Flirting and Romance

[Stephanie]

This is an entry that I wrote on my blog about true romance and, by extention, flirting. Share your thoughts! We're allowed to disagree!

Dating Advice From A Single Girl- Romance

What do we think of when we think of romance? In a nut shell, it’s a guy fighting for a girl. That knight in shining armor fighting a dragon to rescue a damsel in distress. This is what we see in “biblical dating”; even though the guy isn’t fighting a dragon he’s still fighting. The romance for a woman comes from a man fighting for her.

So is it all on the man to produce the romance? Not even close. How can a man fight for a girl if she’s willing to give him everything right off the bat? Most people understand the biblical concept of saving sex until marriage but you’re putting a cap on romance is that’s all you save. Girls, just imagine the romance you can have in your marriage if you saved everything for him. It starts well before marriage, even before dating, with basic relationships.

If you’re saving everything for your future spouse that includes flirting. A girl who flirts with various guys takes the purity and value out of it. I see proper flirting as a kind of worship to God, a pure and holy display of His love- of Him. (John 4:8 and 16, God is love). Outside of a romantic relationship flirting is corrupt and deceitful:

Ephesians 4:22 put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires.

Most of the time a girl who flirts doesn’t even realise what it is that she’s giving away or that it’s not hers to give. Flirting and the like are meant to be gifts from you to your future spouse. If you just give it away time and again, by the time it gets to your spouce it’s old and worn. It’s not exciting, it’s lost its thrill, and it’s lost its value.

It makes me sad to think about it and I just want to cry out to all the women out there who are saying to the guys around them “I won’t see value in myself until you do”. It’s so sad.
Many girls think they need to flirt in order for a guy to know that she’s interested. They think it’s their duty, that they’re doing the guy a favour by making it easier for him. I’m telling you you’re not doing anyone any favours but rather you’re robing yourself of romance and you’re robing him of the opportunity to romance you.

A girl who doesn’t flirt with a guy allows him to work harder for her affections. He has to pursue her without being encouraged or reassured that she feels anything romantic towards him. That is romance.

So how is he supposed to know? He is supposed to seek God. You are worthy of a guy who seeks God and who is willing to fight for you, and he is worthy of a girl who is willing to wait for him and allow him to fight for her.

Saving everything for your future spouse includes more than just flirting. It’s also any kind of physical intimacy- from holding hands to kissing to sex. As well as emotional intimacy- from telling someone you’re attracted to telling them that you love them. The more you save for your spouse the more romance you’ll have.

It says several times in the Old Testament that God will fight for you, that he’s a jealous God which means he is passionate about us and has an active interest in us. In Psalm 91 it says we make him our habitation which in Hebrew is the same word for “duty of marriage”. God romances us.
So why do we take our standard or romance from movies, songs, or even other people? As Christians, with everything, our standard should come from God, and God is the author of romance. He wrote the book on it .

For other blogs on singleness follow the link: Memoir Of A Single Christian Girl

 

[Stuey]

May I ask what you mean by flirting here Stephanie?

 

[Searching4Truth]

Manbrain can't comprehend..

 

[Hellooo]

A million questions came to mind, but for now-

What actually constitutes flirting? I see where you wrote a pure display of His love, but how does that translate to our every day interactions? The impression I'm getting is that we should be distant and unaffectionate towards anyone who isn't our spouse, I'm a little confused.

If a man is supposed to pursue the woman without any encouragement and without any reassurance whatsoever, that she feels similarly on her end, what's the line between pursuing and stalking/harrassment?

 

[Nautilus]

This is an entry that I wrote on my blog about true romance and, by extention, flirting. Share your thoughts! We're allowed to disagree!

Dating Advice From A Single Girl- Romance

What do we think of when we think of romance? In a nut shell, it’s a guy fighting for a girl. That knight in shining armor fighting a dragon to rescue a damsel in distress. This is what we see in “biblical dating”; even though the guy isn’t fighting a dragon he’s still fighting. The romance for a woman comes from a man fighting for her.

So is it all on the man to produce the romance? Not even close. How can a man fight for a girl if she’s willing to give him everything right off the bat? Most people understand the biblical concept of saving sex until marriage but you’re putting a cap on romance is that’s all you save. Girls, just imagine the romance you can have in your marriage if you saved everything for him. It starts well before marriage, even before dating, with basic relationships.

If you’re saving everything for your future spouse that includes flirting. A girl who flirts with various guys takes the purity and value out of it. I see proper flirting as a kind of worship to God, a pure and holy display of His love- of Him. (John 4:8 and 16, God is love). Outside of a romantic relationship flirting is corrupt and deceitful:

Ephesians 4:22 put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires.

Most of the time a girl who flirts doesn’t even realise what it is that she’s giving away or that it’s not hers to give. Flirting and the like are meant to be gifts from you to your future spouse. If you just give it away time and again, by the time it gets to your spouce it’s old and worn. It’s not exciting, it’s lost its thrill, and it’s lost its value.

It makes me sad to think about it and I just want to cry out to all the women out there who are saying to the guys around them “I won’t see value in myself until you do”. It’s so sad.
Many girls think they need to flirt in order for a guy to know that she’s interested. They think it’s their duty, that they’re doing the guy a favour by making it easier for him. I’m telling you you’re not doing anyone any favours but rather you’re robing yourself of romance and you’re robing him of the opportunity to romance you.

A girl who doesn’t flirt with a guy allows him to work harder for her affections. He has to pursue her without being encouraged or reassured that she feels anything romantic towards him. That is romance.

So how is he supposed to know? He is supposed to seek God. You are worthy of a guy who seeks God and who is willing to fight for you, and he is worthy of a girl who is willing to wait for him and allow him to fight for her.

Saving everything for your future spouse includes more than just flirting. It’s also any kind of physical intimacy- from holding hands to kissing to sex. As well as emotional intimacy- from telling someone you’re attracted to telling them that you love them. The more you save for your spouse the more romance you’ll have.

It says several times in the Old Testament that God will fight for you, that he’s a jealous God which means he is passionate about us and has an active interest in us. In Psalm 91 it says we make him our habitation which in Hebrew is the same word for “duty of marriage”. God romances us.
So why do we take our standard or romance from movies, songs, or even other people? As Christians, with everything, our standard should come from God, and God is the author of romance. He wrote the book on it .

For other blogs on singleness follow the link: Memoir Of A Single Christian Girl

And this is everything thats wrong with dating christian women today. We should sticky this and anytime a girl posts about being single refer her here as to why christian men are tired of going after christian women.

 

[AAAPlus]

 

[libertygirl]

This is an entry that I wrote on my blog about true romance and, by extention, flirting. Share your thoughts! We're allowed to disagree!

Dating Advice From A Single Girl- Romance

What do we think of when we think of romance? In a nut shell, it’s a guy fighting for a girl. That knight in shining armor fighting a dragon to rescue a damsel in distress. This is what we see in “biblical dating”; even though the guy isn’t fighting a dragon he’s still fighting. The romance for a woman comes from a man fighting for her.

So is it all on the man to produce the romance? Not even close. How can a man fight for a girl if she’s willing to give him everything right off the bat? Most people understand the biblical concept of saving sex until marriage but you’re putting a cap on romance is that’s all you save. Girls, just imagine the romance you can have in your marriage if you saved everything for him. It starts well before marriage, even before dating, with basic relationships.

If you’re saving everything for your future spouse that includes flirting. A girl who flirts with various guys takes the purity and value out of it. I see proper flirting as a kind of worship to God, a pure and holy display of His love- of Him. (John 4:8 and 16, God is love). Outside of a romantic relationship flirting is corrupt and deceitful:

Ephesians 4:22 put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires.

Most of the time a girl who flirts doesn’t even realise what it is that she’s giving away or that it’s not hers to give. Flirting and the like are meant to be gifts from you to your future spouse. If you just give it away time and again, by the time it gets to your spouce it’s old and worn. It’s not exciting, it’s lost its thrill, and it’s lost its value.

It makes me sad to think about it and I just want to cry out to all the women out there who are saying to the guys around them “I won’t see value in myself until you do”. It’s so sad.
Many girls think they need to flirt in order for a guy to know that she’s interested. They think it’s their duty, that they’re doing the guy a favour by making it easier for him. I’m telling you you’re not doing anyone any favours but rather you’re robing yourself of romance and you’re robing him of the opportunity to romance you.

A girl who doesn’t flirt with a guy allows him to work harder for her affections. He has to pursue her without being encouraged or reassured that she feels anything romantic towards him. That is romance.

So how is he supposed to know? He is supposed to seek God. You are worthy of a guy who seeks God and who is willing to fight for you, and he is worthy of a girl who is willing to wait for him and allow him to fight for her.

Saving everything for your future spouse includes more than just flirting. It’s also any kind of physical intimacy- from holding hands to kissing to sex. As well as emotional intimacy- from telling someone you’re attracted to telling them that you love them. The more you save for your spouse the more romance you’ll have.

It says several times in the Old Testament that God will fight for you, that he’s a jealous God which means he is passionate about us and has an active interest in us. In Psalm 91 it says we make him our habitation which in Hebrew is the same word for “duty of marriage”. God romances us.
So why do we take our standard or romance from movies, songs, or even other people? As Christians, with everything, our standard should come from God, and God is the author of romance. He wrote the book on it .

For other blogs on singleness follow the link: Memoir Of A Single Christian Girl

I totally agree with you!

 

[1still_waters]

Stephanie has opinions?:O:O

OH MY!

 

[1still_waters]

A girl who doesn’t flirt with a guy allows him to work harder for her affections. He has to pursue her without being encouraged or reassured that she feels anything romantic towards him. That is romance.

So how is he supposed to know? He is supposed to seek God. You are worthy of a guy who seeks God and who is willing to fight for you, and he is worthy of a girl who is willing to wait for him and allow him to fight for her.

So a guy pursues said girl.
She gives no encouragement whatsoever.
In order to find out if said girl who isn't giving any encouragement whatsoever, is the one for him....
He then has to ask God.

"Hey God. That girl over there who isn't giving me any clue of interest, is she the one for me?"

I find this theory highly impractical.

It's basically relegating EVERYTHING to simply going to God and saying, "Yo is she the one?"

I don't find anything relating to my walk with God as this simple, cut and dry.

I wouldn't expect finding a woman to be so simple either.

But that's just my opinion and experience.

 

[See_KING_Truth]

In my experience, I have never had to ask God anything about any girl I was seeing. He has always made it clear if it was His will or not, and it hasn't been yet...God does not speak to me directly and whether I like it or not He will show me if it is His will or not. There is no need to ask if "she" is "the one". God uses different people, situations, and dreams to reach me and if I have the ear to hear and let the Holy Spirit guide me, everything is clear.

 

[Catlynn]

I see where you're coming from I suppose buuuuut it sounds very impractical and to be quite honest, awfully dull. Flirting and hand-holding and kisses (even on the hands or cheek) are some of the best parts of dating! Aside from the whole getting to know each other thing.

 

[NodMyHeadLikeYeah]

There is no Knight in shinning armor, there is no prince coming to rescue us. I think filling girls\women heads with this type of nonsense is foolish. Men are all different just like we women are. I believe grouping them all together as being the same is equally as foolish. Some are really shy, some have self esteem issues, some are overly confident etc. etc... I'm talking about christian men here ( although the same applies for non christians as well)
Not all men are going to know how to fight for someone or even know when to, quite frankly im not even sure how that works.

I know several people have asked what constitutes as flirting, but i dont think it even really matters. The idea that its not okay to smile, joke around with or act as though you are in fact interested is ridiculous. The dictionary defines flirting as being playful to attract attention, with no intention of anything serious. That i believe is wrong for obvious reasons.
Should we sit stone faced and serious when the guy were interested in talks to us? How in the world do you expect a man to fight for a woman that appears to have no feelings or interest in him.
This to a point is almost irritating, its like... Hey ladies theres some guy out there thats gonna kiss your butt and bend over backwards for you and you dont even have to act like you know him!

You stated that its ideal for a man to work hard for our affections.... What in the world is wrong with... I like you, you like me lets see if this will work. If there is a guy i really like, the last thing im gonna make him do is a bunch of work. I would'nt want him to get discouraged, and if i like him im not going to play with his feelings by acting stand offish.

Men arent perfect, there going to fail us, and were going to fail them. I feel so sorry for them sometimes. There expected to live up to these impossible standards and are suppossed to be the perfect boyfriend\husband. There suppossed to say and do the right things at the right time. Its terrible really, and if i was a guy i wouldnt date a christian woman after reading that.

 

[JimJimmers]

Thanks for that Holly, sometimes we guys do feel like we have to be one particular thing, but everyone's different. And girls, you all don't have to be one particular thing either.

I must say though Nod, this thought made me smile:

This to a point is almost irritating, its like... Hey ladies theres some guy out there thats gonna kiss your butt and bend over backwards for you and you dont even have to act like you know him!

If he can kiss your butt whilst bending over backwards, he should be in Cirque Du Soleil!

 

[sanglina]

The OP may sound insane and impractical for some people but I can totally relate to it as such kind of relationships (where a guy relentlessly pursue a girl even if the girl does not show interest initially specially if one is pursuing a godly women) is so much prevalent and practical in my culture (I shall give an example to show it) The OP also reminds me of a true lovestory testimony shared to us by the wife of a prominent Reverend from our region during hostel retreat (when I was in college).

This lady who was never involved in a relationship until her husband was a godly lady and was actively involved in ministry work (along side pursuing her secular education). Both the Reverend and his wife had been praying about their future spouses (unnamed) even before they knew the existence of each other. After a couple of years of praying about their respective future spouses, they happened to meet in one of the camps held in the region. The Reverend was one of the speaker there and when he preached, the lady was so much impressed that she asked God to send someone like the Reverend for her future husband. Little did she know that the Reverend would actually be asking for her hand in a couple of years time. To cut the long story short- both of them met in the camp and the Reverend was also taken in by her good hospitality manner but nothing developed there. After they got married, the Reverend told her that he had been specifically praying about her as his prospective future wife for about a year after meeting her in the camp and before asking for her hand. Their courting and relationship was very pure as per the testimony before they finally took the vow. In all this, the lady though admired the Reverend a lot secretly, she never indicated in any way that she was interested in him in the few times they met during other such similar camps/events. The only thing she did was constantly pray about it and in her own word, "It was God who answered our prayer and brought us together".

One of my best friend is married to a man who pursued her for close to three years. He's older to her by ten years and he started pursuing her when we were in senior high school. In the initial phase, she used to dislike him so much and would often called him as "old man". She would even deliberately avoid him and would not meet him when he came over to visit her in the hostel. Then, we (her friends) would go out and meet the guy and he would leave his gifts (flowers, candies, cards, and what not) with us. It went on like this in the hostel for two years but the guy being much older than her and absolutely sure of his true feelings towards her, patiently and relentlessly continue to pursue her. After three years of effort, my friend finally yielded and they got married. Now, they are happily married with four beautiful and adorable kids. BTW, this man was considered quite a catch by women of his age back then as he was/is well educated, attractive, and a well known public/social leader in his town but because of the age factor, my friend (he was her first and last boyfriend cum husband) had turned him down initially.

 

[Stephanie]

I think we all know when we're flirting even if we don't know if we're being flirted with. I have another blog entry about what I believe friendships should look like between guys and girls that might clarify this. It essentially says that we should treat everyone like brothers and sisters so- I think that's pretty clear .

I don't think you can put an exact deffinition on it because it has a lot to do with intent.

 

[Stephanie]

A million questions came to mind, but for now-

What actually constitutes flirting? I see where you wrote a pure display of His love, but how does that translate to our every day interactions? The impression I'm getting is that we should be distant and unaffectionate towards anyone who isn't our spouse, I'm a little confused.

If a man is supposed to pursue the woman without any encouragement and without any reassurance whatsoever, that she feels similarly on her end, what's the line between pursuing and stalking/harrassment?

Well the persue someone would be to ask them out on a date. If you ask someone out and they say no and you continue to persue, I'd say that's stalking.

 

[PopClick]

If a man is supposed to pursue the woman without any encouragement and without any reassurance whatsoever, that she feels similarly on her end, what's the line between pursuing and stalking/harrassment?

Yeah, that.

 

[Stephanie]

And this is everything thats wrong with dating christian women today. We should sticky this and anytime a girl posts about being single refer her here as to why christian men are tired of going after christian women.

No offence, but for me it really narrows down the men from the mice. If a guy will ony persue me with full assurance he'll be successful... I'm just not interested in a man like that.

 

[Stephanie]

I see where you're coming from I suppose buuuuut it sounds very impractical and to be quite honest, awfully dull. Flirting and hand-holding and kisses (even on the hands or cheek) are some of the best parts of dating! Aside from the whole getting to know each other thing.

Flirting etc SHOULD happen when you're dating. I'm talking about before you date someone.

 

[AAAPlus]

If you’re saving everything for your future spouse that includes flirting.

..........

Flirting etc SHOULD happen when you're dating.