Why arent people honest

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Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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#1
If you really dont like something, why dont you just say instead of pretending. If you say nothing, wont that mean you are indifferent, if you say you like something then thats fine, but I do not get it when people say they like something and it turns out they really dont.

Eg one person who i invited for a birthday dinner for a friend said she maybe could make it, but then last minute says she wasnt coming, and it turns out she told this other friend she doesnt like the place we were planning on going for dinner. But why didnt she just say that to me? Why do you need to pretend to be polite? We all went to this place before and it seemed she liked it so Thats why I thought we would go there again.

Anyway I just thought was odd because either she put a big thing on faking she liked it all the other times we had gone. Unlesss...she just changed her mind and decided she just doesnt like xxx anymore. It just makes me think isnt that people pleasing to pretend you like things just for the other person. I would rather people be honest and say. Well I didnt like it. Then go through life pretending to like whatever other people like to fit in. And that goes the same for being a christian.

Better be honest and say you not one and dont believe than to pretend to be one.
 

TabinRivCA

Well-known member
Oct 23, 2018
2,813
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#2
That can go both ways. Like me, before when someone asked me something I'd tell them exactly what I thought was the truth. That's not what they wanted to hear either, lol.
So it's just we are not perfect and sometimes do something we think is the solution w/o considering WWJD 'what would Jesus do'. So if you value them as a real friend, I'd pray for them.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
3,303
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#3
Not sure how to pray here...should I pray for that person to be honest at all times? Ideally everyone ought to be, and not ever be fake and pretend. Just be real.
 

GaryA

Active member
Aug 10, 2019
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mywebsite.us
#4
Everyone should be honest at all times -- and, as much as possible, be tactful about it...
 
Aug 3, 2019
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#5
It is awkward to find yourself in that kind of position. If I tell the truth, that I don't like something, I might hurt someone's feelings, or unnecessarily cause an argument. If I lie, and someone finds out, they are bound to be mad at me. If I just keep my mouth shut, can I tolerate it quietly, should I back out, who will that hurt? You feel like you will hurt someone no matter which choice you make. Yes, ideally, we (especially Christians) would always choose to be honest. But is it so bad to try to protect others? I mean, some people make a big deal about everything, and take things too personally. I think in the case of the dinner guest, I would have attended, but at some point I would have request we go someplace else the next time. Maybe she really did think she would come. Maybe something did come up, maybe she changed her mind. One might never know, but does it really matter in the long term? It might be good if you talk openly with her about it, without anger or judgement, asking her to be more honest next time. If she knows you won't be upset, she will feel free to speak her mind. Don't hold a grudge, forgive, and move on. Keep enjoying your friendship with her and the others involved. Keep enjoying your dinner get togethers.
 

ArtsieSteph

Senior Member
Apr 1, 2014
5,309
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Arizona
#6
Because we are fallen world and it’s easier to lie and wriggle out of any personal responsibility.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
3,303
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#7
It is awkward to find yourself in that kind of position. If I tell the truth, that I don't like something, I might hurt someone's feelings, or unnecessarily cause an argument. If I lie, and someone finds out, they are bound to be mad at me. If I just keep my mouth shut, can I tolerate it quietly, should I back out, who will that hurt? You feel like you will hurt someone no matter which choice you make. Yes, ideally, we (especially Christians) would always choose to be honest. But is it so bad to try to protect others? I mean, some people make a big deal about everything, and take things too personally. I think in the case of the dinner guest, I would have attended, but at some point I would have request we go someplace else the next time. Maybe she really did think she would come. Maybe something did come up, maybe she changed her mind. One might never know, but does it really matter in the long term? It might be good if you talk openly with her about it, without anger or judgement, asking her to be more honest next time. If she knows you won't be upset, she will feel free to speak her mind. Don't hold a grudge, forgive, and move on. Keep enjoying your friendship with her and the others involved. Keep enjoying your dinner get togethers.
I dont get upset over silly things like that, so nobody should ever have to lie to me.
Anyway she did say she had some work things on thats fine. But now i kinda dont know if she was lying about not liking the dinner place or about having work. ?! We ended up going somewhere else for dinner, so, she missed out on some good pizza anyway...
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
3,303
1,311
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#8
If someone doesnt like something, why would it hurt MY feelings? I dont get that. If they dont like something they should just say. Thats what they dont like and thats fine. Id rather know than have someone pretend.
 

oldethennew

Senior Member
Feb 28, 2016
9,118
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#9
we are all born liars, and only by God's Grace
can we be set free from the bondages of
the world...
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
3,303
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#10
Not if you are born again. Cos liars have no part in the kingdom, well it does say so in Revelation.
I think God will be able to tell on judgement day whether you lied to HIm or not. So it pays to tell the truth now, and keep telling the truth, than go around lying to yourself and others.

Now the truth might not be pretty but then the crucifiction was not pretty either. It was painful. Yet Jesus went through it.
 

7seasrekeyed

Senior Member
Aug 27, 2017
7,519
3,106
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#11
I think you might have me on ignore, but the best way to handle things in this world, is to not look to others to fulfill our own
expectations

you bet everyone should be honest, but people are not and a person has to make the change to truth

no one can make it for them

no use being disappointed in people cause there will be no end to that

trying to figure out why everyone did this or that can be exhausting

and you could be wrong ;)
 
Aug 11, 2019
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Indiana
#12
Ever watch animals, how they treat each other on a daily basis? Chickens, dogs, cats, etc.
Some are testy, some stay to themselves out of fear, or knowing its better for them.
And some are nasty, every. day. all. day.

People can, as often as not be the same way. And we are supposed to have dominion over all other creatures!
Even those who are religious can and are like this in church, or afterwards...seen it many times.
I have no answer unfortunately. It is life. We have to push harder to get things done right for ourselves, many people just don't care.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
3,303
1,311
113
#13
Ever watch animals, how they treat each other on a daily basis? Chickens, dogs, cats, etc.
Some are testy, some stay to themselves out of fear, or knowing its better for them.
And some are nasty, every. day. all. day.

People can, as often as not be the same way. And we are supposed to have dominion over all other creatures!
Even those who are religious can and are like this in church, or afterwards...seen it many times.
I have no answer unfortunately. It is life. We have to push harder to get things done right for ourselves, many people just don't care.
maybe its people think God isnt looking. Everyone just did what was right in their own eyes.

I know it rather humiliating to be counted as as human on planet earth, supposed to look after all Gods creatures and doing a rather poor job of it.

I have read countless christian books implying christians actually cheat on their tax returns and think it doesnt matter. As if its a regular thing cos everyone does it.

For example....Tax may be a annoying thing to pay, but the tax dollars are meant to look after the poorest, most vulnerable members of our population, the widows and the orphans. They fund public schools. They pay for libraries. Its for clean water and hospitals. And people dont want to pay or contribute to these things? They would rather it be spent on something else...?
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
3,303
1,311
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#14
A gardener friend said to me she thought orchids not in flower were ugly when i asked her about going to see an orchid show. Ok. My feelings werent hurt that she didnt want to go. But thing is it not like she has to buy any. Just look at the flowers others have grown and appreciate them. Cos they arent going to show orchids when they arent in flower are they?

Im glad she is being honest though, but maybe the orchids feelings were hurt. No matter I will ask someone else who might appreciate that orchids in bloom are amazing (they are)
 
Aug 11, 2019
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Indiana
#15
-Sounds like a now ex friend of mine...last two years we went to a local car event. First time, he would not go to the part of the event that I was there for ("He doesn't care for that type of car")...I though gee, how pig headed!

Last year, went again. Had to go to restroom first. Came out, he was gone. I didn't spend much time looking either. Would not answer his cell. I got tired after an hour or so. (it was hot and sun beating down, and after the stroke I had a few years ago, my mind/body does not respond well to heat. So I went to my car, sat with AC on and stereo going...for 2 hours, 45 minutes. He comes back smiling...Never gone anywhere with him since.
 

Leastamongmany

Well-known member
Jun 2, 2019
3,270
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Usa
#16
You know Lanolin,I have found dishonesty is not just simply saying"I have something else to do or hmmmm maybe next time"! It's been found to be more subtle and insidious than that just as I am being blunt and saying up front what I mean. I have found some ppl brown nose everyone then turn and whine and wring their hands so pitifully and " I just don't know what to do". "I can't fix it"! This kind hurts worse. It is beyond dishonest. DO NOT PM OR TEXT ME IF THIS HITS YOU! I like blunt ppl who are not offensive who tell you straight up" I don like fish"!
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
3,303
1,311
113
#17
yèa Im a straight up person and dont respond to flattery.

I only recently found out that when somone flatters you what they really asking is for you to say how great they are back.

And when people ask you if you are working they arent that interested in your work but just wanting to know how much money you make.
 

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
Sep 17, 2018
1,279
1,084
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#18
Perhaps for the same reason some people start threads with questions then argue with every answer given.
 

shittim

Senior Member
Dec 16, 2016
1,938
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#19
Not sure that is entirely true of all people.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
3,303
1,311
113
#20
I think some people have agendas when they start threads or maybe they just bored. But some people just answer all threads no matter what topic it is and dont even answer the OP they just put any old answer in and then derail the thread to make it all about them.

Solution...if you got something important to say and you want to share and its not actually the topic of the thread, start your own thread! Simple lol. You dont really have to go on and on about how you dont like the OP. Theres room for all kinds of threads on forums just make sure the topic fits in with the forum otherwise if you talking about what kind of shoes you wear on say the Bible discussion forum people are gonna go what?! I thought this forum was about discussing the Bible!!