~Chuckle for the Day~

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Homewardbound

Homewardbound

Well-known member
#161
Dec 10, 2018
1,078
593
113
#161
Bingo said:
Grandma Still Drives – Priceless!!!

Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She
writes a letter to her granddaughter:

Dear Victoria,

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a
'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker.
I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a
thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting.
So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper. Boy, am I glad I did;
what an uplifting experience that followed.
I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in
thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the
light had changed.
It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked,
I'd never have noticed. I found that lots of people love Jesus!
While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy,
and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, 'For the love of
God!'
'Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ GO!' What an exuberant cheerleader he was for
Jesus!
Everyone started honking!
I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those
loving people.
I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!
There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him
yelling something about a sunny beach.
I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger
stuck up in the air.
I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.
He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.
Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window
and gave him the good luck sign right back.
My grandson burst out laughing. Why even he was enjoying this religious
experience!!
A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that
they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.
I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is
when I noticed the light had changed.
So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on
through the intersection.
I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection
before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave
them after all the love we had shared.
So, I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the
Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord
for such wonderful folks!!

Will write again soon,
Love, Grandma

View attachment 199800 :) :) :)
Click to expand...
ALRIGHTY THEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
Bingo

Bingo

Well-known member
#162
Feb 9, 2019
9,219
4,755
113
#162
My job search
1. My first job was working in an Orange Juice factory, but I got canned . Couldn't concentrate .
2. Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack, but just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe .
3. After that, I tried being a Tailor, but wasn't suited for it, mainly because it was a sew-sew job.
4. Next, I tried working in a Muffler Factory, but that was too exhausting.
5. Then, tried being a Chef - figured it would add a little spice to my life, but just didn't have the thyme.
6. Next, I attempted being a Deli Worker, but any way I sliced it.... I couldn't cut the mustard.
7. My best job was a Musician, but eventually found I wasn't noteworthy.
8. I studied a long time to become a Doctor, but didn't have any patience.
9. Next, was a job in a Shoe Factory. Tried hard but just didn't fit in.
10. I became a Professional Fisherman, but discovered I couldn't live on my net income.
11. Managed to get a good job working for a Pool Maintenance Company, but the work was just too draining.
12. So then I got a job in a Workout Center, but they said I wasn't fit for the job.
13. After many years of trying to find steady work , I finally got a job as a Historian - until I realized there was no future in it.
14. My last job was working in Starbucks, but had to quit because it was the same old grind.

~That's all folks~ animated-line-dancing-image-0030.gif :)






 
Homewardbound

Homewardbound

Well-known member
#163
Dec 10, 2018
1,078
593
113
#163
Bingo said:
My job search
1. My first job was working in an Orange Juice factory, but I got canned . Couldn't concentrate .
2. Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack, but just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe .
3. After that, I tried being a Tailor, but wasn't suited for it, mainly because it was a sew-sew job.
4. Next, I tried working in a Muffler Factory, but that was too exhausting.
5. Then, tried being a Chef - figured it would add a little spice to my life, but just didn't have the thyme.
6. Next, I attempted being a Deli Worker, but any way I sliced it.... I couldn't cut the mustard.
7. My best job was a Musician, but eventually found I wasn't noteworthy.
8. I studied a long time to become a Doctor, but didn't have any patience.
9. Next, was a job in a Shoe Factory. Tried hard but just didn't fit in.
10. I became a Professional Fisherman, but discovered I couldn't live on my net income.
11. Managed to get a good job working for a Pool Maintenance Company, but the work was just too draining.
12. So then I got a job in a Workout Center, but they said I wasn't fit for the job.
13. After many years of trying to find steady work , I finally got a job as a Historian - until I realized there was no future in it.
14. My last job was working in Starbucks, but had to quit because it was the same old grind.

~That's all folks~ View attachment 199922 :)
Click to expand...
You're killin' me Bingo..you're killin' me....
 
Bingo

Bingo

Well-known member
#170
Feb 9, 2019
9,219
4,755
113
#170
walkdogie.gif
Cowboy at the Pearly Gates...

St. Peter asked the cowboy, “Have you ever done anything of particular merit?"
"Well, I can think of one thing," the cowboy offered. "On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, 'Now, back off or I'll kick the shit out of all of you!'
St. Peter was impressed, "When did this happen?"
"Couple of minutes ago.” :eek: :ROFL:
 
Homewardbound

Homewardbound

Well-known member
#171
Dec 10, 2018
1,078
593
113
#171
Bingo said:
View attachment 200007
Cowboy at the Pearly Gates...

St. Peter asked the cowboy, “Have you ever done anything of particular merit?"
"Well, I can think of one thing," the cowboy offered. "On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, 'Now, back off or I'll kick the shit out of all of you!'
St. Peter was impressed, "When did this happen?"
"Couple of minutes ago.” :eek: :ROFL:
Click to expand...
C'mon Bingo...your killing me!
 
Bingo

Bingo

Well-known member
#176
Feb 9, 2019
9,219
4,755
113
#176
~Humor or Not~

-A WISE MAN ONCE SAID - NOTHING.
-RESPECT YOUR ELDERS; THEY GRADUATED SCHOOL WITHOUT THE INTERNET.
-WHY DO I HAVE TO PRESS "1" FOR ENGLISH? DID WE MOVE?
-WE HAVE ENOUGH GUN CONTROL; WHAT WE NEED IS IDIOT CONTROL.
-BEHIND EVERY ANGRY WOMAN STANDS A MAN WHO HAS ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT HE DID WRONG.
-INSTEAD OF "SINGLE” - AS A MARITAL STATUS I PREFER "INDEPENDENTLY OWNED AND OPERATED".
-PATIENCE: WHAT YOU HAVE WHEN THERE ARE TOO MANY WITNESSES.
-LET'S STOP SENDING MONEY TO OTHER COUNTRIES AND LET THEM HATE US FOR FREE.
-VEGETARIAN: ANCIENT TRIBAL NAME FOR THE VILLAGE IDIOT WHO CAN'T HUNT, FISH, OR LIGHT FIRES!
-I LOOK AT PEOPLE AND SOMETIMES THINK … "REALLY? THAT'S THE SPERM THAT WON?"
-IN MY DEFENCE I WAS LEFT UNSUPERVISED.
-IF GUNS KILL PEOPLE, THEN PENCILS MISSPELL WORDS, CARS MAKE PEOPLE DRIVE DRUNK, AND SPOONS MAKE PEOPLE FAT.
-CAMPING: WHERE YOU SPEND A SMALL FORTUNE TO LIVE LIKE A HOMELESS PERSON.
-IF MY BODY IS EVER FOUND ON A JOGGING TRAIL JUST KNOW THAT I WAS MURDERED SOMEWHERE ELSE AND DUMPED THERE.
-MY DECISION-MAKING SKILLS CLOSELY RESEMBLE THOSE OF A SQUIRREL WHEN CROSSING THE ROAD....
-SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER LEFT UNSAID. AND I USUALLY REALIZE IT RIGHT AFTER I SAY THEM.



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shittim

shittim

Senior Member
#180
Dec 16, 2016
13,798
7,782
113
#180
the taters look perfect to me!
 
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