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Lot's Wife
A Sunday School teacher was telling the class about how Lot's wife looked back at the city while they were fleeing its destruction, even though God had forbidden her to. She then turned into a pillar of salt.
A little boy interrupted her and said, "My mommy looked back one time while she was driving the car and she turned into a street lamp."
A Sunday School teacher was telling the class about how Lot's wife looked back at the city while they were fleeing its destruction, even though God had forbidden her to. She then turned into a pillar of salt.
A little boy interrupted her and said, "My mommy looked back one time while she was driving the car and she turned into a street lamp."
F
The Good Samaritan
A Sunday School class was learning about the Good Samaritan. To make the story vivid to the children, teacher told the story in detail, describing how the Samaritan was beaten, robbed, then left for dead. Then she asked the class what they would do if they saw someone on the side of the road, beaten and all bloody. A little girl quietly replied, "I think I'd throw up."
A Sunday School class was learning about the Good Samaritan. To make the story vivid to the children, teacher told the story in detail, describing how the Samaritan was beaten, robbed, then left for dead. Then she asked the class what they would do if they saw someone on the side of the road, beaten and all bloody. A little girl quietly replied, "I think I'd throw up."
F
How Moses Crossed the Red Sea
A mother asked her nine-year-old son what he learned in Sunday School that day. He said the teacher told them how God sent Moses behind enemy lines to rescue the Israelites and lead them out of Egypt. When they got to the Red Sea, the army built a pontoon bridge and everyone walked across safely. Then they saw the Egyptians coming, so Moses radioed for reinforcements. Bombers came and blew up the bridge, so the people were saved.
His mother asked, "Is that really what the teacher said?"
"No," he replied, "but if I told it the way the teacher did, you’d never believe it."
A mother asked her nine-year-old son what he learned in Sunday School that day. He said the teacher told them how God sent Moses behind enemy lines to rescue the Israelites and lead them out of Egypt. When they got to the Red Sea, the army built a pontoon bridge and everyone walked across safely. Then they saw the Egyptians coming, so Moses radioed for reinforcements. Bombers came and blew up the bridge, so the people were saved.
His mother asked, "Is that really what the teacher said?"
"No," he replied, "but if I told it the way the teacher did, you’d never believe it."
F
Jesus' Father's Name
A Sunday school teacher asked her class, "What was Jesus' mother's name?"
They all knew. "Mary," they answered in unison.
The teacher then asked, "Does anyone know what Jesus' father's name was?"
A little kid shot up his hand and said, "Verge."
The teacher asked, "Where did you get that?"
The little kid said, "You know, Verge n' Mary.
A Sunday school teacher asked her class, "What was Jesus' mother's name?"
They all knew. "Mary," they answered in unison.
The teacher then asked, "Does anyone know what Jesus' father's name was?"
A little kid shot up his hand and said, "Verge."
The teacher asked, "Where did you get that?"
The little kid said, "You know, Verge n' Mary.
F
Be Not Afraid
After church one day, a mother asked her daughter what the Sunday School lesson was about. The daughter replied, "Don’t' be scared, you'll get your quilt." The mother was perplexed and couldn't figure out what her daughter could be referring to. So she called the teacher and asked her what the lesson was. The teacher said, "Be not afraid, your Comforter will come."
After church one day, a mother asked her daughter what the Sunday School lesson was about. The daughter replied, "Don’t' be scared, you'll get your quilt." The mother was perplexed and couldn't figure out what her daughter could be referring to. So she called the teacher and asked her what the lesson was. The teacher said, "Be not afraid, your Comforter will come."
F
The Police
A policeman was taking a vandalism report at an elementary school when he was interrupted by a six year old girl. She looked up and down at his uniform and asked, "Are you a policeman?"
"Yes, I am," he said.
"My mother told me that if I ever needed help I should ask a policeman. Is that right," the girl asked.
"Yes it is," said the policeman.
The girl extended her foot to the policeman and said, "OK, then, would you tie my shoe?"
More Police
At the end of the day, a policeman parked his van in front of the station. As he was gathering his equipment, his dog started barking. The policeman looked up to see a puzzled looking little boy. "Is that a dog you have back there?"
"Yes, it is," said the policeman.
"What'd he do?"
A policeman was taking a vandalism report at an elementary school when he was interrupted by a six year old girl. She looked up and down at his uniform and asked, "Are you a policeman?"
"Yes, I am," he said.
"My mother told me that if I ever needed help I should ask a policeman. Is that right," the girl asked.
"Yes it is," said the policeman.
The girl extended her foot to the policeman and said, "OK, then, would you tie my shoe?"
More Police
At the end of the day, a policeman parked his van in front of the station. As he was gathering his equipment, his dog started barking. The policeman looked up to see a puzzled looking little boy. "Is that a dog you have back there?"
"Yes, it is," said the policeman.
"What'd he do?"
F
The Elderly
When I worked for an organization which delivered meals to the elderly, I would take along my four year old daughter. She was always fascinated by the appliances of old age - canes, walkers, wheelchairs, etc. One day I saw her staring at a set of false teeth in a jar. She said to me, "The tooth fairy will never believe this."
When I worked for an organization which delivered meals to the elderly, I would take along my four year old daughter. She was always fascinated by the appliances of old age - canes, walkers, wheelchairs, etc. One day I saw her staring at a set of false teeth in a jar. She said to me, "The tooth fairy will never believe this."
F
Teacher: Name two states in the United States.
Mary: Pick me! Pick me!
Teacher: Mary?
Mary: I'll name one Taylor and the other one Charley!
Teacher: Joe, why are you doing your multiplication on the floor?
Joe: Because you told me to do it without using tables.
Teacher: Suzi, go to the map and find North America.
Suzi: Here it is.
Teacher: That's correct. Now, Bobby, who discovered North America?
Bobby: Suzi
Teacher: Jesse, why do you always get so dirty.
Jesse: Well, you see, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
Teacher: Glen, what is the chemical formula for water?
Glen: H I J K L M N O
Teacher: Where did you get that?
Glen: Yesterday you told us it was H to O.
Teacher: Barry, your essay about your dog is exactly the same as your brothers. Did you copy his?
Barry: Ma'am. It's the same dog.
Teacher: Donald, how do you spell crocodile?
Donald: K R O K O D I A L
Teacher: No, that's wrong.
Donald: Maybe it is, but you asked me how I spell it.
Teacher: Name one important thing that we have today which we didn't have ten years ago.
Wendy: Me!
Mary: Pick me! Pick me!
Teacher: Mary?
Mary: I'll name one Taylor and the other one Charley!
Teacher: Joe, why are you doing your multiplication on the floor?
Joe: Because you told me to do it without using tables.
Teacher: Suzi, go to the map and find North America.
Suzi: Here it is.
Teacher: That's correct. Now, Bobby, who discovered North America?
Bobby: Suzi
Teacher: Jesse, why do you always get so dirty.
Jesse: Well, you see, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
Teacher: Glen, what is the chemical formula for water?
Glen: H I J K L M N O
Teacher: Where did you get that?
Glen: Yesterday you told us it was H to O.
Teacher: Barry, your essay about your dog is exactly the same as your brothers. Did you copy his?
Barry: Ma'am. It's the same dog.
Teacher: Donald, how do you spell crocodile?
Donald: K R O K O D I A L
Teacher: No, that's wrong.
Donald: Maybe it is, but you asked me how I spell it.
Teacher: Name one important thing that we have today which we didn't have ten years ago.
Wendy: Me!
F
Teacher: Name two states in the United States.
Mary: Pick me! Pick me!
Teacher: Mary?
Mary: I'll name one Taylor and the other one Charley!
Teacher: Joe, why are you doing your multiplication on the floor?
Joe: Because you told me to do it without using tables.
Teacher: Suzi, go to the map and find North America.
Suzi: Here it is.
Teacher: That's correct. Now, Bobby, who discovered North America?
Bobby: Suzi
Teacher: Jesse, why do you always get so dirty.
Jesse: Well, you see, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
Teacher: Glen, what is the chemical formula for water?
Glen: H I J K L M N O
Teacher: Where did you get that?
Glen: Yesterday you told us it was H to O.
Teacher: Barry, your essay about your dog is exactly the same as your brothers. Did you copy his?
Barry: Ma'am. It's the same dog.
Teacher: Donald, how do you spell crocodile?
Donald: K R O K O D I A L
Teacher: No, that's wrong.
Donald: Maybe it is, but you asked me how I spell it.
Teacher: Name one important thing that we have today which we didn't have ten years ago.
Wendy: Me!
Mary: Pick me! Pick me!
Teacher: Mary?
Mary: I'll name one Taylor and the other one Charley!
Teacher: Joe, why are you doing your multiplication on the floor?
Joe: Because you told me to do it without using tables.
Teacher: Suzi, go to the map and find North America.
Suzi: Here it is.
Teacher: That's correct. Now, Bobby, who discovered North America?
Bobby: Suzi
Teacher: Jesse, why do you always get so dirty.
Jesse: Well, you see, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
Teacher: Glen, what is the chemical formula for water?
Glen: H I J K L M N O
Teacher: Where did you get that?
Glen: Yesterday you told us it was H to O.
Teacher: Barry, your essay about your dog is exactly the same as your brothers. Did you copy his?
Barry: Ma'am. It's the same dog.
Teacher: Donald, how do you spell crocodile?
Donald: K R O K O D I A L
Teacher: No, that's wrong.
Donald: Maybe it is, but you asked me how I spell it.
Teacher: Name one important thing that we have today which we didn't have ten years ago.
Wendy: Me!
F
A four year old lived next door to an elderly man who had recently lost his wife. One day, the boy saw his neighbor crying. He went over, climbed into the neighbor's lap and just sat there. When he came home, his mother asked him what he had said to the man.
"Nothing," he said. "I just helped him cry."
"Nothing," he said. "I just helped him cry."
F
<H2 class=ca>Differences Between Man and Women
Names
If Mary, Susan, Claire and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Mary, Susan, Claire and Barbara.
If John, Brad, Tony and Daniel go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Bruno, Scrappy, Peanut-Head and Godzilla.
Eating Out
When the bill arrives, John, Brad, Tony and Daniel will each throw in $20, even though the total is only $34.25. None of them will have any smaller bills and none will admit they want change back.
When Mary, Susan, Claire and Barbara get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
Money
A man will pay $10 for a $5 item he needs.
A woman will pay $5 for a $10 item that she doesn't need, because it's on sale.
Bathrooms
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, razor, shaving cream, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Motel 6.
The average number of items in a woman's bathroom is 328. The average man would not be able to identify most of them.
Arguments
Women always have the last word in an argument. Anything a man adds after that is the beginning of a new argument.
Cats
Women love cats.
Men may say they love cats, but when women are not looking, will men kick cats.
Future
A woman worries about the future -- until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future -- until he gets a wife.
Success
A successful man is one who makes more money than can be spent by his wife.
A successful woman is one who can find that a man.
Marriage
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
Dressing Up
A woman will dress up when she goes shopping, empties the garbage, answers the phone, waters the plants, gets the mail and reads a book.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
Natural
Men wake up looking as good as when they went to bed.
Women will somehow deteriorate during the night.
Children
A woman knows all about her children. She knows about their best friends, romances, secret hopes and dreams, favorite foods, fears and dental appointments.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
Thought for the Day
Married men should forget their mistakes. There is no need for two people to remember the same thing.
</H2>
Names
If Mary, Susan, Claire and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Mary, Susan, Claire and Barbara.
If John, Brad, Tony and Daniel go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Bruno, Scrappy, Peanut-Head and Godzilla.
Eating Out
When the bill arrives, John, Brad, Tony and Daniel will each throw in $20, even though the total is only $34.25. None of them will have any smaller bills and none will admit they want change back.
When Mary, Susan, Claire and Barbara get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
Money
A man will pay $10 for a $5 item he needs.
A woman will pay $5 for a $10 item that she doesn't need, because it's on sale.
Bathrooms
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, razor, shaving cream, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Motel 6.
The average number of items in a woman's bathroom is 328. The average man would not be able to identify most of them.
Arguments
Women always have the last word in an argument. Anything a man adds after that is the beginning of a new argument.
Cats
Women love cats.
Men may say they love cats, but when women are not looking, will men kick cats.
Future
A woman worries about the future -- until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future -- until he gets a wife.
Success
A successful man is one who makes more money than can be spent by his wife.
A successful woman is one who can find that a man.
Marriage
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
Dressing Up
A woman will dress up when she goes shopping, empties the garbage, answers the phone, waters the plants, gets the mail and reads a book.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
Natural
Men wake up looking as good as when they went to bed.
Women will somehow deteriorate during the night.
Children
A woman knows all about her children. She knows about their best friends, romances, secret hopes and dreams, favorite foods, fears and dental appointments.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
Thought for the Day
Married men should forget their mistakes. There is no need for two people to remember the same thing.
</H2>