~Chuckle for the Day~
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~~My young grandson called the other day to wish me happy birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, 80. My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"
~~After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head
and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice,
"Who
was THAT?"
............
~~After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head
and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice,
"Who
was THAT?"
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~I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me, and she was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued. At last, she headed for the door,
saying, "Grandma, I think you should try figuring out some of this stuff for yourself!"
~When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use, Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes
are coming after us with flashlights."
~A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting." she said, warily. "How do you make babies?"
"It's easy," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."
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saying, "Grandma, I think you should try figuring out some of this stuff for yourself!"
~When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use, Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes
are coming after us with flashlights."
~A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting." she said, warily. "How do you make babies?"
"It's easy," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."
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~An Italian Funeral~
A Jewish man was leaving a convenience store with his espresso when he noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.
A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking in single file.
The Jewish man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the Italian man
walking the dog and said: "I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen an Italian funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"
"My wife's."
"What happened to her?"
"She yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed her."
He inquired further, "But who is in the second hearse?"
My mother-in-law. She came to help my wife and the dog turned on her and killed her also.
A very poignant and touching moment of Jewish and Italian brotherhood and silence passed between the two men.
The Jewish man then asked "Can I borrow the dog?"
The Italian man replied, "Get in the line."
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A Jewish man was leaving a convenience store with his espresso when he noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.
A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking in single file.
The Jewish man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the Italian man
walking the dog and said: "I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen an Italian funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"
"My wife's."
"What happened to her?"
"She yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed her."
He inquired further, "But who is in the second hearse?"
My mother-in-law. She came to help my wife and the dog turned on her and killed her also.
A very poignant and touching moment of Jewish and Italian brotherhood and silence passed between the two men.
The Jewish man then asked "Can I borrow the dog?"
The Italian man replied, "Get in the line."
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~The Urinal too high~
A group of 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local racetrack, (Churchill Downs ) to learn about thoroughbred horses and to see the horses.
When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.
The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.
Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the little boys up one by one, holding on to their little 'wee-wees' to direct the flow
away from their clothes.
As she lifted one little guy, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, "You must be in the 5th grade."
"No ma'am he replied, "I'm riding Silver Arrow in the seventh race, but I appreciate your help."
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~French Church Notice~
The French Churches are very clever in handling an annoying problem.
Something to think about !!
This notice can now be found in all French churches:
En entrant dans cette église, il est possible que vous entendiez l'appel de Dieu.
Par contre, il n'est pas susceptible de vous contacter par téléphone.
Merci d'avoir éteint votre téléphone.
Si vous souhaitez parler à Dieu, entrez, choisissez un endroit tranquille et
parle lui.
Si vous souhaitez le voir, envoyez-lui un SMS en conduisant.
Translation:
It is possible that on entering this church, you may hear the Call of God.
On the other hand, it is not likely that he will contact you by phone.
Thank you for turning off your phone.
If you would like to talk to God, come in, choose a quiet place, and
talk to him.
If you would like to see him, send him a text while driving.
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The French Churches are very clever in handling an annoying problem.
Something to think about !!
This notice can now be found in all French churches:
En entrant dans cette église, il est possible que vous entendiez l'appel de Dieu.
Par contre, il n'est pas susceptible de vous contacter par téléphone.
Merci d'avoir éteint votre téléphone.
Si vous souhaitez parler à Dieu, entrez, choisissez un endroit tranquille et
parle lui.
Si vous souhaitez le voir, envoyez-lui un SMS en conduisant.
Translation:
It is possible that on entering this church, you may hear the Call of God.
On the other hand, it is not likely that he will contact you by phone.
Thank you for turning off your phone.
If you would like to talk to God, come in, choose a quiet place, and
talk to him.
If you would like to see him, send him a text while driving.
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