Reasons for leaving a church..

If we are not in church, our pastor checks to see if we are okay, or need help. We really appreciate his support.

If he called just to criticize, he would be looking for a new job.

That makes no sense.

Oh and the person they hired to mow the lawns ran over the shrubs I planted and killed them.

firstly, could you have visited the cemetery on a saturday and not missed church ? secondly, has the pastor lectured you before about anything ?

This took place last Dec, the Sunday after Christmas. I had attended the Christmas eve service.

The pastor lectured me before about missing church in May when I had to work on Mother's Day to deal with a seasonal rush. The pastor showed up at my work with his Bible in hand and told me why it was wrong to work that day.
He was just a bit too controlling for my taste.

This is not acceptable behavior for any pastor. How does your church select a pastor?

This took place last Dec, the Sunday after Christmas. I had attended the Christmas eve service.

The pastor lectured me before about missing church in May when I had to work on Mother's Day to deal with a seasonal rush. The pastor showed up at my work with his Bible in hand and told me why it was wrong to work that day.
He was just a bit too controlling for my taste.

This pastor sounds more like your handler. It may or may not be wrong to work on Saturday but certainly not Sunday as that day was not set apart by the Lord to keep holy. Seriously, I would leave that church as that pastor seems hostile and controlling.

It's my understanding that he started his own church through his own denomination.

Calling you to see why you missed a meeting is disturbing.

firstly, could you have visited the cemetery on a saturday and not missed church ?

I came at a crossroads recently as to whether or not or I should leave a church that I had grown accustomed to.
I am a Christian, but many of my family members aren't. Several months ago, a family member asked me to accompany her during a visit to a graveyard for one of our deceased relatives. This family member also has breast cancer and didn't want to make the trip alone. I missed church that day due to making this trip. The pastor at my church called me the following day and asked why I missed the service. I explained to him about the request of my relative.
Much to my surprise,...I was scolded. In a nutshell, I was told that because these two family members are non-Christian, I should not have missed church. The members of my church family are my "real" family and not my non-believing relatives.
So after much discussion with some of my close Christian friends, I have decided to leave this congregation behind.
It's seems very clear to me that this was the right thing to do.
Considerate observations and advice are welcome...

firstly, could you have visited the cemetery on a saturday and not missed church ?

Saturday was the deceased relative's birthday

If we are not in church, our pastor checks to see if we are okay, or need help. We really appreciate his support.

If he called just to criticize, he would be looking for a new job.

This took place last Dec, the Sunday after Christmas. I had attended the Christmas eve service.

The pastor lectured me before about missing church in May when I had to work on Mother's Day to deal with a seasonal rush. The pastor showed up at my work with his Bible in hand and told me why it was wrong to work that day.
He was just a bit too controlling for my taste.

Saturday was the deceased relative's birthday

I don't like pastor or church members (except for close friends) checking on me if I skip a service now and then. It forces me to give a bad reason.

I came at a crossroads recently as to whether or not or I should leave a church that I had grown accustomed to.
I am a Christian, but many of my family members aren't. Several months ago, a family member asked me to accompany her during a visit to a graveyard for one of our deceased relatives. This family member also has breast cancer and didn't want to make the trip alone. I missed church that day due to making this trip. The pastor at my church called me the following day and asked why I missed the service. I explained to him about the request of my relative.
Much to my surprise,...I was scolded. In a nutshell, I was told that because these two family members are non-Christian, I should not have missed church. The members of my church family are my "real" family and not my non-believing relatives.
So after much discussion with some of my close Christian friends, I have decided to leave this congregation behind.
It's seems very clear to me that this was the right thing to do.
Considerate observations and advice are welcome...

Hello True_believer

We attend church to worship God and Christ is the head of the church (Ephesians 5:23). Therefore since Christ is the head, you are accountable to Him for your actions and not your pastor who is actually one of his servants. Your pastor did not have the right to scold you for your actions. If he thought you were wrong, he was supposed to say it in a kind and respectful way.
God also loves your non-believing relatives and Christians are called to preach the gospel to everyone and love everyone. God does not want us to treat others as outcasts because they are not believers. How does this pastor think that you will be able to tell them about the gospel if you reject them?

Personal experience

I have been to many churches because I was trying to find the most biblical church. Unfortunately your experience is not unique; I have come across Christians from different churches that left the church because of rude pastors. The problem is that what happened in this church could happen in another church. Maybe you will not encounter a rude pastor, but you might encounter a rude pastor wife, elder, deacon or fellow Christian. Therefore even if you have left your current church, there is no guarantee that you will not experience something similar again in another church.

Jesus’s experience

The church leaders when Christ was on earth were rude and mean to him. They always tried to find fault with him and were always either criticizing Him or his disciples. They even called Jesus horrible names (John 8:48, Matthew 11:19), which was not justified.
One time the congregation at a synagogue Jesus had attended tried to push him over a cliff (Luke 4:29). So even Jesus had negative experiences with church leaders and even the congregation.

Other Considerations

I believe that you should also consider the long term and short term implications. The decision could cause an impact on not only you, but others as well.

• Have you consulted God about your decision and asked Him if you should have left?
• You have left this church, are you now attending another church? Not going to church has a big impact on some Christians and can cause them to back-slide. How are about yourself? Will it have a negative impact on you and your spiritual life?
• If you are not currently attending a church, do you intend on finding another church and how soon will you do so? Perhaps not going to church for a long time will not have a negative impact on your spiritual life. However, it might have an impact on your un-believing family members. Could it cause them not to take your Christian beliefs seriously? Could it cause them to further feel justified in not accepting Christianity and further lead them away from God? Remember that you are also a witness to your un-believing family members and your actions could have an impact on their beliefs on Christianity.
• What possible impact did leaving your current church have on your other church members? Did you hold a leadership position within the church and were you a role model to some of the congregants (maybe the youth)? Would you leaving have a negative impact on them, since they have lost your influence? Will you continue to communicate with those you had a good relationship with or will you sever all ties?

Suggested action points

• If leaving your current church will have a negative effect, the devil might bring more opportunities for you to come across other rude Christians to tempt you to leave the next church you go to.
• Think about how you will handle the situation if it does happen again, whether it is with another pastor or someone else in another church. How will you handle the situation? What will you say if you do decided to confront the person?
• Although your pastor’s reaction was not right, you also need to be careful of un-believers. (Both friends and family) They might try to turn you away from God and prevent you from worshipping Him. I have seen this with my own family. (They on the other hand do believe in God, but most of them do not take religion or church seriously and expect other family members to have the same mind-set). Your relative asked you out of everyone in your family to attend the graveyard with her knowing it would clash with the time that you were supposed to attend church. You need to make sure that your family does not make a habit of stopping you from worshipping God. Your relative could have chosen Saturday to attend the graveyard or on Sunday afternoon after church. You should not reject your family, but you should respectfully make it clear to them that you take your religious beliefs seriously and they should avoid interfering with your religious practices.

Overall, was it the right thing to leave the church or not? I personally do not know. You need to pray and ask God if it was.

Out of curiosity, why did your relative want to attend the graveyard, what did you both do when you got there? (You do not have to respond if it is personal).

It's my understanding that he started his own church through his own denomination.