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My wife and I currently live with my family in Georgia, and while they do nice things for us that we appreciate (my mother gave my wife her old car, for instance) and generally act nice, there's some problems here that don't seem possible to resolve. We want to move to Washington State, where my wife's family lives - partly because we feel more comfortable and less controlled with her family than mine, and partly because Georgia life just isn't for us (no offense, fellow Georgians, it's still a lovely state full of nice people!). I still have a few concerns, obviously, since we're not completely independent adults yet and I've only visited Washington myself for two weeks, but it feels like the right thing to do.. maybe. We tried to discuss moving to Washington on a trial basis with my family, but they said we were not allowed to move out of Georgia ever because I had to take care of my family, my mom threatened to kill herself, my grandmother said she'd have a heart attack, and I was heavily guilt tripped into agreeing to give Georgia another chance. (And they attempted to coerce me with scripture into controlling my wife as the head of her household to make her stay with me as caretakers of my mom, grandmom and sister)
Anyway, if you guys wouldn't mind sharing your input, I'd greatly appreciate some opinions from other Christians...
1.) Are we being ungrateful? My family does nice things for us, they made sacrifices for me while I was young (my mother remarried my unfaithful father so he couldn't get joint custody of me or something because they didn't want me to be around him and his mistress), and I do feel bad moving away instead of staying nearby to help them out. (My poor uncle would have to pick up the yard work most likely, and console my family..)
My family also told us we haven't even given Georgia a chance because we stay in the basement most of the time instead of going out looking for jobs. (We have filled out countless online applications numerous times, and tried to apply in person at the few places that still do that. We also stay in the basement because it's generally uncomfortable upstairs; my family is easy to offend, have said many hurtful things to my wife without apology, and frequently say judgmental or racist things about people.) My family will take this as a personal betrayal most likely, since we'd be moving in with my wife's family until we get on our feet in Washington.
2.) How long should we wait to move? My grandfather passed on in November of last year, leaving our current household with my grandmother, my mother, my adopted sister, myself, and my wife. My aunt and uncle and their two kids live nearby. This adds to my guilt greatly, because my family is still in mourning his death. (It was brought up when we mentioned moving.) There's also the fact we haven't tried living on our own in Georgia yet, though we fear my family will still try to be controlling, to the point that my wife doesn't feel comfortable having kids here. My wife wants to move as soon as possible, but it's harder for me to do something I know will hurt my family.
3.) Should we move out in secret or be honest? This is another struggle for me. Initially, I wanted to be honest with my family, but it turned into a huge one-sided argument, and they forbade us from leaving Georgia. They're basically never going to accept it, and my mom threatened she would call the police if my wife's mom came to take her to the airport. So even though it wouldn't be honest, would you pack your backs in secret and sneak away if you were in our position, or attempt to fight through a war on your way out the door? I know it's not right, but it feels like there's no other option here...
4.) Would it be harder to live in Washington than Georgia? Taking family out of the equation, is the cost of living that much worse in Vancouver, WA than it is in rural GA? Is it any harder or easier to find jobs there? I know there's a lot of very cheap foreclosed housing in Georgia that seems attractive to a new family just starting out; not sure how different it would be to find a home in Washington. Just wondering if there's any real reasons Washington would be unpleasant to move to.
Thank you for your time and patience. I'm sorry for making such long threads asking for advice, but it's the most complicated mess of my life, lol...
Anyway, if you guys wouldn't mind sharing your input, I'd greatly appreciate some opinions from other Christians...
1.) Are we being ungrateful? My family does nice things for us, they made sacrifices for me while I was young (my mother remarried my unfaithful father so he couldn't get joint custody of me or something because they didn't want me to be around him and his mistress), and I do feel bad moving away instead of staying nearby to help them out. (My poor uncle would have to pick up the yard work most likely, and console my family..)
My family also told us we haven't even given Georgia a chance because we stay in the basement most of the time instead of going out looking for jobs. (We have filled out countless online applications numerous times, and tried to apply in person at the few places that still do that. We also stay in the basement because it's generally uncomfortable upstairs; my family is easy to offend, have said many hurtful things to my wife without apology, and frequently say judgmental or racist things about people.) My family will take this as a personal betrayal most likely, since we'd be moving in with my wife's family until we get on our feet in Washington.
2.) How long should we wait to move? My grandfather passed on in November of last year, leaving our current household with my grandmother, my mother, my adopted sister, myself, and my wife. My aunt and uncle and their two kids live nearby. This adds to my guilt greatly, because my family is still in mourning his death. (It was brought up when we mentioned moving.) There's also the fact we haven't tried living on our own in Georgia yet, though we fear my family will still try to be controlling, to the point that my wife doesn't feel comfortable having kids here. My wife wants to move as soon as possible, but it's harder for me to do something I know will hurt my family.
3.) Should we move out in secret or be honest? This is another struggle for me. Initially, I wanted to be honest with my family, but it turned into a huge one-sided argument, and they forbade us from leaving Georgia. They're basically never going to accept it, and my mom threatened she would call the police if my wife's mom came to take her to the airport. So even though it wouldn't be honest, would you pack your backs in secret and sneak away if you were in our position, or attempt to fight through a war on your way out the door? I know it's not right, but it feels like there's no other option here...
4.) Would it be harder to live in Washington than Georgia? Taking family out of the equation, is the cost of living that much worse in Vancouver, WA than it is in rural GA? Is it any harder or easier to find jobs there? I know there's a lot of very cheap foreclosed housing in Georgia that seems attractive to a new family just starting out; not sure how different it would be to find a home in Washington. Just wondering if there's any real reasons Washington would be unpleasant to move to.
Thank you for your time and patience. I'm sorry for making such long threads asking for advice, but it's the most complicated mess of my life, lol...
