some guy is flirting with me and I don't get it unless he's pretty obvious...), but I don't come to chat or to these forums to look for someone to date. I know that it happens from time to time (and that's awesome if it works for you :) ), but I guess I'm just stupid enough to believe that some of us actually like spending time with people who are like us - share our faith, question the same things we question, have the same dreams or hopes for the future, share the same hurts/failures/flaws - without having to feel as if we are opening ourselves up to either be hit on or have it appear that we might be hitting on someone.


What is it with people who think that men/women can't communicate with one another, have a great time and just be friends?



 
Z

zephyrillis

Guest
#2
#2
No kidding! And at the moment one party decides to, in some fashion, go for something intimate...it almost always puts an end to the friendship if both don't mutually feel that way towards each other. It's a shame that this kind of thing occurs but it does happen, and quite often unfortunately.

On a side note...and this is just in general (not limited to online)...I've been told many times that when 2 people physically are attracted to each other, they can't possibly maintain a platonic friendship. Well I couldn't disagree more.

The great thing about friendships is that you can have them with anyone and everyone without having to feel guilty.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#3
#3
Jullianna said:
What is it with people who think that men/women can't communicate with one another, have a great time and just be friends?
Click to expand...
I don't think its so much they think that way, as it is, they are attracted to you (or whoever) and are showing it.
This rings of another 'mixed signal' message women are noted for. In this post you're complaining about being hit on, but in other posts you complain that men don't step up enough when they're attracted to a woman.
Makes me think of the 'unwritten rule' that no man knows exists, but women expect to be followed. 'Men, be more bold about your attraction... except during this time, that time, this time, here and there. Any other time you can hit on me.'
 
Nautilus

Nautilus

Senior Member
#4
Jun 29, 2012
6,488
53
48
#4
Maybe I could explain this to you over coffee wednesday night about 8pm?
 
X

xXErraticEmilyXx

Guest
#5
#5
It can be terribly annoying. Maybe trip their ego and offer them some gum :p
I'm kidding, but I know what you mean!
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#6
#6
Ugly said:
I don't think its so much they think that way, as it is, they are attracted to you (or whoever) and are showing it.
This rings of another 'mixed signal' message women are noted for. In this post you're complaining about being hit on, but in other posts you complain that men don't step up enough when they're attracted to a woman.
Makes me think of the 'unwritten rule' that no man knows exists, but women expect to be followed. 'Men, be more bold about your attraction... except during this time, that time, this time, here and there. Any other time you can hit on me.'
Click to expand...
So there's no way for a guy to "step up" and let a women know he's interested in her without making overtly sexual or embarrassing comments, especially during a public conversation with other christians? (Please note that I'm not male bashing here. I've seen women do this stuff too.) I know a lot of guys who are classier than that...and you're one of them. :)
 
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zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#8
Aug 2, 2009
24,598
4,272
113
#8
Jullianna said:
Have you ever been engaged in great conversation with others of all shapes/sizes/ages/shades/genders/whatever, everyone is having a good time...laughing, sharing, learning, fellowshipping...and then it happens...*sigh* ....someone has to make it flirtacious or sexual in some way?

Maybe there's some sort of disconnect in my brain (and there probably is because friends tell me all the time that some guy is flirting with me and I don't get it unless he's pretty obvious...), but I don't come to chat or to these forums to look for someone to date. I know that it happens from time to time (and that's awesome if it works for you :) ), but I guess I'm just stupid enough to believe that some of us actually like spending time with people who are like us - share our faith, question the same things we question, have the same dreams or hopes for the future, share the same hurts/failures/flaws - without having to feel as if we are opening ourselves up to either be hit on or have it appear that we might be hitting on someone.


What is it with people who think that men/women can't communicate with one another, have a great time and just be friends?



Click to expand...
Boys will be boys.
 
Oncefallen

Oncefallen

Idiot in Chief
Staff member
#9
Jan 15, 2011
6,038
3,302
113
#9
Well, since Jullianna beat me in replying to Ugly, I won't bother. I'm a guy and I know the difference between "hitting on" and engaging with.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#10
#10
Yet another classy guy :)
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#11
#11
Jullianna said:
So there's no way for a guy to "step up" and let a women know he's interested in her without making overtly sexual or embarrassing comments, especially during a public conversation with other christians? (Please note that I'm not male bashing here. I've seen women do this stuff too.) I know a lot of guys who are classier than that...and you're one of them. :)
Click to expand...
Actually, in your original post you said 'flirtacious' or 'sexual'. They are not one in the same. I didn't feel a need to distinguish that i was referencing the flirting side, and not the sexual side as i assumed that you knew me enough to know i wasn't excusing making sexual remarks. You had two options to pick i was referring to and you picked the one that makes me sound like an idiot, even though the other option actually makes sense and applies.
 
C

carolineh

Banned
#12
Sep 10, 2012
758
4
0
#12
Julianna, your innocence is beautiful so I hope you will keep having fellowship with Christians and be very wary of wordly people who pretend to be or think they are christians...watch out for wolves in sheeps clothes and those who want to stain your purity...continue to interact with people in a Christlike manner and dont be drawn into worldliness because friendship with the world is enmity with God
 
G

GRA

Guest
#13
#13
"There is a proper time, a proper place, and a proper deportment..."

Although the other two are important and do have significance - I believe Jullianna is more concerned about the deportment of CC members.

And I agree...

.

 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#14
#14
That's part of it, GRA. Maybe I indeed have a disconnect because I can't think of a circumstance when embarrassing a man or woman publicly would be a great way to tell them that you are interested in them. It just doesn't connect in my brain. This is probably one of many reasons it's just easier to withdraw myself even farther from the dating pool.

Actually, my initial point was more that I don't understand why men and woman can't just be friends, but it's drifted off point. There are some people who seem to think men and woman can't communicate and have fun without there being flirtation involved. I don't get that either.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#15
#15
At this point I think a trip to Barnes & Noble for a six month's supply and a big shiny lock for my heart cage is probably the way to go....

Especially if my only value is in the way I look or if I have to be some sort of gushing bimbo to communicate with guys.

*hits game over light and disengages*
 

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wwjd_kilden

Guest
#16
#16
Maybe people just like to be annoying? :p

Here, at most times people will eventually (especially when drinking) end up complaining about everything,
"ten years ago I was at a hotel and I got the worst service ever!"

as for being flirty, I don't know if you Americans have the same culture, but in Norway many go to social gatherings with the intent of, uh, "loosening up",
which sadly often means an excuse to do whatever they like.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#17
#17
[Ugly, if I in any way offended you, I'm sorry. I know you know how to talk to a lady and I thought I'd made that very clear in my post. I hope you know me well enough to know that I mean it when I say I think you just misunderstood my question because I'm apparently not explaining it well.]

I'm not saying that it's wrong to boldly express interest in a woman if that's how it came across. I just don't get why every single word or nuance between men and women has to be about flirting. This REAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLY bothers me for a specific reason that is going to sound very weird if I type it how it's playing in my head, but here goes:

1. Surely any guy with half a brain can come up with something better than "you're HOT" repeated five or six times during a public conversation that has absolutely NOTHING to do with the looks of a person.

2. On the flip side of the coin, there is this:

In person, by nature, I am a very warm, affectionate person. In a familiar group, I am sort of bubbly and like to exhort other people to engage in conversation because I'm genuinely interested to know what they think or feel about a thing. I was told by my mom from a very young age that "women who look like me" have to be very careful about this because a lot of people will see me as flirt and send out the wrong signals. So...sometimes, even if a guy is flirting with me subtlely and I may even want to respond, I'm not sure whether I should.

Most of the time I can convince myself that it doesn't bother me, but the bottom line is that it's clearly something I wrestle with. I just don't understand why it has to be so complicated. In my mind it isn't. In the real world, it obviously is.
 
Oncefallen

Oncefallen

Idiot in Chief
Staff member
#18
Jan 15, 2011
6,038
3,302
113
#18
**steps up next to Jullianna

Let me help you here and I'll try to translate what you're saying in Man-ese. I hope I get this right since I'm not fully fluent in Woman-ese.

Those of us who frequent chat have all seen this scenario. The room is engaged in a discussion (or not) and suddenly some random guy puts the comment in the main, "------ (fill in female screen name) you're ------ (fill in hot, sexy or other objectifying adjective) referring to a lady that was just on mic that has a personal pic as an avatar or is on cam.

What Jullianna is saying is that:

A) For a lady that is attractive who intentionally does not "flaunt" her appearance these comments bring unwanted attention to her appearance. Some ladies are just as self conscious about their beauty as others are about their perceived lack of it. Why? Simple, ladies that have uncommon physical beauty routinely have to deal with other ladies claiming that they are flaunting their beauty even when they don't, and likewise they have to deal with men reducing them to nothing but a body. I'm sure it gets old.

B) There are literally dozens of ways to compliment a woman's appearance without using words that carry the connotation of objectification. If "hot" and "sexy" are the only two adjectives that a man knows that describe a lady's appearance he needs to buy a thesaurus and expand his vocabulary.

I actually had more to say, but I gotta cut this short since I've got some things I need to get done. I may expand on this later.


 
chip

chip

Banned
#19
Aug 29, 2012
298
3
0
36
#19
wait a minute! are you saying people are flirting with you via CC?!?!?

i am not getting my fair share! gees on an entire two weeks and not a single flirtation!

guess i need to be a girl!

i wonder what the feminine form of Chip is .....?
 
G

GraceReborn

Guest
#20
#20
Dang.. I'm so outdated.. I gotta get a cage.. My heart's too vulnerable :D




Kidding aside though, I completely understand what you mean Jullianna. <3
I've actually been wondering about this same thing recently and talked to a dear CC friend about it.

I dunno.. I do appreciate truthfulness but I also am frustrated over the friendships that aren't the
same anymore because of being misinterpreted or me being too scared to take that risk...
Admittedly, I have been very attracted to a man at some point, we tried for two weeks but I couldn't do it..
I tell my self the friendship is too beautiful, I can't risk it after all..
Or simply because I'm just not ready...

At this point, I'd rather secretly love a friend more than a friend should..
because being in a relationship with him gives me the right to expect to be loved in a certain way..
and i dont want it.. it complicates things... people get hurt.. drama starts..and im not ready for that.


gosh.. did i derail the thread? i hope not. i tend to wander away when im sleepy..
peace out!:eek::p
 
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