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Hey Violet, thanks for providing a different opinion on the situation! I appreciate having more things to consider before committing to this decision, since it's such a big one. I would still like to defend the choice I'm leaning towards, however, with all due respect.
We've discussed the pros and cons of Washing and Georgia, taking our families out of the equation. As my wife grew up in Washington/Oregon, she was able to list a number of benefits to living there, as did I after doing some research online. The increased cost of living and high wages were also considered. For Georgia, I could barely come up with a decent reason to live here. There's Chik-Fil-A and O'Charleys, which you don't really see in Washington, and there's a lot of foreclosed housing in Georgia that can be bought dirt cheap, which is very attractive. The only problem is, we want to live in a more urban area instead of the rural areas where these houses are, but we don't really like Atlanta, and that's all there is in Georgia. Neither of us really like living in Georgia at all; we just happen to be stuck here.
Of course, as you mentioned, there are many other places we could go where neither family is nearby, and while I don't like the idea of moving away from my wife, North Dakota's oil boom does present a lot of job opportunities, so thank you for the useful suggestion.
(Though my family will still have a figurative heart attack and do everything they can to force us to stay in Georgia and near them regardless of where we chose to move; North Dakota is basically as big a move as Washington.) I'd want to be more familiar with a state before deciding to move there, too; don't want to move to another place as rural as Georgia. Not really sure what you meant by resentment, unless you meant her family would resent me, but I can't see that happening; they're very understanding people. We've been trying to find work for over a year now, applying everywhere we can find, but there aren't many jobs near us; we live in the middle of nowhere. The ones that are remotely near us won't hire us. My uncle couldn't even get me a job with his company.
As far as my wife being a new Christian goes, I'm already taking a chance staying here. My family sets a bad example for Christians, and are unintentionally pushing her to resent Christianity with their actions - fortunately, my wife and I talk about God, the Bible and Christianity as a whole on occasion, so she isn't left with just negative examples to go by. These talks have eased many worries I had about my wife's beliefs; she speaks with a conviction she never had before she was saved. Even if she struggles with her faith sometimes, you can see a light in her.
I hope to never put a child in the same position I'm in. My wife is miserable here, my family situation is.. complicated, and no matter what I choose to do, someone will be hurt. The only thing keeping us from moving out right now is my family's extreme guilt trips when we tried to discuss moving away with them. I have no idea how to deal with their guilt trips, even though they're completely nonsensical when I'm given time to think without being yelled at. They really could live without me; all I do for them is occasionally help with laundry, taking out garbage, yard work (which my uncle does most of.), and going into stores for them/pumping gas for them because they don't want to. I'm more of a decoration than a family member.
Rambling aside (Sorry, I know this isn't a blog!), when taking both our families out of the equation, I would move to Washington with my wife, because I feel we could make a better life there than in Georgia, and as she's lived in the area most of her life, we have a better idea of what we're getting into moving there than moving to other states. I really would like to try again at discussing this decision with my family as adults, but I feel like all it would accomplish is another guilt trip, more yelling, insults, and hurt feelings for my wife, and more lectures on how I'm going against God by not doing everything they say. This doesn't justify the deception, of course, but it may be a necessary evil to save my marriage from my family; my mother is already trapped here because of letting her relationships be ruined by her mother, and her own daughter has been encouraged to disrespect her terribly.
I'll shut up now, this post is way too long. Hope things are less stressful for everyone else here right now~
We've discussed the pros and cons of Washing and Georgia, taking our families out of the equation. As my wife grew up in Washington/Oregon, she was able to list a number of benefits to living there, as did I after doing some research online. The increased cost of living and high wages were also considered. For Georgia, I could barely come up with a decent reason to live here. There's Chik-Fil-A and O'Charleys, which you don't really see in Washington, and there's a lot of foreclosed housing in Georgia that can be bought dirt cheap, which is very attractive. The only problem is, we want to live in a more urban area instead of the rural areas where these houses are, but we don't really like Atlanta, and that's all there is in Georgia. Neither of us really like living in Georgia at all; we just happen to be stuck here.
Of course, as you mentioned, there are many other places we could go where neither family is nearby, and while I don't like the idea of moving away from my wife, North Dakota's oil boom does present a lot of job opportunities, so thank you for the useful suggestion.
(Though my family will still have a figurative heart attack and do everything they can to force us to stay in Georgia and near them regardless of where we chose to move; North Dakota is basically as big a move as Washington.) I'd want to be more familiar with a state before deciding to move there, too; don't want to move to another place as rural as Georgia. Not really sure what you meant by resentment, unless you meant her family would resent me, but I can't see that happening; they're very understanding people. We've been trying to find work for over a year now, applying everywhere we can find, but there aren't many jobs near us; we live in the middle of nowhere. The ones that are remotely near us won't hire us. My uncle couldn't even get me a job with his company.As far as my wife being a new Christian goes, I'm already taking a chance staying here. My family sets a bad example for Christians, and are unintentionally pushing her to resent Christianity with their actions - fortunately, my wife and I talk about God, the Bible and Christianity as a whole on occasion, so she isn't left with just negative examples to go by. These talks have eased many worries I had about my wife's beliefs; she speaks with a conviction she never had before she was saved. Even if she struggles with her faith sometimes, you can see a light in her.
I hope to never put a child in the same position I'm in. My wife is miserable here, my family situation is.. complicated, and no matter what I choose to do, someone will be hurt. The only thing keeping us from moving out right now is my family's extreme guilt trips when we tried to discuss moving away with them. I have no idea how to deal with their guilt trips, even though they're completely nonsensical when I'm given time to think without being yelled at. They really could live without me; all I do for them is occasionally help with laundry, taking out garbage, yard work (which my uncle does most of.), and going into stores for them/pumping gas for them because they don't want to. I'm more of a decoration than a family member.
Rambling aside (Sorry, I know this isn't a blog!), when taking both our families out of the equation, I would move to Washington with my wife, because I feel we could make a better life there than in Georgia, and as she's lived in the area most of her life, we have a better idea of what we're getting into moving there than moving to other states. I really would like to try again at discussing this decision with my family as adults, but I feel like all it would accomplish is another guilt trip, more yelling, insults, and hurt feelings for my wife, and more lectures on how I'm going against God by not doing everything they say.
This doesn't justify the deception, of course, but it may be a necessary evil to save my marriage from my family; my mother is already trapped here because of letting her relationships be ruined by her mother, and her own daughter has been encouraged to disrespect her terribly. I'll shut up now, this post is way too long.
Hope things are less stressful for everyone else here right now~
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wow..Control is pretty ugly isn't it? If you can get a hold of a book by Roberts Liardon called "Breaking Controling Spirits" It would do you a world of good.
You are the leader of this home and you (along with your wife of course) make the decisions about your family. You are not ungrateful and if It was me..I would not wait one more minute! The children of the Lord are led by the Spirit of the Lord...not contolling (demonic) spirits. I have family in Washington State and they are doing wonderfull there. Trust God and do what your heart is telling you to do (not the guilt trips of others)
God bless you!
You are the leader of this home and you (along with your wife of course) make the decisions about your family. You are not ungrateful and if It was me..I would not wait one more minute! The children of the Lord are led by the Spirit of the Lord...not contolling (demonic) spirits. I have family in Washington State and they are doing wonderfull there. Trust God and do what your heart is telling you to do (not the guilt trips of others)
God bless you!
Thanks for the update, Optimist.
It sounds like you and your wife would really like to move to Washington. I pray that you and your wife will be able to grow closer to God during this time, both individually and as a couple. Sometimes things are really stressful at the time, but you can look back later and see how God blessed you with lessons you otherwise wouldn't have learned. In my experience, at least!
When you've talked with your family before about moving, was it in a "We may do this?" way? Perhaps your next talk with them could be "We ARE moving. I understand this is stressful and sad for you, but let's make this time that we have together the very best." Perhaps when they know that you have made a decision and cannot be persuaded (as they may have thought you could be when you were indecisive about where to live), maybe they'll be more willing to accept it? You know your family better than I do, obviously, so that may not be a great idea. Just thought I'd through it out there.
It sounds like you and your wife would really like to move to Washington. I pray that you and your wife will be able to grow closer to God during this time, both individually and as a couple. Sometimes things are really stressful at the time, but you can look back later and see how God blessed you with lessons you otherwise wouldn't have learned. In my experience, at least!
When you've talked with your family before about moving, was it in a "We may do this?" way? Perhaps your next talk with them could be "We ARE moving. I understand this is stressful and sad for you, but let's make this time that we have together the very best." Perhaps when they know that you have made a decision and cannot be persuaded (as they may have thought you could be when you were indecisive about where to live), maybe they'll be more willing to accept it? You know your family better than I do, obviously, so that may not be a great idea. Just thought I'd through it out there.
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Just found out today that my grandmother has been going through our mail and who knows what else. We were running errands today, and my grandmother called while we were at Wal*Mart, saying she needed me to go to the grocery store with her later to get a couple of things. I offered to buy them at Wal*Mart while we were out, but she evaded the suggestion with no sensible reasons and I didn't push her, so we carried on like normal. My wife and I thought it was odd and were a little stressed, because many times in the past my grandmother has tried to get me off by myself to try and pressure me/guilt trip me/etc., so when we got back home, my wife went with me and my grandmother on the "errands."
We wound up at my uncle's house being confronted. My grandmother read a letter my wife got from her little sister recently, where her little sister said she couldn't wait to see us again some day. My uncle also remarked that we were making suspiciously no effort to find a job (despite filling out countless applications over the last half year, including recently - not being hired doesn't equate to a lack of effort.), and they were going to try to squeeze a confession out of us. Long story short, we eased their suspicions, and everything's back to 'normal' around here. We're reevaluating where we store anything remotely personal now, though, since apparently there's no respect for privacy anymore. Games of deceit are not fun.
Sorry for ranting, guys! Though this whole peculiar event is definitely pushing us even more towards Washington and away from Georgia, so it's still a little on-topic.
We wound up at my uncle's house being confronted. My grandmother read a letter my wife got from her little sister recently, where her little sister said she couldn't wait to see us again some day. My uncle also remarked that we were making suspiciously no effort to find a job (despite filling out countless applications over the last half year, including recently - not being hired doesn't equate to a lack of effort.), and they were going to try to squeeze a confession out of us. Long story short, we eased their suspicions, and everything's back to 'normal' around here. We're reevaluating where we store anything remotely personal now, though, since apparently there's no respect for privacy anymore. Games of deceit are not fun.
Sorry for ranting, guys! Though this whole peculiar event is definitely pushing us even more towards Washington and away from Georgia, so it's still a little on-topic.