Interracial marriage & it's challenges

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
Nehemiah6

Nehemiah6

Senior Member
#21
Jul 18, 2017
26,074
13,778
113
#21
Bella_audrey said:
We both met at church and both come from a christian family.
Click to expand...
Bella,

1. That may be so, but are your both born-again believers and living for the Lord? That is the key issue. You need God's blessings on this marriage more than anything else.

2. Since your prospective husband is younger than you and not the primary breadwinner, the crucial issue you face is whether he can be and will be the spiritual leader of your family. If he is a wimp and wants you to manage everything, then that is clearly a red flag.

3. If your parents are genuine Christians they are sinning in making race an issue. So God has to deal with them. You need not concern yourself with this matter any longer, since it is between them and God.

4. Since a formal wedding will clearly become an issue for some (including your parents), you best option is to approach your pastor and ask for a very private and simple ceremony, which you do not announce to the whole world.

5. Assuming your marriage meets the above conditions, once you both are legally married, you can -- if you wish -- invite your parents to your home (don't go to their home) and let them know that you do not wish to sever your relationship with them. So you can ask them point blank if they are prepared to accept your husband for who he is, and maintain a harmonious relationship with both of you. If not then you simply have to accept that as a fact of life and move on.

6. When two people get married they must leave fathers and mothers behind. So if either of you will have a tendency to run with your problems to mama or papa, you are already setting yourself up for disaster. So you both should know each other properly (and honestly) before going through with this.

7. I am in an inter-ethnic marriage (since there is only one race, the human race) and it has never been an issue. In fact it is a non-issue.
 
D

DDDo

Member
#22
Jun 24, 2018
32
16
8
#22
jaybird88 said:
the fact that she was descended from Abraham is neither hear nor there, i know many black people today that are very black with very white ancestors, but it doesnt change the fact they are black.
Click to expand...
LOL! You're arguing that ancestry is irrelevant to race. Ancestry is race.

If all we knew about the wife of Moses was that she was a Cushite, then the preponderance of the evidence would be that she's black. But, we're given her ancestry so we know she wasn't black. Being a Cushite only means someone is that from that country. Many semitic, non-black, would have lived in Cush because ancient Cush was in the Arab orbit.

Aaron wasn't being racist. The wife's race was irrelevant to him. But, if we wish to conflate race and nationality, then interracial marriage is forbidden by the Bible, and forbidden by Moses himself! Do I need to quote scripture, or are we all biblically literate here?

Aaron's concern wasn't about race, it was about religion. The other nations had different gods. Aaron would have called her a Cushite because of her religious background, not her race.
 
O

OstrichSmiling

Well-known member
#23
Jun 17, 2018
1,027
418
83
#23
jaybird88 said:
didnt Moses have a black wife.
Click to expand...
He did indeed.
Zipporah, the black wife of Moses. Her name means Little Bird (Zippor in Hebrew).. She is a Cushite, that is to say Ethiopian ebony skin. Baby gathered on the banks of the Red Sea close to his mother the victim of a shipwreck around 1450 BC, it is adopted by Jethro, the priest of Midian patriarch (Northern Arabia). Read here

When the member here has racist parents I don't think Moses choice of wife will matter at all. That she waited four years due to her parents racism and hatred for her boyfriend is a sign in itself that she values her parents opinion highly. And more than marrying the patient boyfriend.

If she wants to go through hell for the rest of her life she should marry him. If she wants to put her children that she'll likely choose to have with him through their having to deal with one side of the family that hate half of those children, or child's, bloodline, she should marry him.
If she wants to witness what transpires at the wedding, when her racist parents refuse to attend and that then putting a log into the relationship knowing that his side of the family will know why her side is missing, she should marry him.

Being selfish is costly.
Her parents are racist. That's not her fault. It is theirs. One has to decide how much hell they want to live through living with someone their parents will always hate.
I did it for over a decade. It isn't fun. Hate filled people need a snack from time to time. Our sister asking our advice is finding out her parents have chosen her boyfriend.
How do you have a happy marriage when your dating, unless they're living together now, life is miserable due to your racist parents? How does someone think getting married will be happier than the four years lived thus far.

If she marries the racist parents will see it as an act of defiance. Their behavior thus far didn't work. She didn't leave him. It won't get better for the couple. And if they have mixed race children? How does someone introduce their baby to the hateful racist side of those precious innocents family line?
 
O

OstrichSmiling

Well-known member
#25
Jun 17, 2018
1,027
418
83
#25
Nehemiah6 said:
You don't. It is that simple. You simply walk away from hatred and stupidity.
Click to expand...
She should then choose her boyfriend over her blood family?
And then after she says, "I do...." at the altar marrying this man and they have children later on she raises those children to know only one side of the family. His.
Which won't last long in the deception once the child or children go to school. Because their little peers will have a mom and daddy and grandparents on both sides. And then the questions will start. Mom? Why don't you have parents?
Being she's being asked this by a biracial child, she'll then have to answer truthfully as she can. And no matter the answer the child will sooner or later learn that in the eyes of two racists that child and their daddy is judged as other.

The question also comes as a need to be asked. Is she with this man because of who he is? Or because what he is, a black man, makes her parents mad?

My husband always preferred black women. His mom would have disowned him and she'd have laid the law down that his siblings and dad were to consider him dead had he dated a black woman.
Now she's dead and so is his dad. Their opinions literally no longer matter. I asked him last year if he would have really preferred to have met and married a black woman.
Yes.

Some kids don't do things because their parents don't approve and they'll suffer if they go against that.
Some kids do things because it makes their parents mad.
When it comes to marriage the next step is usually children. There's a huge consideration out there before taking that step.

One step no woman should make for any man on this earth. That's giving up her blood family for a man. Any man. Blood is forever. Marriage is entered first on paper. And ends just as easily.
But we never get our family back when we first told them they're expendable because passion means more.

My hubby dated a Greek girl, very rich family, years before we met. Her mom gave her an ultimatum when the daughter said they were considering marriage.
Marry Steve and lose the family money forever.
Or break up and find a man the family approved.

He was single when we met.
 
O

oldethennew

Banned
#26
Feb 28, 2016
11,311
2,974
113
#26
hub and I are very DNA related, we were enlightened about this many years after
we came together, and NOT by man... we know now that it was 'ordained'...
 
J

jaybird88

Guest
#27
#27
DDDo said:
LOL! You're arguing that ancestry is irrelevant to race. Ancestry is race.
Click to expand...
umm ok, so everyone descended from Noah, yet we have different races??? use your brain.
 
J

jaybird88

Guest
#28
#28
OstrichSmiling said:
He did indeed.
Zipporah, the black wife of Moses. Her name means Little Bird (Zippor in Hebrew).. She is a Cushite, that is to say Ethiopian ebony skin. Baby gathered on the banks of the Red Sea close to his mother the victim of a shipwreck around 1450 BC, it is adopted by Jethro, the priest of Midian patriarch (Northern Arabia). Read here

When the member here has racist parents I don't think Moses choice of wife will matter at all. That she waited four years due to her parents racism and hatred for her boyfriend is a sign in itself that she values her parents opinion highly. And more than marrying the patient boyfriend.

If she wants to go through hell for the rest of her life she should marry him. If she wants to put her children that she'll likely choose to have with him through their having to deal with one side of the family that hate half of those children, or child's, bloodline, she should marry him.
If she wants to witness what transpires at the wedding, when her racist parents refuse to attend and that then putting a log into the relationship knowing that his side of the family will know why her side is missing, she should marry him.

Being selfish is costly.
Her parents are racist. That's not her fault. It is theirs. One has to decide how much hell they want to live through living with someone their parents will always hate.
I did it for over a decade. It isn't fun. Hate filled people need a snack from time to time. Our sister asking our advice is finding out her parents have chosen her boyfriend.
How do you have a happy marriage when your dating, unless they're living together now, life is miserable due to your racist parents? How does someone think getting married will be happier than the four years lived thus far.

If she marries the racist parents will see it as an act of defiance. Their behavior thus far didn't work. She didn't leave him. It won't get better for the couple. And if they have mixed race children? How does someone introduce their baby to the hateful racist side of those precious innocents family line?
Click to expand...
He did indeed.
Click to expand...
i agree but dont tell that to the OP, i dont think their heart can take the idea of Moses being married to one of "them" people
 
O

oldethennew

Banned
#29
Feb 28, 2016
11,311
2,974
113
#29
to those 'whom Yesuah has ordained that we are 'witness-to',,,hub and I are only here to ASSURE you';
Love you, because our Heavenly Father, has so said...
...
 
O

OstrichSmiling

Well-known member
#30
Jun 17, 2018
1,027
418
83
#30
jaybird88 said:
i agree but dont tell that to the OP, i dont think their heart can take the idea of Moses being married to one of "them" people
Click to expand...
It isn't the OP sister. It is her parents that would be shocked.
 
T

theanointedsinner

Guest
#31
#31
Deade said:
Well Bela_audrey, you never will get your parents on board with this marriage. Your fiancee has waited four years, count your blessings, he must really care for you. At 30 I would say go ahead and plan the wedding. It's your life, live it.

View attachment 184448
Click to expand...
you are not under the law but under grace
 
M

mcubed

Senior Member
#32
Dec 20, 2013
1,449
218
63
#32
Well, the real deal of life, on life's terms, is a mixed marriage is hard, especially if you want to put children in the mix. Financially it doesn't matter who is the breadwinner anymore, unless you are and he expects you to stay home once you have children.... That is something to work out.... can you love with a househusband unsted of a housewife!?! But if you love him and know you cannot do better marry him.... If you can take care of him for better or worse .... like losing limbs.... getting ms... and having to change his diaper... that is better or for worse .... scripture... If you love him like that MARRY HIM!!! That is Scripture not some fuzzy feeling or to defy parents!!
 
S

susi

Guest
#33
#33
Bella_audrey said:
Hi,

I really could use some advice and prayers as I am really struggling keeping my faith and my sane during these challenging time.
I have been in a relationship with my fiancee for 4 years, and I'm in my mid 30's now.

We both met at church and both come from a christian family.
My parents are so against our relationship from the beginning mainly because he comes from a different race. In addition to that, he is a few years younger than me and earns less than me and his family is less established than my one. Please note that me and my fiancee both have a steady job, and I have a career on my own as well.

We have prayed over the years, I have introduced him to my family in the hope that they can see how he is, however nothing matters because all they care is the race and the amount of money he makes. Please note I come from an Asian family and my parents believe that girls are supposed to marry men that financially can take care 100% of the woman.

We are 4 months away from our wedding, however my parents are making me feel guilty by saying things like "how can you go on with a wedding knowing that you are disappointing your parents". Another challenging part is where they say, "a blessed and good marriage is one that brings peace to the family".

As a child from a christian family, this really have tested my faith over the past 4 years. I really do not want to disappoint them, however I also cannot force myself to marry someone from a certain race because they want me to. For over 30 years, I have always made sure that I dated their preferred race with no result. We even waiting 4 years to get married in the hope that my parents would change their mind, but it did not.

If any of you have gone through interracial marriages and these kind of issues, please do you have any advise on what to do ?
I even went through depression and self harm because of this matter. I feel so helpless since nothing I do or say can change the way my parents see him. Race and age is really not something you can change...

Any prayers and advise is much appreciated.
Click to expand...
Well, the fact something cultural doesn't always make it correct. Here in Spain its cultural to kill a bull just for entertainment. But it goes against God's word.
Racism and materialism is sin. They are not good reasons. If that's the only reason not to get married, then you will suffer the consequences of your parents sin. They will also suffer when they see you miserable.
Yes, we must honour our parents but not by submitting to sin.
If your parents are dishonured they will dishonour themselves with their attitude, not your by marriage.
Sorry to be so blunt.
I know family and culture is strong, but God is stronger.
Your parents will have to live with it.
You cant please everyone.
What is important is what God thinks.
Your fiancee has alot of pacience. He must really love you. Isn't that sign already from God?
You can't live your parents life. When you get married you will live with your hub not your parents. a new family. One with your hub. You will submit to him, not your parents. Think about that..
 
I_am_Canadian

I_am_Canadian

Senior Member
#34
Dec 8, 2014
2,468
835
113
#34
Bella_audrey said:
Hi,

I really could use some advice and prayers as I am really struggling keeping my faith and my sane during these challenging time.
I have been in a relationship with my fiancee for 4 years, and I'm in my mid 30's now.

We both met at church and both come from a christian family.
My parents are so against our relationship from the beginning mainly because he comes from a different race. In addition to that, he is a few years younger than me and earns less than me and his family is less established than my one. Please note that me and my fiancee both have a steady job, and I have a career on my own as well.

We have prayed over the years, I have introduced him to my family in the hope that they can see how he is, however nothing matters because all they care is the race and the amount of money he makes. Please note I come from an Asian family and my parents believe that girls are supposed to marry men that financially can take care 100% of the woman.

We are 4 months away from our wedding, however my parents are making me feel guilty by saying things like "how can you go on with a wedding knowing that you are disappointing your parents". Another challenging part is where they say, "a blessed and good marriage is one that brings peace to the family".

As a child from a christian family, this really have tested my faith over the past 4 years. I really do not want to disappoint them, however I also cannot force myself to marry someone from a certain race because they want me to. For over 30 years, I have always made sure that I dated their preferred race with no result. We even waiting 4 years to get married in the hope that my parents would change their mind, but it did not.

If any of you have gone through interracial marriages and these kind of issues, please do you have any advise on what to do ?
I even went through depression and self harm because of this matter. I feel so helpless since nothing I do or say can change the way my parents see him. Race and age is really not something you can change...

Any prayers and advise is much appreciated.
Click to expand...

I know how you feel, to some degree, I mean, as a white man, I have been with white women in the past and honestly, I don't think I could trust a white woman anymore.

That's why I prefer black women, they haven't beaten me or abused me or treated me like crap. So I understand about your inter racial marrage, You found a guy that treats you well and respects you.

Don't let him go, I know the bible talks about honouring parents, in this case, if your parents are not born again bible believing people. Then their advice may just be contrary to what the Lord wants you to have in your life.

I can tell you that the Lord would want you to be happy, and have a husband that treats you well and respects you. He would also want you to be equally yoked with him.

I would suggest that this maybe satan turning your family against you in order to destroy what the Lord has ordained for you in your life. Just fast and pray for your family and if they can't accept that you have a good man who loves and respects you, than I would say their priorities are not in the right place.

Or it could be that they are jeallous of you because you have something they want.
Regardless. Pray for your family, and don't let go of a good man that God gave you,
Finding good people in the 21st century is extreamly rare.
 
S

susi

Guest
#36
#36
Hi. If what your parents think is more important than what your future husband thinks, my question for you is, once you are married, will your parents opinion be more important than your husbands? There are many desicions a married couple must make in their lives:
- when to have children.
-how many if possible.
- buy or rent house.
-which school is better.
-If both should work...etc
If you put your parents first all the time your hub will suffer. You will have serious tentions in marrage.
In that case it might not be good to marry anyone at all for your spouses sake.
Unless you change your way of thinking.
I think you should change your way of thinking for your sake. Make your own decisions as fully grown up or never get married at all.
If you do what your parents say you will be miserable anyway because you won't be getting married for the right reasons.
So if you don't change your mentality its better to stay single. You will suffer but its your choice.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.