You seem to have issues, unburden for your own sake, you cannot varry this cross alone. And your cross is invicible to us. Manifest it to ua please so we can help in the proper forum, this is not the forum, this is the introduction, you cannot jack it and make it about you. If you have grief, make a testimony. And stress out first, you seem stressed out. Drop that. Take 10, then tell us and ask for guidence or tell it on the mountain. Do not be afraid of what we do not even know what is. If so, we cannot help you. Have you done some wrong? That you could need help solving? Yes or no, otherwise you must find it for yourself. We all make mistakes, no biggy if you reach out and fix it before it is too late. Would be sad if people gave you up while you struggle to reach out. I wish you the best again. Hope it works out for you. I will include you in my prayer when I start praying. Calm down. The truth will set you free, as the good book says. Just be calm. Make a testimony, and pray, God will never judge, he is understanding and caring for all, you included. Never forget that. All have different paths, none is wrong, if it lead you to the lord.. I hope to fistfive you there one day. Hate to hear your struggles now.