Hi, Sydkid!
Well as you said, I also don´t know about you, but you said: "
I know He is the way, but I can't seem to feel... I don't know."
Just allow me tell!
I don´t what your vices are though that definition could be short or too bias: Dirnking wine is not a vice, unless you like (or need) to get drunk all day long (the same applies for sex, whatever compulsive thing you do to find release, as expending money to loose it).
Be patience! your proplem seems to be linked to feelings, what you think you "feel" or hoped to feel. Is it?
Lst week one of my friends helped me to pray for another virtual friend. We prayed on prayer room and I seldom take the microphone to be heard (I just feeel it inside, I just write): She prayed and I also prayed and, by doing it, I FELT... Do you think is it something you need? (Prayer time).
My friend keep on praying, I followed and asked, for this remote side. She asked for my friend and I also asked for my friend and for my friends needs (The one praying also needed help in praying: Her husband WAS recovering in ICU). The moment came when I felt and, additionally wanted to pray more and, I realized we both were heard WHEN PRAYING. Why don´t you try "feeling" a moment praying -with someone else- on prayer wroom or AT A REAL CHURCH? (just to lavish those words to Him, GOD).
Be assurred if you present your requests, in the name of Jesus, you would do as much as you can TO BE HEARD, there, above. If you feeel or not, that has nothing to do with your emotions (there is not way to push GOD) Will you push any one to love you or hear you? You don´t.
Compare it to a person you like, will you push him - her to love you? And, if you are pushy, wll you be heard or like d more? I doubt it!
I could comparre it to other things but, feeling and doing are separated stuff. Hopefully! Somethings we´ve done are joyfully felt and enjoyed (Just find out why you don´t like to claen, to work without any payment or love a person who ignores you or hurts you).
Feelings are not glued to doings!
There was a time Jesus gave us an example. I´m going to check my e-sword because I don´t remember its place... Here is a Biblical example I remembered now:
Mat 21:28 "What do you think about this? A man had two sons. He went to the first and said, 'Son, go to work in the vineyard today.'
Mat 21:29 "His son replied,
'I don't want to!' But later
he changed his mind and went.
Mat 21:30 "The father went to the other son and told him the same thing. He replied, 'I will, sir,' but he didn't go.
Mat 21:31 "
Which of the two sons did what the father wanted?" "The first," they answered. Jesus said to them, "I can guarantee this truth: Tax collectors and prostitutes are going into the kingdom of God ahead of you.
None of them had "the feeling" but, the one who was UNWILLING (
without the apropriate feeling) change his mind and did what his father asked.
Just an unanswered question: Will you
change your mind? I often
do the same. Welcome to CC.