What if.....

[GreenNnice]

......you were engaged to a guy, the wedding was three weeks away, but, then, you, perchance, met someone else , who just happened to be a sudden regular gas and 'buy chicken livers' guy at your convenience store, you two flirt, it's just casual, he stops in monday, wednesday, Friday, and, you, REALLY like this new guy, but, then, REJECTION, just when you think something might happen the guy never shows up again.
By the way, you forgot to bring your engagement ring to work that first day that new guy showed up and then just kept it off that wholevweek.

But, yeah, oh, why, oh, why, yeaH, he's GONE. *green starts singing a rock song in his head

But, yeah, question is, will you tell your fiance what you were doing and, moreover, was this , is this a 'sell' sign, so to speak, from Him; you think, that maybe, this marriage thing, though two years in the making, and, you REALLY love this morally, spritual guy, that things are just not right for you to get married now?


Explain yourself a little, and, if you truly don't know, exolain why thiscdecoision is so hard. The Lord leads,remember, too

 

[GreenNnice]

Of course, this is the engaged girl flirting with another guy , but, just as easily , the guy could be engaged and really liking the girl.he is engaged to, liking her A LOT, and, three weeks 'til marriage can't come fast enoufgh, but then he meets a girl at his work and he begins to like this girl who.is flirting with him before she like shows up the 3rd time she comes to his gas station with a ring on her LEFT finger, and, 2 kids on her hip, and, a husband behind the unoccupied hip , at least he has a ring on his left 4th finger TOO .

OK, just wanna be sure all is politically correct and that ALL you miladies and gentdudes can participate in the 'hypothesis.'


---------*----------
Personally, I'm still praying about what I would do if it was me, but I'm almost certain the Lord would lead me to.heavily reconsider getting married , even AFTER a two year friends/courting period.

Guess there wouod be a lesson in that for me, for sure. The Lord leads, gotta follow Him

 

[Relena7]

Well, first off.... if it ever got to the point where I was engaged to a man, he and I would be open and honest and best friends, as well as in love. So he would likely have heard about my day at the end of every day, and everyone I'm friends with along with that. So he might have grown suspicious of the other guy's intentions even without me mentioning anything about my flirting back (I strongly doubt I would be flirting with other men if engaged, but for the sake of the discussion we'll pretend it's possible).

I would not keep secrets like that. I might be too embarrassed of the flirting details though and keep those to myself to spare him the unnecessary jealousy.

Ok as for the rejection. Uh, I'd just forget about the chicken livers dude. If I already had a man, what would I care? I barely know the other guy.

 

[GreenNnice]

Well, first off.... if it ever got to the point where I was engaged to a man, he and I would be open and honest and best friends, as well as in love. So he would likely have heard about my day at the end of every day, and everyone I'm friends with along with that. So he might have grown suspicious of the other guy's intentions even without me mentioning anything about my flirting back (I strongly doubt I would be flirting with other men if engaged, but for the sake of the discussion we'll pretend it's possible).

I would not keep secrets like that. I might be too embarrassed of the flirting details though and keep those to myself to spare him the unnecessary jealousy.

Ok as for the rejection. Uh, I'd just forget about the chicken livers dude. If I already had a man, what would I care? I barely know the other guy.

But, there must be something here, in this new guy, though never having gone out officially on a date, just the 3 short conversations that each time piqued your interest in this guy more, you KNOW you realky like him, TOO. And, remember, milady, rel, that you forgot your engagement ring the first time you met him and for two days next did not wear your engagement ring, and, then, your hopes were realized as he does show up again wednesday and friday and, he was so close to asking you out , but didn't . You wanted him too, but then, yeah, you wait for him to show up again that next monday or tuesday or wed., but ,he doesn't , .


My question is, you obviously have feelings for this guy in this scenario, strong feelings, of your 3-time meetings, so, how do you just flip the switch, back to your fiance whom you, indeed, do have strong feelings for but realized they weren't impenetrable feelings.

It's a tough scenario, and, your answer is good, being honest, but, I think, unless you tell yourself a lie, you are probably not ready for marriage yet.
Remembr, too, this new guy flirts with you for a full week and by the time he doesn't show up on Wednesday you are TEN DAYS from your wedding date. :I

Your answer is good, rel, but, I think the only way to TRULY be ready for marriage is to NOT allow yourself to flirt with another guy , and, ask God to give you the ability to withstand that temptation. He will 'provide a way of escape,' Scripture says.

I don't want to be naive either, before being engaged, if course, by all means, the Lord leads, but go out with another guy or two, if they flirt, bevause it's good to test both your commitment to marriage and your realization of HOW MUCH you realky like the guy you are going steady with. But, once you accept that ring, especially with a month or less til marriage, I think you need to be pretty much devoted to ghe guy you are about to marry.

 

[GreenNnice]

Rel, I hope I don't say anything upsetting, I pray, always, He speaks through me.
Doesn't always happen, that sinful flesh gets in the way, just like it did for others in bible, like Paul, who even asked God to remove 'the thien from his flesh,' of which God did not.

 

[shae0104]

this was too weird but umm attraction to the opposite sex happens even when you are in love. it really is a choice to be responsible.

 

[seoulsearch]

True story: when I was about 20, I met a girl whom I became close friends with. She was engaged to a long-term boyfriend... the wedding was less than 6 months away. However, she met one of my guy friends, and they fell head over heels in love.

In the process, she asked me about my own relationship with my then-boyfriend. She had grown up in abusive situations and her current boyfriend/fiance was emotionally and sexually abusive, as well as extremely manipulative (if she wouldn't agree to have sex with him, he threatened her with harm or said she must be some sort of whore who was sleeping with other guys.) She asked me, in all honesty, "You mean... your boyfriend doesn't treat you like that?" I told her, "NO!!! And if he did, he'd probably find himself with a black eye."

She truly didn't know any better because she'd never had anything else. And yes, she left her fiance for my guy friend.

It did not work out between them, and I am certainly not saying that several wrongs make a right, but to this day (20 years later), her mother says she's glad her daughter fell in love with my guy friend, because it's the only thing that stopped her from marrying this other guy.

Just because we decide to marry someone doesn't mean it's the right someone. And as I said, I'm not saying this is a good answer by any means!!! BUT, I DO believe God uses all our choices, even bad ones, for a purpose.

 

[Relena7]

But, there must be something here, in this new guy, though never having gone out officially on a date, just the 3 short conversations that each time piqued your interest in this guy more, you KNOW you realky like him, TOO. And, remember, milady, rel, that you forgot your engagement ring the first time you met him and for two days next did not wear your engagement ring, and, then, your hopes were realized as he does show up again wednesday and friday and, he was so close to asking you out , but didn't . You wanted him too, but then, yeah, you wait for him to show up again that next monday or tuesday or wed., but ,he doesn't , .


My question is, you obviously have feelings for this guy in this scenario, strong feelings, of your 3-time meetings, so, how do you just flip the switch, back to your fiance whom you, indeed, do have strong feelings for but realized they weren't impenetrable feelings.

It's a tough scenario, and, your answer is good, being honest, but, I think, unless you tell yourself a lie, you are probably not ready for marriage yet.
Remembr, too, this new guy flirts with you for a full week and by the time he doesn't show up on Wednesday you are TEN DAYS from your wedding date. :I

Your answer is good, rel, but, I think the only way to TRULY be ready for marriage is to NOT allow yourself to flirt with another guy , and, ask God to give you the ability to withstand that temptation. He will 'provide a way of escape,' Scripture says.

I don't want to be naive either, before being engaged, if course, by all means, the Lord leads, but go out with another guy or two, if they flirt, bevause it's good to test both your commitment to marriage and your realization of HOW MUCH you realky like the guy you are going steady with. But, once you accept that ring, especially with a month or less til marriage, I think you need to be pretty much devoted to ghe guy you are about to marry.

This sounds like the plot of a chick flick. lol

Okay if it were real life, I wouldn't be flirting with another man in the first place. I thought this whole thing was hypothetical. I was just pretending here. :-/

I've read from people giving professional relationship advice that when a person cheats on their partner, the thrill of the forbidden love makes the other person seem a lot more interesting than they would be if it were normal attraction. Wary of this fact, I wouldn't invest too much of my feelings in someone I barely know. I like to get to know people on the inside, very slowly, over time. It doesn't sound like me to do the scenario you mentioned. But I still wanted to answer cause I'm imaginative I guess.

It's a tough scenario, and, your answer is good, being honest, but, I think, unless you tell yourself a lie, you are probably not ready for marriage yet.

Hey, no fair. You were the one that set up the first part of the story. I was just saying what I'd do from after the fictional flirting started. I didn't know we were all being graded on our answers. I want do-overs!!

 

[GreenNnice]

this was too weird but umm attraction to the opposite sex happens even when you are in love. it really is a choice to be responsible.

It is a choice, true, but find the power of making that choice possible by understanding this Scripture: "Greater is He (Holy Spirit) who is in me than he (The Devil) who is in the world."


We should not kid ourselves. Whenever things are going good for us in life, like, for example, for me it woyld be having all my green ducks in a row , then THAT time of comfort and power of things going well in our life is the PERFECT time Satan may be allowed to attack (think "Job") and , yeah, God may want to do a mighty work through that testing.

Again, too, the Lord leads, and, I may say things on c.c. that seem outlandish, beyond fantastical, but, God knows my heart, it's after Him, in all my ways of common flesh error, which we humans ALL do daily, or, as 1 John 1 says, "we deceive ourselves." Not that we want to sin or have a licence to sin (because of what 1 John 1:8 says), God forbid!, but we are to recognize as though we ARE imputed the righteousness of Christ, clothed in Him upon asking Jesus' in our heart, we WILL experience 'trials and tribulations' that God WILL get us through as we acknowledge Him (Proverbs 3: 5,6), and, we persevere as apostle James says in his written epistle (Janes 1: 2-4).


Good post, shaelady, milady

This sounds like the plot of a chick flick. lol

Okay if it were real life, I wouldn't be flirting with another man in the first place. I thought this whole thing was hypothetical. I was just pretending here. :-/

I've read from people giving professional relationship advice that when a person cheats on their partner, the thrill of the forbidden love makes the other person seem a lot more interesting than they would be if it were normal attraction. Wary of this fact, I wouldn't invest too much of my feelings in someone I barely know. I like to get to know people on the inside, very slowly, over time. It doesn't sound like me to do the scenario you mentioned. But I still wanted to answer cause I'm imaginative I guess.



Hey, no fair. You were the one that set up the first part of the story. I was just saying what I'd do from after the fictional flirting started. I didn't know we were all being graded on our answers. I want do-overs!!

Yes, rel, milady, the ramifications for cheating on a spouse are both astronomical and can be deadly, as in you wind up dead, love is a many splendid thing , eh?

But, we are humanThere is no joy in flirting with another guy IF you really like the guy you are engaged to already, as that flirtingvwill undoubtably cause you to second-guess either your readiness for marriage or your really knowing you love this guy who gave you an engagement ring.


I am pretty strong with my opinions, forgive me if I sound to harsh.

I want you, miladies, and, gentdudes, too, to think over things because something COULD happen (like seoulsearching said in her above story) that you intend not from casual flirting WHILE you are engaged , that you never intended and could,ultimately, wreck havoc on your conscience and cause you ti leave who IS a great guy, or, gal, that you will look back on joylessly , with only memories.

Ultimately, give God that flirtatious behavior, miladies. And, hey, it's not like it's your fault to flirt, it's just, per Scripture, that it is you who's character, from 'in the beginning' is able to be 'decEiVEd . . And, man is not off hook, it was Adam who actually SINNED.


Those with fiancee', pray that the Lord will guard your heart, that 'Thy will be done.' Remember, why Jesus said 'that' in the garden of Gethsemane? )

 

[Relena7]

I feel like I'm being scolded for something I didn't, and wouldn't do.

Am I missing something here?

 

[GreenNnice]

I feel like I'm being scolded for something I didn't, and wouldn't do.

Am I missing something here?

No, no, no, rel, no, no, no, milady.

You said great answer, I thought . you would be honest, and if you were engaged to another guy you would not care about other new guy you flirted with that you thought could, maybe, be something, but was, suddenly, nothing as he never shows up at your gas station again.

Just saying, through all this, guard your heart, and, 'that' can only be successfully done through your giving that temptation power to Christ, for the Enemy can and WILL attack our weaknesses, Satan knows all too well, rel, that pride ( full of self able to do things over God's authority) comes before


the





fall.

 

[Jullianna]

If a woman is truly flirting with another guy for whatever reason she shouldn't marry the first guy.

 

[GreenNnice]

I'm not quite that extremist thinking, julieannie, but I would go to God, first, and, second, eat some major crow, and, tell my fiancee' that I was flirting with a guy a week and didn't tell you but I prayed about it, talked with God, and, realized I was being tested.


Putting that flirt episode on the table could, indeed, cause the guy to think, 'She's going to be easily deceived, I can see her heart is after Him and loves me, but, I just don't know. She did just come clean.'

The Lor leads, and, this might cause him to storm out of the room for flirty behavior, not wearing engagdment ring, etc., but after fiancee storms out I believe the Lord would have you eat s'more sweet crow, groveling a little even, and, this TEST will make you BOTH stronger going into your marriage.

 

[niceguyJ]

I'm not sure I 100% get where this thread is going....but it's generally about flirting or attraction to others when already in a relationship it seems.
So I'll just say this:
If I were in a committed relationship with a woman, I'd be very watchful and careful to not even come close to flirting with another lady. I think it'd be entirely wrong and completely disrespectful. No good excuse, period. I don't believe there is such a thing as "innocent flirting" when you're already involved with someone. I'd expect the same from her, or she is most definitely not for me.

 

[devekuth]

Your age? No votes on my part until I know your age.

 

[GreenNnice]

Your age? No votes on my part until I know your age.

Take your pick

 

[GreenNnice]

I'm not sure I 100% get where this thread is going....but it's generally about flirting or attraction to others when already in a relationship it seems.
So I'll just say this:
If I were in a committed relationship with a woman, I'd be very watchful and careful to not even come close to flirting with another lady. I think it'd be entirely wrong and completely disrespectful. No good excuse, period. I don't believe there is such a thing as "innocent flirting" when you're already involved with someone. I'd expect the same from her, or she is most definitely not for me.

I voted ''Go to God first, hoping that he can help me see this flirtatiousness as something He can work us through together.'

But, yeah, it's important to understand the depth that this relationship is in.

A) These two have been going together for two years, they've kept themselves true to each other, they've been going to same church all that time, and, guy proposed 1.5 years into the relatoinship and now we are two weeks from the wedding and the girl consciously needed to get this off her chest because it was not just some casual flirt, she kept her engagement ring off and was actively flirting with this other guy when he came in to get gas, just casual, but more than that, especially Friday, when he said, 'So, you know where I will be Monday, don't you.' And she said, finger in her mouth, 'Yeah.' *Smiling seductively.


OK, I am sorry that this might not be being explained properly but those are some more details, I never really thought about age. Any age really, within reason, 20s, 30s 40s 50s all work. We humans would never think of this kind of flirty behavior in our 60s, we are all mature then

Good question, dk, it adds perspective to the thread, I'm sure, I always think, when one person asks a question, , a few more, at least, were thinking the same thing. So, if the story is not complete, or, as nicestguy, said, confusing situation to some. (for the record, that's right, nicest guy, you got it right, the gist of the 'What if...' scenairo is what you were thinking, adding the above fleshed out comments I said above, this relationship is TWO WEEKS FROM BEING 'MARRIAGE' :O )

 

[devekuth]

Ok...if you're really 44, as your personal info would indicate...marry the darn guy....you're gonna be looking for anything you can to keep from making a commitment since you obviously fear commitment. Arranged marriages in Judaism were some of the best...(and probably some of the worst) but...things were great because of the commitment made to G-d, Tradition and each other. Make a commitment and stick to it. The guy is obviously likeable.

If you're under 30.....why hurry for an answer...it will come to you so don't make any sudden moves. And if "the Lord Leads"...why the heck didn't you let him lead you away from flirting if you've made a commitment to another person...OR...on the other hand...why did you LET HIM lead you to marry a guy you don't want to be with. Come on...this isn't the real problem...you should have been seeking G-d's guidance all along.

If this is theoretical...whats' the point...why are you wasting our time?

 

[DuchessAimee]

If this is theoretical...whats' the point...why are you wasting our time?

How is this question/scenario a waste of time? Even if it is theoretical... And if you thought it was theoretical, and you're so concerned about your time, why did you respond? Most of the threads in this forums are just for slaps and giggles, mind you.

 

[DuchessAimee]

Johnny Depp says, “If you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn't have fallen for the second.” I think he makes a good point.

Now, I also agree with NiceguyJ. When I'm dating someone, I will not flirt, become overly friendly with, spend time alone with, etc any guy other than my boyfriend. Not only to remove any appearance of evil, but to also protect myself and whomever else from developing feelings for one another. I think this is a good idea in marriage too. Especially in marriage, actually.