If We're All Such Relationship Experts, Why Are We All Single?

[shae0104]

seoul i loveeeeeeeeee all that u post and respect your point of views. I also love bacon! felt the need to share.

 

[seoulsearch]

seoul i loveeeeeeeeee all that u post and respect your point of views. I also love bacon! felt the need to share.

Eating bacon while reading good posts (such as yours always are, Shae?! )

Slap that bacon on a cheeseburger, plate it up with some fries, wash it down with a milkshake and who needs a relatinship... I've found heaven right there.

 

[SeanS]

How Much Is the Advice of Single People Really Worth??!


Hey Everyone,

But how reliable and valid can our advice be if we're all either not in relationships or are the product of situations that didn't work out?

This is a ridiculous statement, were not talking about some non-moral experience like running a marathon whereby the only opinions that count are those who have attempted and successfully completed it. We're talking about a moral and spiritual issue who's actual source was the bible in the first place. Thus no opinion counts apart from God's which is revealed on the pages of scripture.

The only way you can guarantee the successfully pursuit and completion of a marriage is by following scriptures advice. Look, you could find hundreds of so called 'successful' marriages and the advice from those in them would often be contrary to each other. The only Divine model for marriage will be found in scripture.

 

[seoulsearch]

The only Divine model for marriage will be found in scripture.

If you read my other post, Sean, you'll see that one of the reasons why I wrote this thread is because I like to examine topics from different angles.

God gives us a perfect model for marriage. But due to sin and human error, not only is no one capable of following it, but even very few marriages in the Bible could be considered "happy." David had several wives and mistresses; Abraham was willing to hand Sarah over to other men to be abused in order to save his own life (and Isaac proved to follow in his father's footsteps later on with Rebekah); Hosea was told to marry a woman who was so unfaithful that I've read commentaries saying that from the names of their children, it's quite possible at least one was not his; and Jacob had two wives who paid each other off in order to have personal time with him.

One thing that frustrates me with Christianity is that while I know and believe God is perfect and that we are to strive for perfection, people have to know and be prepared to deal with reality as well.

Even following Scripture does not "guarantee" a "successful" pursuit in marriage because, for some reason, people seem to forget that no one is able of perfectly following Scripture.

Sean, I respect the things you have to say in these threads, I really do. But I'm so very curious... I sure hope you'll still be here when you're, say 45, because I'd really love to see your perspective then. God bless.

 

[Ariel82]

seoulsearch,

I normally don't hang out on the single's forum either because as someone said being married, I kind of feel out of place.

but I do pop in ever once in a while cuz ya'll are so funny sometimes and I really like reading your threads. they are normally heartfelt and thoughtful.

I don't think not being a relationship disqualifies you from giving good advice because sometime single people have more time to pray and study and listen to what God has to say to them. They don't have the distractions that come with family and often have experiences that can help others avoid heartache.

I think it is more important to access if the person giving you the advice truly loves you (the agape kind) that God wants us to give to other brothers and sisters in Christ, and in that way God can use that person to give you sound and godly advice, even if they have not personally gone through the same situation.

ok I will now duck back out

 

[seoulsearch]

No Ariel, please stay!!!! I wish more married people would visit us here and "give us the lowdown" on what married life is "really like".

Trust me, we need the wisdom and experience that married people could contribute here.

I'm thinking of writing a thread in the Family Forum (something like, "Wanted: Married People Who Can Give Us Single People Advice On How To Be and Stay Married") but I just haven't gotten around to it yet.

I highly value what people have to say here... I just hope we can make the mix a little more diverse when it comes to personal experience

 

[SeanS]

If you read my other post, Sean, you'll see that one of the reasons why I wrote this thread is because I like to examine topics from different angles.

God gives us a perfect model for marriage. But due to sin and human error, not only is no one capable of following it, but even very few marriages in the Bible could be considered "happy." David had several wives and mistresses; Abraham was willing to hand Sarah over to other men to be abused in order to save his own life (and Isaac proved to follow in his father's footsteps later on with Rebekah); Hosea was told to marry a woman who was so unfaithful that I've read commentaries saying that from the names of their children, it's quite possible at least one was not his; and Jacob had two wives who paid each other off in order to have personal time with him.

One thing that frustrates me with Christianity is that while I know and believe God is perfect and that we are to strive for perfection, people have to know and be prepared to deal with reality as well.

Even following Scripture does not "guarantee" a "successful" pursuit in marriage because, for some reason, people seem to forget that no one is able of perfectly following Scripture.

Sean, I respect the things you have to say in these threads, I really do. But I'm so very curious... I sure hope you'll still be here when you're, say 45, because I'd really love to see your perspective then. God bless.

Firstly, you don't want to see things from different angles, any angle which is contrary to scripture just muddies the water and gets rid of clarity.

And by the way, God did not tell Hosea to marry a unfaithfull wife, in chapter 1 verse 2 he says go take for yourself a wife, the 'of whoredome' is said in a proleptical sense, i.e God was saying that the wife you take will become unfaithfull. He did not tell Hosea which woman to choose, he was just informing him that she would be unfaithfull. The second part of verse 2 tells us the whole land was unfaithfull 'for the land commits great whoredome' so the people were not following gods advice for sex and marriage in the first place.

Secondly scripture was written to a fallen world, it wasn't written before the fall, but after the fall. Thus its commandments were specifically designed to help men get as near to the perfect design of God as possible.

If both parties in a relationship follow scripture it DOES guarantee a successfully marriage (Psalm 18:30), and yes it is true no one can follow it perfectly. But the aim then is to follow it as closely as possible as the closer we follow it, the more blessed our pursuit/marriage willl be. The aim should not be 'to consider different angles' on it.

And by the way, if im here and never been married but without the gift of singleness when im 45 it will be for one reason and one reason alone, being that i did not follow scripture when it speaks to this issue. Romans 3:4- 'Let God be true and every man a liar'. Isaiah 40:8- 'The word of the lord endureth forever'.

 

[seoulsearch]

I think you are misunderstanding what I'm trying to say, Sean. I am going to agree to disagree with you because I have tried to explain what I mean and don't know how to explain it any other way.

By different angles, I mean, I'm interested in different people's walks of life, not something contrary to Scripture. I've been on CC for a few years--if you care to read any of my other threads or posts, you might see what I mean.

And if not, God bless. You're coming from a different angle and cache of experience, as am I. Everyone has a different story to tell, and I like hearing the stories.

Different does not necessarily mean non-Biblical.

 

[Ariel82]

I thought about posting one about happy successful love stories and marriages I've heard from people and their advice about successful relationships, but haven't gotten around to it

I love "how did you meet your special someone" stories and hearing from couples who have been married 50 plus years.

 

[iTOREtheSKY]

I thought about posting one about happy successful love stories and marriages I've heard from people and their advice about successful relationships, but haven't gotten around to it

I love "how did you meet your special someone" stories and hearing from couples who have been married 50 plus years.

Ariel..you should start a thread like that. It's always nice to hear about successful relationships that have really stood the test of time.

 

[Liamson]

I would say that the internet itself has dealt many a promising romance a fatal blow.


Text is a source of unlimited misunderstandings.

Distance makes for terrible Chemistry.

Yes, you can post that you went for a run but, the person you are trying to be with wasn't there to share it with you. etc.




Before all of this Facebook and in the infancy of MySpace, those were the good ol days. I could meet someone and withing two weeks there was still a mutual mystery involved. We would still be unpacking and discovering the layers of who each other were, over milkshakes at Sonic. Now we are one click away from seeing a profile that simply takes all ambiguity away.

"Oh, she's really into horses..... #Reject#"

My relationships have progressively gotten worse as I've gotten older. I would make a bar graph but, it would inversely proportional to my age.

All of this advice, has made me realize just how insecure anxious self conscious and nervous most women really. They feel so judged by everyone and everything. I've also come to the conclusion that there are fewer women in the world that I would actually want to date than I ever imagined.


But by far the biggest thing that I've learned from being here is that the women I like, like me. And the women I don't like, don't like me. I don't have to prove anything to the people who don't like me, I don't have to win them over. I cannot take their criticisms too seriously because, if in fact they do come around to liking me, its probably because I'm not being myself.

 

[Perseus]

All of this advice, has made me realize just how insecure anxious self conscious and nervous most women really. They feel so judged by everyone and everything.

This. It doesn't apply to everyone, but there are so many women who are neurotic and overanalyzing ever single unimportant detail that it becomes too suffocating to try and relax and just get to know who they really are on the inside. They think the most irrelevant comment contains volumes of meaning and destroy possibilities before they can even develop.

Then they try to explain it away to themselves by saying the men are simply "afraid of commitment", "not aggressive enough", etc... ad inifitum when in reality it's not even remotely enjoyable trying to speak to them.

 

[Donkeyfish07]

I've also come to the conclusion that there are fewer women in the world that I would actually want to date than I ever imagined.


And the women I don't like, don't like me. I don't have to prove anything to the people who don't like me, I don't have to win them over. I cannot take their criticisms too seriously because, if in fact they do come around to liking me, its probably because I'm not being myself.

Gotta give ya credit, you had to have been through a lot of stuff to come to a couple of those conclusions. The part I underlined I can definitely agree with. I can look back (Especially when I was a completely disobedient non-believer) and see how low I actually made the bar sometimes. I'm not talking about looks....a perfect ten physically that is an emotional train wreck and spiritual poison to you has no value...Only foolish men would think so. Pickings are slim when you actually want to be wise about selection.

The non-underlined part is spot on too. I don't even have a comment on that other than that I agree with it, you worded that perfectly.

 

[Ariel82]

you don't have to have a huge selection to choose from.

you just have to have one you can't live without.

 

[Nautilus]

you don't have to have a huge selection to choose from.

you just have to have one you can't live without.

It's like Tony Stark says, "I hope I can protect the one thing I can't live without..."

 

[Liamson]

I agree Ariel.

I don't really know what to look for anymore.

To even begin the conversation it has to be about Christ. But A lot of women buy into the maya angelou myth that A man who is seeking God with all His heart soul mind and strength will instead find a wife, and in fact that is how a wife is found.

I'm still trying to unthink the value of being with someone who is available for ALL new experiences. I've done a lot of things in my life and I continue to do a lot of things. I love skiing and learning and traveling and eating good food and not everyone does. I have to be okay with that on some level.


I now know what I should have learned from the good relationships that I've had. That the relationship itself is the thing to be valued and the thing to be sought. To build a bridge between two people that can weather any storm, any quake and still stand the test of time. That is what I'm looking for. I don't think its is within individual people as much as it is in the dynamic between people.


I made a grievous mistake of believing too much in the theory that any two people who Claim Christ can come together, learn to love and work out any differences, because people can do all things through Christ who gives us strength. God has instead shown me that He cares about this stuff too and we shouldn't just arbitrarily pick someone and try to figure it out. Love was not designed to glue stuff together that simply doesn't belong.



But, to be honest. I'm not looking. I feel like if I look, I'll try and when I try I fail. When I don't try, I don't fail. I never had to try to make best friends before, why should making a best friend that I get to keep be any different.

 

[Liamson]

Gotta give ya credit, you had to have been through a lot of stuff to come to a couple of those conclusions. The part I underlined I can definitely agree with. I can look back (Especially when I was a completely disobedient non-believer) and see how low I actually made the bar sometimes. I'm not talking about looks....a perfect ten physically that is an emotional train wreck and spiritual poison to you has no value...Only foolish men would think so. Pickings are slim when you actually want to be wise about selection.

The non-underlined part is spot on too. I don't even have a comment on that other than that I agree with it, you worded that perfectly.

I was single for about 3 years. For having such an immensely high bar. Great ladies would come and go, great friends, beautiful, smart, crazy, adventuresome and daring, yet I was waiting for something...

It wasn't until someone kissed me that I realized what I was missing.

(this is probably not the Christian thing to post but, whatever)

 

[SarahM777]

No Ariel, please stay!!!! I wish more married people would visit us here and "give us the lowdown" on what married life is "really like".

Trust me, we need the wisdom and experience that married people could contribute here.

I'm thinking of writing a thread in the Family Forum (something like, "Wanted: Married People Who Can Give Us Single People Advice On How To Be and Stay Married") but I just haven't gotten around to it yet.

I highly value what people have to say here... I just hope we can make the mix a little more diverse when it comes to personal experience

The only thing I would say (Coming from a widow of 13 years) Please do yourself and your spouse to be a big favor,deal with your major issues first. Allow the Lord the time for you to be healed first. Otherwise you bring things in that will do damage to the relationship. We complicated our marriage because of it and we both were at fault,we were so blinded by the infatuation that we were not honest with each other. We had both very very good times and we also hit the worst times.
Our marriage lasted all of seven years,it ended by death due to alcohol poisoning,about this time of year.

 

[Epicnerdheroix]

Well, a few months ago I entered my 9th consecutive year as a single guy (9TH!!!) and it's been due to a variety of factors, some of which are quite significant: I got saved in 2011 which residing in the world's biggest liberal metropolis (NYC) limits my pool of potential partners in a big way. Also, I've never touched alcohol so that takes away bars and clubs and in this town there's one on every block and they are the 'usual' socializing spot for twenty-somethings like me. If I'm morally opposed to drinking, how could I ever be with a partner who does drink? Then there's tattoos, which for some bizarre reason even a few Christian women seem to be OK with, but that's another cause of conflict for me. And finally, the biggest one is having kept my virginity up until this age. The thing I frequently hear is that men who are still virgins this late in life have major mental/social issues and are a waste of time to 'teach' how to do things. Those are FOUR huge reasons why my dating pool is the size of a single drop these days.

 

[shae0104]

don't listen to what they say u are wickedly awesome the way u r