Divorce and remarry

My Brother is planning on getting married in April. The women who he wants to marry, was married before. I don't feel like I can go to the wedding because I would be supporting him if I did. Some people say that you should go to show your love, but how would that be showing love when I feel that he will be living in sin.

In Matthew 5:32 we read, But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery. You see it says that the only way that it is ok to devorce is for fornication, and if they divorce exept for fornication, they commit adultery. Now notice it says commit it does not say committeth. Commit is a one time thing committeth is continuous. Then the rest of the verse goes on to say and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery. You see here it says committeth, so I believe in this cause they are continuously living in adultery. We read in 1 Corinthians 7 were it says that a women should not depart from her husband and if she depart(which is a sin except for fornication)let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband.

Now as far as whether a person does commit sin or they committeth sin in 1 John we read,

He that committeth sin is of the devil........

....If any man sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous 1 John 2:1


You see so if a person commits( commiteth) sin willfuly, I believe they are under the law of sin.

But if they commit sin and confess it, I believe they will be freed from the law of sin.

The Bible clearly says that a person is free to marry if the husband or wife dies, but I don't know anywhere where it clearly says that you can get remarried under any cercomstances.

If anyone can prove me wrong, using Scripture, please do. It isn't easy to not go to my brothers wedding when a lot of my relatives will probably go. But I feel like I will be a partaker of another man's sin it I go.

this is a tricky one

i once had that attitude and did not support 2 friends when they remarried

having since made my own mistakes i would be more compassionate in future

I am interested in knowing why this woman divorced in the first place. Do you know what happned? Did the ex husband leave his wife (in which she has zero control over the divorce which frees her from any bond Biblically), do you know for a fact he didn't cheat on her? Its not something many women readily tell people. I think that if you dont go to the wedding without knowing these two facts for sure you are the one at fault.

You will be cutting off your brother and his new wife (and possibly future children) by commiting this act. You are the one punishing them for their actions...which should be God's place. I dont know how much of a Godly influence you are to these people, but to throw away a relationship with your brother over a sin that might have been commited by his wife is just...absurd. If they aren't Christians you may be affirming what the world calls Christians: cold.

If you are so sure, let them know up front why you wont be attending the wedding. Go to the reception instead. If you care anything about your brother and not the plank in his eye I'd ask you to search your heart and reconciter your actions. It is one thing to support, it is another thing to abandon and destroy.

apportioning blame is a difficult thing
in each case my married friends broke their conjugal marriage vows
BUT in each case their wives had broken theirs too, in other ways
specifically the vows to love, honour, obey
they had also withdrawn conjugal privileges

I am not justifying anything my friends did but just showing there is plenty of blame to go around

and quite frankly this is a common occurrence

once the father has sired the required number of children
the wife focuses on THEM for her happiness rather than reverencing her husband

in our country she then puts pressure on him to choose to leave because she knows he will still be forced to support financially

you end up with kids with no full time father and a man having to finance 2 households

I really dont understand why someone can't say "I love you, I'll be here for you, but I must let you know what God says on this issue." God never abandoned people because of their sin, he just made it known what they were doing wrong. By being there you're being a loving brother, by voicing God's Word you are telling them what they should do/should have done. Who is the more effective Christian? One that stands in love and corrects, or the one who doesn't show up at all to make "their point" (abandonment)?


Maybe this is just personal to me because I work as a photographer at weddings and I have to see family ripped apart because of the actions of another. Its hard because you can see the devestation because family refuses to forgive eachother.

In my own family my uncle married a jewish woman. My new aunt was abandoned by her mother who refused to go to their wedding. My aunt still to this day suffers from that incident. Her mother could have been there for her daughter but disagreed with the choice. She could have showed her love and told her what God says. But she didn't and it caused more harm than good.

I haven't abandoned my brother at all in fact I went out to eat with him and the kids that this women had and I paid for the kids meal. But as far as your comment about being cold. People may think I'm cold and fundamental Christians are slowly starting to be considered haters. In fact, I think they are trying to make it so that it will be a crime to speak out against homosexuality.

Let me ask you a question, Is it being cold when I don't want my brother to go to hell, so I don't go to his wedding, which I believe is just helping him go to hell. What if my brother would go to hell because of living in adultery, and then he would remember those that attending his wedding and then he would remember me how I confronted him with scripture(which I have) and then he would remember all those who supported him in his sin by going to the wedding. Who then would he be angry with.

No they both profess to be Christians and I am not worthy to condemn, but I don't see a whole lot of fruit. And what does it matter what the cause was as far as what heer husband was like. In her situation I believe that she would have been able to divorce without sinning, but like I said show me biblicaly that she can then still remarry

Remember even though we think that it would seem like it is ok the Bible says in Proverbs 14:12 That there is a way the seems right unto a man, but the end of it are the ways of death.

Firstly my comment on being cold is how a Christian is perseved when he wont go to his own brothers wedding because this woman divorced. People who dont understand you will make judgments based on the fact that you're Christian and frankly it's just an easy connection to make. You might not care but your brothers new wife probably does.

By not going to your brothers wedding you aren't condemning him to hell. You know the scriptures "For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not parish but have eternal life." There is no (excpet adultry) in quotations. If you are going to quote the passage about murders, adulterors, and liars...etc it doesn't effect God's ability to save divorced people. Your actions do nothing but abandon.

It DOES matter what her husband was like because the reason you're giving for not attending in the first place is that they're commiting adultry. If she didn't commit adultry then you're not telling the whole story here, because you should be overjoyed that your brother found an honest woman.

I never said it was okay for them to marry, I am saying it's not okay for not showing up for the wedding. Are they completely cool with that? Because it destroys relationships. That's the only point I'm trying to make. That and it's God's judgment not yours, and you shouldn't be punishing or hurting them based on your holy attitude.

You are right the plan of salvation is a simple as believing on Jesus, But to believe on Jesus you also have to believe on His Word because in John 1:1 we read that the Word is God. And God's Word says in 1 Corinthians 6:9 ...Be not deceived: neither fornicatiors, nor idolaters, nor adulterers,etc.......shall inherit the kingdom of God.

In 1 John 2:4 It says He that saith, I know him, and keepeth not his commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him.

If you would have read my first post, it says that whoever marries the women that is divorced committeth adultery.It does not say its still ok to remarry under certain cercomstances, but it says it is ok to divorce under certain cercomstances, but in 1 Corinthians it says if she depart she needs to remain unmarried. Like I said show me Scripture were it clearly says they can remarry even if their original husband is still living. Your advice is based on human reasoning and not the Bible.

My advice is not based on human reasoning, its based on facts and trying to show you what damage can be done by not showing up to the wedding. If anything I'm saying the hard things to you before you potentially do something you regret. I can just as easily write you off and take your hits at my spirituality, but I wont because believe it or not I care about you. I dont know your family but please entertain the idea that I might be right. Pretend for a couple minutes.

If you dont know what happened to the womans husband, you can not say who was at fault. Whether it be the woman or her husband. You're just saying the woman because you want to and refuse to find out whether she is the unfaithful one. This is a problem.

Whoever marries a woman that is divorced committeh adultery- you are right about this. You chose to ignore a very important part of scripture though: "saving for the case of fornication". This means who ever initiated the divorce with the sexual immorality is the one who is at fault. This frees the other person to remarry without commiting adultry because it is a great sin against their marriage, so much so that Jesus made an exception. If she didn't commit these things and her husband did then your brother isn't commiting adultry at all.

Your argument (from what I gathered) is that even if she wasn't at fault, she's demned to a life of solitude or an unfaithful unloving possibly abusive husband, instead of the man who loves her (your brother). I dont see that in scripture anywhere.

You also quoted the last scripture wrong. You said
"And whoever shall marry her that is divorced commiteth adultry." that is not how it is written. This is the whole passage from the KJV:

32But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

You may say, "But Dread that's what I wrote!" No it's not. you forgot the ( : ). A : means that it is the tail end of the complete thought of a sentence which summerizes or inhances the point of the first part. Meaning, it's not a new complete thought, it's a continuation. This means that according to the scriptures THE woman who was being divorced, save for the cause of fornication, that man who marrys her commits adultry. Not all women who are divorced commits adultry as you claim and imply.

To say that God's salvation is limited only to those who dont commit adultry, fornicate, and worship idols is a slap to Jesus in the face. He died for all sin, not some. I believe 1 Corth. passage was meant people who were claiming to be Christians who did these things, not honest to goodness Christians who struggled with sin.

Remember:

Jn.3:16 Whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life
Jn.11:25,26 I am the resurrection and the life...whosoever believeth in Me shall never die
Acts 16:31 Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved
Rom.10:9,10 If thou shalt...believe in thine heart...thou shalt be saved
1Jn.5:1a Whosoever believeth Jesus is the Christ is born of God

None of those scriputures have "sin clauses" attached to them. There is no list of sin we must not commit in order to stay out of hell, because Christ already died for those sins. We know how people are saved and it's not by being good.

And lastly, I'm sorry. I re read my posts and they do seem a little attila the hun. I dont want to attack you, but I do want you to demonstrate God's love to a new extention to your family. I think that you're an incredible testimony to be so passionate and unwavering about Christ and to withdraw on your family is such a waste seeing your potential (from what I've read on the forum anyway). I'm not saying this stuff to flatter you, I'm just trying to get you to look in a new direction. If i didn't succeed then hey, at least I can say I tried.

why dont you forget the book and what its says, and just follow your heart on this situation

wow, that is absolutely the worst advice I think I have ever heard. What does the Bible say about the heart?

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?

He that trusteth in his own heart is a fool: but whoso walketh wisely, he shall be delivered. Proverbs 28:26

the bible says alot of things the bible says divorce is a sin so if a woman or man was being beaten abused they have to live with it.
sounds fair doesnt it because the bible says a person cant leave a bad marriage and try and start again with the possibilty of finding love.

also IF the bible says to kill some one because there a non beliver or what ever would you follow it becuase the bible tells you to

Dread Zepplin I apreciate you trying to give me advice, but the Bible clearly says that you can devorce for marital unfaithfulness, but what I read is that your then need to stay unmarried. Its not my words it is the Bibles. I know it probably don't seem fair, that is why marriage is such a critical choice. You need to make sure that person is a man or women of God. I grew up in the mennonite circle and very few of these people get divorced. I believe it is because they aren't so wrapped up in the things of the Word. Know I believe all Scripture is given by inspiration of God, but I believe that Matthew was written with more emphasis on the Jews who were under Moseses law that is why it brings up the fact that Moses allowed them to divorce because of the hardness of their hearts Matt. 19. But in Mark which is very simular to matt we read.

And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her. Mark 10:11

Then in Luke 16:18 we read..

Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery.

You see there is no exception clause her whatsoever.

I noticed you said that I was attacking your spirituality. I realy don't think I was attacking yours any more than you were mine. Here is an interesting passage.

If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple. Luke 14:26

I don't believe it means to hate the soul of that person but their life here on earth. We hate their life and love their soul. So it shouldn't even care about my brothers comfort here on earth. What good is a 40 years of comfort for eternity in hell. That verse obviously don't mean we should hate that person as a whole because the Bible says that if we hate our brother, than we are a murderer. Everything that we do should be done because we have our affection set on things above and not on the earth. Hey I've been single my whole life and I still have joy and happiness. You don't have to get married to enjoy life.

The Bible doen't say that. So I guess I don't have to worry about it. In fact the Bible says

....Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you. Matthew 5:44

I suppose we'll have to disagree on our interpretations of the Bible. Because I believe it clearly states that women who are divorced are allowed to remarry based on the same scripture and explination I gave before. You dont even comment on the salvation scriptures so I'm not sure your stance on being married and going to hell...i dont believe your brother will go to hell for being married to a divorced woman but I assume you do which is totally unbiblical.

If your Christianity is a testimony to your family, then having an "i dont care about your comfort" attitude will get you no where and possibly drive them away from the things of Christ. People make strong associations between a righteous attitude and one in love. Its the difference between hurting and helping. You can have all the justifications in the world but if anything is done apart from love it will not be a testimony of Christ but self.

Even then, if you were right, why are your actions justified? Why do you feel the need to punish your family? Is punishing them what God wants? Are you operating in Christ by punishing people for their personal sins, not yours? You dont just effect your brother by not being there you effect the wife, the kids of the wife, your parents, and any other siblings. Is hurting them (and believe me, you will) more important than pulling your brother aside and telling them their wrongs and attending anyway? How do you think your relationship will grow by you not being there? Do you think their relationship with Christ will grow by you not showing up?

I guess you are right, we will have to disagree on this, because this could just keep on going back and forth.

Most of my immediate family will not go because we were brought up that it is wrong. When I said my relatives I ment my cousins and uncles and what not.

The interesting thing is. Probably less than 2 years ago my brother was dating someone who was not married, and this was when I wasn't living a Christian life, so I don't know how much I responded to his comment, but I remember he told me that he was glad that this women was not married before, because he realy did believe that it was wrong to marry someone divorced. I think he still feels somewhat guilty. You can just tell by the way he acts..

NO I love my brother and I want to see him in the afterlife. That is why I want to be a shinning light to him. I am in pretty good terms with him. I don't reject him, and I'm nice to him. I just want to see him walking in righteousness.

I am not going to prove you wrong on the root of this fact. I don't support remarriage after a divorce unless the person who he/she divorces has passed away. That's what scripture states anyway. BUT I think this is not about you stating his decision is right or wrong, you can set your stand on this to him from the beginning. The issue here is something beyond what ideologically separates you and your brother, he is still your brother and If it were mine, I would go, because it's things like this that will probably make him or her in the future count on you, because it's him who needs you, and not you needing him in this case. I don't think you going or not would make a difference in showing what you think, I don't think they'd care about your disapproval, I think they care more about the love and support you show, he is not obligated to do the same decisions you make, all the decisions we make are subject to consequences.
The other thing here is context, we have to know why scripture tells us not to do that, I think the consequences of divorce and remarriage are obvious to all of us, if your brother is willing to deal with them, so be it. I believe things will work better for everyone involved if we showed love and support, especially in this situation.

I just think there is more God can do through you by going, than by you not going

I understand were your comming from, but If my brother was going to marry a gay partner would that still be ok to go to the wedding?

I believe the Bible talks more about divorce then it does the gays. I'm not trying to defend the gays, my natural instinct tells me that is worse, but I'm just making a point.

Well the scenario now has nothing to do with gay marriage, that's a different thing, and it would have to be explained and reasoned in a different manner, because of natural reasons. It all depends on the difference you can make in his life now by going or not going. Because our job in this world is not to judge people, that's God's job, our job in this world is to bring people to Christ, Jesus ate with people who were judged to be the worst filthiest minds in society, which was of huge controversy, again I think he's got the point of your family not agreeing to it, and he is still doing it, that means he is assuming the natural consequences of it. I think if you are somebody he sees on his side, maybe not ideologically, but as an emotional support, I encourage you to go.