Hello, I’m new here-but I’m going through A lot constant

Hi, My name is Chance. I am new to Christian chat forums. I honestly just need some support right now. I’m having a lot of problems with my faith. See, I have Autism, anxiety disorder, and a few other things. I’m not exactly a model Christian because of these things. In fact, I am literally crying over my faults. My main problem is, fear of God. Now, I know the Bible says we are supposed to have a fear of God but this is too much. I am literally at the brink of panic attacks just at hearing his name. I have this huge thing in my life. See, I know it’s not good to make excuses but honestly, if something intimidates me about a person in my life(threats, yelling, anger, etc)I just can’t feel much love for that person as I would. I have had this problem my whole life.
I have anxiety. Quite a number of other Christians i've known have anxiety. Some had bipolar, depression (which i also have), OCD, ADHD and any number of other issues. I don't think any less of them as Christians for having a struggle.
And hell is not a threat. It is a warning. If you were walking and not paying attention to where you were going when you start to step out into traffic, then suddenly hear someone yell at you, warning you, would you be mad at them? Because that's, in essence, how you're perceiving God. Being upset at the one that warned you. What if you had headphones in and didn't hear that person, so they pushed you out of the way and got hit instead. Would you be upset with them? Feel less love? Because that's also what God did. The problem isn't the 'threat' of hell, the issue here is the way what you read is distorted into something it's not.

I’m sure you can imagine how much God intimidates me then. To be told “be perfect or go to hell”.
This is, in fact, false. And not at all what the bible teaches. People with your condition (scrupulosity) have very works based view of God, which is not biblical. God never requires perfection. Because He knows we can't obtain it while in these fleshly bodies. In fact the view you have is the complete opposite of what the bible Actually teaches. People often think doing good is what you're supposed to do after being saved. But the bible teaches on that is truly saved and seeking after God will have good works follow them as a natural product of their relationship with God.
Now this is not to say we should not Try to do good, we should. But, again, that should be a reflection of the work God does in our hearts, not to pacify a demanding God.

Which is basically the only thing that I get from the Gospel. All the love, acceptance, and forgiveness sounds great, but the fear of hell that I have is crippling. Every little thing I do I think is somehow a sin(I also have scrupulosity by the way). I can barely sleep, I can’t eat, I am just in constant fear. I also have an acute fear of public speaking (me too). Especially about God for some reason. Spreading the Gospel sounds more like agony than love.
I get that. As a teen i was even in a group that went around crack town and witnessed to people. It is scary to speak up. I didn't do it as much as most others in our group. But it's also important to remember not every Christian has the same calling. While, it's true, we are all called to be witnesses for our faith, generally speaking, perhaps your role is not that of evangelist. The bible talks about the church as a body, and in a body we have different body parts. Those parts each have a different purpose. A hand and a nose have very different purposes in the body. Perhaps your purpose is not to be overly focused on being a witness, but being called to aid within the church. That's how i feel.
I know we are supposed to have faith, love God, and Give our lives to him. So you can imagine how bad I feel with nothing but doubts, feeling condemned, and not being able to take the leap. To be honest, I feel scared about giving my life to Christ because I feel like I don’t have enough to offer him. I feel like there is just no hope. I have tried everything. Prayer, devotionals, counseling, medication, reading my Bible...everything I can think of. I just never feel “Good enough”. I can’t shake the fear. So my question is, does God only care about rules, obedience, and perfection, Or would God even consider taking a poor, cowardly, sinner like me. Does he still love me through my faults. Does God really care about how I am feeling?
It seems that a large bulk of your problems stem from the scrupulosity (have you been diagnosed or is that a self diagnosis?).
I dated a woman with OCD and she had many of the same problems you're talking about. One difficulty this seems to cause is it makes you almost unable to 'take hold' of what you read. You can know it. Repeat it. Understand it. But it's always in a way that is outside of you, and not internal. Because of this inability to internalize it trickles into other areas of your life and faith.


I feel almost no peace for days at a time and then and only after many seemingly unanswered prayers do I finally find some hope. For some reason God only shows me his love and peace in very small increments. I have even fasted for days at a time and read my Bible and prayed and begged God just for his love and even then I didn’t feel it as much as most people seem to. Most of the time I feel unloved and forsaken and I know it’s either a trick of Satan or a test of my faith but should I really feel this way all the time. Instead, it’s making me feel anxious and moody and depressed, which are all sins , which only gives me more guilt.
It's no surprise. Your basic understanding of God and the bible has proven to be flawed at the very base. If the foundation is weak you can't expect the rest to be strong. Your foundation is weak because you mispercieve God and the bible. You're not trusting in the God of the bible, but a twisted, lesser version, in your mind. Correct the wrong conclusions you have on God with biblical ones and it makes it easier for God to provide peace because you won't be working Against Him.
But some people will always have struggles. I, having depression and anxiety, have always struggled in ways others without those issues may not. I have had to accept that, and accept that i may not always line up with what i 'think' a Christian 'should' be. That's when i have to bypass what people say and remind myself what God's word says.

The only time I ever feel peace is when I take medicine for anxiety. Does that mean that my faith isn’t real. Shouldn’t a real Christian feel at peace all the time. Isn’t God stronger than anxiety? I feel so confused and scared and new to this whole thing. And I have been a Christian for years now. The problem is, I fell away for a while but I never totally gave up. A while ago I had a revelation and came back to God and felt his love more than I ever did. But now I think, maybe it’s all in my Head. Maybe my faith isn’t real. Maybe I’m not even saved. I trust in Jesus. I try(pretty hard actually)to obey the commandments. I read my Bible(as much as I can in the state I’m in), I pray...I do a lot. Why do I still feel this way. Why’ve do I still doubt.
Anxiety is an issue where the brain isn't functioning the way God designed it. The brain is a physical part of the body, just like liver, kidney, arms, legs, etc... would you tell a person 'you lack faith because a part of your body isn't working correctly'? If not then why do you do it to yourself?
Trying to obey the commandments. You never will. God knew that. They were put there to prove mans inability to save himself, not for a man to prove his worth or faith.
Who says doubting is a sin? When Thomas doubted Jesus resurrection did Jesus scold him? Nope. He told Thomas he was still blessed, just in a different way than those that didn't doubt. But Jesus did not speak poorly of him.
I went through a season of doubting my beliefs. I, like you, felt i wasn't seeing the fruit i felt i should, so i came to the conclusion my beliefs were no longer personal, but a facade i tried to live up to in front of others. I put that facade down, not in rebellion to God, but to rediscover what i believed. So it would be personal again, or maybe find i no longer believed. I, obviously, did determine God was truth. I have not regretted my doubt once. Because it helped me make God personal again. Without that doubt i would have just floated along as a fake.

I’m so worried I’m going to give my life to Christ, I’m going to try to follow him, I’m going to try to live perfectly, and in the end I will be told “Sorry, I never knew you” doesn’t God care about me and understand my weaknesses or does he only care about perfection? I just want to know that God cares about and understands my flaws but everything in the Bible kind of makes me think the opposite. It makes me think God is just a perfectionist who only cares about how perfect and obedient I am. Not about how much he loves us. I feel like Christianity is more of a Job than a relationship. I just want to love God with the passion I used to. Even the words in the Bible sound demanding and angry to me. what should I do, I’m running on fumes. I’m spiritually exhausted and ready to just give up. Please please help me!

Hi, My name is Chance. I am new to Christian chat forums. I honestly just need some support right now. I’m having a lot of problems with my faith. See, I have Autism, anxiety disorder, and a few other things. I’m not exactly a model Christian because of these things. In fact, I am literally crying over my faults. My main problem is, fear of God. Now, I know the Bible says we are supposed to have a fear of God but this is too much. I am literally at the brink of panic attacks just at hearing his name. I have this huge thing in my life. See, I know it’s not good to make excuses but honestly, if something intimidates me about a person in my life(threats, yelling, anger, etc)I just can’t feel much love for that person as I would. I have had this problem my whole life. I’m sure you can imagine how much God intimidates me then. To be told “be perfect or go to hell”. Which is basically the only thing that I get from the Gospel. All the love, acceptance, and forgiveness sounds great, but the fear of hell that I have is crippling. Every little thing I do I think is somehow a sin(I also have scrupulosity by the way). I can barely sleep, I can’t eat, I am just in constant fear. I also have an acute fear of public speaking. Especially about God for some reason. Spreading the Gospel sounds more like agony than love. I know we are supposed to have faith, love God, and Give our lives to him. So you can imagine how bad I feel with nothing but doubts, feeling condemned, and not being able to take the leap. To be honest, I feel scared about giving my life to Christ because I feel like I don’t have enough to offer him. I feel like there is just no hope. I have tried everything. Prayer, devotionals, counseling, medication, reading my Bible...everything I can think of. I just never feel “Good enough”. I can’t shake the fear. So my question is, does God only care about rules, obedience, and perfection, Or would God even consider taking a poor, cowardly, sinner like me. Does he still love me through my faults. Does God really care about how I am feeling? I feel almost no peace for days at a time and then and only after many seemingly unanswered prayers do I finally find some hope. For some reason God only shows me his love and peace in very small increments. I have even fasted for days at a time and read my Bible and prayed and begged God just for his love and even then I didn’t feel it as much as most people seem to. Most of the time I feel unloved and forsaken and I know it’s either a trick of Satan or a test of my faith but should I really feel this way all the time. Instead, it’s making me feel anxious and moody and depressed, which are all sins , which only gives me more guilt. The only time I ever feel peace is when I take medicine for anxiety. Does that mean that my faith isn’t real. Shouldn’t a real Christian feel at peace all the time. Isn’t God stronger than anxiety? I feel so confused and scared and new to this whole thing. And I have been a Christian for years now. The problem is, I fell away for a while but I never totally gave up. A while ago I had a revelation and came back to God and felt his love more than I ever did. But now I think, maybe it’s all in my Head. Maybe my faith isn’t real. Maybe I’m not even saved. I trust in Jesus. I try(pretty hard actually)to obey the commandments. I read my Bible(as much as I can in the state I’m in), I pray...I do a lot. Why do I still feel this way. Why’ve do I still doubt. I’m so worried I’m going to give my life to Christ, I’m going to try to follow him, I’m going to try to live perfectly, and in the end I will be told “Sorry, I never knew you” doesn’t God care about me and understand my weaknesses or does he only care about perfection? I just want to know that God cares about and understands my flaws but everything in the Bible kind of makes me think the opposite. It makes me think God is just a perfectionist who only cares about how perfect and obedient I am. Not about how much he loves us. I feel like Christianity is more of a Job than a relationship. I just want to love God with the passion I used to. Even the words in the Bible sound demanding and angry to me. what should I do, I’m running on fumes. I’m spiritually exhausted and ready to just give up. Please please help me!

1 John 5:4 - For whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world: and this is the victory that overcometh the world, [even] our faith.
1 John 5:5 - Who is he that overcometh the world, but he that believeth that Jesus is the Son of God?
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Revelation 3:21 - To him that overcometh will I grant to sit with me in my throne, even as I also overcame, and am set down with my Father in his throne.
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philippians

9 And be found in him, not having mine own righteousness, which is of the law, but that which is through the faith of Christ, the righteousness which is of God by faith:

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1 peter 1


3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, which according to his abundant mercy hath begotten us again unto a lively hope by the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,

4 To an inheritance incorruptible, and undefiled, and that fadeth not away, reserved in heaven for you,

5 Who are kept by the power of God through faith unto salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.



praise God



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Wow ugly! That was actually one of the most encouraging things I’ve ever read. Especially the thing about Jesus’s anxiety. That genuinely helped calm me down-a lot. Thank God for that. I really appreciate it. Maybe your right. Maybe it’s my view of God that is flawed. Thank you for this help so much.

Dear sister, barely alive from the dead, so am I by the way.
Had only read the beginning of your page, when I responded and now just read the rest. I see your fear is the same as I had. I still had that fear after that experience, sadly I could not retain that blanket of God, I do believe I will have it again but permanently may not be in this life. My comment to you now is you need to see something straight about God. He did not come for the Righteous but for sinners, those who think they are good enough the way they are and wont come to Him for help are the ones He will not know as His own. Jesus is the Father I never had, I almost hear Him every day, He sais He is a Father to the fatherless and near the poor and broken hearted: You and I happen to qualify. It's an upside down Kingdom, God is pleased to take those things which are nothing to bring to nothing the things that are, it's written. trouble is we are slow learners, "Through much trouble we enter His Kingdom." I see your deliverance, but that is easy for me to say, eventually we have no trouble with Faith, as we have the evidence we need: our trouble is growing in His Love through suffering with Him. Let me know when you get healed.