hi everyone i am 55 year old male christian since 1997 ,but suffer with severe depression to the pooint of thoughts on suicide, not looking for sympathy, looking to chat and try understand why i suffer, yesterday was hell for me like many days , going to sleep is a nightmare as it is like russian roulette wondering what i am gonna be like when i wake , yesterday prime example all my love for everything goes , for my kid my dog and even god , i dont function i stayed in bed all day didnt eat and dont have the strength to do anything , my walk with god as been a struggle throughout the year as there so many different opinons on been a christian i read i pray , ive even back slidden its my own vommit , but gods grace and mercy brought me through, but i still suffer i live in the uk , christianity is like taking your car to the garage and having 20 mecanics look at it and coming up with 20 different solutions for the same problem, i dont go to church for this reason , after 26 years i dont no how i am ment to be , i struggle to pray , always the same things i feel i have to tell the world the gospel , like it is my sole responsibility , i no all the lines saved through grace not by works etc, give it all to jesus , but i am still depressed to the point if i lived in america where guns are available like choclate bar i would have taken my life by now as tried it in the past when my 2 son where 5 years of age there now grown up in there 30s. so lonely, so confused
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