Who can sit up and tell lies all night...I guess I can

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Chopsui101

Chopsui101

Banned
#1
Jan 12, 2009
141
0
0
#1
I have a question, what happens when someone tells you they love you. Me and my gf were hanging out one day and she says "I love you" and I was like dang it...I said, "I like you...a lot" and she was like, "just like?" Well to make a long story short we had a fight right afterward.

Now my question is what to say when someone tells you they love you but you don't love them? Don't get me wrong, I like my gf, she is amazing, but I don't love her, I haven't known her a particularly long time. I tend to find that girls seem to say I love you first and it is always awkward. So ladies...when she says I love you and you don't love her what do you say back?
 
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SamIam

Guest
#2
#2
I dated someone and like a month later.. it was i love you....... im thinkin hmmmm i definantly dont love you, but i didnt wanna hurt their feelings.. so i distracted um... I started askin a bunch of quesitons like... Why do you love me, cause just a second ago you told me you wished i was taller. Have them name every single reason. then start pickin apart the reasons .. by the time there done... they'll be so mad that he or she wont be thinkin about you didnt say it back
 
Kakashi

Kakashi

Senior Member
#3
Jan 3, 2007
626
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#3
To me, this would bring up the question " Why are you dating someone if you don't love them?", especially if you haven't known them for a particularly long time. That's just my thoughts.
 
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SamIam

Guest
#4
#4
Kakashi said:
To me, this would bring up the question " Why are you dating someone if you don't love them?", especially if you haven't known them for a particularly long time. That's just my thoughts.
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well you dont automatically fall in love with someone as soon as you start dating them..... you have to date them to fall in love with them
 
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Gabrielle

Senior Member
#5
Aug 6, 2007
136
1
18
#5
Chopsui101 said:
I have a question, what happens when someone tells you they love you. Me and my gf were hanging out one day and she says "I love you" and I was like dang it...I said, "I like you...a lot" and she was like, "just like?" Well to make a long story short we had a fight right afterward.

Now my question is what to say when someone tells you they love you but you don't love them? Don't get me wrong, I like my gf, she is amazing, but I don't love her, I haven't known her a particularly long time. I tend to find that girls seem to say I love you first and it is always awkward. So ladies...when she says I love you and you don't love her what do you say back?
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How long have you dated her?
 
Kakashi

Kakashi

Senior Member
#6
Jan 3, 2007
626
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0
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#6
SamIam said:
well you dont automatically fall in love with someone as soon as you start dating them..... you have to date them to fall in love with them
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That wasn't my point.I mean, usually isn't it better to get to know person really well over time as a friend and then date? I always imagined it was falling in love before, an then dating them. Sorry for the misunderstanding!
 
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pinkstix56

Guest
#7
#7
Chopsui- normally i don't say " I love you" until i have really known this person well. But normally it's always been the opposite for me, the guy always told me that he loved me first, and i would always think that the person i dated usually rushed things whenever he would say " i love you" first.

I dont know if this is helpful cause i haven't said " i love you" first in any relationship i've been in.
 
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Aya

Guest
#8
#8
whell sum girls feel like they need sumone to say it to them,im not saying all girls r like that just sum..so girls plz dont get me wrong...
if u feel as tho she is rushing things maybe it shuld stop. but like i said maybe she just needs u to say it no matter wat...
sry if this dident help
 
grace

grace

Senior Member
#9
Sep 8, 2006
1,064
11
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#9
You should NEVER say it unless you mean it. Lying just to tell the person what they want to hear if you do not mean it is not a good idea.
Honesty, honesty, honesty....that is the way to go. :)
 
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chelsers

Guest
#10
#10
Kakashi said:
That wasn't my point.I mean, usually isn't it better to get to know person really well over time as a friend and then date? I always imagined it was falling in love before, an then dating them. Sorry for the misunderstanding!
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I think you may be thinking of dating as calling someone your "girlfriend/boyfriend." For example, if I meet someone and he asks me out to dinner, that's a date, or dating. In order to get to know him, I have to be around him so we "date", but I probably wouldn't call him my boyfriend right away (although I know pretty quickly if there's anything there.)

So it's true you would be friends first, but with the mutual understanding that you want to get to know each other eventually as more than just friends. Unless we're talking about situations where the two people are really young, start as friends, and then date, often if you start off as just friends, it stays that way. Not saying all the time, but as you get older, the likelihood of that happening diminishes.

This is exactly why I say that guys need to be more assertive and straightforward. Sometimes if you wait too long and hope that the whole friendship thing develops the way you want it to, the opportunity passes you by. Sometimes it doesn't, but I say why waste time?
 
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SamIam

Guest
#11
#11
chelsers said:
I think you may be thinking of dating as calling someone your "girlfriend/boyfriend." For example, if I meet someone and he asks me out to dinner, that's a date, or dating. In order to get to know him, I have to be around him so we "date", but I probably wouldn't call him my boyfriend right away (although I know pretty quickly if there's anything there.)

So it's true you would be friends first, but with the mutual understanding that you want to get to know each other eventually as more than just friends. Unless we're talking about situations where the two people are really young, start as friends, and then date, often if you start off as just friends, it stays that way. Not saying all the time, but as you get older, the likelihood of that happening diminishes.

This is exactly why I say that guys need to be more assertive and straightforward. Sometimes if you wait too long and hope that the whole friendship thing develops the way you want it to, the opportunity passes you by. Sometimes it doesn't, but I say why waste time?
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I totally agree..... Men do need to be more straight foward, waiting around sucks... and if you feel a certain way about one of your friends... you need to tell them.
 
Kakashi

Kakashi

Senior Member
#12
Jan 3, 2007
626
2
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#12
chelsers said:
I think you may be thinking of dating as calling someone your "girlfriend/boyfriend." For example, if I meet someone and he asks me out to dinner, that's a date, or dating. In order to get to know him, I have to be around him so we "date", but I probably wouldn't call him my boyfriend right away (although I know pretty quickly if there's anything there.)

So it's true you would be friends first, but with the mutual understanding that you want to get to know each other eventually as more than just friends. Unless we're talking about situations where the two people are really young, start as friends, and then date, often if you start off as just friends, it stays that way. Not saying all the time, but as you get older, the likelihood of that happening diminishes.

This is exactly why I say that guys need to be more assertive and straightforward. Sometimes if you wait too long and hope that the whole friendship thing develops the way you want it to, the opportunity passes you by. Sometimes it doesn't, but I say why waste time?
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I call going on dates " going on dates" and " I'm dating someone" equates to bf/gf stuff I guess? Like an exclusive thing( not the best system I know, but bear with me). Chopsui said it was his "gf" so I'm still kinda stuck on why he's "dating someone" aka bf and gf with someone he doesen't love like that. Unless I'm confused and he really meant he's just " going on dates" with this girl, but he said it was his gf so I was assuming for that scenario of not just going on dates, but " in a relationship" I guess is a better phrase to use? Yes, much better!

I think it's ok " being straight forward and assertive" but not, rushing recklessly into something. more on this later, gotta get back to work!

But yea am I making any sense? I never date so it's hard to keep up with all the labels.
 
Chopsui101

Chopsui101

Banned
#13
Jan 12, 2009
141
0
0
#13
chelsers said:
I think you may be thinking of dating as calling someone your "girlfriend/boyfriend." For example, if I meet someone and he asks me out to dinner, that's a date, or dating. In order to get to know him, I have to be around him so we "date", but I probably wouldn't call him my boyfriend right away (although I know pretty quickly if there's anything there.)

So it's true you would be friends first, but with the mutual understanding that you want to get to know each other eventually as more than just friends. Unless we're talking about situations where the two people are really young, start as friends, and then date, often if you start off as just friends, it stays that way. Not saying all the time, but as you get older, the likelihood of that happening diminishes.

This is exactly why I say that guys need to be more assertive and straightforward. Sometimes if you wait too long and hope that the whole friendship thing develops the way you want it to, the opportunity passes you by. Sometimes it doesn't, but I say why waste time?
Click to expand...

We are definitely dating. I lived with her for about a month or so. But I think we have known each other for 2 or 3 months dating for a 1 1/2 months.

Don't get me wrong, I like her a lot. I mean I wouldn't be dating her if I didn't. But love is something different. But maybe I just move slow to tell a girl I love her. My last couple gf's all have told me they love me, but I usually try not to say it back.
 
Chopsui101

Chopsui101

Banned
#14
Jan 12, 2009
141
0
0
#14
I won't lie...I move quick like Bunny in relationships...I am a pretty forward person...If I see a girl I like I have no problems walking up and asking her name, number, and seeing if I can get a date. So we might hang out 15 hours a day not counting work, you know. But yea I tend to express feelings a lot slower. Maybe I should slow the game plan down or speed up the expressing verbally how I feel.

However, I don't like telling her something if I don't really believe it.
 
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SamIam

Guest
#15
#15
I admire you for that, because alot of guys will just tell girls i love you to get something out of it...... women love it when guys express how they feel.... would definantly earn you some points.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#16
May 23, 2009
16,442
5,391
113
#16
Sincerity is more important than what many seem to believe nowadays... I don't want for a guy to tell me he loves me unless he means it, but I know what you mean, some say it like the first week...

That kind of sets off warning signals for me personally, because for me, it's always meant... the guy just wants to believe he's in love with someone. (Case in point, when I wouldn't agree to a relationship, he moved on to a friend of mine.)
 
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chelsers

Guest
#17
#17
Chopsui101 said:
We are definitely dating. I lived with her for about a month or so. But I think we have known each other for 2 or 3 months dating for a 1 1/2 months.

Don't get me wrong, I like her a lot. I mean I wouldn't be dating her if I didn't. But love is something different. But maybe I just move slow to tell a girl I love her. My last couple gf's all have told me they love me, but I usually try not to say it back.
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That post of mine was actually directed at Kakashi, but in regards to your situation; don't tell someone you love them if you don't. Just be honest.
 
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chelsers

Guest
#18
#18
Kakashi said:
I call going on dates " going on dates" and " I'm dating someone" equates to bf/gf stuff I guess? Like an exclusive thing( not the best system I know, but bear with me). Chopsui said it was his "gf" so I'm still kinda stuck on why he's "dating someone" aka bf and gf with someone he doesen't love like that. Unless I'm confused and he really meant he's just " going on dates" with this girl, but he said it was his gf so I was assuming for that scenario of not just going on dates, but " in a relationship" I guess is a better phrase to use? Yes, much better!

I think it's ok " being straight forward and assertive" but not, rushing recklessly into something. more on this later, gotta get back to work!

But yea am I making any sense? I never date so it's hard to keep up with all the labels.
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I see what you mean and it definitely makes sense. For me, if I'm calling someone my bf/gf I'm pretty sure about the relationship. Some people are more casual about calling someone their boyfriend or girlfriend, I've noticed that especially in non-Christians (not putting it down, it's just what I've noticed.) I've dated but honestly never past 2 dates. I know what I'm looking for and so I can tell pretty quick if it's not going to work.
 
Kakashi

Kakashi

Senior Member
#19
Jan 3, 2007
626
2
0
36
#19
chelsers said:
I see what you mean and it definitely makes sense. For me, if I'm calling someone my bf/gf I'm pretty sure about the relationship. Some people are more casual about calling someone their boyfriend or girlfriend, I've noticed that especially in non-Christians (not putting it down, it's just what I've noticed.) I've dated but honestly never past 2 dates. I know what I'm looking for and so I can tell pretty quick if it's not going to work.
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Same with the " knowing if it's not going to work or not". Unfortunantly it barely takes me past one conversation to know if I'm interested in someone or not. That might be due to a lack of people around me that i would even be remotly attracted to, but still...lol
 
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chelsers

Guest
#20
#20
Kakashi said:
Same with the " knowing if it's not going to work or not". Unfortunantly it barely takes me past one conversation to know if I'm interested in someone or not. That might be due to a lack of people around me that i would even be remotly attracted to, but still...lol
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Wow, one must really have to impress you on a first conversation :D
 
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