Need prayer for marriage

[Enow]

[quote=Stephen;868449]You are right she does say she is a Christian. In fact she says she is as close to God as ever. When I asked her how she sorts out divorce and her Christian faith in her mind based on what we have studied/learned over 15 years of marriage she says " it is like any other sin and God will forgive me".

[/b][/quote]

A former senior pastor from my former church did preach from the pulpit that it was not an unforgiveable sin to get a divorce.

Worst day of my life to hear that when I was praying and hoping and ministering indirectly as well as directly for a coupe to be reunited in their marriage, but here, the pastor was giving a God's grace to sin which is never found in the Bible to do, and warned against.

Since your wife is a believer, she should know that you guys can be seperated, but cannot divorce. If she "changed" her mind about not having a husband, then she has to return to you and not be given the temptation to seek another husband when given a divorce.

Let her be real about her decision to you. Either she wants to be single again and stay that way from being with a man, or she might as well "suffer" whatever she is "suffering" by coming back and staying with you.

Your wife should know that using God's grace to sin is not really being sorry about committing the sin, let alone showing any need towards her Saviour to deliver her from her sin. That is like walking in darkness.

She should be praying to the Father in Jesus's name to lead her away from temptations and deliver her from the evil one: not..saying something wherein another suffering believer would say, "oh well. God will forgive me if I commit suicide." That is not the point. The point is recognizing why Jesus came: to save us from our sins so that we would no longer live in them and be living that reconciled relationship with God through Jesus Christ. Believers are depriving God of the opportunity to come to their rescue when they need Him most. How else would we praise Him in Heaven for all that He has done for us besides having saved us?

I used to be envious of Enoch in walking with God as His friend, but now that we are saved, He dwells within us and is with us always to be walking with us through this valley of the shadow of death as our Good Shepherd and not just as our Saviour.

Your wife needs to surrender in giving God a chance to help her follow Him. She is depriving heself of future thanksgiving to God by using God's grace to sin, and she would be only denying Him as her Good Shepherd for not believing He can help her not to sin or yield to sin that she would say something like that.

I reckon all those that read this thread can pray that God will not only warn her, but invite her to believe in Him that He is the Good Shepherd to lead her from her sins in following Him. May His love find a way in her heart to love God for what He has gone through to save her. Maybe the Lord will remind her of that cost to not treat living in sin so lightly when He has done so much to reestore us to God again to call Him Father.

I do go on. May the Lord help us to pray for her.

1 Corinthians 12: 25 That there should be no schism in the body; but that the members should have the same care one for another. 26 And whether one member suffer, all the members suffer with it; or one member be honoured, all the members rejoice with it. 27 Now ye are the body of Christ, and members in particular.

1 Thessalonians 5:22 Abstain from all appearance of evil. 23 And the very God of peace sanctify you wholly; and I pray God your whole spirit and soul and body be preserved blameless unto the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. 24 Faithful is he that calleth you, who also will do it. 25 Brethren, pray for us

 

[Stephen]

My wife does not appear very interested in searching Gods word on the issue of divorce or for that matter anything else right now. Knowing this I asked her if she would be willing to read a book on the subject of divorce from a Biblical point of view. Surprisingly she appeared very receptive and said "yes...sure"

So, I am looking for suggestions from you all on a Biblically based book on the subject of divorce. It would be better probably if it was written from the perspective of a woman leaving the marriage.

As of right now she is still in the home and I am praying over her every night in bed together. I get very mixed signals such as her telling me she loves me yet still determined to separate....she acts as though she doesn't have a choice...very strange.

Thank you all for continued prayer and to those who have sent me mail messages with encouragement and resources. You all are such a blessing.

 

[Lucy68]

Wow, Stephen, what spiritual maturity you have demonstrated in this thread!

I think there's a lot of Christian women who feel like shaking your wife and asking "what's wrong with you girl?" That you put aside your own hurt and focused on her spiritual well-being says so much about you.

It looks to me like she is choosing the world over Christ. In that way, she is honest in saying it isn't anything you've done or not done. Although, your Christian character probably makes her feel extreme guilt....so she doesn't want to be around you. Where the sun (son) shines, shadows are produced...shadows that many people don't want to notice and they will become hostile to whoever is shining that light.

Everyone has to CHOOSE for themselves. And this is very hard for loved ones to accept. We see what they're doing to themselves and to others (the children) and try to make them see the truth...but they reject it for the more 'fun' part of the world. What can you do? Pray and love. But don't be a doormat for her. She will not respect this down deep and your own self-respect will suffer.

Guard your children from worldly influences that she might try to share with them. You have the advantage of being the primary care-giver....your children are very blessed by you .

Praying for your broken heart...that God may heal it and grow it to be even bigger than it is now. Benjamin Franklin said 'what hurts, instructs'. God knows how to turn this hurt into a strength....it takes time and engaging in the Word (and refusing to let bitterness and resentment take root). Bless you and your family!

 

[Stephen]

Thank you Lucy68 for prayer and encouragement. I am very worried about her walk with the Lord and as all believer where she will spend eternity. She is my wife and I love her beyond measure regardless what she does to me. I pray she repents from her sins against our Father so that she may live a fulfilling and pleasing life to Him.

I'm not sure how far this will go before things turn around if they ever do. As of today she is still packing things and scheduled movers for the 23rd I believe. She is very determined to move out. In conversation she says she is willing to read a book of my choosing regarding divorce from a Biblical perspective. She is not much on reading her Bible.

A friend of hers invited her to her church last Sunday and she attended. It is a Biblically sound church so I am hopeful for her. I asked about it but she was very tired from emotional distress and slept most of the day.

Please brothers and sisters keep her in pray. Thank you all so much again.

 

[KJVBIBLECATOWNER]

Did she get her hair cut short yet, or start dressing like a whore ? Women rebel and listen to their evil friends.... pray that GOD removes those witches from around her. I will pray that too

 

[Jenjoy]

Did she get her hair cut short yet, or start dressing like a whore ? Women rebel and listen to their evil friends.... pray that GOD removes those witches from around her. I will pray that too

wow, as a who thinks for her self and has short hair I found this offensive. not all women listen to evil friends. and what is wrong with short hair? mine isn't a crew cut it's a Bob, and my husband likes it.

 

[KJVBIBLECATOWNER]

Her friends are an evil influence, the Bible says that a womans hair is her glory. The chopping off of the hair is a sign of rebellion, GOD can humble her and still save her!!!!

 

[medolina]

I can tell from your story that your wife didn't have personal relationship with God, so to this, the Bible said, if your spouse ask for divorce, than give it to her/him.. but don't ask for divorce. But I do believe that in Christianity, divorce can happen because of adultery (unfaithful in marriage) not because of other reason. And after the divorce, can't married again unless the ex (who ask for divorce) already married to somebody or die.

 

[isaria]

Sounds almost like its two different woman in same body.

Hope your wife will find her way to you and your church and to be with your children and home and life.
Her friends seem to be bad for and to her perhaps.
Important what friends one has.
Bad influense on her perhaps , leading and encouraging her to mischief and away from her husband, children and church and home.

Best wishes for you.

 

[Stephen]

KJVBIBLECATOWNER Thank you for prayers and thoughts. Also, I wish the length of her hair were an indicator or her glory because she has been growing it longer as of late. But I will grant you that she is also dressing in ways I don't approve of.

medolina, I have always held to the belief that as Christians we are only allowed to divorce in the case of adultery. Right now my focus of prayer and meditation is on her waking up from this deception and surrendering to our Father. I have not spent much time studying my options in the area of divorce and separation.

isaria, thank you for the well wishes. Yes, I have spent some time reflecting on our life together and I do feel she is so different than the woman I married. It saddens me.

 

[Stephen]

Well to update my situation my wife stopped wearing her wedding ring 2 weeks ago. She says its because she's not happy with our marriage. She had attended a different church with a friend and both days she came home an emotional mess and spent the remainder of the day resting and crying. I don't think she is having second thoughts or if she is she's fighting it because she is moving out Saturday. She almost seems exited about it.

I pray over her every night but sadly brothers and sisters at this point in the battle the adversary is winning the war to destroy our family. I do not give up hope but knowing she has free will question if she will ever surrender all to our Father and seek to restore our marriage. I believe in the power of prayer and the provision of the Father for His own and this gives my spirit peace. My flesh cries out for my wife and desperately wants to embrace her with the shared passion we once knew.

Please continue to pray for my wife that she seek the Father and to serve Him as her only master. Pray for my children as their world and the life they knew is about to be shaken. Please pray I hear Gods' direction for me as this unfolds.

Thank you brothers and sisters.

 

[shekaniah]

Prayers continue

 

[Lucy68]

Still praying for you and your wife, Stephen. Don't lose hope after Saturday....many times it takes consequences for a lesson to sink in. The knocks and empty promises of 'the world' may be what is needed for her to see the truth .

Handing our loved ones over completely to God can be the best thing, sometimes the only thing, we can do for them. Our prayer lives then become full-time; which it's supposed to be anyway, but this forces us into a very intense prayer life.

 

[brokenclay]

I can tell from your story that your wife didn't have personal relationship with God, so to this, the Bible said, if your spouse ask for divorce, than give it to her/him.. but don't ask for divorce. But I do believe that in Christianity, divorce can happen because of adultery (unfaithful in marriage) not because of other reason. And after the divorce, can't married again unless the ex (who ask for divorce) already married to somebody or die.

Well said Medolina.

 

[Stephen]

shekaniah, Lucy68, and to everyone praying for my family thank you. My wife told our sons she was moving out on Thursday...so painful. Especially for the six year old. He has such a keen understanding and desire for family. But I know they don't completely understand and as the days go by its probably going to set in more. For me it was very difficult to fall asleep. I trust our Heavenly Father and know He is there and comforts me but I so miss my wife. It is painful to give your self to someone for 14 years only to watch them walk away. Especially, when you don't completely know why.

Thank you all again for prayer and support

 

[MarkayMrk777]

She is so blessed to have a godly, loving husband that cares about her.
Just love her and let your light shine.

The prodigal son came home after he tasted all the emptiness this world offers.
Your wife will do the same.

Just be faithful in prayer. Don't be discouraged. God is in control.

 

[Stephen]

Thank you MarkayMrk777 for encouragement, I pray you are right. Our lives here on this earth are short but our impact can be great when we honor our Father. It can also be very devastating when we dishonor Him. For the sake of her eternal life I pray she recognizes these things sooner rather than later. I am trying to live for the day and let tomorrow worry about tomorrow trusting God as this situation carries on and staying strong and faithful as my sons watch on. I can only shield them so much.

 

[krissyfer]

Don't let her leave, I think she may be depressed, and distressed. Depression is ugly, take it from someone who lives with it, but cannot control it.
Sorry you are going through this, I hate divorce, it breaks my heart as it does the Father's

 

[Stephen]

kissyfer, When she had an emotional episode of late October, as mentioned in an earlier post, I encouraged her to seek help. She only dragged her feet until a few weeks after that when she told me she wanted to move out.

I'm torn between thinking this is depression or that she simply wants more of what the world offers. If it is depression my hands are tied. I have brought this up to her as an explanation for how she is feeling but she basically laughed in my face. Yet I see her crumble all the time. I cannot force her to seek help but have offered to assist her with help anyway I can.

I don't know if the emotional episodes are symptoms of depression or consequences of choices she is making some of which I know about and/or possibly don't know about. She has developed a circle of friends I do not know so there are many things she has been doing over several months that have no way of getting back to me.

I continue in prayer that whatever is the cause of this surfaces so it can be defeated and healing can begin. This week I have been giving her space by not initiating contact and only responding to her messages.

Thank you all for thoughts and prayers.

 

[OnThisRock]

I wanted to share my testimony, because it is coming from someone who left a man but to follow the Lord and I can say it was the Lord's will to split us up. We did not have children, but I think of how the Lord healed me through it and made me understand the implications of a Spiritual marriage in Christ versus one that my ex and I put together because we thought it was the next step in our relationship. I am in no means saying this applies to your situation, but just wanted to speak out what I thought was going on at the time. Maybe pieces of my story may help. Basically, my split helped me to realize that the Lord was drawing me closer to HIM.

I was not actively following the Lord or even His will when I married. I was raised in a Christian home but abused by both parents. I chose a man who was cold and manipulative just like both of my parents, because I felt it was what I was suppose to do. But I made a commitment to this man (who actually I now know was a personal idol, because it was not what the Lord wanted for me). The Lord was actually drawing me to Himself, as a single woman. But I disobeyed and married this guy. The Lord was trying to protect me from heartache. We joined a church together. What I realized later was that he liked the church members, liked doing business with them. I didn't agree with his business and the relationship he had with the church and what he was doing with them. They all turned on me and embraced him. I wanted a husband, to love me, and a partner and to embrace a vision together. AFter I disagreed with his 'business encounters'. He gave me a book, 'the disobedient wife'. I committed myself to the Lord more, and he turned on me more. I went through guilt and horror, but what I realized deep down was that my husband really wasn't following the Lord and did not want me. He wanted a wife to follow his fleshly plans. He was following his business and what the church would do for him. That is what I was rebelling against. There's a scripture that says, "Follow me as I follow Christ." It's TRUE! I knew I was rebelling, but it was because the Lord was opening my eyes. Shortly after I expressed my concerns, I discovered that he was hiding money in accounts and 'flipping homes'. I confronted him with this. He said, "If you don't like how I am doing business you are free to leave.". I was so hurt and confused, and he said that he wanted to help me find a place to live apart because I didn't agree with his business.

I was confused and left, and shortly after that, the church and he turned on me and said he could divorce me for abandoment. Again, I was the jerk. Separated, I told him I would fight for my husband and that is what I wanted. He said that he wanted me to file for divorce because I left. I refused. AFter three years of refusing a divorce, He called me one day. He said, "What do you want". I said, "I want my husband". He hung up on me, and shortly after that he filed for divorce. I had no idea that I was speaking prophetically over my life, and that this man was not my husband.

The Lord started blessing me like crazy and then I later really committed my life to Christ. The Lord has kept me single, but right before I received the baptism of the Holy Ghost in 2009, I called my ex. Our conversation was healing, but only after I was also willing to admit my part in it. I apologized for committing to something that should have been stopped before we were married. He was remarried (shortly after the divorce went through). He said this, "I left the church, they weren't there for me, and I just really didn't like being married". He admitted to me that He was sorry because he "drove me out on purpose" and said, "I'm not really a good person". Well, none of us are. But the key here is that God does the joining and committing" When we put Him first, he will lead because all things work to the good. Our separation actually redefined my life and my committment to Christ and showed me what life the Lord wanted for me.

In the end, I was guilty of hanging onto a religious spirit of marriage, rather than following the Lord. The Lord doesn't like that. Follow Him and He leads to the right conclusions and beginnings, whatever the outcome is!


Again, this is my testimony, toss out what doesn't apply!
GBU Stephen!

We love because He first loved us!