Queuing phone services.
You know the kind,
We are experiencing a high volume of phone calls at the present time, did you
know we can offer many services on our website. If you would like to visit our
website the address is
www.weliketoannoyyou.co.uk (
I would not be calling you
if I wanted to use your website aaaargh).
Did you know you may be eligible for a saving of 0.01% if you pay your bills by
direct debit and allow us to take as much money as we want out of your account
whenever we want. If you want to take advantage of this one time special
offer, please press 1 now and you will be immediately put through to an operator.
(Arrrgh when do I get to speak to a real person about my own query).
You are a valued customer if you wish to continue to hold please press 2.
(presses 2)
Thank you for your call if you would really like to speak to an operator now please
press 3.
(
presses 3)
We do appreciate your service we are really amused that you are still waiting on
the phone and we really would like you to use our website instead, but if you really
really want to continue to hold, please press 4.
(
presses 4 with an agitated stabbing motion).
Welcome to our award winning customer service centre, we value your custom and will
answer your call as soon as possible. You are currently 2453 in the queue. Are you certain
you want to continue to hold. We would rather you use our website, that way we can get
your email address and bombard you with a tonne of emails every day. But sigh if you
really, really, really still want to hold, please press 5 now and we will waste some more
of your time and phone bill.
Please be aware we are charging you £5 per minute for this phone call and making lots
of money by making you wait. Etc etc etc
(me rips the phone from the socket and throws it out of the window)