Ever feel like giving up?

[Liamson]

I wasn't always I Christian. There was a season in my life that I didn't care I just wanted to experience it all. Tonight I had a flashback to that.


I have a strong foundation and a firm relationship with Christ. But I've been going to same church for 4 months and no one even recognizes me there, except my family, which is the reason I go to that church. I hate almost everything about it. NO charity, all politics, all old people, all for show. =P


But sometimes I feel the pull. The pull that says it would be easier to deny it all and give up trying to uphold a standard at all. Not that I will but, sometimes I feel it. That pull that says, do you really think you're better off alone by yourself with your standards and your rules?



Preface: I have exactly ZERO friends where I am now. All I have is family and they come in two types, Traditional or Controlling. They don't even know who I am, or care to know. All they care about is that I'm respectful or useful.


I met someone who took an interest in me and it felt amazing. I haven't had a hug since... November. And I know this is really personal but, it felt really good. I felt so much of myself melt inside.


It made me realize that I'm vulnerable. There is a part of me that would sell out everything I am for the sake of not being alone. Its like some primitive part of me that doesn't care who I am with as long as I'm not alone anymore.


So I'm posting this as a warning. Its WAY easier to let go than it is to stay the course. Its easier to give in than to stay the course. Its easier to not be alone than to stay the course. Its easier to give up than to press on.


When Paul talks about The race, I know he refers to how not easy it is. But sometimes I wish I was okay with being alone. I wish I didn't need other people. Tonight reminded me that I was designed by God to love someone through and through from the very core of who I am, for all that they are in God. I crave that and I won't settle for less, no matter how easy it seems to compromise.

 

[Stuey]

, you should try and find yourself a support network of peers. Being a lone man is hard.

 

[Universal_Man]

Hi! Hope you are doing better. My Motto is: FINISH God's Will.

So whenever there is a season,day,second,hour,minute to give up, where a thinking comes like pull down,live wordly,date woman,make this, make that, often i remember my Motto. FINISH God's Will. This Motto helps me that i have to go till i am OVER THE FINISH LINE. And sure it is hard and long and not easy. But remember the runnin. When you run 2,3,4km sometimes there is coming also hard times in run where you want to give up! Exact then PUSH MORE FORWARD and after a short time you can run really long race and also till End. That is my experience. I do not know if it helps you. But the word FINISH helps me to be motivated and respect the eternal Life Way. Take care.

 

[sunnygurl]

Oh Liamson you are not alone for the first time in along time I too felt so alone and unwanted. We singles all struggle with this at some stage of our singledom. To have a relationship with God is a pure blessing and joy, to know how precious we are to Him and how much HE loves us with such deep compassion. However we can still ache to feel the love and touch of another person who cares and loves us but none will love us as unconditionally as God does. It is not easy being single but it is also not easy being in a relationship I know that sometimes we can even be lonely when in a relationship. Waiting for God to bring you your own personal helpmate that HE created for you is better than to chose someone that in the end will bring you more grief and stronger feelings of being alone than you now have. I am wonder if there may be a evil spirit making us singles feel more alone then normal as I know from reading the forums many are struggling with this over the past week.

I'm wondering in your case if you would benefit from a more alive and active church where you feel supported and the touch and presence of the Holy Spirit and hopefully make some strong christian friendships and provide fellowship that you can truely feel a part of.

I believe God made us for fellowship no person man or women is meant to be an island unto themself God designed us to need others to enjoy and be enriched by fellowship.

That pull that you are feeling may be the devil trying to steal you away from the arms of God if so, I say draw closer to God lift your burdens to Him He already knows what is within our hearts and minds He longs for us to confess all we conceal(if that were possible) from Him and to meet our needs.

My prayers are with you brother and all us single peeps struggling with our journey

 

[seoulsearch]

Hi Liamson,

Thank you for a very thoughtful and extremely timely thread. I'm sorry about how your family treats you and I'm sorry for your feelings of isolation. I can very much relate.

The house I'm currently living in has blinds on the windows instead of curtains. When I fall asleep at night, I'm looking at the blinds horizontally and sometimes I've said out loud, "God, they (the rows of blinds) look like prison bars..." because, while I'm grateful to have a place to live, it often simply feels like a very pretty prison of isolation.

I completely understand what you're saying about going for long stretches without attention or affection. A co-worker very purposefully patted me on the back several weeks ago (not in a creepy way, but they wanted me to know they appreciated something I had tried to help with) and I jumped inside because 1. it's been so long since I've had that kind of contact and 2. I liked it way too much. I have gotten to a point where I am afraid of letting my boundaries go even from a hug and therefore have tried to shun such things.

Although I've been a Christian all my life, I have a very rebellious nature. My life always goes in "waves" and during the down crests, I went through a time of being a cutter. My reasoning, as I told God, was, "If you will not let me have love, then I will go after pain, because you alone surely know that you allow plenty of it in this world. I don't know if I will ever find love, but I know that I can always find pain ten times over." I have come to a point where I'm standing on the brink... sometimes preferring pain to love because unlike love, pain is reliable. You always know it will be there to fall back on.

I struggle with even caring about whether God loves me or not, because God loves everyone. God loves the people who have hurt me most and blesses them just as abundantly or more; God loves the 22-year old who was already molesting children and told me he had no intentions of stopping; God loves the man who harmed someone I love dearly, even though this man feels entitled and has no regrets or plans to change, as his victim count continues to grow.

Sometimes I think to myself, "Why do I care if God loves me or has me by His side or not? I'm just one of the masses of sinners He takes pity on."

But... there has to be a reason to believe. I keep searching for it.

Thank you for reminding us all that there has to be a reason to keep on searching.

 

[SeatBelt]

... they come in two types, Traditional or Controlling...

When it comes to family, aren't these sometimes the same thing?!?

...someone who took an interest in me and it felt amazing. I haven't had a hug since... November. And I know this is really personal but, it felt really good. I felt so much of myself melt inside.

It made me realize that I'm vulnerable. There is a part of me that would sell out everything I am for the sake of not being alone. Its like some primitive part of me that doesn't care who I am with as long as I'm not alone anymore.
...

I, myself, find that I am a herd animal, no matter how much I want to think of myself as a lone wolf.
Oh, I try, I do so try to convince myself and others that I am the solitary wolf, no need to hunt with a pack, howling in the night. I'm more of a little lap dog, really. I need, and indeed crave, the periodic socialization, the rubbing behind the ears, pat on the head and "Good Doggie," that keeps me remembering I'm no wolf. Sure, in the past I've howled with the best of them. God drew me out of that, though. Quite frankly, I'm more suited for a coveted spot next to my master's recliner, than to be silhouetted against an October moon howling.

...posting this as a warning. Its WAY easier to let go than it is to stay the course. Its easier to give in than to stay the course. Its easier to not be alone than to stay the course. Its easier to give up than to press on.

When Paul talks about The race, I know he refers to how not easy it is. But sometimes I wish I was okay with being alone. I wish I didn't need other people. Tonight reminded me that I was designed by God to love someone through and through from the very core of who I am, for all that they are in God. I crave that and I won't settle for less, no matter how easy it seems to compromise.

Liamson, that was really a great post. I feel a sense of honor when I read such raw, vulnerable, heartfelt posts. You write from the heart, and you have much heart to write from.

I fill most, though not all, of my need for being Un-Alone through my church families.
Yes, My kids play a big role in my life, but there are surely ways that one should never lean upon their child. I love my children dearly and invest as much time as I can squeeze from the clock in their lives. Being with them is being there For them, not the other way about. The poor dears have to grow up too fast as it is, I shall not force them into roles not their own.
But I said families, not family... what does that mean?

Well, I attend church A, and have for more than a dozen years. I was an outsider 9 or more of those, but people learned who I was and foundations were laid, inroads were formed, and I kept my distance. Until I hit rock bottom for the very first time. Oh, I thought the day I went cold turkey off narcs was rock bottom, but back in Oh Nine (anyone feel old with that turn of the phrase?) something happened that lead me to being a crushed man at an alter call with a prepared statement that was read before the church. And the church embraced me.

It felt at times tentative, but it embraced me all the same, and I took that hug that was given physically and metaphorically, and I pulled myself in to them and clung close. They saw the earnestness with which I clung to them, and I knew they were an extension of God's love to me.

A life was changed. That changed the life of others, as I learned to be the man God had been calling me to be for so very long. I am not a leader. I follow God and He leads me. Somehow along the way, like being the train car before the caboose, someone started to follow me. God has been using me, from time to time, to be a lens for His light to shine into dark places I once was. As His tool, I have been blessed to witness Him change lives that I touch under His direction.

This leads me to church B. I attend a 12-step - Celebrate Recovery - at a church other than my church home. They are my second church home. This encompasses for me both the people that I interface with on a weekly (if not more often) basis as participants in the program (many of whom also do not call this congregation home, many of them from other denominations even) and the members, staff and leadership of this church - only a few of whom know me by name and sight. I count the sum total as part of my second church family, because through that place and more importantly through Christ's blood we have a kinship and common grounds. When I can, I participate in activities that serve that church and that serve alongside that church to benefit the community. People there don't always know who I am, but they embrace me, too.

Church C is a funny one. It is the church affiliated with the 2x's monthly home group I attend. I got started in this by knowing the fella who leads the group. He and I met through Church B, though he is or a much more charismatic denomination than Church B. This is another group of people that I meet with regularly to seek God, learn about His truth, and share both burdens and joys.

I had none of this when I was attending a church that my parents called home. It took me finding my own way in this world - not my own path of salvation, but His path. It just had to be a path that lead From where I was at, instead of from where my family was at. This path is not different from the path my parents are on. For if it is The Path, then that means that we have found the point at which we converge from the tributaries that lead from where we as individuals are into the great and solitary way that Christ made for us to travel to where He wants us to be.

I say all of this, not as some way to devour the limelight that Liamson deserves for his fabulous post, but rather to add to it, encouraging all - even yourself, Liamson - to do what it takes to find a church you can plug into and call Yours. I could never have gotten this far riding on another's coat tails. I do not intend to imply that anyone here on CC is doing that, but rather admit that there was a time when I tried to get to heaven on the family pass. That don't work. It's individual tickets only.

Keep running the race.
And when you're uncertain, Let God know you're going to pick up the next foot and ask him to place the ground beneath it. Walking by faith in this way has gotten me very far, through darkest times when I could only see light by closing my eyes and remembering what it was. God placed the path beneath my feet time and again, and though I can see clearly today, I still ask Him to put beneath me the path he would have me trod. He knows where he needs me travel better than I will ever know, even when looking back.

God bless you, Laimson. God bless us all this Sunday.
Glory to God.
Ahmen.





I'm still disappointed you didn't say something about it being easier to stray the course rather than stay the course.

 

[zeroturbulence]

I wasn't always I Christian. There was a season in my life that I didn't care I just wanted to experience it all. Tonight I had a flashback to that.


I have a strong foundation and a firm relationship with Christ. But I've been going to same church for 4 months and no one even recognizes me there, except my family, which is the reason I go to that church. I hate almost everything about it. NO charity, all politics, all old people, all for show. =P


But sometimes I feel the pull. The pull that says it would be easier to deny it all and give up trying to uphold a standard at all. Not that I will but, sometimes I feel it. That pull that says, do you really think you're better off alone by yourself with your standards and your rules?



Preface: I have exactly ZERO friends where I am now. All I have is family and they come in two types, Traditional or Controlling. They don't even know who I am, or care to know. All they care about is that I'm respectful or useful.


I met someone who took an interest in me and it felt amazing. I haven't had a hug since... November. And I know this is really personal but, it felt really good. I felt so much of myself melt inside.


It made me realize that I'm vulnerable. There is a part of me that would sell out everything I am for the sake of not being alone. Its like some primitive part of me that doesn't care who I am with as long as I'm not alone anymore.


So I'm posting this as a warning. Its WAY easier to let go than it is to stay the course. Its easier to give in than to stay the course. Its easier to not be alone than to stay the course. Its easier to give up than to press on.


When Paul talks about The race, I know he refers to how not easy it is. But sometimes I wish I was okay with being alone. I wish I didn't need other people. Tonight reminded me that I was designed by God to love someone through and through from the very core of who I am, for all that they are in God. I crave that and I won't settle for less, no matter how easy it seems to compromise.

Doug, I found that a great way to make new friends is to take a class (or two) at a local community college or wherever. Just don't take a cooking class unless you want to make a lot of female friends. We wouldn't want that now would we!

 

[seoulsearch]

Doug, I found that a great way to make new friends is to take a class (or two) at a local community college or wherever. Just don't take a cooking class unless you want to make a lot of female friends. We wouldn't want that now would we!

Zero,

Everyone knows that men are not allowed to sign up for nearly all-female cooking classes. We females know that it's not about cooking, it's about the basic necessary skills of life, which includes how to throw cooking utensils, namely frying pans, at men when we are upset.

Not only can we not have men learning our trademark secrets, we also can't have them learning (or practicing) how to duck.

Now that would REALLY make us mad.

 

[zeroturbulence]

Zero,

Everyone knows that men are not allowed to sign up for nearly all-female cooking classes. We females know that it's not about cooking, it's about the basic necessary skills of life, which includes how to throw cooking utensils, namely frying pans, at men when we are upset.

Not only can we not have men learning our trademark secrets, we also can't have them learning (or practicing) how to duck.

Now that would REALLY make us mad.

LOL!! that made me laugh out loud Kim

 

[OceanGrl]

I have a strong foundation and a firm relationship with Christ. But I've been going to same church for 4 months and no one even recognizes me there, except my family, which is the reason I go to that church. I hate almost everything about it. NO charity, all politics, all old people, all for show. =P

Hmm, this sounds like you need to find a new church. I can understand you going there because your family does, but sometimes you need to break away from that. If the church you are going to is not uplifting you, not feeding your soul and is just full of politics and just for show, then I think it's time to move on.

 

[Jullianna]

I feel the opposite pull so often. I'm a very affectionate person; but, oddly, I am very much a loner. And I prefer it that way.

God has been pushing me to step out of my shell and be more outgoing, share my heart more, make myself more vulnerable. It is a work in progress. So many days I would rather go sit in my office and work. But God has other plans for me. He is sending me to hug, encourage, pray, serve, etc. I have to admit that it felt pretty good to be surrounded by kids at church this morning and have them all love on me and tell me about how mommy did their nails/hair especially for Easter.

Maybe people like you, Liamson, are the reason He is pushing people like me to step up and demonstratively love more.

 

[rachelsedge]

Great post, Liamson. Thanks for sharing that bit of your heart with us.

I can relate, to an extent. I moved here to a small town in October, but it's only been within the past 2-3 months that I started finally meeting people my age, thanks to being introduced to a small group Bible study for young adults. It's been great to have that type of interaction again, to start making friends and have that type of attention after not having it for so long.

While I'm not going to that Bible study to "find my future husband" (though I won't complain if that's what ends up happening ), I think I'll have to really be careful and discerning and not just let all my walls and inhibitions fall down because oh-my-goodness-I'm-getting-attention-from-a-boy-What-is-this?! Meaning, I don't want to just melt JUST because I'm all of a sudden getting attention I never have gotten, or rarely get.

One of my favorite bands has a song that has a line, "This isn't giving up, no this is letting go." I think that's a fine line for me to walk. Some days (many days, actually) I feel that I have given up hope, why hope for something that may never happen, etc. And then other days, I feel that I have simply let go, and that I just let go of focusing on it and just trust God with it.

I struggle with even caring about whether God loves me or not, because God loves everyone. God loves the people who have hurt me most and blesses them just as abundantly or more; God loves the 22-year old who was already molesting children and told me he had no intentions of stopping; God loves the man who harmed someone I love dearly, even though this man feels entitled and has no regrets or plans to change, as his victim count continues to grow.

Sometimes I think to myself, "Why do I care if God loves me or has me by His side or not? I'm just one of the masses of sinners He takes pity on."

This is something I struggle with and ponder, as well. I will tell you something that I read a while back and helped me understand a bit more, maybe it will help you, maybe not. It was something along the lines of yes, God loves each and every one of us, but it's not just a pat-on-the-head type of love. It's a personal, deep love, a life-giving love, an unconditional love. And it's funny, because I try to put my own human stipulations on God's love, both in regards to other people and to myself. "God, how dare you love that person when they just hurt me so deeply?" and then "God, how can you love me when I have done this?" It's tricky, but I don't understand all of God's ways. Some days I think "Phew, good. I can just leave all that stuff to you, God." And other days it's "What's up with this, God?"

I sound so fickle and back and forth, and I feel like I gave no real advice or insight, ha, but I hope that all made some sort of sense.

 

[BarlyGurl]

Doug, I found that a great way to make new friends is to take a class (or two) at a local community college or wherever. Just don't take a cooking class unless you want to make a lot of female friends. We wouldn't want that now would we!

good idea zero... who's doug?

regarding cooking... I have mixed feelings about men cooking... I sorta want to be the kitchen Diva... Men can have the..uhh ... another room.

 

[DuchessAimee]

How did I miss this thread two days ago? I'm truly surprised.


Friend, I can't say anything that you haven't heard before or hasn't already been said in this thread. What I can do is encourage you to find a place to grow, a place to heal, and a place to learn about God and yourself. I know what it's like to not get a hug for months or feel the waves of indifference coming off of people. Things do get better, but only when we allow God to change things. I can see that God is moving and shaking things up in your life. Keep going. Keep working. Life doesn't have to be like it was yesterday.

 

[wisebeardman]

Being a lone man is hard.

Sure is. Very hard.

 

[Powemm]

it's during the storms trees take deeper root In Him my friend

 

[Ugly]

I often feel like giving up on the Lounge in chat. They were in an argument that started over a pastor referring to his own wife as 'hot' and and one chatter felt by the pastor saying this all other women are ugly. And it only degraded from there.
Personally i hate seeing Christians use that word to describe another human. Sounds so worldly and, well, lust based.

*thread derailment over. I had to vent.

 

[kayem77]

You're in the exact emotional place as me. I moved and have no friends where I live. Going to my parents' house for Easter weekend made me realize how good it feels to feel loved, by friends and family. I didn't know how much I needed just a hug. I hadn't had that for months and it felt amazing . We are vulnerable indeed. When I left yesterday I couldn't help shed a tear. When will I have that again? I don't know....but I just know, as you, that I can't give up. We are not alone.

 

[Liamson]

I often feel like giving up on the Lounge in chat. They were in an argument that started over a pastor referring to his own wife as 'hot' and and one chatter felt by the pastor saying this all other women are ugly. And it only degraded from there.
Personally i hate seeing Christians use that word to describe another human. Sounds so worldly and, well, lust based.

*thread derailment over. I had to vent.

Yeah, I hate that word and Sexy too. It doesn't really occur in my vocabulary unless I'm being sarcastic like a friend has milkshake coming out of his nose at Denny's I might say, "Wow, thats so hot."

You're in the exact emotional place as me. I moved and have no friends where I live. Going to my parents' house for Easter weekend made me realize how good it feels to feel loved, by friends and family. I didn't know how much I needed just a hug. I hadn't had that for months and it felt amazing . We are vulnerable indeed. When I left yesterday I couldn't help shed a tear. When will I have that again? I don't know....but I just know, as you, that I can't give up. We are not alone.

Yeah, its like. being hugged was something my defenses weren't prepared for. Yet there was nothing I could do about how it made me feel, which I don't think is a bad thing necessarily. But my mind said, "You don't have to be alone, you could easily be not alone." and that scared me.

 

[Ugly]

Sexy i don't mind, in context. To me sexy does not always relate only to the physical. Or to always have to be showing everything in low cut or tight clothes. But hot, i can't find anything about the term that doesn't scream carnality. Only time that word pops into my head is when i'm struggling, *ahem. With things. haha. And even then, if i find myself think it, i kick myself. Any other time the word stays out of my head.