Flirting and Romance

  • Thread starter Thread starter Stephanie
  • Start date Start date
  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
Over all it seems like people have gotten the wrong impression of "not flirting". If you're friends with someone you're friendly with them, you don't act like you find them uninteresting.

I'm not talking about "playing hard to get", I'm just saying you don't have to, nor should you need to, spell it out for someone that you're interested.

And when I say he should ask God if she is "the one"- by no means do i think there's only one person for everyone, we have the liberty to chose who we marry, but I believe God will let us know if it's a wise choice. I also believe God speaks to us in various ways so i don't think you need to pray and fast for a week to hear God's voice so that He can tell you something. If you feel good in your Spirit about it, chances are it's a go with God. Problem is, with relationships, people often get their emotions cofused with their spirit.
 
My girlfriend never flirted with me. Actually, she was rather quiet, and other than saying hi when we passed in the hallways, that was the extent of us talking.
I was the one that made the first approach, not to flirt, but to be sincere in telling her I liked her, and that I would like to get to know her a little better.


Sometimes by a girl staring at a guy, people say she is flirting, or by just having a conversation with a guy, which is not true. I think flirting involves a little showing off in front of the guy, where her friends can watch, or giving close hugs to a guy, or just teasing a guy by the way she dresses or what she says.

I knew when I met my girlfriend 2 years ago she was going to be the one, God did not tell me, but I have morals and values that I got growing up, raised with God in my life, that helped to guide me to the type of girl I have now.
 
_Ryan_ said:
My girlfriend never flirted with me. Actually, she was rather quiet, and other than saying hi when we passed in the hallways, that was the extent of us talking.
I was the one that made the first approach, not to flirt, but to be sincere in telling her I liked her, and that I would like to get to know her a little better.


Sometimes by a girl staring at a guy, people say she is flirting, or by just having a conversation with a guy, which is not true. I think flirting involves a little showing off in front of the guy, where her friends can watch, or giving close hugs to a guy, or just teasing a guy by the way she dresses or what she says.

I knew when I met my girlfriend 2 years ago she was going to be the one, God did not tell me, but I have morals and values that I got growing up, raised with God in my life, that helped to guide me to the type of girl I have now.
Click to expand...

So your girlfriend didnt flirt with you, only said hi to you, but you went up to her and said i like you???

Telling a girl you dont know you like her..... solid.
 
Stephanie said:
No offence, but for me it really narrows down the men from the mice. If a guy will ony persue me with full assurance he'll be successful... I'm just not interested in a man like that.
Click to expand...

I mean I dont know many guys that will waste time flirting or talking to someone if they arent expressing some level of interest or flirting back the first time...maybe the second
 
I can't help but disagree with the OP.
Why should a man have to 'fight' for a woman that shows no interest, as she sits like a princess in a castle awaiting her knight? That is a quite secular minded attitude towards dating and romance.
Also, there's a double standard here. Women aren't supposed to give the slightest hint of interest so she doesn't 'give it away', yet the guy is supposed to 'give it away' in his pursuit of her.
I for one will not fight for a woman in this manner. I'm not going to waste my time pursing a woman who may never have any consideration for me. Women are not princesses to sit idly by waiting for some knight to come sweep them off their feet, kill the bad guy, and ride off into the sunset. Someone needs to stop reading secular romance novels and join the real world.
 
Ugly said:
I can't help but disagree with the OP.
Why should a man have to 'fight' for a woman that shows no interest, as she sits like a princess in a castle awaiting her knight? That is a quite secular minded attitude towards dating and romance.
Also, there's a double standard here. Women aren't supposed to give the slightest hint of interest so she doesn't 'give it away', yet the guy is supposed to 'give it away' in his pursuit of her.
I for one will not fight for a woman in this manner. I'm not going to waste my time pursing a woman who may never have any consideration for me. Women are not princesses to sit idly by waiting for some knight to come sweep them off their feet, kill the bad guy, and ride off into the sunset. Someone needs to stop reading secular romance novels and join the real world.
Click to expand...

Perfectly said.....
 
Nautilus said:
I mean I dont know many guys that will waste time flirting or talking to someone if they arent expressing some level of interest or flirting back the first time...maybe the second
Click to expand...
You're right, there aren't many guys that would
 
Ugly said:
I can't help but disagree with the OP.
Why should a man have to 'fight' for a woman that shows no interest, as she sits like a princess in a castle awaiting her knight? That is a quite secular minded attitude towards dating and romance.
Also, there's a double standard here. Women aren't supposed to give the slightest hint of interest so she doesn't 'give it away', yet the guy is supposed to 'give it away' in his pursuit of her.
I for one will not fight for a woman in this manner. I'm not going to waste my time pursing a woman who may never have any consideration for me. Women are not princesses to sit idly by waiting for some knight to come sweep them off their feet, kill the bad guy, and ride off into the sunset. Someone needs to stop reading secular romance novels and join the real world.
Click to expand...
It's actually quite the opposite of a secular view on dating. You'd be hard pressed to find a "worldly" women who is okay with this view of romance and I can think of very view movies that agree with it as well.

Again, I'm not saying that a girl should act DISinterested or purposefully make it difficult for a guy to know how she feels about him. I actually think it would be quite difficult for a girl to seem at all disinterested if she likes a guy. I'm saying she shouldn't have to spell it out for him before he makes a move.

I'm not surprised that a lot of people disagree with me but I am somewhat surprised at how cynical people are being.

Let's keep in mind you can disagree with someone without questioning their character or being antagonistic.
 
Crimson_Lark said:
Stephanie, what is flirting to you and what verses show it's wrong?
Click to expand...
I'm not going to pretend that flirting is black and white in the bible. There's nothing in there that talks specifically about fliritng. It talks about things that can relate to flirting but nothing that I can put together to say that beyond a doubt, this is not how flirting was intended to go.

This is my belief based off of what I know about God and what I've read in his word. It's my personal conviction. I'm not out to prove anything to anyone. If you say flirting is okay before you're in a relationship I can't and won't tell you that you're wrong.

I honeslty don't have a spefic outline to dating. My GENERAL rule of thumb is that if you wouldn't say it or do it to a sibling then you probably shouldn't say it or do it with a friend unless it's your boyfriend/girlfriend.
 
1still_waters said:
So a guy pursues said girl.
She gives no encouragement whatsoever.
In order to find out if said girl who isn't giving any encouragement whatsoever, is the one for him....
He then has to ask God.

"Hey God. That girl over there who isn't giving me any clue of interest, is she the one for me?"

I find this theory highly impractical.

It's basically relegating EVERYTHING to simply going to God and saying, "Yo is she the one?"

I don't find anything relating to my walk with God as this simple, cut and dry.

I wouldn't expect finding a woman to be so simple either.

But that's just my opinion and experience.
Click to expand...
I don't see what difference it makes if the girl likes you really. If you're friends she obviosuly likes you enough to be your friend. If you like her then why do you have to know if she likes you before you ask her out? Ask her, if she says yes then she likes you. How is this impractical?

From (my) female perspective, if a guy asks me out without me having to make it clear that I'm interested then I know that he's REALLY interested. Rather than, ok this guy is asking me out but would he have even noticed me if I didn't flirt with him?
 
When a man encounters a woman whom he has strong feelings for, and sees Godly attributes in that woman, then that woman who is also like minded, will see these attributes in that man, then pure love(not lust) will form in their hearts and there will be a deep affection for one another. All the other childish garbage of chasing a woman and playing these foolish games to win over a woman's heart is nonsense.

When I met the first love of my life, Jesus Christ, I immediately knew that He was the one I was supposed to follow and my love was for Him. He showed me His great love, and it filled my heart with a sweet joy that no words can describe. A true Godly wife will appreciate the Godliness of a man, and love the Christ within him. The same also goes for the man. The bond between two born again Christians is a powerful thing, and it is real love, not this phony love that Holllywood pumps out every other week.

1 Corinthians 13:4 Love is patient, love is kind and not jealous, love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek it's own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
 
Stephanie said:
I'm not going to pretend that flirting is black and white in the bible. There's nothing in there that talks specifically about fliritng. It talks about things that can relate to flirting but nothing that I can put together to say that beyond a doubt, this is not how flirting was intended to go.

This is my belief based off of what I know about God and what I've read in his word. It's my personal conviction. I'm not out to prove anything to anyone. If you say flirting is okay before you're in a relationship I can't and won't tell you that you're wrong.

I honeslty don't have a spefic outline to dating. My GENERAL rule of thumb is that if you wouldn't say it or do it to a sibling then you probably shouldn't say it or do it with a friend unless it's your boyfriend/girlfriend.
Click to expand...
That should say "outline to flirting", not "dating"
 
Stephanie said:
I don't see what difference it makes if the girl likes you really. If you're friends she obviosuly likes you enough to be your friend. If you like her then why do you have to know if she likes you before you ask her out? Ask her, if she says yes then she likes you. How is this impractical?

From (my) female perspective, if a guy asks me out without me having to make it clear that I'm interested then I know that he's REALLY interested. Rather than, ok this guy is asking me out but would he have even noticed me if I didn't flirt with him?
Click to expand...

Stephanie, most men do not want to be rejected, and a lot of men wont ask a woman out in fear of being rejected.

So my question to you is...... What are men like on your planet? Because here on Earth there not some super human, im just gonna ask women out cause hey were friends so she obviously likes me and who cares if she acts like my sister and not shown any interest. Im just gonna ask anyway!
 
Stephanie said:
I don't see what difference it makes if the girl likes you really. If you're friends she obviosuly likes you enough to be your friend. If you like her then why do you have to know if she likes you before you ask her out? Ask her, if she says yes then she likes you. How is this impractical?
Click to expand...


And when she says no, what's left of the friendship? Now he's put himself out there and been shot down and it screws up the balance of the friendship. The aftermath is nothing but awkwardness as he is embarrassed to see her again, and she always has it in the back of her mind how he feels.
Before you say its no big deal, just move on like nothing happened, that easy to say when you're the one who had nothing to lose and didn't put yourself out there. But as the person who puts themselves out there and makes themselves vulnerable, its not so easy to just 'move on' and maintain the friendship.
 
It comes down to chemistry.......(or chemicals).
If the attraction is mutual then off you go.........
If it is not mutual, no amount of preening or 'flirting' will matter.
 
I am a man and I like this post, to some degree she keeps it real. God Bless you. I think instead of searching for a woman (vice versa) they should become friends first and foremost. Then after some time getting to really know each other then take it from there, i.e. go out for a cup of coffee or something and build up from there. I know saw at least one guy here saying that's why christian guys don't go for christian women and don't understand what the gentleman meant by that. But I do know never to go by what the heart wants because it is actually the most deceiving thing. If the opposites love God first then they shall surely love each other. Otherwise very good post, I think Gentlemen can also use it as well as reference to learn from. God Bless, *Matthews 5:14-16*
 
Mitch79 said:
All the other childish garbage of chasing a woman and playing these foolish games to win over a woman's heart is nonsense
Click to expand...

Exactly. It is nonsense.

Stephanie said:
From (my) female perspective, if a guy asks me out without me having to make it clear that I'm interested then I know that he's REALLY interested. Rather than, ok this guy is asking me out but would he have even noticed me if I didn't flirt with him?
Click to expand...

what woman doesn't enjoy being pursued by someone they like.. but what difference does it make if he's interested either way?

Stephanie said:
This is my belief based off of what I know about God and what I've read in his word. It's my personal conviction. I'm not out to prove anything to anyone. If you say flirting is okay before you're in a relationship I can't and won't tell you that you're wrong.

I honeslty don't have a spefic outline to dating. My GENERAL rule of thumb is that if you wouldn't say it or do it to a sibling then you probably shouldn't say it or do it with a friend unless it's your boyfriend/girlfriend.
Click to expand...

The funny thing about that is a lot of people will say and do way more things in front of a friend or sibling than a person they're attracted to. I don't think you'll find an argument for being a tease and leading on men you have no interest in, its mean and manipulative.
Obviously the major no-nos are clearly outlined in scripture (adultery, lust, promiscuity, fornication, etc), but the idea that a woman who has never --held hands with/batted her eyelashes at/leaned in closer to/however you flirt with, a guy she is genuinely interested in--is somehow more pure, or brings more value to romance and marriage is humorous to me, because we ALL fall short. (Sorry about the run on/awkward phrasing)
Is it corrupt and deceiptful for a woman to let a man know she is interested through subtle cues or showing affection? Inherently, no. We do this in other areas of our lives already.
Proverbs 3:6 all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight
(5-7 for better context)

If you find a guy who fights proverbial dragons and stuff to win your affections, hats off to you, that's great. other women still can experience great romance and have wonderful marriages who haven't necessarily followed the same path.
 
Ugly said:
And when she says no, what's left of the friendship? Now he's put himself out there and been shot down and it screws up the balance of the friendship. The aftermath is nothing but awkwardness as he is embarrassed to see her again, and she always has it in the back of her mind how he feels.
Before you say its no big deal, just move on like nothing happened, that easy to say when you're the one who had nothing to lose and didn't put yourself out there. But as the person who puts themselves out there and makes themselves vulnerable, its not so easy to just 'move on' and maintain the friendship.
Click to expand...

I have to disagree brother. You're forgetting that God is good. If a woman doesn't like you in that way, it's not the end of the world. Just pray to the Lord for humility and he will surely answer you. Just try not to rush into things and there will be a woman out there that is perfect for you brother. God Bless
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom
Back