Flirting and Romance

[Stephanie]

Stephanie, most men do not want to be rejected, and a lot of men wont ask a woman out in fear of being rejected.

So my question to you is...... What are men like on your planet? Because here on Earth there not some super human, im just gonna ask women out cause hey were friends so she obviously likes me and who cares if she acts like my sister and not shown any interest. Im just gonna ask anyway!

Men on my planet, or more directly, in my church ARE like that. I know several couples who felt the same as I do about flirting etc who are now married. It's not just men who don't like to be reject, it's everyone. No one likes to be rejected. But there are a lot of things in life that people don't like but they have to do stuff that puts them at risk of being rejected.

The way I see if, if a man doesn't know/can't ask a girl out because he's afraid something will happen that he doesn't like... It's just going to get harder from there when they get married. Bigger risks will have to be taken and he'll have to seek God to direct him.

Do I think most men are likely to take that risk? No. Do I think some will. Yes, I know some will. I'm willing to wait for one of those some to come along.

I'm not delusional, and I think you should be a little more open minded to my point of view even if you don't agree with it. In other words, you're welcome to think I'm crazy but it's not necessary for helpful in any way to TELL me I am.

 

[Stephanie]

And when she says no, what's left of the friendship? Now he's put himself out there and been shot down and it screws up the balance of the friendship. The aftermath is nothing but awkwardness as he is embarrassed to see her again, and she always has it in the back of her mind how he feels.
Before you say its no big deal, just move on like nothing happened, that easy to say when you're the one who had nothing to lose and didn't put yourself out there. But as the person who puts themselves out there and makes themselves vulnerable, its not so easy to just 'move on' and maintain the friendship.

Before I was a Christian I asked one of my best friends out (for the record, as a Christian now, I don't believe girls should ask guys out). He said yes only because I caught him off guard and after the date he told me he wanted to be friends. We are still friends today AND he's married to my best friend and him and I are still good friends... Was it hard? Yes. But you CAN get through it.

That's not even the point though. If you're being led by God everything will happen how it should. Does that mean she'll say yes? Probably but not necessarily. The main point is that you're doing HIS will.

 

[Stephanie]

I appreciate the way you went about expressing your thoughts. Thank you.

 

[jimmydiggs]

This is an entry that I wrote on my blog about true romance and, by extention, flirting. Share your thoughts! We're allowed to disagree!

Dating Advice From A Single Girl- Romance

What do we think of when we think of romance? In a nut shell, it’s a guy fighting for a girl. That knight in shining armor fighting a dragon to rescue a damsel in distress. This is what we see in “biblical dating”; even though the guy isn’t fighting a dragon he’s still fighting. The romance for a woman comes from a man fighting for her.

So is it all on the man to produce the romance? Not even close. How can a man fight for a girl if she’s willing to give him everything right off the bat? Most people understand the biblical concept of saving sex until marriage but you’re putting a cap on romance is that’s all you save. Girls, just imagine the romance you can have in your marriage if you saved everything for him. It starts well before marriage, even before dating, with basic relationships.

If you’re saving everything for your future spouse that includes flirting. A girl who flirts with various guys takes the purity and value out of it. I see proper flirting as a kind of worship to God, a pure and holy display of His love- of Him. (John 4:8 and 16, God is love). Outside of a romantic relationship flirting is corrupt and deceitful:

Ephesians 4:22 put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires.

Most of the time a girl who flirts doesn’t even realise what it is that she’s giving away or that it’s not hers to give. Flirting and the like are meant to be gifts from you to your future spouse. If you just give it away time and again, by the time it gets to your spouce it’s old and worn. It’s not exciting, it’s lost its thrill, and it’s lost its value.

It makes me sad to think about it and I just want to cry out to all the women out there who are saying to the guys around them “I won’t see value in myself until you do”. It’s so sad.
Many girls think they need to flirt in order for a guy to know that she’s interested. They think it’s their duty, that they’re doing the guy a favour by making it easier for him. I’m telling you you’re not doing anyone any favours but rather you’re robing yourself of romance and you’re robing him of the opportunity to romance you.

A girl who doesn’t flirt with a guy allows him to work harder for her affections. He has to pursue her without being encouraged or reassured that she feels anything romantic towards him. That is romance.

So how is he supposed to know? He is supposed to seek God. You are worthy of a guy who seeks God and who is willing to fight for you, and he is worthy of a girl who is willing to wait for him and allow him to fight for her.

Saving everything for your future spouse includes more than just flirting. It’s also any kind of physical intimacy- from holding hands to kissing to sex. As well as emotional intimacy- from telling someone you’re attracted to telling them that you love them. The more you save for your spouse the more romance you’ll have.

It says several times in the Old Testament that God will fight for you, that he’s a jealous God which means he is passionate about us and has an active interest in us. In Psalm 91 it says we make him our habitation which in Hebrew is the same word for “duty of marriage”. God romances us.
So why do we take our standard or romance from movies, songs, or even other people? As Christians, with everything, our standard should come from God, and God is the author of romance. He wrote the book on it .

For other blogs on singleness follow the link: Memoir Of A Single Christian Girl

I sympathize with this post, and the truth within it.

 

[jimmydiggs]

A girl who doesn’t flirt with a guy allows him to work harder for her affections. He has to pursue her without being encouraged or reassured that she feels anything romantic towards him. That is romance.

So how is he supposed to know? He is supposed to seek God. You are worthy of a guy who seeks God and who is willing to fight for you, and he is worthy of a girl who is willing to wait for him and allow him to fight for her.

This portion I think you got wrong. To the exclusion of the bolded.



To my knowledge, there is no biblical support for this.

 

[Stephanie]

This portion I think you got wrong. To the exclusion of the bolded.



To my knowledge, there is no biblical support for this.

You're meant to seek God in everything.

 

[Stuey]

Before I was a Christian I asked one of my best friends out (for the record, as a Christian now, I don't believe girls should ask guys out). He said yes only because I caught him off guard and after the date he told me he wanted to be friends. We are still friends today AND he's married to my best friend and him and I are still good friends... Was it hard? Yes. But you CAN get through it.

That's not even the point though. If you're being led by God everything will happen how it should. Does that mean she'll say yes? Probably but not necessarily. The main point is that you're doing HIS will.

Have you read Ruth?

I'll reply in full later.

 

[jimmydiggs]

You're meant to seek God in everything.

I said, "To the exclusion of the bolded."

Meaning, I agree with the bolded.

Stuff like this,

He has to pursue her without being encouraged or reassured that she feels anything romantic towards him. That is romance.

... I see no support in scripture for, and it sounds like the imaginations one gets after reading too many romance novels.

 

[Stephanie]

I said, "To the exclusion of the bolded."

Meaning, I agree with the bolded.

Stuff like this,


... I see no support in scripture for, and it sounds like the imaginations one gets after reading too many romance novels.

There are scriptures that can relate however there is nothing solid to back it up biblically. There's also nothing that says it's unbiblical. I'm not here to enforce my views on anyone, and I never said "thus says the Lord".

I don't know what kind of romantic media you've been reading, but most of anything I've seen goes completely AGAINST this kind of thinking.

 

[Stephanie]

Have you read Ruth?

I'll reply in full later.

I have read Ruth. You're not the first person to bring Ruth to my attention. Are we supposed to follow after Ruth or follow after Christ? Yes there are a ton of wonderful things we can glean from Ruth and the whole of the OT but that doesn't mean we're meant to mimick the people in it.

Am I say what Ruth did was wrong? No. But if it was right, I don't believe it was right for everyone.

I'm really not here for a debate. I thought people would be able to voice their own opinions without questioning other's that don't agree with theirs.

 

[Crimson_Lark]

In other words, you're welcome to think I'm crazy but it's not necessary or helpful in any way to TELL me I am.

ROFL! That was pretty hilarious. I don't think you are crazy and I agree.

The whole flirting thing(for me) comes down to the principle behind it.

For instance if flirting means dropping sexual comments, dressing provocatively, physical touches that are a little too intimate I would say we have crossed the line into lust. It's completely not in line with living lives worthy of God.

But if flirting is a smile, an introduction, a silly joke, a specific kindness linked to a shared interest-why not?

Is a woman risking her purity or his by simple acts such as I mentioned? I don't think so.
Is a man any less the pursuer if a woman responds or is the first to say hello? I don't think so.

Men show their pursuit when they ask for your number, call you and plan the date. I'm fine with that and I'm also fine with saying hello and giving them my name with a smile.

 

[jimmydiggs]

There are scriptures that can relate however there is nothing solid to back it up biblically. There's also nothing that says it's unbiblical. I'm not here to enforce my views on anyone, and I never said "thus says the Lord".

Then what in the world do you mean by this, as a concluding statement?

As Christians, with everything, our standard should come from God, and God is the author of romance. He wrote the book on it .

You say it should be biblical, submitted to God... yet then you say the idea of a man chasing a woman while the woman pretends to be aloof may not actually be biblical. Which is it?

If it's personal preference, fine.

I don't know what kind of romantic media you've been reading, but most of anything I've seen goes completely AGAINST this kind of thinking.

I try to stay away from Romantic media, because it is so often against what God has said.

What I have caught by ear, is that it is often of one of two extremes. Either the legs are wide open... or the woman expects to be worshiped by the man as an idol.

 

[Stephanie]

ROFL! That was pretty hilarious. I don't think you are crazy and I agree.

The whole flirting thing(for me) comes down to the principle behind it.

For instance if flirting means dropping sexual comments, dressing provocatively, physical touches that are a little too intimate I would say we have crossed the line into lust. It's completely not in line with living lives worthy of God.

But if flirting is a smile, an introduction, a silly joke, a specific kindness linked to a shared interest-why not?

Is a woman risking her purity or his by simple acts such as I mentioned? I don't think so.
Is a man any less the pursuer if a woman responds or is the first to say hello? I don't think so.

Men show their pursuit when they ask for your number, call you and plan the date. I'm fine with that and I'm also fine with saying hello and giving them my name with a smile.

Well I guess that's not the kind of flirting i'm talking about. I'm not sure I'd even consider that flirting.

 

[Stephanie]

Then what in the world do you mean by this, as a concluding statement?



You say it should be biblical, submitted to God... yet then you say the idea of a man chasing a woman while the woman pretends to be aloof may not actually be biblical. Which is it?

If it's personal preference, fine.






I try to stay away from Romantic media, because it is so often against what God has said.

What I have caught by ear, is that it is often of one of two extremes. Either the legs are wide open... or the woman expects to be worshiped by the man as an idol.

I never said a women should pretend to be aloof.

I'm not sure what you're asking in regards to a concluding statement. The purpose of the blog was to express my views on dating based off of what I know about God and what I've read in his word. I don't know what else to tell you.

Just about all romantic media I've seen has the girl throwing herself on the guy. I can think of one example where the romantic theme matches my views on romance and I didn't not aquire my views from it.

Like I said, I'm really not here to be questioned. I'm not here to defend myself. I'm here to hear what other peoples views are and you CAN express your views without questioning mine.

 

[Bridget_Left_China]

I guess I don't understand why letting a gentleman know you are interested is bad/wrong/not biblical/against God's will. I guess it all boils down to how you let him know. Smiling/listening/directly telling him "Hey! I like you!" = Good. Flashing him your undergarments = bad. Yes.. that's kind of an extreme example.. but so is saying that people who flirt before they are dating are somehow disobeying God...

 

[Stephanie]

I guess I don't understand why letting a gentleman know you are interested is bad/wrong/not biblical/against God's will. I guess it all boils down to how you let him know. Smiling/listening/directly telling him "Hey! I like you!" = Good. Flashing him your undergarments = bad. Yes.. that's kind of an extreme example.. but so is saying that people who flirt before they are dating are somehow disobeying God...

I don't think I said that it was unbiblical or disobeying God. I'd have to go back and read what I wrote but if I did write that it's not what I meant.

 

[Stuey]

I feel like part of the problem in discussing this might be a vague definition of flirting... I know you don't want to nail it down exactly, but would you be able to flesh it out a bit more Stephanie?

 

[jimmydiggs]

I don't think I said that it was unbiblical or disobeying God. I'd have to go back and read what I wrote but if I did write that it's not what I meant.

I think you are right to be wary of flirting. Anyone who takes it lightly is treating sin lightly. EDIT: I am not saying all things someone might call "Flirting" is always sinful. Rather that it easily leads to sin, pluck out your eye n' such.


Song of Solomon 2:7
Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you
by the gazelles and by the does of the field:
Do not arouse or awaken love
until it so desires.

Philippians 4:8
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

 

[jb]

Don't see the problem with a bit of flirting...as long as it doesn't get out of hand...

And I certainly don't mind a girl asking me out, no problem with that whatsoever, just whatever she is comfortable with.

 

[Stephanie]

I feel like part of the problem in discussing this might be a vague definition of flirting... I know you don't want to nail it down exactly, but would you be able to flesh it out a bit more Stephanie?

I really don't know how to define it.

I supposed there's flirting and then there's outright flirting. I think I mentioned before that if you like someone you can't help but act differently around them with things like, laughing at their jokes, making a point to be around them, maybe showing extra intrest in the things they're interested in... There's nothing wrong with any of that. Personally I wouldn't consider that flirting.

I suppose where the issue with flirting would come in would be with things like, excessive touching, inappropriate compliments like telling someone they're hot or sexy... I've had guy friends tell me my hair looks nice or things like that, that they just generally think I look nice that day, there's nothing wrong wtih that. What else? Oh I really don't know. I woudln't know how to flirt even if I was okay with it and I think it differs as well.

I just think if you're doing something along those lines on purpose to give someone the impression that you're interested in them (especially if you're not interested in dating them) then that would be what I'm talking about when I say flirting.

I don't know,I guess I should have been more clear but I thought what flirting was was one of those things people agreed on .