struggling

[homwardbound]

homwardbound,

I'm trying to know God better. I miss my husband and my life is not turning out the way I want. It's hard for me to see evil people roaming the world without a care in the world, breathing, laughing and enjoying themselves and my wonderful husband is gone. He is with God but I want him with me.

It's so unfair and I don't think anyone has a good explanation. My faith has really been shaken but I'm still reading the bible and trying to accept it.....

I lost my Sister at age 14, my Dad at age 17, my brother at age 21, I am now 56
I heard a story line a year ago and it went like this
I had a business here to open so on the day of the grand opening I thought I would get there early and make sure everything was ready and in place. As I walked in and saw the flowers I saw a note with them, the note said "REST IN PEACE". I was appauled and called the florist stating what is this REST IN PEACE and the florist replied back yes the funeral parlor just called as well and asked what is this "WELCOME TO YOUR NEW LOCATION"
Transformer I feel what you are going through, and it will take time. it took me until last year that is when I welcomed them all to their new location
Another thing for any of us to accept is reality over wants. I know for I wanted my Sister to not be dead and was frustrated for a long time getting over it slowly but surely, knowing somehow this will workout for the good. I had to learn there is nothing I can do to change what has happened, it was the hardest thing to accept as a reality, but i did not want to accept it and this caused hardship on me. The thoughts just kept coming and I had to self-medicate for awhile being an alcoholic, until theday I said it I am an alcoholic because I have not been able to accept that she died today I accept it and will trust you Father to teach me putting my faith in you knowing you ngot her with you and will she her again
Transformer you are not alone in this mess here on earth and please tell Father how you feel and listen in your heart. Death is a reality, and prayiing for you tolearn to accept it as a reality and that it was your husbands time for some reason that God knowsand you are going to trust God in that
Homwardbound

 

[mmberk]

Hi I have been thru some horrible times myself, and my heart and preayers are with you.
2 CORINTHIANS chapter 1 is awesome , and will comfort you. let the words dwell in your heart.

GOD BLESS

 

[OnThisRock]

Hi Transformer!

I am sorry about your husband and hope you find comfort support and peace during this time.

I remember asking the Lord into my heart (at age 7). My grandfather was a pastor and one of those hell and brimstone guys. He scared me but was the one who first introduced me to scripture . But, in my 20s I dated a man for 7 years, we found a church (I thought he was a believer), and I married him. Within a year I was separated and then he slammed me with a divorce. I realize now that I was living more of a Christian lifestyle rather than making Jesus the Lord of my life, and when the whole church took his side even though he was treating me horribly, I went through six years of just doing whatever and rejecting anything that resembled the Lord. Then, I went through a harrassment thing, lost my job, drank for a bit. I cried out and the LORD showed up and I truly accepted HIM into my life. It was powerful and shattered my perception of HIM (in a good way), and He filled me with His Spirit. As I reflect back on my time before this, I realized He was protecting me all along and leading me up to that moment. Everything the Lord has done with me has been so personal, shaping, molding and so alone and individual. I struggled with years and years being by myself, and so accepting for me, is in knowing HIM in all aspects of life. This has been hard for me and at times very lonely. I guess that is how we get to really accept and know HIM. This has only been since 2009, So I am still learning who I am in HIM and what that means. I guess it is a lifelong thing!

You are blessed to have had such a wonderful man in your life! Many cannot say that. One of the things the Lord is teaching me is that I have been a counselor for so many years (before I met the Lord) and He has led me back to the First Commandment. I was so focused on the second that I got lost. I was helping everyone else when I had lost my first love = HIM.

Have a blessed day and I pray in the name of Jesus that you find peace and rest during this time!

OnThisRock
(aka 'Rocky')

 

[TRANSFORMER26]

kenisyes,

At the present time I don't feel there is much to do but grieve over the loss of my best friend. I think I'm still too upset to do anything God wants me to do right now. I don't pray as often but when I do I usually ask God if I can be with him and my husband when my time is up. Do I listen when I pray? I don't feel God speaking to me as some do. I just feel His comfort for now. As far as if He is asking me to do anything....well right now I'm too consumed with grief.

 

[TRANSFORMER26]

homwardbound,

I'm so sorry you lost so many people at such an early age. My goodness it must have been so hard for you. It's great you are feeling better. I think what bothers me is the guilt. I feel so guilty for not catching my husband's cancer early. If it was caught early he would still be alive. I was too caught up in work and other family problems and wasn't tuned into my husband. He worked so hard and would come home looking so tired I thought it was just from a hard day's work and I should've had him go to the doctor. It's hard to forgive myself for that. I didn't take care of my most precious gift. In the back of my mind I think there might be a possibility that I'm being punished for not appreciating what God gave me. People tell me this is not the way God works but I don't know.....

You are right and I can't change it. It just seems so unreal that I have to spend the rest of my life without him. We were inseparable....I tell myself that one day it will be my turn so I may as well try to live this life the best that I can. I just need to adjust to a life without my husband....I don't even know where to start.

I tried a grieving website but everyone was so depressed it made me feel worse...it wasn't helping...It will probably just take time like you said.

Thanks.

 

[TRANSFORMER26]

mmberk,

Thank you so much....I will read it.

 

[BLINDSIDE_CHIK]

I think I have helping words for you. I understand you're life has been altered, and you want to cope. Jesus came here showed us how to live in a pleasing way before God...Without faith it's impossible to please God. Who does that faith go to though? Jesus Christ. Now, Creation was made by God for Him, so i want you to first notice that he isnt a crutch to make you have a better life, or all pain go away. It isn't even a moral issue we are talking about. Jesus simply came to make dead people live. We were born in sin, and seperated from God from day one. Jesus had to go to the Cross because someone had to pay the price of our sin, because the wages of sin is death. On that Cross he bore our sin, he actually became sin. God hates sin, So the Father crushed him and it pleased the Father to do so.... I know this is long but bear with me please... If God crushed his one and only perfect son who never sinned, but had the oppurtunities just like us, how much more do we deserve? We are all sinners who have fallen short of the glory of God so everyone of us deserves the wrath of God on ourselves. Jesus took that punishment for us. Now Jesus commands everyone to repent and believe this gospel...What is repent? it means change your mind. It's simply saying look to Christ. He is mighty to save all you have to do is believe in him.. When you have done that, a few things will happen. You will begin to hate the sin you used to love, and you will start to bear fruit, which is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness. Don't expect a perfect repentance because you may fall at times, and you may not bear all fruit at one time but as life goes if you've truly repented and believe you will produce fruit. If these things don't begin to happen and you walk around saying you're saved then you will only be living an illusion. So the ultimate answer to "how does one become a Christian"? is believe in Christ and repent. Its a free gift from God himself all you have to do is take it. Seek him now while he may be found. If you need counseling or anything like that feel free to send a private message, if not I hope this helped.

I agree with everything you said, but when you say "it pleased the father, to crush his son.." what do you mean? I don't know that God was pleased that he had to crush his son, but I'm sure he was pleased that his son was willing to obey him and go through the will God had for him since he was born dying for our sins so we could have salvation and eternal life.

 

[TRANSFORMER26]

OnThisRock,

Thank you for sharing your hard time. Maybe it's all too soon and I just need to grieve. My husband was a wonderful (I think thats what makes it so hard) and and I was so blessed to have him in my life. I feel like I don't know who to be without him. We were together for so long and were so happy I just can't grasp knowing we will not grow old together.

Thank you for praying for me.

 

[Jordache]

Transformer, all that you are experiencing is the normal process of guilt. It's not strange or extreme. It's simply a process that we all must go through.

 

[kenisyes]

kenisyes,

At the present time I don't feel there is much to do but grieve over the loss of my best friend. I think I'm still too upset to do anything God wants me to do right now. I don't pray as often but when I do I usually ask God if I can be with him and my husband when my time is up. Do I listen when I pray? I don't feel God speaking to me as some do. I just feel His comfort for now. As far as if He is asking me to do anything....well right now I'm too consumed with grief.

But you ARE doing exactly what He has asked you to do. You are grieving. You are letting Him bless you with comfort. You may not have heard the word itself, but you felt its effects. That's your first personal proof that He's with you in what you are going through. He has met you where you are. God only meets us through Jesus (the Bible says so), so Jesus is with you right now.

Remember what you said in post #7: "I think Jesus tried to teach people what is truly important and that is love." and "I'm having a hard time understanding the sacrifice". You just sacrificed your future years with your husband to God and to a plan you don't even pretend to understand. I'm sure you've heard there are stages of grieving; they are programmed into us by God, so He can get closer to us through the pain and tears. It's set up to work a certain way. When this is over, you will know His love, and you will see more of His plan. Then you won't have to (from post 20) "worry about not believing as so many other people do but I can't make myself believe something I don't feel." Because you will know Him as He is, not as others talk about Him.

 

[homwardbound]

homwardbound,

I'm so sorry you lost so many people at such an early age. My goodness it must have been so hard for you. It's great you are feeling better. I think what bothers me is the guilt. I feel so guilty for not catching my husband's cancer early. If it was caught early he would still be alive. I was too caught up in work and other family problems and wasn't tuned into my husband. He worked so hard and would come home looking so tired I thought it was just from a hard day's work and I should've had him go to the doctor. It's hard to forgive myself for that. I didn't take care of my most precious gift. In the back of my mind I think there might be a possibility that I'm being punished for not appreciating what God gave me. People tell me this is not the way God works but I don't know.....

You are right and I can't change it. It just seems so unreal that I have to spend the rest of my life without him. We were inseparable....I tell myself that one day it will be my turn so I may as well try to live this life the best that I can. I just need to adjust to a life without my husband....I don't even know where to start.

I tried a grieving website but everyone was so depressed it made me feel worse...it wasn't helping...It will probably just take time like you said.

Thanks.

Yes Transformer it will take time. And your mind thoughts are focused on the past, in regret which is from the evil force of this world doing its darndest to make you feel guilty over what took place. And these firey darts of bad thoughts start right in our minds. Thenas we think about them we feel and then when we feel whatever the thought is or are we tend to solidify them. This is how you got caught up in the fast lane of this evil world. And Sister you are not alone, nothing is new under the sun.
Now also for all you know if you had payed attention as you now say you should have, and he lived here still. Okay he got diagnosed and he is going for treatment. There are a lot of pitfalls, involved such as suffering beyond ones imagination, I have been there too with my Mom in a nursing home, after surgery for Pancreatic cancer. It was not a pretty picture at all. When her time came I was happy for her not to be suffering anylonger. I learned to see it from my Mom's side and all the others in there, the suffering that went on, a lot of them just farmed outand no one coming to visit a lot them. Emotions high.
Like I know yours are, go ahead cry it out, scream at God if you have not already God does just love you even if right now you do not understand, Somehow I quarantee you your husband being a believer is now saved and is needed by God in heaven with him for a purpose, that only God knows and has saved you from suffering through the cancer that would have been tragic if he had stayed behind here.
There is a place in the Old Testament where a king Hezakiah was his name and was dying and asked to live and was told it would be better thathe died then, he cried and asked regardless so he lived foranother 15 years in misery and then said that yes God was right he should have been taken back then
Transformer none of us always understand reasons, but man continues to try and find out and figure it out instead of trusting the living God. Throguh all my turmoil in life this is what I have learned to not figure it out just trust in the midst of any adversity. My last one last Nov. 2012 I had foreigner gangrene in my personal area and my privates have now been removed I have a whole under like a woman and have to today self catherise. From what I have had happen to me over a lifetime and the abuse that went on I am still praising God for I know God will not give me a snake in the middle of any tragedy, the world will though. Like what did you do to get this, and I will say Iwent agaiinst the ways of this world and decided to trust God no matter what happens like Job did in the Old Testament, there is nothing I can do to change the past, best thing I can do is accept what is and whatever will be for this world can kill my body but it can never destroy my Soul for only God the Father of christ can kill both body and Soul. The devil has no jurisdiction, but through oiur free will he creates scenes of want and desire to cling onto this world, when you actually are a citizen of heaven.
Love you Transformer, hold on and start trusting for your husband is alive forever with God and you someday will be there too,when it is your time, but God has got a purpose for you to be here for now, and that is love the love you have for your husband to have for all peoples regardless of their actions, or reactions that inexplainable friendship, I know I have that and it is with God the Father of Christ, so do you Sister