J
How can I be myself when I am supposed to be a good wife? At one time he liked me for being me but then expectations came into the picture, and at the time I was happy to abide. But somewhere in the way I have lost myself and am so depressed all the time and I just dont feel like I am me anymore. I hardly even have interest in children or animals as I used to. All I feel intrested in anymore is getting out of this relationship and running away. Not just from him but from my worldly family and friends.
I should be happy to become whatever God wants me to be. I want to live for Christ and be what our father wants me to be! But why am I so depressed and feel like I am just wasting away? I feel like I am just here. My husband is too busy with his computer trying to make income and study everything to actually spend time with me. Even if he did devote time with me, our interests are so different that we have practically nothing in common. Everything that interests me bores him and vice versa.
I have had a good friend remind me that if I continue to pray for him that God will change my husbands heart to see better and not neglect me so much. In so many ways I do and want to believe that! But in another, I have been married for 5 years and it was just before we were married that my husband had persued me. And 7 days after we were married he cybered.. You can imagine how many times I have forgiven him and strived to make the best of our relationship.
There has been so many times when he has said that maybe we should just divorce and I had told him that we shouldnt. But this last year or so has been so hard. I just feel trapped and foreign. We are stuck in his parents house and have a 16 mo yr old. Their lifestyle is far different from me and I just feel that I cannot raise her properly here. I feel like I am in someone elses body anymore and no longer who I should be. I am just here. and stuck, and nearly want to divorce just to go find myself again. But divorce is so against my beliefs.
I just dont know what to do. How am I supposed to go find myself when I am stuck? I dont think I can even go back to being myself, whom had so much love that it drove most people away, that loving playing with children and taking care of animals.. Now I am just a wife who has to cook for everyone and clean the house and make sure my baby doesnt get into danger. What happened to me?
I should be happy to become whatever God wants me to be. I want to live for Christ and be what our father wants me to be! But why am I so depressed and feel like I am just wasting away? I feel like I am just here. My husband is too busy with his computer trying to make income and study everything to actually spend time with me. Even if he did devote time with me, our interests are so different that we have practically nothing in common. Everything that interests me bores him and vice versa.
I have had a good friend remind me that if I continue to pray for him that God will change my husbands heart to see better and not neglect me so much. In so many ways I do and want to believe that! But in another, I have been married for 5 years and it was just before we were married that my husband had persued me. And 7 days after we were married he cybered.. You can imagine how many times I have forgiven him and strived to make the best of our relationship.
There has been so many times when he has said that maybe we should just divorce and I had told him that we shouldnt. But this last year or so has been so hard. I just feel trapped and foreign. We are stuck in his parents house and have a 16 mo yr old. Their lifestyle is far different from me and I just feel that I cannot raise her properly here. I feel like I am in someone elses body anymore and no longer who I should be. I am just here. and stuck, and nearly want to divorce just to go find myself again. But divorce is so against my beliefs.
I just dont know what to do. How am I supposed to go find myself when I am stuck? I dont think I can even go back to being myself, whom had so much love that it drove most people away, that loving playing with children and taking care of animals.. Now I am just a wife who has to cook for everyone and clean the house and make sure my baby doesnt get into danger. What happened to me?