Really need some help!

[MooseAura]

Hellooooo. My name is Jacob, and I am a 17 year old devoted to Christ and His will and teach a sunday school class for the 1st-6th grade at my church on Sunday mornings as well as council at the church camp we attend.

I wanted dearly to wait until after high school to date, but I fell madly in love with a girl (surprise, surprise, right?). This girl is a Christian and believes in God and Jesus Christ and such, but still fully supports others opinions i.e. gay marriage, mono/polytheism, atheism, etc. (I later discovered)
Needless to say, being a devoted Christian, that I do not.

Me and her have been dating for coming up to 11 months and have had no problems at all until tonight where me and her really got into a debate/argument over homosexuality. It was our first real discussion about worldly concepts and traditions, and it really made me think.

I am MADLY in love with this girl, and really would like to spend my future with her, but with both her opinions and my own opinions not changing, it really leaves me in a vulnerable and defeated position.

I ultimately want to live for God, but I cannot bear at all the idea of breaking up with her due to my intense feelings for her. I have become slightly easily emotionally offset recently, and breaking up with her would cause very severe depression to befall me which would very much hurt my current church activities (teaching would lose motivation and spirit, I wouldn't want to attend church (or leave home at all for that matter), and I would eat away at myself and forget all about my godly relationship).

I didn't want to post this in the teen section/young adult section, because I wanted some mature and experienced advice to be given to me. Please help!!!

 

[MooseAura]

My main concern (that I forgot to mention) is that I believe if me and her were to get married in the future, that this contradiction would tear our family and home apart and lead to a divorce. This would defeat me as a person, christian, and a being. It is not the situation I want to experience or even ponder on.

Please help me! I'm in a distressful sense of desire for help!

 

[BarlyGurl]

You are not agreed and cannot walk together...break it off. If you want to talk yourself into being devastated you can... or you can recognize that while a hard thing to do it is the right thing... do it... and let the Lord bring you through it. Next time seek the Lord before and do more investigational discussion with a girl before you allow yourself to become involved with a young lady. please do not allow this bad experience to harden your heart.

 

[MooseAura]

You are not agreed and cannot walk together...break it off. If you want to talk yourself into being devastated you can... or you can recognize that while a hard thing to do it is the right thing... do it... and let the Lord bring you through it. Next time seek the Lord before and do more investigational discussion with a girl before you allow yourself to become involved with a young lady. please do not allow this bad experience to harden your heart.

I do realize that it's difficult to break it off, but I honestly am very attached to this girl and as I said it would devastate me merely because we have grown so close.

Like losing a long lived pet dog. You grow very close and you love everything about them, then the death hurts almost unbearably.

As I said, it would impact my Christian life negatively if I were to separate myself from her, and I would really like to avoid such a scenario..

But is that honestly what you believe to be the best option for me..?

 

[MooseAura]

You are not agreed and cannot walk together...break it off. If you want to talk yourself into being devastated you can... or you can recognize that while a hard thing to do it is the right thing... do it... and let the Lord bring you through it. Next time seek the Lord before and do more investigational discussion with a girl before you allow yourself to become involved with a young lady. please do not allow this bad experience to harden your heart.

I have prayed about this and am still unsure... I really am confused as to what to do, and I wish I had more experience as a Christian so that I could better understand this situation.

 

[yac11]

Run....Run...Run and don't look back. Thank the Lord that you have a relationship with him and ask him to send the right women into your life when He feels the time is right. Life is tooo long to walk with the wrong people.

I will pray for you to have peace about this.

 

[MooseAura]

Run....Run...Run and don't look back. Thank the Lord that you have a relationship with him and ask him to send the right women into your life when He feels the time is right. Life is tooo long to walk with the wrong people.

I will pray for you to have peace about this.

Thank you! I believe I'm going to consult three of the most influential people at my church (my three life long youth leaders), and then possibly even my pastor.

I will continue to pray to God for guidance and wisdom for this situation. Thank you for your input!

 

[April5]

Wait what? Every problem we have we have options, right? we have the option of turning to God. Our lives our for Him, all we need is God. Yes it may be hard for you, but here it is, set and straight in your words "I ultimately want to live for God, but I cannot bear at all the idea of breaking up with her due to my intense feelings for her." God or her? God has plans for you, He loves you. I am not one to say break up with her or not, it is your choice, but may I say that God is there for you to talk to tell him your problems, tell him what is really troubling you all that is in your heart Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. God loves you, and if He wants you to be with her or not, He has great plans for you. Everything will be ok with God I wish you a happy life, no matter what happens God bless

 

[MooseAura]

Wait what? Every problem we have we have options, right? we have the option of turning to God. Our lives our for Him, all we need is God. Yes it may be hard for you, but here it is, set and straight in your words "I ultimately want to live for God, but I cannot bear at all the idea of breaking up with her due to my intense feelings for her." God or her? God has plans for you, He loves you. I am ....

Thank you very much! You're the third response and all three have meant and told me alot about my situation!!

I already am feeling the heartache, because I feel God has shown what I really need to be doing. It saddens me exceedingly that this is the path that I've come across, but I know God will lead me through it the entire way. I thank you so much, for I believe this third reply broke through to me.

You're awesome.

 

[bigmancap]

Hi Jacob, I am 48 years old and go by the KJV Bible, If she is a true saved christian there are two sides to every fence, The right one and the wrong one there can be no gray area or in other words sitting on the fence which means somethings in the Bible I believe and some I do not, this can not happen as a Christian. You have to take the WHOLE Bible as all true words of God. In todays society people want to take the Bible and make it say what they want it to say, anyone can take one verse and make it say what they want it to, but without reading before and after the verse you will get the true meaning of what it says. Homesexuality is wrong in every way God Made women to be a companion in the garden of Eve for Adam and was to populate the earth, well men and men and women and women can not populate the earth it is ABOMINATION in the Lords eyes. If you look in First Corinthians I believe chapter six or seven it tell that you are to be as one with each other with the same beliefs, if not let them depart and you will not be held accoutable for them, Now this is talking about a married couple but it can be also for someone who is dating. As a couple you have to be evenly yoked which means that you both are on the same page in religious views and spiritually and want the same in life. Pray to God that he will open her eyes. God's word says to overcome temptations and you will be rewarded for standing up for what is right And i am greatful that you have these beliefs at your age for there are so many young adults who do not. don't be depressed about this but see it as joy for standing up for the right thing, because if you can not stand up for what is right what do you stand up for. ask your Pastor for guidence also and I will be praying for you, God Bless you son.

 

[MooseAura]

Hi Jacob, I am 48 years old and go by the KJV Bible, If she is a true saved christian there are two sides to every fence, The right one and the wrong one there can be no gray area or in other words sitting on the fence which means somethings in the Bible I believe and some I do not, this can not happen as a Christian. You have to take the WHOLE Bible as all true words of God. In todays society people want to take the Bible and make it say what they want it to say, anyone can take one verse and make it say what they want it to, but without readin ....

Thank you alot. I plan to seek out my youth leaders tomorrow night at my church's Wednesday night service, and talk to them and get their advice and help on the situation.

I agree with your references that the Bible condemns homosexuality, polytheisms, and atheisms... etc.

There have been a few responses before yours, and which each one I become more and more knowledgeable of the situation AS A CHRISTIAN and they are helping beyond belief. I didn't expect so much enlightenment to come from this forum, but thank you guys alot!

I really appreciate your statement mentioning that the two in the relationship must "become one as flesh" as it says in the Bible which related beliefs and everything entitled. Thank you very much for your input!

 

[BarlyGurl]

I have prayed about this and am still unsure... I really am confused as to what to do, and I wish I had more experience as a Christian so that I could better understand this situation.

Yes It is the best option... well it's your only option if you are going to walk a bible believing God honoring path. Fact is you shouldn't have been dating her for the last 11 months... hence my suggestion yo be more prudent in the future. You are very young to have such a strong understanding of the bible and I earnestly commend you for it. You have a very serious decision to make... GOD or girl. Please choose God.

 

[MooseAura]

Yes It is the best option... well it's your only option if you are going to walk a bible believing God honoring path. Fact is you shouldn't have been dating her for the last 11 months... hence my suggestion yo be more prudent in the future. You are very young to have such a strong understanding of the bible and I earnestly commend you for it. You have a very serious decision to make... GOD or girl. Please choose God.

God is definitely #1 in my life. And I feel absolutely foolish by your statement "shouldn't have been dating her for the last 11 months..." because I was reminded of my teenage ignorance that began this mess.

Last summer, I asked my youth leader (one I will be consulting with tomorrow night) about the relationship around 2 weeks after it began while at my church camp over the summer. His response was merely "No. Get out of it."

To which I respected earnestly his reply and his reasons, but being the ignorance teenager I was disregarded the statement.

Here I am almost a year down the road with an entire year wasted due to my foolishness.
Thank you for saying that ever so bluntly, it brought realization to my eyes that really needed to be brought upon.

Thank you greatly for that.

 

[bigmancap]

Your Welcome, 30 years ago i was in your same situation and worse I was 1 week from getting married and the girl I was getting married to was 17 and i was 19 and her mother was going to sign for her to get married but she did dot have custody her dad did and he was out of the state, the last week she called and tolked to my Mom and she told her she was going to have me arrested for statutory rape of her daughter. Well when i called her she told me the same thing but when i told my girlfriend her Mom denighed it, well I have not seen them or heard from them since that day and was saved a year later and got married one year later to a wonderful lady who i prayed for God to send me a women who could be a trusting wife and best friend and a sister in Christ. I will be married for 28 years this August, so hold your head high and keep following after God and he will bless you greatly. If you read first book of James it tell a person who to pray for wisdom and knowledge and and you will receive and do not be double minded in what you pray about or you will receive nothing. What this means is if you ask God to see you thru this situation and lets say 2 weeks go by and your praying to God and say to him, God why have you not answeredmy prayers, well everything is in Gods timing, he may be moving mountains just to put the right person in front of you with the answer but when you do not give him the time for it to happen it is not going to happen. Be fervent in your prayers and God will see you thru this, at your age there will be times when you will come across things like this which will make you stronger and then you will be able to handle worse things then this. God has put me in places where i have been so depressed that a smile from someone in a Nursing home made me forgetall my sorrows and just smile and I jave had to clean up the remains from someone who has committed suiside, But God be the Glory he gave me the strenth to do this so the family whould not have to see it. God Bless you. Sorry to ramble on.

 

[MooseAura]

Your Welcome, 30 years ago i was in your same situation and worse I was 1 week from getting married and the girl I was getting married to was 17 and i was 19 and her mother was going to sign for her to get married but she did dot have custody her dad did and he was out of the state, the last week she called and tolked to my Mom and she told her she was going to have me arrested for statutory rape of her daughter. Well when i called her she told me the same thing but when i told my girlfriend her Mom denighed it, well I have not seen them or heard from them since that day and was saved a year later and got married one year later to a wonderful lady who i prayed for God to send me a women who could be a trusting wife and best friend and a sister in Christ. I will be married for 28 years this August, so hold your head high and keep following after God and he will bless you greatly. If y.....

Its plenty fine for the rambling. I enjoy your enthusiasm for inspiring and helping me and greatly do I appreciate it!
I realize now that my standards for a wife were much too low and that I should be looking for (as you said it) a "sister in Christ" as my spouse, one I can see as an inspiration and a religious encouragement and friend.

With every reply, God blesses me with more and more wisdom of this situation!
Thank you for your experiences and thank you for sharing them with me!!
God bless you!

 

[bigmancap]

Your welcome Jacob, I think you will do great thing in your life if you hold fast to your beliefs. You take care of youself.

 

[MooseAura]

Your welcome Jacob, I think you will do great thing in your life if you hold fast to your beliefs. You take care of youself.

Thank you so much, I believe God has and will continue to bless you and use you as He has to encourage and guide me.

God bless you and take care!

 

[Ugly]

Hellooooo. My name is Jacob, and I am a 17 year old devoted to Christ and His will and teach a sunday school class for the 1st-6th grade at my church on Sunday mornings as well as council at the church camp we attend.

I wanted dearly to wait until after high school to date, but I fell madly in love with a girl (surprise, surprise, right?). This girl is a Christian and believes in God and Jesus Christ and such, but still fully supports others opinions i.e. gay marriage, mono/polytheism, atheism, etc. (I later discovered)
Needless to say, being a devoted Christian, that I do not.

Me and her have been dating for coming up to 11 months and have had no problems at all until tonight where me and her really got into a debate/argument over homosexuality. It was our first real discussion about worldly concepts and traditions, and it really made me think.

I am MADLY in love with this girl, and really would like to spend my future with her, but with both her opinions and my own opinions not changing, it really leaves me in a vulnerable and defeated position.

I ultimately want to live for God, but I cannot bear at all the idea of breaking up with her due to my intense feelings for her. I have become slightly easily emotionally offset recently, and breaking up with her would cause very severe depression to befall me which would very much hurt my current church activities (teaching would lose motivation and spirit, I wouldn't want to attend church (or leave home at all for that matter), and I would eat away at myself and forget all about my godly relationship).

I didn't want to post this in the teen section/young adult section, because I wanted some mature and experienced advice to be given to me. Please help!!!

Well, you can likely expect her mentality to continue to become more worldly. Her 'fruit' (as the bible tells us to judge other believers by) is not Christian. She is very worldly in her mind, and likely her heart and i would be surprised if she is truly a saved Christian. She is living her life according to her own beliefs, not the bible.
Also, you're acting on emotion. Feelings and emotions are bad at letting us make right choices. Don't assume 'love' or 'i want to marry her' make you question what you know, deep down. That this would be a bad relationship.

You worry about the 'depression' of breaking up with her. What about the 'depression' of marrying her and waking up one day and realizing what a horrible choice you've made, and now you're stuck and can't get out? Or what about the depression of a divorce? And what if you have kids then? What about the feelings they will go through? And what will you teach them? Who do you think will have a bigger influence? You, with a belief system that goes contrary to what everything 'out there' teaches them, or her, whose belief system is in line with everything else they hear?

Its easy to understand the hurt of losing a relationship with someone you love, i've been there. But seriously, if the way you talk is true, you have this woman as an idol set up in your life, greater than God. You know this isn't a right relationship, yet you continue in it. And you see the problems it will cause you, and others, yet you stay with her. And you say it will ruin your relationship with God to break up with her. What is your real priority here? God, truth and wisdom, or having some female idol dictate your life?

 

[MooseAura]

Its easy to understand the hurt of losing a relationship with someone you love, i've been there. But seriously, if the way you talk is true, you have this woman as an idol set up in your life, greater than God. You know this isn't a right relationship, yet you continue in it. And you see the problems it will cause you, and others, yet you stay with her. And you say it will ruin your relationship with God to break up with her. What is your real priority here? God, truth and wisdom, or having some female idol dictate your life?

Wow!!!

Thank you for this! I had a moment of mind-blowness just then. I really have had her set higher than God and it breaks my heart that I've realized this a year too late.

Thank you so so much for saying that, for it only encourages my previously stated decision even more.
God bless.

 

[Outsider]

Read this before you make a bad decision!

The best advice I can give you, do NOT listen to BARLYGURL. Ever.

It's okay to have differing opinions than your spouse! Sometimes you just have to agree to disagree. She sounds like an amazing woman, and it breaks my heart hearing that you might lose the person you love, a wonderful person at that. So you disagree about things such as homosexuality? You shouldn't be so stubborn to let such a minor opinion get in the way of what's important. If you're willing to break up with this amazing girl because she disagrees with you about things such as homosexuality and atheism, you're going to have a very hard time finding any woman you'll be happy with.

One woman on these forums talked about how her husband is an atheist.

It is really hard to live with a non believer, especially when you love them so very much...and you know where they are going to go if they do not believe...but, i remember a woman saying to me one day, not long after I was saved, she said I'd not be able to live with my husband for long as he was with in league with the devil..Nice lady I married my DH 29 years ago (anniversary on last Sunday and we were not believers. Then i was saved. Yes, its a challenge but the sure way to divorce would be to bash him in self righteousness. Our marriage is stronger than ever, he asks me questions, we discuss...will he come to know the Lord? Yes. I believe he will because God knows the desires of my heart. It may be at the last minute...I may have to die with dignity and be used showing an shakable faith, God will strengthen me to continue to be the best witness I can be...who knows? God does. We got married, despite the odds, we remain married and have a strong marriage. DH is a good man, i know thats not enough but it's a good start. He does not believe but he does respect and i was just the same 13 years ago. We are called to be wise as serpents and gentle as doves. My families salvation is one of THE most important things in my life but I know its God who is the creator and the sustainer of our faith...not us. There is more than 'one' way to convince, its how we walk thats much more powerful...anyone can talk God Bless. <><

http://christianchat.com/christian-family-forum/58838-living-unbeilevers.html

I realize now that my standards for a wife were much too low and that I should be looking for (as you said it) a "sister in Christ" as my spouse, one I can see as an inspiration and a religious encouragement and friend.

If you honestly believe this, break up with her. If the fact she's tolerant of other people bugs you so much, it's best you both break up - for her sake, not yours. But I'm telling you, if you can throw aside your pettiness and stubbornness and learn a thing or two from your wife, you'll be a much happier person.

I may be biased, because it sounds like your girlfriend is too good for you, not the other way around.