Wives submit to your husbands

Stephen100 · Apr 1, 2013

I have been a Christian for about 4 years but I've been single for nearly 9 years. I gave up on relationships a long time ago, for my own reasons. But the reason I also choose to remain single as a Christian is because I don't see much difference in the churches compared to the secular world. Many Christian men refuse to lead the way God intended men to lead, and many Christian women hate submission.

I've come across very few Christian women who are willing to submit to their husband's leadership, even if their husband is leading them the right way. If I ever changed my mind and decided to find a wife, which I very much doubt, I would want her to submit to my authority. My duty as a husband would be to love, honor, and protect her. BUT, the difficulty comes with the word "protect." Let me elaborate:

Quite often the word protect is misunderstood as possessive or controlling. If a husband told his wife not to do something because he wanted to protect her, the wife might twist it and accuse him of being possessive. I could give some examples,. but first I would like to hear people's opinions on what I've said so far. What are your thoughts on submission?

Thanks

leelee · Apr 1, 2013

The original definition of submission means the be under the same mission. Working towards the same goal.

Jullianna · Apr 1, 2013

Genesis 2: [SUP]15 [/SUP]The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. [SUP]16 [/SUP]And the Lord God commanded the man, “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; [SUP]17 [/SUP]but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die.”
[SUP]18 [/SUP]The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him .”[SUP]19 [/SUP]Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. [SUP]20 [/SUP]So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals.
But for Adam[SUP][f][/SUP] no suitable helper was found . [SUP]21 [/SUP]So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs[SUP][g][/SUP] and then closed up the place with flesh. [SUP]22 [/SUP]Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib[SUP][h][/SUP] he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
[SUP]23 [/SUP]The man said,
“This is now bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called ‘woman,’
for she was taken out of man.”

[SUP]24 [/SUP]That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.
[SUP]25 [/SUP]Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.
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Genesis 3:16 To the woman he said, "I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labor you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you."
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Ephesians 5:21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[c] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
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It is clear from scripture that wives are helpmates to their husbands and husbands are the heads of the family. I completely agree with wives being submissive, AS LONG AS THE HUSBANDS ARE CHERISHING THEIR WIVES AS CHRIST CHERISHES HIS CHURCH. A man who cherishes his wife like that will not abuse her in any way or rule over her with an iron fist, as this is nothing like Christ deals with us.

For me this comes down to trust. If I feel that I can trust a man to love me like that, then I will marry him and do all I can to be the godly wife I am called to be. If I do not feel that I can trust him in this way, I will simply not marry him and it will not be an issue.

Marriage is optional. If men do not want to cherish their wives in this way or if women do not wish to be submissive and respectful of their husbands, there is nothing in scripture that requires either of them to marry.

leelee · Apr 1, 2013

basically the difference between submissive and subordinate.

shae0104 · Apr 1, 2013

submitting is another way of edifying your spouse. I totally believe in it. Even if they are in they wrong, but the intention was pure submit!!!!!

OnThisRock · Apr 1, 2013

I would have posted all of the above scripture, but Jullianna covered it for me. But, I think about how God found and chose me. And I love because He first loved me. I'm all about the man finding me but also believing that God will place me in front of the right ribcage!

zaoman32 · Apr 1, 2013

Stephen100 said:

If you were to enter a relationship again I would hope you would be more worried about your own responsibilities and duties as a husband then whether or not your wife is submitting to you. You think protection is the hardest? Think again. Love your wife as Christ loved the church. Did Christ get fed up with his disciples and give up on them just because he saw a lack of faith? No. Did Christ give up on Peter for denying him three times? No. Despite all that garbage, plus all the garbage we put Him through He still chose to die for us, without complaining. So let me ask you this, would you still love your wife like that even if she didn't submit to your every whim?

jkalyna · Apr 1, 2013

HEY I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT SOMETHING LIKE THIS BUT NOT STAYING SINGLE. YOU WROTE THIS WITH A LOT OF WISDOM, AND AT YOUR AGE, I BELIEVE YOU WILL FIND THE RIGHT ONE GOD HAS FOR YOU. THIS IS WHAT I THINK ABOUT THE OPPOSITE THAT IS NOT APPEALING. THERE IS NOTHING WORSE THAN BRINGING TROUBLES HOME, TO UNLOAD ON YOUR PARTNER. YES GOD DID GIVE YOU A WOMEN OR A MAN TO LOVE. WE ARE TO UNLOAD AND TALK TO GOD ABOUT ALL THE PROBLEMS. WE AS PEOPLE COULD DO NOTHING BUT GET FRUSTRATED EVEN DISCOURAGED THINKING THAT HEY DOSN'T THIS PERSON KNOW THERE IS A GOD TO TALK WITH. I LEARNED ABOUT THIS IN NURSING SCHOOL. THERE WAS A LOT OF PRESSURE. ALL KINDS OF SICK PEOPLE AND THEY SOMETIMES TELL ALL ABOUT THE PROBLEMS OF NOT ONLY THEMSELVES BUT THEIR WHOLE FAMILIES. WHAT AN ATMOSPHERE TO HAVE TO LISTEN TO THIS INSTEAD OF SHARING THE PEACE OF GOD, BETWEEN ONE ANOTHER. PROBLEMS WILL ALWAYS BE THERE, THEY ARE NO MORE THAN THE WEEDS AND THISTLES THORNS THAT JUST NEED TO BE LEFT ALONE, AND CAST UPON THE LORD. I AM THANKFULL THAT I HAD NO GOTTEN INTO A RUT LIKE THIS, THAT I WOULD HAVE TO LISTEN TO ALL THE THINGS OF THE DAY, INSTEAD OF BEING IN AND STAYING IN LOVE WITH ONE ANOTHER IN AND ON THE GROUNDS OF WHAT GOD HAS JOINED US TOGETHER, HIS PERFECT PEACE AND HIS LOVE. TROUBLES, PROBLEMS ARE JUST WHAT THEY ARE, THINGS THAT SPOILED THE EARTH BEFORE IT WAS PERFECT. IT TAKES A DISCERNING MAN TO KNOW HOW TO HANDLE THESE THINGS. ONE COULD SAY THEY ARE NOTHING BUT FIERY DARTS, TRIALS, OF LIFE, BUT IT IS TO BE TAKEN TO THE LORD AND CAST UPON HIM. TO HEAR THINGS LIKE THIS CAUSES A WOMEN STRESS, HARDSHIPS, AND A FEELING OF LOSS OF SECURITY, SOMETHING THAT GOD DID NOT INTEND IN A RELATIONSHIP OF A MAN AND WOMEN WHO ARE SET UPON THE FOUNDATION OF JESUS CHRIST, THAT NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENED OR HAPPENS "HE IS IN CONTROL". COMPLAINING OF PRESSURES OF BILLS, COULD ALSO LEAD TO PHYSICAL VIOLENCE AND RESENTMENT. THIS IS WHY THERE IS A BIG BUSINESS IN THE DIVORCE COURTS. NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR PROBLEMS, COMPLAINSTS EVERY SINGLE DAY. I DON'T AND YES YOU ARE RIGHT, IN YOUR POINTS THAT YOU WANT A WOMEN TO BE SUBMISSIVE. I WANT A MAN WHO FOLLOWS AFTER GOD'S HEART, A MAN OF COURAGE NO MATTER WHAT AND OF PEACE. OUR LORD SAID, "GOD HAS NOT GIVEN US A SPIRIT OF FEAR, BUT OF LOVE , ORDER AND A SOUND MIND." WHEN A PERSON STARTS LOSING THEIR PEACE OF MIND, IT IS WHAT IT SAYS, A PIECE OF THE MIND STARTS TO DRIFT AWAY FROM BEING ANCHORED IN CHRIST WHO IS THE SOLID FOUNDATION. YOU ARE WISE IN YOUR AGE, AND I KNOW ONE DAY, YOU WILL MAKE A GREAT HUSBAND. IT'S TRUE, SOME WOMEN COULD THINK OF BEING IN SUBMISSION IS LIKE BEING UNDER SOMEONES AUTHORITY, IT IS. THESE ARE THE ONES WHO SHOULD FIND IN THE WORD BY THE HOLY SPIRIT WHAT IT MEANS THAT GOD CREATED THE WOMEN FOR THE MAN. SO NICE THREAD, DON'T POST IN THREADS, BUT THIS CAUGHT MY EYE, THAT A WOMEN HAS A SAY TO. MINE IS" I AM MORE AT PEACE WITH JESUS THAN TO BE IN MARRIAGE WITH SOMEONE WHO UNLOADS ON A WIFE, WHO GOD SAID, WAS A GIFT FROM HIM TO YOU. GOD BLESS YOU. MAYBE WHEN YOU GET MARRIED YOU COULD DO MARRIAGE COUNSELING YOU HAVE DISCERNMENT.

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GreenNnice · Apr 1, 2013

Man should say: As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.

He is the breadwinner, in most cases, not all, especially in our changing times, but, he is the one who God appointed leader (notice, I didn't say 'in charge.') Wives are to actively submit to their husbands and trust that he is submitting to who is his leader, who is Christ in Him.

djness · Apr 1, 2013

I remember at a friend of mines non christian wedding, although it was done by a pastor, the pastor read the part wives submit to your husbands and there was a lot of laughter and ''as if's'' in the crowd.

Stephen100 · Apr 1, 2013

zaoman32 said:

Dear brother in Christ, this is about wives submitting. If you want to talk about the roles of a husband then start another thread. This topic is about the roles of wives.

Jullianna · Apr 1, 2013

Thank you, zaoman, for making those points. A lot of guys miss that. Even non-Christian guys love that woman being submissive part, but completely ignore what scripture requires of them as husbands.

Christians who have been married for an extended period of time will tell you that marriage is of God and it works best if God is the center and both husband and wife are seeking His will for both of them and for their marriage. One thing I discovered over the years is that when I trusted my husband to make a discussion regarding a thing we discussed, I knew that he would lay it before the Lord and that God would honor this and direct him. There is a gift of wisdom that God will give to a man seeking God's will for his family, as well as to a wife who wants to honor God by speaking in a respectful way to her husband.

Jullianna · Apr 1, 2013

djness said:

Godly marriage is most definitely a target for mockery now.

piper27 · Apr 1, 2013

I pray as you mature yourind will become less narrow .

zaoman32 · Apr 1, 2013

Stephen100 said:

I realize I came off harsh, but for me, this just doesn't feel much different than women dogging on men about being "men of God" and all that. It's not a woman's place to tell the man how to be a husband, and I feel the same way the other way around. Just expressing an opinion.

Epicnerdheroix · Apr 1, 2013

It's funny Jules because this is exactly what I was referring to a few months ago when I said that it would take me a long, long time (I'm thinking YEARS) to prepare for the role of a Godly husband. Tho I wish I had gotten saved much earlier in life to maybe increase my marriage prospects and have more of my youth to offer a potential wife, I won't question God's timing. If it's His will it'll happen WHEN He gives the word. In the same way Jesus said we must prepare to give an account of our gifts, we need to prepare for our roles as Godly husbands and Godly wives in case that is God's calling for us.

seoulsearch · Apr 1, 2013

The topic of women submitting comes up quite often here in singles, which I understand.

May I be 100% real in stating what's on my heart here? One of the reasons I get so discouraged as a Christian single woman is because of things like this:

1. Instant messaging with a "Christian" guy on a "Christian" site who writes, "What are you doing today?" and when I say, "Oh, just chores and laundry..." and he writes back, "Really? Are you in your skivvies?" (It is possible to slap someone--HARD--over the internet? I wish it was.)

2. I meet Christian guys a lot who... Can I be real here? Can I be honest? I'm not making fun of anyone's struggles. I admire those who are genuinely trying to deal with their challenges, because we ALL have them.

But as far as leadership goes, when I have genuine heart-to-heart talks with some of the Christian men I've been interested in, they confide problems with pornography and unhealthy sexual addictions. Yes, it happens with women, too, I'm not denying that, but as a Christian woman, let me tell you...

My hope of ever finding a man who would log off the computer porn long enough to actually make me believe he has an interest in protecting, cherishing, and leading a household... goes down the drain a little more every year. After all, we as women must submit... but are the men, in doing their part, willing to suffer and die for their wives? I personally believe a Christian woman would want to know a man genuinely believed in that before agreeing to marry him. It may be hard to find a woman to submit... it's just as hard to find a man willing to lead... and be willing to die for it.

I'm sorry for anyone I'm offending. THIS IS MY OWN EXPERIENCE ONLY, and for all you Christian guys out there who don't have this problem or are seeking help, kudos to you. I could be friends with the person in that situation, but I will not marry him. I may just meet all the wrong guys, so please DO NOT think I am lumping all men into this category. And, you find this everywhere, including among pastors, elders, and church leadership.

I told God a long time ago, that is something I can't and won't deal with. I would rather stay single, because to me, someone like that would not be my husband, and he would not be capable of leading--his heart is already far from me.

I know from my life experience that I work best as a SUPPORT person to a strong, tender-hearted but responsible, capable, leader. Sure, we'll sometimes disagree, but hopefully we'll be mature enough to work things out as Christian adults. If nothing else, my experiences have taught me how rare such a man would be and how much I need to cherish him more than any other human being in the world.

IF I EVER DO FIND THE LEADER I AM MEANT TO SUPPORT, you can bet your bottom dollar I'll do my very best to never let him go, nor let him go it alone without his helper right beside him.

Jullianna · Apr 1, 2013

Epicnerdheroix said:

Rocco, God has an amazing way of using things He's brought us through and giving us godly insight and wisdom at just the right time.

Regardless of age, as long as you are seeking His will, as I know you are (and I'm so proud of you <3), He'll come through for you.

CatHerder · Apr 1, 2013

I love this definition!

OK, but keeping in mind leelee's definition of working towards the same goal - What if you and your husband disagreed on the specifics of "being under the same mission - working toward the same goal?" How does a wife respectfully express her disagreement?

Submitting to my every whim? That's not godly submission that's a Stepford Wife.

leelee · Apr 1, 2013

I hadn't thought of it in that way before I discussed the verse with my life group leader about 3 1/5 years ago, when she broke the word down I understood why it was said and what it really meant. sub=under and mission=goal so together is under a goal and in a couple or any team it is best to be under the same one!

If my husband decided, with good intent, that the world was going to end so we should all just jump off a bridge to stop us suffering I would have to respectfully disagree. I wouldn't be jumping off a bridge. Husbands are human too, they are not always right.

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