Is it OK to lie?

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Ugly

Senior Member
Apr 19, 2011
20,654
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#21
This is pride and lying to someone you want to trust you.. men like to feel useful and fix things. You're robbing him if that.

I'd question what else don't I know. If you can lie once when you justify it, you can do much more.

Justifying is a huge red flag
Some valid points and in some cases they may apply. But there's also some exaggeration.
Perhaps sue doesn't want to burden another with her problems. Some people are raised like that and others just have personalities like that.
Perhaps she feels like she needs to deal with it herself because she needs to prove to herself she's capable.

People in relationships lie all the time about needing help. Does it mean the person is of questionable character lying about all sorts of things? Nope. I bet you've done it. And get you will do it again. As well as everyone else you know.

Justifying these sorts of lies is not a red flag. That one doesn't rush to take help is a good sign. We all need some level of independence from others. To be able to sustain without that person. The one that rushes to others is one that will be unable to take care of themselves.

To me one that lies frequently or for selfish motives or to hurt others are the red flags. One that lies from time to time over small issues is not being questionable.

According to your logic if you were to throw a surprise party for someone and that person tried to make plans with you that day and you lied that's bad. And when you made an excuse for lying that's a red flag.
Not all lies are equal, and not all lies have negative motives.

By the way, one extremely common complaint I hear about men, "they're always trying to fix things". Indulging someone in their every whim isn't healthy either. I'm very much a "people fixer", but it has been a benefit to me that not everyone has been eager to let me. It's actually been good for me to be denied sometimes.
 
Nov 23, 2016
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#22
Do my jeans make me look chubby ? No honey ... it's not the jeans. Is that what you mean Willy :confused:
 
Feb 7, 2015
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#23
Do you think Corrie Ten Boom, or any of the other hundreds of people who hid Jews, and told the Nazis they had not seen a Jew in months are going to be told, in Heaven, that they lied, but God will forgive them for that "sin?"
 
Feb 7, 2015
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#24
Do my jeans make me look chubby ? No honey ... it's not the jeans. Is that what you mean Willy :confused:
I wasn't talking about something so frivolous, but that certainly could be an example to dissect.
 
Feb 7, 2015
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#27
We recently paid someone's tuition. We have asked to remain anonymous. Should we "confess" to that support if asked by anyone?
 
Nov 23, 2016
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#28
We recently paid someone's tuition. We have asked to remain anonymous. Should we "confess" to that support if asked by anyone?
I'd simply say I can't tell you even if I did know. The donor wishes to remain anonymous.
 

Silverwings

Senior Member
Jul 27, 2016
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#29
We recently paid someone's tuition. We have asked to remain anonymous. Should we "confess" to that support if asked by anyone?
It is hardly anonymous to announce it on a public forum!!!
 

sharii

Junior Member
Jan 4, 2018
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#30
Willie, which Bible are you reading from? Where does God say that it is o.k. to lie 'sometimes' ?
This is what my Bible says about lies:
[SUP]
John 8:44
44 [/SUP]Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it.

Most of us do lie from time to time.....that does not mean that it is o.k. We should absolutely try our best to not lie.
 
Feb 7, 2015
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#31
Willie, which Bible are you reading from? Where does God say that it is o.k. to lie 'sometimes' ?
This is what my Bible says about lies:
[SUP]
John 8:44
44 [/SUP]Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it.

Most of us do lie from time to time.....that does not mean that it is o.k. We should absolutely try our best to not lie.
A plain and simple "Yes" or "No" question. Did Rahab out and out lie to the authorities?
 

Silverwings

Senior Member
Jul 27, 2016
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#32
Elijah is a bit involved, so I'll let you study that some about the 100 prophets he hid in a cave, and the year he spent hiding in a widow's house (talk about "the appearance of evil"). Now, I'm sure some here will say both of those were just innocent "deceptions", not real lies, but I think we all know better.

But, Rahab flat lied, bare-faced, to the cops while the spies hid and listened to her tell the lie.
The prophets, and the spies were saved from certain death, I think that takes preeminence in Gods eyes, over the letter of the law.And when I read the report of Elijah staying in the widows house , the appearance of evil never entered my mind, I considered him to be of good moral character, and I would imagine that the wording the appearance of evil was added much later to the bible, and was not then a consideration.
 
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Z

Zi

Guest
#33
I have learned to enjoy reading your posts. Thank you

Some valid points and in some cases they may apply. But there's also some exaggeration.
Perhaps sue doesn't want to burden another with her problems. Some people are raised like that and others just have personalities like that.
Perhaps she feels like she needs to deal with it herself because she needs to prove to herself she's capable.

People in relationships lie all the time about needing help. Does it mean the person is of questionable character lying about all sorts of things? Nope. I bet you've done it. And get you will do it again. As well as everyone else you know.

Justifying these sorts of lies is not a red flag. That one doesn't rush to take help is a good sign. We all need some level of independence from others. To be able to sustain without that person. The one that rushes to others is one that will be unable to take care of themselves.

To me one that lies frequently or for selfish motives or to hurt others are the red flags. One that lies from time to time over small issues is not being questionable.

According to your logic if you were to throw a surprise party for someone and that person tried to make plans with you that day and you lied that's bad. And when you made an excuse for lying that's a red flag.
Not all lies are equal, and not all lies have negative motives.

By the way, one extremely common complaint I hear about men, "they're always trying to fix things". Indulging someone in their every whim isn't healthy either. I'm very much a "people fixer", but it has been a benefit to me that not everyone has been eager to let me. It's actually been good for me to be denied sometimes.
 
Feb 7, 2015
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#34
The prophets, and the spies were saved from certain death, I think that takes preeminence in Gods eyes, over the letter of the law.
I think you are right. And, BTW, what (word for word) IS "the letter of the law" on that? All through the Bible, the word "lie" is used........... but in the commandment, somehow that very commonly used Biblical word was left out. We were commanded "not to bear false witness against our neighbor." Think about that "letter of the law." Did that say to surrender Christians to people who want to kill them?

This is no joking matter. Have we made that commandment to be something it was never intended to be?
 
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renewed_hope

Senior Member
May 9, 2016
1,920
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#35
Well I am not sure about that. I mean it is noble to not want to burden your other half with your financial troubles but at the same time honesty is vital in any relationship. Stephanie knows of my financial issues and I do not hesitate to tell her about it but often times even when she offers me money I tell her no thank you and heck even when I wanted to give her money for her birthday this month an unexpected issue with bank happened and as bad as I felt I told her and she was perfectly fine with it.
One thing I treasure about our relationship is that we can be totally honest with each other and are comfortable with being able to talk about anything and this came from us being totally honest with each other.

If I were to lyie to her about my money issues when she asks me how I am doing money wise and she found out I was lying even as small as such a thing may seem she can't exactly take me at my word if I say I am doing fine can she?
This is pride and lying to someone you want to trust you.. men like to feel useful and fix things. You're robbing him if that.

I'd question what else don't I know. If you can lie once when you justify it, you can do much more.

Justifying is a huge red flag
Did you need financial help? If no. It wasn't a lie. The only lie was you were doing fine when you don't feel like you're doing fine. What was wrong with thanking him for the offer, but this is one of those times you want to handle it yourself?

I used to tell the truth something like this, "Well, no. I can't afford the fix now, but I got my big girl pants on and am working it out. However, you can always buy me a Pepsi or invite me over for dinner instead."

That way, no lies, but he knew how far I'd take charity.
Look, you all assume a lot and I mean that respectfully. We are only dating so, my money issues are mine and mine alone to deal with. Dating couples don't have to tell each other everything, if we were engaged it would be totally different.

Lynn, I think you are the only person who actually understand my situation and i appreciate you not passing judgement. I did thank him for the offer and said his giving nature is one of the many things that I love about him :)
 

sharii

Junior Member
Jan 4, 2018
5
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#36
Definitely something to think about. :) Thank-you
 
Feb 7, 2015
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#37
I think it is a very good thing not to lie. But, I do have to question if we might not have truly invented a "Commandment" that was never given to us.

Just as we have pretty well overplayed the "Thou shat not Kill" Commandment. War is an issue there. Also self-defense, like in an attack or a robbery. But, some of us even take it so far as to say that killing an animal for food is wrong.
 

stand2

Senior Member
Dec 6, 2017
289
20
18
#38
I think it is a very good thing not to lie. But, I do have to question if we might not have truly invented a "Commandment" that was never given to us.

Just as we have pretty well overplayed the "Thou shat not Kill" Commandment. War is an issue there. Also self-defense, like in an attack or a robbery. But, some of us even take it so far as to say that killing an animal for food is wrong.
When you say "invented" I'm assuming you mean by degree......correct ?
 
Feb 7, 2015
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#39
When you say "invented" I'm assuming you mean by degree......correct ?
In a way, perhaps. But compare "You can only speak words that are completely truthful.... to anyone, at any time", to the actual words of the Commandment.
 

JesusLives

Senior Member
Oct 11, 2013
12,867
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#40


Rahab's name appears three times in the New Testament. In Matthew 1, Rahab is one of only four women listed in the genealogy of Jesus; in Hebrews 11:31, she is one of the examples of faith lifted up for Christians to emulate; and in James 2:25, she is praised as one who was justified by works, not just by faith. It seems to be the case, then, that the story of Rahab enjoyed some prominence in the early Christian community, as an example both of great faith and of good works
She still sinned when she lied, God forgave her just as He forgives us. It was not o.k. for her to lie. God could have provided another way if she had not lied.