Rapists Cannot Be Saved

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seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#241
May 23, 2009
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#241
Lynx said:
HistoryPrincess I took a look at your thread list a minute ago and it was 2 pages of nothing but titles with beginning sentences that started out, "Look, you idiots, I'm here to say something important none you have any idea about, so listen up."

You start these threads, and ONLY these threads, about six or seven times a year. It's almost like you have to get your argument fix every couple months or so.

Eventually in most of these threads you calm down, apologize for ranting, claim a mental disability is the cause of it, and the thread dies down. But in a couple months... look out!
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Lynx said:
No it's not a response to her point. It's a comment on an observed behavior pattern. And it is very germane to the discussion.
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What Lynx is trying to say is that if you look at the history of threads History Princess has written (go to the poster's list of thread under her profile), she's already written countless threads about this subject, over and over again, for the 3 years she's been here, so a thread like from her is nothing new.

Users who have been here for a while are familiar with it, because it's simply the same thing over and over again. Eventually, she calms down, tells us about her Asperger's and what her life is like, possibly apologize... and then literally start all over the next day. It's always the same circular argument and repetitive cycle, year after year.

History, is there something that triggers these spells where you seem like you want to take on the world all at once with an angry rant?
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#242
Feb 21, 2014
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#242
HistoryPrincess said:
My problem is that I know I have nothing to be angry about. And ironically enough I start feeling more angry just for being angry, like I'm a spoiled brat or something.
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Then make a true effort to do something constructive with that anger. Join a depression group, or a group for people with Asperger's. Or go to the Prayer forum here and go down the list and pray for a few people. It's okay to be angry at times. But it's NOT okay to be angry 24 hours a day for the rest of your life. So start today, by clawing your way out of this mindset you're in. If you need a positive incentive, check out my depression and faith book threads. They're in the link in my signature below. Try to focus on what is POSITIVE in your life. Surely there must be something good that you can think of.
 
H

HistoryPrincess

Senior Member
#243
Feb 20, 2016
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#243
blue_ladybug said:
Then make a true effort to do something constructive with that anger. Join a depression group, or a group for people with Asperger's. Or go to the Prayer forum here and go down the list and pray for a few people. It's okay to be angry at times. But it's NOT okay to be angry 24 hours a day for the rest of your life. So start today, by clawing your way out of this mindset you're in. If you need a positive incentive, check out my depression and faith book threads. They're in the link in my signature below. Try to focus on what is POSITIVE in your life. Surely there must be something good that you can think of.
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I've done a lot of things to cope with it. And I'm NOT angry 25/7.

The reason I don't focus a lot on the positive is because I don't want to be some doe-eyed naive girl who eventually has to learn about how the world works the hard way.

And maybe one other reason I'm angry is because I've lost hope. For 7 years now I've tried to combat my depression and loneliness. And I tried hard. Nothing ever changed. So I was like, "Screw this, I'm not trying anymore. Why try when I'm just gonna be disappointed again." I know, it's immature. But it's the truth. I barely ever leave my house anymore other than the occasional night out (pretty rare) or to restock my food supply. I just don't have anywhere to go or anyone to talk to or do things with.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#244
May 23, 2009
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#244
GHClarkII said:
This is not a response to her point. Disability or not, this doesn't contribute to the discussion
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Sorry.

My above post (#241) was actually an answer to GHClarkII's post -- I had thought it his post was included in my reply to clarify that, but I was mistaken.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#245
May 23, 2009
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#245
HistoryPrincess said:
I've done a lot of things to cope with it. And I'm NOT angry 25/7.

The reason I don't focus a lot on the positive is because I don't want to be some doe-eyed naive girl who eventually has to learn about how the world works the hard way.

And maybe one other reason I'm angry is because I've lost hope. For 7 years now I've tried to combat my depression and loneliness. And I tried hard. Nothing ever changed. So I was like, "Screw this, I'm not trying anymore. Why try when I'm just gonna be disappointed again." I know, it's immature. But it's the truth. I barely ever leave my house anymore other than the occasional night out (pretty rare) or to restock my food supply. I just don't have anywhere to go or anyone to talk to or do things with.
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You're not the only one who suffers from this, History. And I can promise you that one doesn't need to have Asperger's to feel the things you're describing. I am not in any way trying to downplay that, but I am guessing it's not the Asperger's specifically that makes you go off on others like this. I don't know much about Asperger's, and this is a great opportunity for you to teach us, but I did work closely with someone whose adult child has Asperger's as well and their symptoms did not include sporadic bouts of going off on verbal attacks at everyone around them. Not that this couldn't be a symptom of course, but what I'm trying to tell you is that many of us have felt the same way and can sympathize with you, even without having Asperger's, if you'd give us a chance.

Believe it or not, your life doesn't sound that much different from mine in some aspects (as far as never going anywhere, getting out of the house, or having anyone in real life to talk to.)

Out of curiosity, I looked up your thread list the other day:

https://christianchat.com/search/125481/

The thread list under your profile has 2 pages of extremely angry, bitter thread titles in which you are repeatedly stating the same kinds of feelings that you are expressing here.

What can we do to help you, besides acting as emotional punching bags over and over for you to take your anger out on?
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#246
May 23, 2009
16,683
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#246
History,

My point to you is this:

You have people here who are reaching out to you, not only trying to understand where you're coming from, but are trying to meet you where you're at and saying, "I'm here, please feel free to come and talk to me. I care about you and I've seen a few things too and I know why you're angry. Maybe we can figure this out together, and if not, maybe we can at least talk and get to know each other and become friends."

May I ask you, what more, exactly, is it that you want?

Or is it that the most comforting thing to you is when you lash out and manage to provoke people to say something back? I would understand that. I know that for some people, an argument is more comforting or exciting than a kind word and a decent conversation.

But the thing is, you have people here, right in this very thread, who obviously want to care about you and even listen to you or help you if you can.

How much more can you ask for, or expect from people?

I understand that it doesn't seem like this because it's "only the internet", but because of my own schedule, the internet is all I've had as far as friends go for the past 5 years.

Sometimes, you have to go with what life gives you, even if to you it doesn't seem like all that much.

How much more are you wanting from people, and how hard do you expect them to work before you might choose to give them a chance and allow them to work with you, instead of fighting everyone at every turn?

P.S. Now if you want to unleash that wrath on me for saying things things, go for it. I'll take it as it comes. But it truly makes my heart sad that you keep talking about loneliness and person after person right here in the very threads you write is trying to reach out to you and help you with that loneliness.

I know you don't think God answers or cares--I've accused Him of that countless times over the years.

But can't you see, like it or not, He is answering you right here in this very thread?
 
H

HistoryPrincess

Senior Member
#247
Feb 20, 2016
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#247
seoulsearch said:
History,

My point to you is this:

You have people here who are reaching out to you, not only trying to understand where you're coming from, but are trying to meet you where you're at and saying, "I'm here, please feel free to come and talk to me. I care about you and I've seen a few things too and I know why you're angry. Maybe we can figure this out together, and if not, maybe we can at least talk and get to know each other and become friends."

May I ask you, what more, exactly, is it that you want?

Or is it that the most comforting thing to you is when you lash out and manage to provoke people to say something back? I would understand that. I know that for some people, an argument is more comforting or exciting than a kind word and a decent conversation.

But the thing is, you have people here, right in this very thread, who obviously want to care about you and even listen to you or help you if you can.

How much more can you ask for, or expect from people?

I understand that it doesn't seem like this because it's "only the internet", but because of my own schedule, the internet is all I've had as far as friends go for the past 5 years.

Sometimes, you have to go with what life gives you, even if to you it doesn't seem like all that much.

How much more are you wanting from people, and how hard do you expect them to work before you might choose to give them a chance and allow them to work with you, instead of fighting everyone at every turn?

P.S. Now if you want to unleash that wrath on me for saying things things, go for it. I'll take it as it comes. But it truly makes my heart sad that you keep talking about loneliness and person after person right here in the very threads you write is trying to reach out to you and help you with that loneliness.

I know you don't think God answers or cares--I've accused Him of that countless times over the years.

But can't you see, like it or not, He is answering you right here in this very thread?
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All I've really seen is that people want to argue with me. I've looked at all the posts and they're most of the time just argumentative.

By the way, I have people I email online, but those opportunities for me to do that are very limited, 'cause I can't force people to chat with me. What I really wish I had though was an actual flesh and blood person, not a computer screen.

I honestly don't know what to say. It's like I spout off nonsense and end up looking like a ranting moron. Half the time I don't know what to write because I don't want to come across as self-pitying. I'm angry not so much at people but at myself and my social limitations. I really resent it, it's embarrassing, and it makes me feel like I'll always be someone's problem or someone's ward. I have the same social needs like everyone else, but I don't have a lot of the wiring to have those needs met. There are days when I would give ANYTHING to have those limitations removed so I don't feel like a self-pitying whiny brat who beats herself up for being self-pitying and has no real problems.

Even if God did make me this way, I can honestly say I hate it. It's one more thing beyond my control in a world where I feel like I have no control over anything. I can't make people be friends with me or even pay attention to me. But what I wouldn't give for someone to actually understand.

I honestly feel like I can't say anything anywhere, including here, without it being used against me. I feel like I'm gonna screw up no matter what I say or do.
 
H

HistoryPrincess

Senior Member
#248
Feb 20, 2016
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#248
And I feel like the only way I can get someone to pay attention is if I get mad. No one pays attention or takes seriously someone who's meek and mild all the time.

On certain days though, I like being angry. It makes me feel like I have value and what I have to say matters. It gets sh*t done!
 
H

HistoryPrincess

Senior Member
#249
Feb 20, 2016
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#249
On other days I fantasize, imagining I'm with someone (usually a man) who loves me wholly and completely with no strings attached. Someone who's there for me and wants and desires me, and doesn't treat me with pity but respect, and doesn't constantly ignore me except to criticize me. I know it's not realistic, but I don't care.

But in the end I'm always brought back to reality, where everything sucks, everyone and everything is disappointing, and people in general are *ssholes.
 
H

HistoryPrincess

Senior Member
#250
Feb 20, 2016
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#250
I know it's pathetic, but sometimes I'm willing to do just about anything to get attention, for people to acknowledge I exist. Any attention, even if it's bad, is better than none at all.

And for the record, I wouldn't be caught dead acting this way in public. I'm the meekest, mildest, most innocent and shyest girl you would otherwise meet. I know it's not right, but with the internet, I at least don't have to deal with the burden of people actually being there when I say these things.
 
H

HistoryPrincess

Senior Member
#251
Feb 20, 2016
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#251
Honestly though, even if there are people here who want to help me, I'd just be wasting your time. I can't ask any of you to burden yourselves by listening to me rant, at least not intentionally. You don't need to be saddled with a basket-case. I already feel enough like a burden to the people in my life, no matter how much they say they love me and I know and believe they do.

Just writing all of this makes me want to beat myself up for being self-pitying. But I often feel like I'm not allowed to feel strong emotions, like I'm not allowed to ever say, "I have a problem," that I should know better and be able to put myself together on my own. It makes me feel even more like a loser.
 
H

HistoryPrincess

Senior Member
#252
Feb 20, 2016
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#252
I also know it's stupid, but I come to places like here to make me feel like my opinions matter in a world where I have absolutely no power or influence otherwise.

In summary, I'm sick of feeling like I just burden every person I come across, yet I feel powerless to do anything about it. I'll always be stuck with this unless God works a miracle. And I feel like I'll just always be alone, because no one in my life knows what it's like to be a human being and yet not feel like you are because you don't have the "social graces" to attract people and get them to like you.

Moreover, I'm too disillusioned because of how things before have worked out when I tried to do anything about it.
 
J

JustEli

Well-known member
#253
Dec 23, 2018
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#253
Have you ever had an irish car bomb? they are really yummy. You might like em, just a random thought. :)
 
J

JustEli

Well-known member
#255
Dec 23, 2018
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#255
kalua, and jamisons, dropped into a half pint of guinnes. btw
 
J

JustEli

Well-known member
#256
Dec 23, 2018
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#256
nothing really. just wanted to say somthin
 
L

LadyInWaiting

Guest
#257
#257
I want some gummy bears right about now. HP do you like gummy bears?
 
H

HistoryPrincess

Senior Member
#258
Feb 20, 2016
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#258
I just want to be seen and heard for once and treated with respect rather than just being reminded of how idiotic and unbelonging I tend to feel in social situations.

For someone like me, the message of freedom is MUCH more powerful than the message of love, specifically freedom from my limitations and the freedom to feel like I belong to the human race. It's like, "Great, Jesus died for me because he loves me, that's awesome, but how does that impact my life in the here and now in any meaningful way?"
 
J

JustEli

Well-known member
#259
Dec 23, 2018
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#259
so, thats a no on the irish car bomb?
 
H

HistoryPrincess

Senior Member
#260
Feb 20, 2016
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#260
Perhaps I'm just so sick of being disappointed that I don't expect much, if at all, from God or people now. Besides, God can do whatever he wants with me and I'd just have to deal with it.
 
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