Hilarious post

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Jan7777777

Active member
Oct 19, 2018
224
154
43
#42
I saw on a website this one ==>
" The oldest Computer was owned by Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with very limited memory, just one byte and everything crashed."
[ byte => bite … apple......yeah] lol
 

Jan7777777

Active member
Oct 19, 2018
224
154
43
#43
I saw one online...
a youth pastor fell asleep at a staff meeting...….
so all the people laid clothes across the chairs.....
left the room,
then blew a trumpet....lol

[rapture and he was left behind joke...lol ]
 

Jan7777777

Active member
Oct 19, 2018
224
154
43
#45
In Sun. school lesson was on God creating Eve out of a rib., Little Johnny was intent.
….later that week his mom ask him why he was lying down.
"I have a pain my side and I think I'm going to have a wife. [ snickers *]
 

Jan7777777

Active member
Oct 19, 2018
224
154
43
#46
Just a chuckle;
Wonder why an Atheist calls a dog a 'dog', I mean since that is in the bible and they don't believe in the word ...just sayin
 

Jan7777777

Active member
Oct 19, 2018
224
154
43
#47
You come from Dust, You will return to dust. That's why I don't dust.

…….It could be someone I know.
 

Jan7777777

Active member
Oct 19, 2018
224
154
43
#48
Burnt 1200 calories today.
….Forgot pizza in the Oven. [heh]
 

Jan7777777

Active member
Oct 19, 2018
224
154
43
#50
Just a chuckle;
Wonder why an Atheist calls a dog a 'dog', I mean since that is in the bible and they don't believe in the word ...just sayin
``
its what adam named them
 

TheLearner

Well-known member
Jan 14, 2019
1,610
360
83
#51
Two hippies are walking down the road and they came upon a Catholic Priest with a broken arm.
One says, Hey man what happened to your Arm?
Priest, I fell in the bathtub.
Each continues to talk on.
One hippie turns to the other, hey man what is a bathtub?
The other, I don't know it must be a Catholic Thing.
 

mailmandan

Senior Member
Apr 7, 2014
21,299
10,051
113
55
#52
Top Ten Ways You Know You're in a Bad Church

10. The church bus has gun racks

9. The staff consists of "Senior Pastor, Associate Pastor, and Socio-Pastor"

8. The Bible they use is the "Dr. Seuss Version"

7. Their is an ATM in the lobby

6. The church services are B.Y.O.S. -- "Bring Your Own Snake"

5. The choir wears leather robes

4. There is no cover charge, but communion is a 2 drink minimum

3. They have karaoke worship time

2. The ushers ask "Smoking or Non-Smoking?" before seating you

1. The only song the church organist knows is "Innagaddadavita"
 

TabinRivCA

Well-known member
Oct 23, 2018
6,558
6,289
113
#53
Moses was leading his people through the desert for 40 years. It seems, even in Biblical times men avoided asking for directions.

What kind of car does Jesus drive...a Christler.
 

TheLearner

Well-known member
Jan 14, 2019
1,610
360
83
#56
The first mention of "race fixing" in the Bible.
Jesus told Lazarus to "come Fourth."

* The first mention of "Formula 1 Racing" in the Bible.
"All of Isreal heard the roar of his Triumph."

* The first mention of "smoking" in the Bible.
"Sarah lit up on a camel."

* The first mention of "football" in the Bible.
"Jesus going up for the cross."

* The first mention of "laxatives" in the Bible.
"Moses took two tablets and went up on the mount."

* The first mention of "tennis" in the Bible.
"Joseph served on Pharaoh's court."

* The first mention of "motorcycles" in the Bible.
"Joshua's Triumph was heard throughout the land."

* The first mention of "computer languages" in the Bible.
"Go FORTH and multiply!"

* The first mention of "programming style" in the Bible.
"GO TO, and let us confuse their language."

* The first mention of "sex" in the Bible.
"Jesus was Layed in the tomb." or
"Jesus going to Mount Olive."

* The first mention of "constipation" in the Bible.
"Baalam's ass would not move."

* The first mention of "drugs" in the Bible.
"Mary Magdalen getting stoned."

* The first mention of "elasticity" in the Bible.
"Jesus tying his ass to a tree and then walking 40 miles
into the desert."

* The first mention of "Baseball" in the Bible.
"And Rachael took a pitcher to the well."

* The first mention of "The lord's name" in the Bible.
"Our father who art in heaven HALLOWED be thy name."

* The first mention of "baseball" in the Bible.
"In the Big-Inning"
 
Jan 30, 2019
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#58
A bored young man decided life would be more fun if he had a pet.

So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede, (100-legged bug), which came in a little white box to use for his house.

He took the box back home, found a good spot for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to church with him. So he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to church with me today? We will have a good time." But there was no answer from his new pet. This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked again, "How about going to church with me and receive blessings?" But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.

The guy decided to invite the centipede one last time. This time he put his face up against the centipede's house and shouted, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to church with me and learn about God?" This time, a little voice came out of the box, "I heard you the first time! I'm putting on my shoes!"