supporting my husband

Hi everyone, i just want to share my experience and vent out as well. My husband and I have been married for 4 years. My husband had stage 3 bone cancer on 2010 and he just had his 2nd knee surgery on july 2013. Ever since we got married, i have been supporting the both of us financially. He would be working too but in the 4 years of our marriage, i have always been the one who's making more. He works part time and goes to school. But he had to stop when he had the surgery again last year. Now we recently just had our first baby, 7 months ago. I used to bring my baby at work until May. Since its hard for me to take care of him and work at the same time, we decided my husband needed to stop working and he will just do online school while he is at home. I dont know why since we had the baby, we've been arguing so much. He said that he really feels depressed and he has low self esteem. Evrytime i say something, he would think im complaining that im working and he is not. But i already told him that i am very ok with our set up right now. I feel like i am not doing enough to help him lift his self esteem. I feel like he is pushing me away. Im letting him go to online school so he can accomplish something but i dont think he appreciates that. Im so tired too sometimes that when he feels sorry for himself, sometimes it makes me upset. Am I doing anything wrong?

It sounds like have some resentment towards your husband for having to support your house financially for most of the marriage. (You said), "Ever since we got married, i have been supporting the both of us financially." I am sure he didn't have bone cancer when you first got married yet your were carrying the bulk of the financial load, which is not your duties as a wife it is his as a husband. Many women, when they are carrying the responsibility of the husband and wife in the marriage, it tends to make you not only resent him but to lose respect for him. His complaining doesn't help your feelings any because you seem to already feel he wasn't doing enough from the start of the marriage and now things have just gone downhill from there with you and he now having a child and you being the main caretaker of the child. (You said) "Evrytime i say something, he would think im complaining that im working and he is not." I am sure that is because odds are you have told him this on more than one occasion in your frustration and anger for the arrangement. (You said) "told him that i am very ok with our set up right now." I think you are not OK with your set up right now just because of the previous statements that you made....and I think by your obvious attitude towards him he realizes that is not true. (You said ) " Im letting him go to online school"....letting ? Statements like that doesn't help a man's self esteem and if you have casually put that here then I am sure he hears things like that from you on a regular basis.I am not getting on your nor saying that you are wrong in your feelings because you are not. (You said) "Im so tired too sometimes that when he feels sorry for himself, sometimes it makes me upset." In conclusion, you are tired and worn out and stressed out because the fact is that you have a husband but you are indeed carrying the weight as if you were the husband. For one, you can only do so much to help a person with their self esteem...your husband is depressed because he knows he isn't and hasn't done what he was supposed to do as your husband from day one. He sees your anger and frustration...believe me you are not hiding it. In such a case as yours he needs to get up and get a job asap to support you and his daughter. If you the school he is doing online is going to help him get a good paying job which will be able to support you and your daughter....and he will indeed get that job once the schooling is done, then try to be a little patient while he attends the school, but when he finishes, insist he gets off of his butt and get a job and provide for his family as God says he is supposed to do. Sadly, there are many men who have...not dropped...but just chose to lay the ball down and force their wives to pick it up and take all of the responsibility for supporting the house.....this should not be.

Beloved, I pray The Lord Jesus Christ may take control of this matter. Right now, the best thing you can do is draw closer to God so you can know what to do in this situation. Heartfelt prayer and reading God's Word are two important steps. I would also include daily worship. The more you edify your spirit, the more you'll be equipped and enabled to handle this situation. Also, make your prayers known to God for yourself and your husband and his struggles. I pray God's Grace and Mercy may be upon your family at all times, Amen.

Hey Kulit,
after reading your post what came to mind was that you mentioned that "I'm letting him do online schooling?? Letting?? Another thing is GOD has designed man to cover the woman, though in today's society we find more often the woman handling more of the house as far as financially. Now when it comes to what's best for the household do what is best. Your husband is dealing with a lot as far as having cancer and all that comes with it, being a husband and not a burden, being a father and not a sitter while mommy is at work. All these stresses will cause anyone to be depressed. Pray for your husband and encourage him often. We as women are designed to be a helpmeet so first be that for him. Be there for him spiritually, mentally, physically and emotionally. Allow him to vent and have his moments but be that encouragement that he needs to know he is a man, strong able and loved. It's not what you let him do but what he is able to do. You both are held responsible for how your child will view life. What a man is and does and what a woman is and does regardless of what life throws at us. Growing up my family did not eat dinner until my dad got home not because it was a rule but because it was a way for the children to understand, now we each got something out of it, me at first I thought whatever but as I matured and became an adult it showed me to respect the man of the house, be there for him and to make sure the children see and are a part of it. In your situation know that GOD does not give us more than we can handle so handle it when all is well, that is when you two pray and discuss how the house will be run and include fun times supper outside, games, tv etc... Never make him feel less than the man he is when you are feeling stressed pray and remember he's handling much more. It may be hard so hold on to all the love you have for each other and instead of focusing on the burdens of life give them over to the LORD and just live day to day pray for renewed strength and guidance and GOD will see your family through.

Be encouraged my sister :")
Blessings!!!!!!!

Those were excellent words of encouragement.

Hi BeeD, yes i will be more patient with him when he goes back to school. I know that he loves working so I am pretty sure that it will help us more when he finishes school. Thank u for this.

Thank u TriedByFire! We really need prayers right now. Lots of it!

Hi there Eva1218! Tourist is right. These are very encouraging words. I am so touched and blessed that you guys responded to my.post. Sometimes there are things that I cant tell my family and friends and it is really good that people like you are here to give encouragements and help with prayers. You guys made me realize that I should be more supportive and understanding to my husband. I know that he has been through a lot. Even his primary doctor told me that eventho its been years since his cancer, it still affects him physically, mentally, and emotionally. He is only 27 y.o. And he can not walk straight, and this makes him feel sorry for himself more. So yes, u are right Eva, it doesnt help that i complain instead of supporting him. I realized that if i were the man of the family, but cant walk straight, cant find a better job because of my disability, and cant support my wife and son, then i would be depressed too. Thanks for these inspiring words! God bless u too