~Chuckle for the Day~

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Bingo

Well-known member
Feb 9, 2019
1,989
1,500
113
#1

Subject: 50 dollars is 50 dollars
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Every year for 45 years James and Lucille had gone to the state Fair. Every year James told Lucille he wanted to go on the helicopter flight. "Its only 50 dollars" he would say. Every year Lucille would say "50 dollars is fifty dollars" and that was the end of the discussion.
On their 46th trip to the state Fair James asked to go on the helicopter flight, and Lucille told him that 50 dollars was still 50 dollars.
The helicopter pilot heard their conversation and felt a bit sorry for James. He approached them and told them that he would give them both a ride for free if neither one said a word for the whole flight. If either one said a single word he would charge them the 50 dollars. James and Lucille agree.
The pilot takes off and climbs as fast as he can and immediately goes into a dive, but he doesn't hear a word from the couple. He flys in circles, climbs and dives, zigs, zags, and everything in between. The couple never say a word. Finally he lands the helicopter.
Over the head set he says "I'm really impressed. I did every thing I could to get a reaction from you two."
James says "well, I almost told you to stop when Lucille fell out, but hey, 50 dollars is 50 dollars."
 

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Isny

Senior Member
Jan 15, 2017
892
785
93
#2
My wife just told me that James should have fallen out!:(
 

Homewardbound

Well-known member
Dec 10, 2018
1,046
561
113
#4
Subject: 50 dollars is 50 dollars
********************************
Every year for 45 years James and Lucille had gone to the state Fair. Every year James told Lucille he wanted to go on the helicopter flight. "Its only 50 dollars" he would say. Every year Lucille would say "50 dollars is fifty dollars" and that was the end of the discussion.
On their 46th trip to the state Fair James asked to go on the helicopter flight, and Lucille told him that 50 dollars was still 50 dollars.
The helicopter pilot heard their conversation and felt a bit sorry for James. He approached them and told them that he would give them both a ride for free if neither one said a word for the whole flight. If either one said a single word he would charge them the 50 dollars. James and Lucille agree.
The pilot takes off and climbs as fast as he can and immediately goes into a dive, but he doesn't hear a word from the couple. He flys in circles, climbs and dives, zigs, zags, and everything in between. The couple never say a word. Finally he lands the helicopter.
Over the head set he says "I'm really impressed. I did every thing I could to get a reaction from you two."
James says "well, I almost told you to stop when Lucille fell out, but hey, 50 dollars is 50 dollars."
NOPE, NOT TELLIN' MY WIFE DIS ONE...NO SIR!!!!
 

Bingo

Well-known member
Feb 9, 2019
1,989
1,500
113
#8
According to the AP this morning, President Trump just announced plans going forward to identify as a “Woman” aka “President Donna Trump”.
In addition to eliminating the far left’s obsession with “diversity” in allowing “him” to become a “her”, it will also make “President Donna Trump” the “First Woman President!” to the consternation of Hillary, Pocahontas, Amy Clobuchar, Kamala Harris and Kirsten Gillibrand.
Additionally, by remaining married to Melania, he becomes the “First Gay President!”, the “First Lesbian President!” and the “First Lesbian President Married to an Immigrant!” all of which will undoubtedly be celebrated by Far Left Democrats across the entire country!
As he/her ended the announcement and walked from the microphones, he was heard to simply say . . .
“April Fool’s!”

MAGA!!!
 

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Bingo

Well-known member
Feb 9, 2019
1,989
1,500
113
#10
"Got this from a friend of mine in the House. He is a gentleman, I’m giving you a heads up, of few words !
The Complete Mueller Report
 

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Bingo

Well-known member
Feb 9, 2019
1,989
1,500
113
#11
:)
Ole was at the country club for his weekly round of golf. He began his round with an eagle on the first hole and a birdie on the second.
On the third hole, he had just scored his first ever hole-in-one when his cell phone rang... It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in an accident and was in critical condition and in ICU.
The man told the doctor to inform his wife where he was and that he'd be there as soon as possible.
As he hung up he realized he was leaving what was shaping up to be his best ever round of golf. He decided to get in a couple of more holes before heading to the hospital.
He ended up playing all eighteen, finishing his round shooting a personal best 61, shattering the club record by five strokes and beating his previous best game by more than 10. He was jubilant. Then he remembered his wife.
feeling guilty he dashed to the hospital. He saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about his wife's condition.
The doctor glared at him and shouted, “You went ahead and finished your round of golf didn't you!" "I hope you're proud of yourself!" "While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself at the country club your wife has been languishing in the ICU!"
“It's just as well you went ahead and finished that round because it will be more than likely be your last! For the rest of her life, she will require round the clock care and you will be her caregiver!
She will need IV's; you will have to change her colostomy bag every 3 hours; she will have to be spoon fed 3 times a day and don't forget the hygiene care."
The man was feeling so guilty he broke down and sobbed...
The doctor snickered and said,

"I'm just messing with you. She's dead. What'd you shoot?
:)
electricity-clipart-turn-on-light-15.jpg
 

Bingo

Well-known member
Feb 9, 2019
1,989
1,500
113
#12

Gynecologist who became a mechanic!


A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO paperwork and was burned out. Hoping to try
another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic.
He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently and learned all he could.
When the time of the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks and was able to complete the exam with tremendous skill.
When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%! Fearing an error, he called the instructor saying, “I don’t want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an error in the grade?” The instructor said, “During the exam you took the engine apart perfectly which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which was also worth 50% of the mark.”
After a pause, the instructor added, “I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the muffler which I’ve never seen done before in my entire career!”
 

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Bingo

Well-known member
Feb 9, 2019
1,989
1,500
113
#14
< Tech Support >

A young woman submitted the message below (about her relationship to her husband) to tech support. She presumably did it as a joke. Then she got a reply that was way too good to keep to herself.
The tech support people's love advice was hilarious and genius!


The query:
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0. I immediately noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 65, and then installed undesirable programs such as: NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House Cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed, Desperate


She received this response:
Dear Desperate,
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Please enter command: I thought you loved me.html and try to download Tears 6.2. Do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta version.
Whatever you do, DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother-In-Law 1.0, as it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources. In addition, please do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.
We recommend Cooking 3.0.
Good Luck
Tech Support Team
 

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DRTB2

New member
Mar 20, 2019
14
4
3
#20
A preacher was pulled over by a policeman for running a red light, and was discovered to be highly intixicated.

“What you you have in that thermos there? Wine?” The cop asked, pointing to an open and empty container in the passenger seat.

“No sir!!” The preacher insisted, “I swear to my Lord and Christ that it was nothing but water! Just water!”


The cop picked up the thermos and sniffed it, “smells like alcohol to me.”

A total look of shock covered the preacher’s face, “MY JESUS!!!” He shouted, jumping up and down. “My Jesus!!! HE’S done it AGAIN!!!!”