~Chuckle for the Day~

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Homewardbound

Well-known member
Dec 10, 2018
1,046
561
113
#24
A preacher was pulled over by a policeman for running a red light, and was discovered to be highly intixicated.

“What you you have in that thermos there? Wine?” The cop asked, pointing to an open and empty container in the passenger seat.

“No sir!!” The preacher insisted, “I swear to my Lord and Christ that it was nothing but water! Just water!”


The cop picked up the thermos and sniffed it, “smells like alcohol to me.”

A total look of shock covered the preacher’s face, “MY JESUS!!!” He shouted, jumping up and down. “My Jesus!!! HE’S done it AGAIN!!!!”
AINT GONNA TRY IT...NNNOPE, NOT GONNA DO IT....
 

Godsgirl83

Well-known member
Apr 1, 2019
2,604
2,068
113
#26
Thanks for this thread. I needed a good laugh today BINGO!:ROFL:
 

calibob

Sinner saved by grace
May 29, 2018
6,810
4,539
113
65
lawton ok
#28
A preacher was Comming home one night from a late night study and fell asleep while driving. His car went off the road and crashed into a ditch.

A drunk stopped to help. "Are you OK?" he asked the preacher. "Yes the Lord was with me." the preacher said. "Well you better let him ride with me." the drunk said. "Why?" The preacher asked. The drunk answered, "Because your in no condition to drive."
 

Bingo

Well-known member
Feb 9, 2019
1,960
1,479
113
#29
~~ Senior Trailer Park ~~

>>>> A little old lady was sitting on a park bench in Trailer Estates, a Florida mobile home park. A man walked over and sits down on the other end of the bench. After a few moments, the woman asks, "Are you a stranger here?"
>>>> He replies, "I lived here years ago."
>>>> "So, where were you all these years?"
>>>> "In prison," he says.
>>>> "Why did they put you in prison?"
>>>> He looked at her, and very quietly said, "I killed my wife."
>>>> "Oh!" said the woman. "So you're single..."
>>>> * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
________________________________________________________________________
>>>> Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor at The Trailer Estates Medical Clinic to get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
>>>> "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful,'" Morris replied.
>>>> To which doctor said, "I didn't say that, Morris. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur. Be careful!'"
>>>> * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
banjo_lg_wht.gif
 

Godsgirl83

Well-known member
Apr 1, 2019
2,604
2,068
113
#30
~~ Senior Trailer Park ~~

>>>> A little old lady was sitting on a park bench in Trailer Estates, a Florida mobile home park. A man walked over and sits down on the other end of the bench. After a few moments, the woman asks, "Are you a stranger here?"
>>>> He replies, "I lived here years ago."
>>>> "So, where were you all these years?"
>>>> "In prison," he says.
>>>> "Why did they put you in prison?"
>>>> He looked at her, and very quietly said, "I killed my wife."
>>>> "Oh!" said the woman. "So you're single..."
>>>> * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
________________________________________________________________________
>>>> Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor at The Trailer Estates Medical Clinic to get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
>>>> "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful,'" Morris replied.
>>>> To which doctor said, "I didn't say that, Morris. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur. Be careful!'"
>>>> * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
View attachment 197726

loling while doing:
 

Bingo

Well-known member
Feb 9, 2019
1,960
1,479
113
#38
~~Humorously accurate~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.
2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.
3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country, and who are very good at crossword puzzles.
4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand The New York Times.
5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country, if they could find the time and if they didn't have to leave Southern California to do it.
6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country.
7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.
8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who is running the country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.
9. The Chicago Tribune is read by people that are in prison that used to run the state, & would like to do so again, as would their constituents that are currently free on bail.
10. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country, but need the baseball scores.
11. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure if there is a country or that anyone is running it; but if so, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are gay, handicapped, minority, feminist, atheists, and those who also happen to be illegal aliens from any other country or galaxy, provided of course, that they are not Republicans.
12. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.
13. The Seattle Times is read by people who have recently caught a fish and need something to wrap it in.




hippy.gif .
 

tanakh

Senior Member
Dec 1, 2015
4,067
678
113
72
#40
Spiderman goes to McDonalds and orders a Burger. The person serving him asks Do you want Flies with that?