neverending darkness will light of love & joy ever find my eyes

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Apr 22, 2018
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#1
have nowhere to share my thoughts. no one to talk to anymore.
this is just about the most depressed ive ever been for such a long time. i feel empty. my life has no point. idontknowhow2save it. i pray every day for God's succor. dead inside. extremely lonely. 34 yrs old wasting my life. my hopes for life have faded far away. irealize i am unlovable and never shouldve been born and will never find love or get married. imanabysmal failure. idontknow how i will evermake it n this world. california is impossible for me to succeed. myparentshere. dont knowwhere2go. nodirection. no clue. severelydepressedandlonely. thinking about death every day. hoping each time i fall asleepiwillneverwakeupagain
 

Hungry

Senior Member
Nov 26, 2012
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#3
Well...you say your life has no point. Does your death have a point. You can always change your life. You can’t change your death. Clearly you are suffering from a very real depression. I’ve hated my life for as long as I can remember. It’s definitely not the one I envisioned as a child. Life is what you make it. If you have nothing else to do but be on the internet, google some depression kickers then act on them. Depression is not attractive. You won’t attract “love” in this funk. A relationship can be a bigger kick in the head then it’s worth sometimes so be careful what you want.
 
Sep 20, 2018
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#5
Well there you are, how has someone as intelligent as you come to post such critical alarm as you have here? My question; harmless and idle as it is the result of common realities being swallowed-alive. You are I hope aware of the Father in heaven’s unfathomable love for you, aren’t you? Time heals if nothing else, but Hungry hits the nail quite squarely, wouldn’t you agree?
 
Sep 22, 2018
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#6
have nowhere to share my thoughts. no one to talk to anymore.
this is just about the most depressed ive ever been for such a long time. i feel empty. my life has no point. idontknowhow2save it. i pray every day for God's succor. dead inside. extremely lonely. 34 yrs old wasting my life. my hopes for life have faded far away. irealize i am unlovable and never shouldve been born and will never find love or get married. imanabysmal failure. idontknow how i will evermake it n this world. california is impossible for me to succeed. myparentshere. dont knowwhere2go. nodirection. no clue. severelydepressedandlonely. thinking about death every day. hoping each time i fall asleepiwillneverwakeupagain
Read the psalms no one could compete with David on that one.
 
#8
have nowhere to share my thoughts. no one to talk to anymore.
this is just about the most depressed ive ever been for such a long time. i feel empty. my life has no point. idontknowhow2save it. i pray every day for God's succor. dead inside. extremely lonely. 34 yrs old wasting my life. my hopes for life have faded far away. irealize i am unlovable and never shouldve been born and will never find love or get married. imanabysmal failure. idontknow how i will evermake it n this world. california is impossible for me to succeed. myparentshere. dont knowwhere2go. nodirection. no clue. severelydepressedandlonely. thinking about death every day. hoping each time i fall asleepiwillneverwakeupagain
I know by experience the exact same sentiments, but:

Read:

Eph_5:14 Wherefore he saith, Awake thou that sleepest, and arise from the dead, and Christ shall give thee light.

Joh 1:4 In him was life; and the life was the light of men.

Purpose and true success (being the Christian life) comes in true ministry for the salvation, uplifting, edification, healing and service of others.

There are physical, as well as spiritual sicknesses, which can stem from satan, sin and selfishness.

Mar 1:30 But Simon's wife's mother lay sick of a fever, and anon they tell him of her.
Mar 1:31 And he came and took her by the hand, and lifted her up; and immediately the fever left her, and she ministered unto them.

Think of the natural fever and delerium, but look at a spiritual application, now (1 Corinthians 15:46).

Christ Jesus wants (wills) you to be whole:

Joh_10:10 The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.

Notice, as soon as Peter's mother in law was healed, what did she do? Therein is the Gospel and the way to the abundant life.

Are you now willing to "get up", to act upon His word to you?

Bring joy (Jude 1:24) to others, publish the gospel of peace in your life, be the written epistle of Christ Jesus seen and known and read of all men, of the Gospel in your life.

Cease from doubt, and take up faith.

Isa 49:15 Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee.
Isa 49:16 Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me.

You. You are graven upon the palms of Jesus' hands.

He had his side opened and pierced to the heart, that you might hide in the cleft of "the Rock" and cover you there, with His hand. You can see His glory through it:

Hab_3:4 And his brightness was as the light; he had horns coming out of his hand: and there was the hiding of his power.

You say, 'I don't feel it ...'

Correct. Feeling is not faith, and feeling can be (not always) deceptive. Read God's word and act upon what He says, not how you feel. This will bring strength, vitality, and life to you. The feeling will come also, but do not trust in it. Trust in God's word, for it is truth, and God cannot lie, and promised, two immutable things.

If you begin to believe, or say, "Lord, help mine unbelief, and forgive my doubting heart"

Do you believe that Jesus is able to give you a clean heart and renew a right spirit with in you, even now?

Therefore, In the name of Jesus Christ, be healed of your spiritual depression. Get up. Go outside for a walk, think upon His words to you. Think upon the Father's love for you, that He gave His only begotten son. You are of more value than "many sparrows". Would Christ Jesus pay such a price, would God, for something of no value? No. You are of incalculable price. Most precious in the sight of your Father in Heaven.

You may enjoy listening to How to come to Christ

Consider listening to these three chapters:

[1] Chapter 74
[2] Chapter 78
[3] Chapter 79

The whole thing here - Audio
 
Sep 22, 2018
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124
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#9
I know by experience the exact same sentiments, but:

Read:

Eph_5:14 Wherefore he saith, Awake thou that sleepest, and arise from the dead, and Christ shall give thee light.

Joh 1:4 In him was life; and the life was the light of men.

Purpose and true success (being the Christian life) comes in true ministry for the salvation, uplifting, edification, healing and service of others.

There are physical, as well as spiritual sicknesses, which can stem from satan, sin and selfishness.

Mar 1:30 But Simon's wife's mother lay sick of a fever, and anon they tell him of her.
Mar 1:31 And he came and took her by the hand, and lifted her up; and immediately the fever left her, and she ministered unto them.

Think of the natural fever and delerium, but look at a spiritual application, now (1 Corinthians 15:46).

Christ Jesus wants (wills) you to be whole:

Joh_10:10 The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.

Notice, as soon as Peter's mother in law was healed, what did she do? Therein is the Gospel and the way to the abundant life.

Are you now willing to "get up", to act upon His word to you?

Bring joy (Jude 1:24) to others, publish the gospel of peace in your life, be the written epistle of Christ Jesus seen and known and read of all men, of the Gospel in your life.

Cease from doubt, and take up faith.

Isa 49:15 Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee.
Isa 49:16 Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me.

You. You are graven upon the palms of Jesus' hands.

He had his side opened and pierced to the heart, that you might hide in the cleft of "the Rock" and cover you there, with His hand. You can see His glory through it:

Hab_3:4 And his brightness was as the light; he had horns coming out of his hand: and there was the hiding of his power.

You say, 'I don't feel it ...'

Correct. Feeling is not faith, and feeling can be (not always) deceptive. Read God's word and act upon what He says, not how you feel. This will bring strength, vitality, and life to you. The feeling will come also, but do not trust in it. Trust in God's word, for it is truth, and God cannot lie, and promised, two immutable things.

If you begin to believe, or say, "Lord, help mine unbelief, and forgive my doubting heart"

Do you believe that Jesus is able to give you a clean heart and renew a right spirit with in you, even now?

Therefore, In the name of Jesus Christ, be healed of your spiritual depression. Get up. Go outside for a walk, think upon His words to you. Think upon the Father's love for you, that He gave His only begotten son. You are of more value than "many sparrows". Would Christ Jesus pay such a price, would God, for something of no value? No. You are of incalculable price. Most precious in the sight of your Father in Heaven.

You may enjoy listening to How to come to Christ

Consider listening to these three chapters:

[1] Chapter 74
[2] Chapter 78
[3] Chapter 79

The whole thing here - Audio

Why does God allow walls before Him?? Waaaahhh 😭😭😢
 
#10
Why does God allow walls before Him?? Waaaahhh 😭😭😢
We are each a city set on a hill (Matthew 5:14), whose light (Exodus 25:31) is not to be hid, and a city has a gate, or a door, at which Jesus comes knocking and calling for faith (a door of faith (Acts 14:27), ask, seek, knock (Matthew 7:7; Luke 11:9):

Rev 3:20 Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me.

God is the God of love, not of rape (even of the will) and therefore will not force His way in, or climb over the walls as a thief, but is polite, wooing us, knocking at our hearts that we might open in faith, calling to us to open unto the King:

Joh_10:1 Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that entereth not by the door into the sheepfold, but climbeth up some other way, the same is a thief and a robber.

God has given us each a will. He will never violate that will.
 
Sep 22, 2018
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#11
We are each a city set on a hill (Matthew 5:14), whose light (Exodus 25:31) is not to be hid, and a city has a gate, or a door, at which Jesus comes knocking and calling for faith (a door of faith (Acts 14:27), ask, seek, knock (Matthew 7:7; Luke 11:9):

Rev 3:20 Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me.

God is the God of love, not of rape (even of the will) and therefore will not force His way in, or climb over the walls as a thief, but is polite, wooing us, knocking at our hearts that we might open in faith, calling to us to open unto the King:

Joh_10:1 Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that entereth not by the door into the sheepfold, but climbeth up some other way, the same is a thief and a robber.

God has given us each a will. He will never violate that will.

Amen. Peace. Jesus.
 
#12
There are also physical things that we do to ourselves, or even situational, that bring on depression.

[1] not enough exercise (do some push ups and in place running, sit ups and rebounding if available for 10 to 30 minutes, doesn't have to be stressful or rigorous.)
[2] not enough water through the day, or drinking at wrong times (during meals), wait 1hr then drink water
[3] not enough sunshine (get off the computer, get outside, plant a garden, or some plants)
[4] physical abuse, such as self-gratification (sexual, especially in males, which depletes Zinc with every 'release', and causes hair loss, and other things like affecting the memory, mind and synapses (same for females), and can bring on other pains (arthritic like), if not replaced (eat pumpkin seeds and other zinc rich foods, and cease from selfish sins)
[5] isolation (mankind was created as a social being, to interact with others)
[6] if around other negative persons all of the time, that fight or bicker, and tear one another down (sometimes this cannot be avoided altogether, especially in a city, or if living with relatives, but get outside, or listen to the Bible, Psalms, godly music)
[7] too long cooped up in a single location (go for a drive, or ride, to anywhere else out of doors, to a forest, get into the hills and breath some cleaner air, pine is refreshing and healing, as other plants are)
[8] doubt (can be defeated by faith in the word)
[9] television, internet (get away, go on a media, electronics fast (as much as is possible) for 2 weeks to 30 days. If that is too long, try for 3 days.
[10] constipation (blocked or clogged bowels, clean out with prune juice smoothie, really, and drink water after, and go for a walk)

[11] try a contrast shower, to invigorate the immune system which may be under performing:

3 minutes hot as you can take
30 seconds cold

alternate 3-7 times, ending on cold, dry towel off, drink a glass of water and wear body length clothing.

[12] improper sleep (try to get to bed before 10 PM, as the brain produces what it needs best before midnight)

[13] improper diet (eating at wrong times, or snacking between meals, the stomach needs a good break between, no snacking, and heavy meals too late cause indigestion and insomnia), and there are also antibiotics and other hormones in flesh foods, which can cause issues.
 
Jun 25, 2017
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#13
have nowhere to share my thoughts. no one to talk to anymore.
this is just about the most depressed ive ever been for such a long time. i feel empty. my life has no point. idontknowhow2save it. i pray every day for God's succor. dead inside. extremely lonely. 34 yrs old wasting my life. my hopes for life have faded far away. irealize i am unlovable and never shouldve been born and will never find love or get married. imanabysmal failure. idontknow how i will evermake it n this world. california is impossible for me to succeed. myparentshere. dont knowwhere2go. nodirection. no clue. severelydepressedandlonely. thinking about death every day. hoping each time i fall asleepiwillneverwakeupagain
I will pray for you brother. I pray that the lord hears your prayers, feels your sadness and blesses you with the strength to join him on a journey to find your peace and to guide you along a path toward your salvation.
Reaching out to this CC forum is a good sign - a call for help... Please seek help thru your church, your pastor, and a counselor - you are in need of a 'life-raft.' Do not be afraid - you are loved and you do matter - as a child of God... I pray you find faith in him and confidence in your perseverence...
God Bless