Should a Christian ever marry a non Christian?

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Soulsearcher2013

Guest
#1
#1
You may think this is an easy question but it isn't.

I've seen way too many marriages fall apart over this for the answer to be yes.

So, why do Christians keep marrying non Christians? Many faiths encourage (and some demand) within faith marriage, surely it just makes sense? I see it mainly is younger Christians who believe you can out-faith marry, and I see why they can see it that way, especially when part of being a Christian is looking at people differently to others, but I have also seen the disrespect to, the downright abuse of, and the separation of children from Christian parents due to disagreements over a Christian outlook on life, marriage, children and everything.

Anyone here married to a non Christian successfully, why do you think it has gone right for you?
 
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xxmattxx

Guest
#2
#2
I was in a discussion about this about a month ago in bible study and it is a very interesting subject. One big conculsion that we came to was that the nonchristian should hopefully open themselves to the christian faith if they are going to spend their lives with the christian, then hopefully they themselves will become a christian.
 
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Soulsearcher2013

Guest
#4
#4
xxmattxx said:
I was in a discussion about this about a month ago in bible study and it is a very interesting subject. One big conculsion that we came to was that the nonchristian should hopefully open themselves to the christian faith if they are going to spend their lives with the christian, then hopefully they themselves will become a christian.
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But should they marry until the other person has become a Christian?

I know of more than one couple where the non Christian has 'gone along' with it to please the other one but when the marriage hits any kind of problem, as all marriages do, the non Christian uses that as an excuse for the marriage breaking down and even taking the kids.
 
rachelsedge

rachelsedge

Senior Member
#5
Oct 15, 2012
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#5
It's not Biblical to marry someone who is an unbeliever. We are not to be unequally yoked. How can I be one with someone who does not have the same foundation of Christ that I do? How would we raise our kids, grow spiritually together, challenge each other?

You should never date someone in the hopes that they will change. You'll hear the occasional "happy ending" story where someone married a non-Christian and they convert later on, but you can't count on that.
 
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Relena7

Guest
#6
#6
Would it still be unequally yolked if neither of them had children ever?
 
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xXErraticEmilyXx

Guest
#7
#7
Relena7 said:
Would it still be unequally yolked if neither of them had children ever?
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It's actually "yoked"
yoked.jpg
It doesn't matter if they have children, they don't share a yoke- the yoke being The Trinity.
 
RickShafer

RickShafer

Banned
#8
Sep 8, 2012
4,367
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#8
No.
Not ever.
Don't even try.
Don't do it.
They will pull you apart like warm cheese.
It happens but it should never be enacted upon with both parties knowledge.
Some "fair" men and women want a 'safe' partner to take care of them in their foibles.
Don't do it!!
It is NEVER worth it!!
 
DarkVoid

DarkVoid

Banned
#9
Jan 16, 2011
254
0
0
#9
Well if you really love each other then you should not want to hurt each other and be respectful of each others beliefs and work something out.

It will be a lot more difficult than if you shared the same belief but i think it just depends on how much you actually care about the other person.

As in any relationship if you care more about yourself than your partner it will not work out.

so i don't think this is so much a different beliefs issue as it is a love issue. with the ultimate question being: how much do you really love them? enough to work things out no matter how difficult that may be? or not?

i don't mean you compromise each other's belief. you work it out. how you do that i'm not sure, it depends on individual circumstances i think.

but yes, it would be easier to have same beliefs. of course. but the easy way is not always the best way.
 
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Lucy68

Senior Member
#10
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
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#10
No, it definitely isn't easy to answer because people can call themselves a 'Christian' but when it comes down to acting like one, they act like the 'world' instead. I am married to someone who says he's a Christian...he goes to Church and has his bible sitting on the table but he's extremely negative and regards people in general with contempt. A few weeks ago he let it slip that he thinks Christianity is wishful thinking.

He was raised in a Christian family and baptized when he was 12...I became a Christian when I was 32...we had been married about 10 years. My faith is stronger than his...what's depressing is that he has no interest in growing his belief.

All that to say that when choosing a spouse make sure his/her actions fit his/her beliefs.
 
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Relena7

Guest
#11
#11
xXErraticEmilyXx said:
It's actually "yoked"
It doesn't matter if they have children, they don't share a yoke- the yoke being The Trinity.
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Oh crud. Grammar fail. Sorry everybody. :eek: And yes I knew it means oxen equipment.
 
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starfield

Senior Member
#12
Jun 13, 2009
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#12
The bible is pretty clear that believers should not be yoked with unbelievers. It is more likely that the unbeliever will pull the believer away from their faith. Your relationship with God is very important so avoid anything that could make you compromise your faith.
 
rachelsedge

rachelsedge

Senior Member
#13
Oct 15, 2012
3,659
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#13
Relena7 said:
Oh crud. Grammar fail. Sorry everybody. :eek: And yes I knew it means oxen equipment.
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If it makes you feel any better, I almost did the exact same thing. :eek: I typed it and then I was like "Wait...no..."
 
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tdrew777

Guest
#14
#14
Lucy68 said:
No, it definitely isn't easy to answer because people can call themselves a 'Christian' but when it comes down to acting like one, they act like the 'world' instead. I am married to someone who says he's a Christian...he goes to Church and has his bible sitting on the table but he's extremely negative and regards people in general with contempt. A few weeks ago he let it slip that he thinks Christianity is wishful thinking.

He was raised in a Christian family and baptized when he was 12...I became a Christian when I was 32...we had been married about 10 years. My faith is stronger than his...what's depressing is that he has no interest in growing his belief.

All that to say that when choosing a spouse make sure his/her actions fit his/her beliefs.
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Married folks are yoked - in that they become one in heart. One can not be hurt wthout the other feeling pain. Believers or not, they are yoked. It is God's will that they both have the Holy Spirit.

There are NO FORMULAS. Man's first sin was trying to choose good.....apart from God's counsel. Our eternal destiny is to be dependent on God's direct counsel. Even the Law is not a formula for good behavior - the Talmud attempts to fill that role. The Law is a tutor that leads us to Christ by exposing our position apart from Him. When you express a formula (everyone should always/never ......) you are giving people a false license to live in holiness apart from God's counsel - by following your formula. Right and wrong are revealed in scripture and can not be reversed. We need the Holy Spirit to see how that applies in our lives.

No one should ever marry a Christian... apart from the counsel of God.
 
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Soulsearcher2013

Guest
#15
#15
Lucy68 said:
No, it definitely isn't easy to answer because people can call themselves a 'Christian' but when it comes down to acting like one, they act like the 'world' instead. I am married to someone who says he's a Christian...he goes to Church and has his bible sitting on the table but he's extremely negative and regards people in general with contempt. A few weeks ago he let it slip that he thinks Christianity is wishful thinking.

He was raised in a Christian family and baptized when he was 12...I became a Christian when I was 32...we had been married about 10 years. My faith is stronger than his...what's depressing is that he has no interest in growing his belief.

All that to say that when choosing a spouse make sure his/her actions fit his/her beliefs.
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That is sad, but you make a very good point. Doesn't he realise his actions basically make him a non Christian? It sounds difficult for you.
 
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savedNblessed

Guest
#16
#16
  • I have never been married but since I'm from India, many in my own family and friends, I have seen getting married to Hindu (Non-Christian). Because of the male dominated culture, if a Christian woman marries a Hindu man, she forgets her Christianity and leads a Hindu life. But she definitely pays a big price for it. First of all she pretty much loses all her family and their support, she never gets their blessings. And the more important part is she turns away from the Living God. But that's what happens in India.
  • Another good example I have is that I used to live with a family for good 8 months as a paying guest. The guy was Methodist and the woman was Catholic. Although we might think, that's all part of Christianity I saw some real issues in their family. They have two little, very adorable kids; a girl and a guy. But sadly because of their mom, they don't know Jesus our Messiah but only "Mother Mary". I tried many times to have a family prayer or family Bible Study but that lady would just teach their kids that prayer is a conversation between you and God, we aren't suppose to do it in public. That just stumped me. Since she didn't like me much to begin with I didn't push that idea much but that guy used to enjoy talking to me about our Savior and how wonderfully He has worked in my life. I even used to tell the little boy some Bible stories at times, when the lady wasn't around :-D But yea, what I learned from that family is that faith is the foundation of a marriage and if it's not the same, the foundation won't be firm.
  • Now in the USA Christian Indians do tend to marry Hindu Indians. But in here, since it's a free country and gives equal rights to men and women, no one is required to abandon their faith. Which is even worse because once they have kids, those kids are brought up in such a confusion of faith and belief that most of the time kids just rebel and become an atheist. Sadly seen it happen with my cousins :-(
  • I would say I've seen probably 10+ marriages where a Christian has married a Non-Christian and the marriage has fallen apart. Either in the sense that husband and wife compromise too much and let go too much or either in the sense that their kids have left them. It mentions in the Bible we aren't suppose to associate with non-believers. "Be you not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship has righteousness with unrighteousness? and what partnership has light with darkness?" - 2 Corinthians 6:14
  • I myself would stick to that and not marry a non-Christian or an unbeliever because I know God will never bless that relationship. It will be unequally yoked and in the long run will fall apart either on the outside or the inside.
 
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HeIsNowHere

Guest
#17
#17
Never, run from this idea. Some people this can work but most will be disappointed. Why would someone following Jesus Christ choose to be yoked to an unbeliever? The only reason would be the physical lust for that person. And physical lust leads to death and disappointment. A wise person carefully chooses a mate who loves Jesus Christ. That person is willing to put self last and others first and for a spouse this is imperative. A non-believer has no motive to put others before self and this will cause big problems in marriage. The answer is NO, NO, NO.
 
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Soulsearcher2013

Guest
#18
#18
Here is a tougher one to ask then, what is you marry someone, and to begin with you both were not Christian and then one of them becomes Christian and the other one doesn't, what then? I've seen that in a friend's marriage and he went through it badly.
 
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twofeet

Guest
#19
#19
My 3 childrens dad is non christian, we were married 10 years and divorced 13 years, he is still not a christian.

why did I do it?

1.I was disobedient to God but thought I knew better than God and could make it work
2. My adoptive parents raised me with some very deep wounds that I didnt deserve better and should put up with and be thankful for anything that came in my direction
3. I didnt trust God enough to believe He would have someone out there for me

These were the 3 main reasons I did what I did.

what did I learn from it?

1. God knows better than me and His wisdom in His word speaks of it
2.I do deserve better. I have learnt to break off the lies my parents spoke into my life and love myself and raise a standard for my life of what I deserve
3. I trust God on this subject. If He wants me to be in a relationship He is able to make sure my path crosses with right guy but in mean time Im happy being single and living for the kingdom

We live and learn :)
 
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spacefreak

Guest
#20
#20
marry the one GOD wants you too because he always has a reason
 
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