Need Guy Advice

A lot of what guys think their worth is in how well they can fix stuff. And that doesn't mean if they are mechanically inclined, although that definitely seems part of it. "Fixing" is often related to making a gal feel better, or making sure there is food to eat, or refilling the gas tank, so she doesn't have to get her hands smelling like gas.

But it really does seem that a guy feels useful when fixing stuff.

What happens when you can't anymore? Not how do you feel, although again, that's in it too, but what happens inside when you just can't? Maybe because it's not fixable, but sometimes because you get older or disabled. What's going on in you?

What way would you like the gals to get through to you that we like/love you even when you can't anymore? We even liked/loved you before we knew you could fix stuff. How can we get through to you that it's okay if you can't, without making you feel useless? Is there a way?

And you guys think understanding the mind of a woman is hard.

Whenever I have a partner (which has been a while) I like doing things together. Cooking together, tidying together, fixing things together, just doing things as a team. I don't really think about a role, unless its that I'm stronger and moving a wardrobe would probably be easier for me! And if it is choosing what to wear, probably she is better!

Maybe you should get him a model airplane or something

Well, it helps to have an understanding wife. People get sick, get old, slow down, that eventually happens to most guys. What I would do if I could no longer physically fix things and go to work is to focus on the spiritual side, to be the best husband that I can possibly be with how I feel and what I have to work with. I would give the best that I have with what I have left.

Yeah, I get the fixing of stuff, I am still able to do repairs around the house but at my age I'm not going to crawl under a car, get rust in my eyes, bang my knuckles to change a starter. Perhaps I would still change an alternator because that's under the hood. I am mechanically trained and college educated in auto mechanics but there is only so much that I'm willing and able to do.

Fixing stuff? Yeah, that's a guy thing alright.

Oh, leaving little love notes goes a long way. Also nod your head when she is talking to you and tell her you're sorry once a day. Just kidding about that part. I've already tried that. Some days I'm in need of serious fixing.

Depends what is going on. Life is all about staying busy. Being married is about staying busy together. That will help.
Life can be more worrisome if we are not content with our situation. I like to workout and use to like to run. Can't anymore so I use a stepper. I use to be an avid Volley Ball player; 2 man and 4 man on the beach. It was quite a smack to my pride when I realized that my knee wasn't up to that anymore. I am a Carpenter foreman water tech. at a fire and water restoration company. I have not reached a point in my life where I can't work yet. I imagine it will happen and if and when it does I just have to except it.

When I young I looked anorexic and they would call me pipe cleaner, but I was no good at cleaning pipes

Perhaps you should tell him just that: You remember the days when he could fix or build damn near anything. But, like everything, there's a season for that. And now it's time to let some young plumber feed his family by fixing that drain. (Or young carpenter, young lawn guy, etc.) Convince him that it's not right to deny these young craftsmen *their* season.

I really enjoy listening to their songs. She has a wonderful voice. My favorite is Georgie Girl.

Love and then some love.

It's no fun growing old......arthritis, COPD, peripheral neuropathy......Yep........no fun at all. I was in Home Depot last week getting some parts for a "bell siphon" project and had my hands full of plastic pipe fittings, which, for no apparent reason, just started falling out of my hands and all over the floor. Frustrating at first, and then the disappointment and stark reality set in; "you just can't do it like you used to". Oh! I forgot to mention my nephew was with me. One of the "younger" people I am a mentor to. He calmly picked up all the pieces and said "what's next ?". Not fair !! He didn't even give me the time to feel sorry for myself (lol)...............Mentoring has been a real blessing for me (praise God) and I would tell any wife who has an ageing spouse to keep them as busy as you can. It is great physical and mental therapy. How does my wife fit in to all this. Well, aside from arranging for younger people to work with me, she "foots the bill" (lol). I don't know your personal or social situation, but if you can find one young person for him to "teach", it could be just what he needs to feel "needed". Hope this helps, and prayers for you and your talented husband.

I've volunteered to be the "young person" for him. lol

That, and I really want a lesson in snaking when he's actually home. His last lesson was when he was in the hospital, and I was thinking all kinds of questions I forgot to ask, when that snake was going into the pipe. If he let's me, I can learn with him right next to me.

Who knows? If I do this right, he might actually teach me how to record on the DVR.

some really great advice here, very kind and sweet!

I really liked what 'lightberer' said, 'Love and then some Love' -
we've just grown closer as we've aged and never tire of each other,
but seek each other more than ever - wooling/snuggling take on
a much deeper meaning, we often sleep on the same pillow at once...

I have similar problems with my aunt.

She complains I’ve not taught her how to use the washing machine.
Last time she tried to do the laundry she got tangled in the sheets, fell over and
was on the floor for 3 hours until I came home from work, Got carried out on a spinal
board and was in A & E all night.

She complains I won’t teach her how to use the cooker. I deliberately bought one with a
safety cut out gas feature so she cant gas us! She can’t hold pans or bend down any more.

She complains she can’t go out in the garden, last time she tried on her own she fell.
Its a struggle for her just to walk to the front door and even harder getting down the
door step. She won’t sit out when I’m around as she wants to do it all herself but she can’t.

So I bring plants into the house, give her potatoes to peel or cabbage to chop up when I’m
cooking. But puzzle books and magazines for her. Discuss what presents we buy for people etc.
Discuss TV programmes, tell her what I’m doing in the garden.

She sleeps a lot as well, so now it’s not so much an issue. But she still has moments when she
wants to decorate, (we can’t as paint fumes get on her chest). She can’t cope with plaster
dust as on oxygen 24/7. She can barely stand without her walking frame.

She still gets fed up and wants to do things she did before but she can’t.

Its taken a long time to get to a place of accepting she can’t do what she did before.

I should think hubbie is still coming to terms with things as well. He will adjust
with time. It doesn’t mean he can’t do anything, maybe show him it an opportunity for him to
discover new things, take up new interests. I’m sure you do that anyway.

Do you think he would be interested in writing a book or researching and tracing family tree?

Maybe he could join a chat group, another one if not this one.

Wow! Oddly enough we're alike lol. Hubby and I work together on everything,painting,cooking,cleaning and fixing things. My parents are totally opposite.Very defined roles,very.

When my dad was real sick the doctor said, "You spent your whole life taking care of everybody.... Now its our turn to take care of you."