Should You Add Opposite Gender Married People to Your Friends List?

[seoulsearch]

Hey Everyone,

Was just wondering your thoughts... Dashadow wrote his "UnFriending" thread about me because I'm not comfortable with adding a person of the opposite gender who is married to my Friends List (especially since I'm single.)

I simply asked that his wife contact me, introduce herself to me (I don't know her yet), and that I be able to ask her permission first before adding her husband to my list--and I would add her to my list as well.

I personally believe that if you are going to Friend someone of the opposite gender who is married, you should also know and friend their spouse out of proper respect... but maybe it's just me.

How do you the rest of you feel?

The poll is anonymous and multiple choice, but feel free to write your thoughts here as well. Thanks! I'd be interested to see if I'm just going off the deep end here as DS seems to think... Or if I'm not "showing proper love" as he wrote in his thread.

I'm just thinking, if I were the wife of the man who was asking single women to be on their Friends list, this is how I would want to be respected, but again, maybe it's just me.

 

[Nuns_n_roses]

Oh um I guess I hadn't really thought about it. I add anybody who requests me as a friend. Oops.

 

[Loveneverfails]

Some might think it's a little extreme but I personally think that your approach is very respectful. You're sorta going above and beyond, and by that I might it sure would just be easier to "friend" the married men and just know that your intentions are pure.. but sometimes the right thing is less convenient. Sounds like you're a woman of integrity.

 

[Tintin]

I think that line of thinking shows a lot of integrity. That said, I have a few married people on my Friends list here. I might PM them occasionally but it wouldn't be anything personal, more a question about the Bible or something similar or how to navigate something on the forum/work the chat room. I know to keep my distance.

 

[Robbinette]

I think it's respectful and I don't see that it's a problem. I mean at the end of the day it's your decision and you do what your comfortable with and don't worry about it. Everyone has their own way of choosing who your comfortable being friends with and I don't see a problem with yours

 

[T_Laurich]

Shun the married people's.... Joke!

 

[Descyple]

I assume that all the women on my friends list are married, because none of them have flirted with me yet (that could be the only reason, right ladies???).

 

[seoulsearch]

I assume that all the women on my friends list are married, because none of them have flirted with me yet (that could be the only reason, right ladies???).

*Side joke from another thread* Descyple, that's because you're too busy eating plain hamburgers and shunning vegetables to notice if anyone's ever flirted with you or not!!

Thanks to everyone for your input and I welcome all perspectives!! Thank you for your kind encouragement I realize I may sound extreme and so that's why I asked the question... but I do feel that I'm going to stick to my guns on this one. I'm not saying anyone who believes differently is wrong--it's just what's going to work for me--and I like hearing how other people feel about the subject as well. And, I believe the way that we treat other people's marriages will be the way that God sees other people will treat our own if we are to one day marry as well.

The only reason I chose to use names as well is because it's openly public in the other threads, so there was no sense in trying to hide or disguise anything.

God bless and I hope you'll keep sharing!

 

[BLINDSIDE_CHIK]

Hey Everyone,

Was just wondering your thoughts... Dashadow wrote his "UnFriending" thread about me because I'm not comfortable with adding a person of the opposite gender who is married to my Friends List (especially since I'm single.)

I simply asked that his wife contact me, introduce herself to me (I don't know her yet), and that I be able to ask her permission first before adding her husband to my list--and I would add her to my list as well.

I personally believe that if you are going to Friend someone of the opposite gender who is married, you should also know and friend their spouse out of proper respect... but maybe it's just me.

How do you the rest of you feel?

The poll is anonymous and multiple choice, but feel free to write your thoughts here as well. Thanks! I'd be interested to see if I'm just going off the deep end here as DS seems to think... Or if I'm not "showing proper love" as he wrote in his thread.

I'm just thinking, if I were the wife of the man who was asking single women to be on their Friends list, this is how I would want to be respected, but again, maybe it's just me.

I think you're absolutely right seoulsearch! Not saying a married man can't have a woman friend...not that he should be so close to her either, he should view his wife as his intimate partner and closer friend. I personally do add guys if I have known them here* for a little while or if I feel comfortable with them as a person. If I don't, well I say not right now or I never add them - its my choice. Who is to reject that right you have? You have every right to NOT add someone you do not feel comfortable with especially online! I didn't pick a poll choice, but I don't know why Dashadow was criticizing you for this, that's pretty immature of him/her.

 

[Tintin]

I regularly receive PM's from Filipino women wanting to add me as Friends on CC but they have few, if any posts. Could be spam, could be legit but I don't know them, so I'm not adding them. Simple as that.

 

[seoulsearch]

I regularly receive PM's from Filipino women wanting to add me as Friends on CC but they have few, if any posts. Could be spam, could be legit but I don't know them, so I'm not adding them. Simple as that.

But Tintin!!! I promise I'm being sincere, if only you would put me on your...

See, I've made more than just "a few" posts... and I'm not Filipino... and I promise there's a lot more to me than span, and... OH WAIT.

I'm already on your Friends List. *MUH HWAH HA HA* *Evil laugh*

Somehow, I managed to sneak by.

 

[Ariel82]

lol.

My husband has given me permission to add whoever I want to my friends list, but he won't be pming anyone his permission. Mainly because he associates the computer with work and doesn't want to spend more time on it than he has too. Plus he doesn't have a cc screenname.

I don't think its a big deal if they are added to your friends list as long as its still ok to be friends with them.

Personally never thought about it too much. Figured that if they were married they had their spouse's permission to talk to others on line in a brotherly fashion.

The only time I would think it strange is if they started flirting or asking you to go out on a date or something.

but like nun_n_roses said, I tend to add anyone who asks.

 

[MissCris]

My husband knows I'm on here...a lot. He knows I talk to all sorts of people, but only on the forums. I don't go into chat much unless I want to stalk my cousin for some reason (she's a moderator here). I think my husband would be uncomfortable with me actually chatting, although he's never said as much. I dunno, now I want to ask him but he just left for work. Hmm.

As for adding friends here...

I'll accept friend requests from men or women who I have "gotten to know" over the forums, and once in a while I'll send a friend request, but that's pretty rare...I have to spend a lot of time "scoping people out" first, heh.

I try to be careful to never add anyone that I don't think my husband would feel comfortable with me talking to, and I keep my PM's to a minimum.

I think this is a subject where individuals (or um, individual couples...ha) just have to use their discernment. I don't feel that I need my husband's permission to "friend" people here, and if he felt that I needed it, he'd have said so by now (I tell him about discussions here, and sometimes a little about some of the people). But if other couples need that accountability, there's nothing wrong with that, either.

 

[dashadow]

I think people should follow their hearts and consciences in such matters. But I believe your actions were out of spite. And this is an attempt on your part to justify your mean-spirited behavior. Good luck with that.

 

[Fenner]

Soulsearching I think that was respectful of you to consider his wife. I don't see the big deal in your request. If he takes it as a personal attack for some reason there isn't much you can do. I wouldn't lose any sleep over it.

 

[Powemm]

I'm about to empty my friends list personally .. Only because almost everyone in the forum is on it .. I have found everyone here (married and not ) to be respectful and curteous .. I'm a trimmer and have no problem trimming things I will not get into or play around with .. Marriage is one of them.. I think as long as transparency is on the up and up.. and a spouse could get on anytime and talk or share in the interactions of conversation reading or talking with no qualms from the person doing it .. it's fine ..I would discuss it with my partner first , seeing how it is them that would be most affected by it .. if both sides are in agreement it could be a lasting friendship developing..
I think your respect level for the integrity of marriages deserves an applause myself ..
Great example !

 

[seoulsearch]

I think people should follow their hearts and consciences in such matters. But I believe your actions were out of spite. And this is an attempt on your part to justify your mean-spirited behavior. Good luck with that.

Same to you, DS. Same to you.

I was asking God today... Why does a married man I don't even know care so much that I took him off a forum Friends List??!! It's just ironic that you would call me mean-spirited when you were the one to first write a thread about me "UnFriending" you and "trippin'", but, stated, "don't worry, I still love her." Yes, I know you'll say it's all in Christian brotherhood and love. But... I'm sorry... It just seems... odd... at best. Why would you write a thread and then criticize me for writing my own in turn?

I know you meant well with your compliment in another thread but then you said I wasn't "appreciative" enough of your compliment and on an ego trip... I don't know, it just seems strange.

I find it even stranger still that you haven't had your wife contact me as I requested. I'm sorry, but that, to me, raises red flags. In everyday life, I'm not friends with any married men unless I know their wives, and I only talk to them when their wives are present, so I don't think I'm being too unreasonable.

I do wish you and your wife the best. Take care.

And, I do appreciate everyone's feedback! Thank you.

 

[xFuSioN]

o yeah DDD

 

[Porthos]

Hey Everyone,

Was just wondering your thoughts... Dashadow wrote his "UnFriending" thread about me because I'm not comfortable with adding a person of the opposite gender who is married to my Friends List (especially since I'm single.)

I simply asked that his wife contact me, introduce herself to me (I don't know her yet), and that I be able to ask her permission first before adding her husband to my list--and I would add her to my list as well.

I personally believe that if you are going to Friend someone of the opposite gender who is married, you should also know and friend their spouse out of proper respect... but maybe it's just me.

How do you the rest of you feel?

The poll is anonymous and multiple choice, but feel free to write your thoughts here as well. Thanks! I'd be interested to see if I'm just going off the deep end here as DS seems to think... Or if I'm not "showing proper love" as he wrote in his thread.

I'm just thinking, if I were the wife of the man who was asking single women to be on their Friends list, this is how I would want to be respected, but again, maybe it's just me.

I think you have incredible respect and understanding for male-female dynamics and I know that society probably would tell you that you are being silly, but society promotes war, promiscuous sexual relations and getting ahead nomatter the cost so society doesn't really have a say to be honest.

I wish more people were as intimately observant as you are.

At the same time, if he/she doesn't care if their wife/husband knows or not, then why bother trying to change that. Just keep em as a friend.

 

[wisebeardman]

I assume that all the women on my friends list are married, because none of them have flirted with me yet (that could be the only reason, right ladies???).

I assume every women I see (that I think is decent looking) as taken/married/whatever.