The art of being happy when miserable

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T

toinena

Guest
#1
#1
Singlehood is frustrating. Finding a spouse seems impossible. If I had a spouse, everything would be great!

Everybody here have their own list of reasons why life is miserable and we all can compete for the most miserable of the year award.

Does the misery magically disappear with a spouse? No. It might feel less painful, but the issues you have, you have to learn to live with and solve. You can't expect anyone to solve them for you.

But despite disability, numerous rejections, traumas and cold shoulders I am happy. I trust in the Lord and wake up with joy every morning. For me that is a key. Another key for me is to know that vengeance belongs to the Lord. I don't have to think of the unfairness of this world. God knows it and has His plans for dealing with it. And forgiveness. Forgive those that trespasses us is the hardest commandment together with love thy enemy. Finally I count my blessings. Sometimes they are harder to see, but practicing it will give you a humble and grateful heart and make your life so much easier

It is about accepting who you are and the situation you are in. Seeking God for strength and clarity to change the things in your life that is needed to change. Making a move for the better in faith.

Finally I can say I love life. I love my work, my home, my dogs, my friends. I would do exactly the same if I was to be healed. I would do the same if I get married. I will keep on being happy if I stay single.

I hope this thread will be filled with advices on how to raise above your misery and be content and happy where you are at.

I challenge you all and myself included to see beyond the grey depressive lack of something and see what God is doing to you and through you.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#3
Aug 13, 2014
27,362
9,376
113
#3
In my experience my misery has come from two sources. One is of course physical pain, like a toothache or headache. The other kind of misery is when I get so wrapped up in wanting something I don't have that I make myself miserable over it.

I have actually done that before. There is a type of machine called an audio interface, and I convinced myself that I wanted one badly. An audio interface is basically a way to connect a big bunch of audio inputs to a computer. It is what you would use to record a whole music band. Plug the microphones into the audio interface, plug the audio interface into the computer and you can record each separate microphone input in the computer as a separate track.

One time I spent more than two weeks looking up different audio interfaces. They are quite expensive so I was trying to figure out how I could get a good quality audio interface that could handle 32 microphone inputs but not pay so much for it. I searched google, amazon, ebay, sweetwater (online music store,) musiciansfriend (another online music store) and a lot of other places.

Know what I realized at the end of all that searching? Two things:

1. I was feeling miserable because I didn't have one of those audio interfaces.

2. I didn't even know of any music bands that needed recording. It was just something cool that I wanted because I thought it was cool. I was making myself miserable over something I didn't even have any use for.

Of course there is a difference between wanting something and dwelling on the something you want. There are lots of things I want, but they don't make me miserable. Miserableness (is that a word?) only starts when I keep thinking about the thing I don't have until it becomes all I think about.

How can you be happy when you are miserable? Fix the thing that is making you miserable. If it is a toothache, see a dentist. If it is something you want but can't get, stop dwelling on it. Dwelling on stuff you want but can't get is the surest way in the world to make yourself miserable.
 
T

toinena

Guest
#4
#4
Lynx said:
In my experience my misery has come from two sources. One is of course physical pain, like a toothache or headache. The other kind of misery is when I get so wrapped up in wanting something I don't have that I make myself miserable over it.

I have actually done that before. There is a type of machine called an audio interface, and I convinced myself that I wanted one badly. An audio interface is basically a way to connect a big bunch of audio inputs to a computer. It is what you would use to record a whole music band. Plug the microphones into the audio interface, plug the audio interface into the computer and you can record each separate microphone input in the computer as a separate track.

One time I spent more than two weeks looking up different audio interfaces. They are quite expensive so I was trying to figure out how I could get a good quality audio interface that could handle 32 microphone inputs but not pay so much for it. I searched google, amazon, ebay, sweetwater (online music store,) musiciansfriend (another online music store) and a lot of other places.

Know what I realized at the end of all that searching? Two things:

1. I was feeling miserable because I didn't have one of those audio interfaces.

2. I didn't even know of any music bands that needed recording. It was just something cool that I wanted because I thought it was cool. I was making myself miserable over something I didn't even have any use for.

Of course there is a difference between wanting something and dwelling on the something you want. There are lots of things I want, but they don't make me miserable. Miserableness (is that a word?) only starts when I keep thinking about the thing I don't have until it becomes all I think about.

How can you be happy when you are miserable? Fix the thing that is making you miserable. If it is a toothache, see a dentist. If it is something you want but can't get, stop dwelling on it. Dwelling on stuff you want but can't get is the surest way in the world to make yourself miserable.
Click to expand...
I guess you know me so well some things can't be fixed by not wanting or going to the dentist. Some illnesses or circumstances you may be stuck with for life. And on top of that it is the knowledge that it is getting worse.

Ever heard people say they would rather die than sitting in a wheelchair? I have. People look at me with pitiful eyes and think they would rather die.

Other people smile and say I encourage them, because I manage to smile despite the misery.

Others again get overwhelmed and shun me, thinking it is too much to take in.

Despite that, I can be happy. And that is what I want to convey in this thread and also learn from others how they cope with things.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#5
Aug 13, 2014
27,362
9,376
113
#5
Oh. I thought we were talking about people being miserable because they were not married. That's why I mentioned being miserable because of something I didn't have.
 
T

toinena

Guest
#6
#6
Lynx said:
Oh. I thought we were talking about people being miserable because they were not married. That's why I mentioned being miserable because of something I didn't have.
Click to expand...
Not this time.... misery can be more than just lack of spouse.
 
T

toinena

Guest
#7
#7
Lynx said:
Oh. I thought we were talking about people being miserable because they were not married. That's why I mentioned being miserable because of something I didn't have.
Click to expand...
Or atleast the misery can be more complex than that.

And I didn't want to focus on the problem but how to live with and accept them and still have a decent life worth living.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#8
Aug 13, 2014
27,362
9,376
113
#8
For that, Philippians chapter 4 might have some clues.

Or as the old song says:

"If I think about despair
I will only get depressed
If I dwell on troubles
I will troubled be
I'm gonna fill up my mind
With the goodness of the Lord
He will make me more like Him
And meet my every need"
 
S

Sweetmorningdew78

Guest
#9
#9
Great post sis Andrea ❤

I've got nothing in my life...literally nothing (only Jesus)

My desire is to have a family I can call mine and I know that marriage is not for everyone and I am not getting any younger...some days I feel discouraged but my desire never goes away it is still there... the toughest is during those days when I feel like it is already too late for me, when I get impatient and myself is like when? When? ...but in the period of uncertainty I learned to trust the Lord and I know that He is always on time...He is never late :)
 
M

Miri

Guest
#10
#10
Misery tends to be relative to situations and a person’s learned resilience

So a child loses an old pet hamster and they might cry for weeks. Whereas an
adult might shrug and think I’ve got worse things to cry over than a hamster.

We build up physical muscles until we can carry more.
The same applies to emotional muscles, thankfully God will not give us
more than we can bare.

It also helps to have a hope and a future and to understand the reality
of what this is. Our hope and future is in Christ.

I have a dear friend who died earlier this year from ovarian cancer, she battled
with it for 8 years. She was only 61 when she died. Her husband said he felt that
this life is a life for the dying, that real life has just started for my friend who now
lives in eternity. He said the pain felt is the pain of seperation but one day they
will be together again.

It also helps to be thankful to know things could be worse, they are for lots of
people.

Having said that I have pity parties too! I think we all do it’s part of being human.
It’s also natural to feel sorrow and even Jesus wept. Emotions are part of who we
are, sorrow is just as important as joy. Without sorrow we would not understand
joy, we would not be able to express sympathy or give comfort to others.
Without sorrow we would not understand the seriousness of sin. Without
sorrow we would be very shallow people.

There are just as many things to learn in times of sorrow as there are in joy.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#11
Aug 13, 2014
27,362
9,376
113
#11
There is a lot of wisdom and much of a correct perspective about the world and life in general in the post directly above this one.
 
Treadstone

Treadstone

Junior Member
#12
May 21, 2018
39
50
18
#12
Life doesn't have to be miserable because you are single. You aren't defined by who your girlfriend is or who your wife is. Be happy with yourself, and the rest will fall in place eventually.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#13
Mar 13, 2014
42,595
17,059
113
69
Tennessee
#13
Miri said:
Misery tends to be relative to situations and a person’s learned resilience

So a child loses an old pet hamster and they might cry for weeks. Whereas an
adult might shrug and think I’ve got worse things to cry over than a hamster.

We build up physical muscles until we can carry more.
The same applies to emotional muscles, thankfully God will not give us
more than we can bare.

It also helps to have a hope and a future and to understand the reality
of what this is. Our hope and future is in Christ.

I have a dear friend who died earlier this year from ovarian cancer, she battled
with it for 8 years. She was only 61 when she died. Her husband said he felt that
this life is a life for the dying, that real life has just started for my friend who now
lives in eternity. He said the pain felt is the pain of seperation but one day they
will be together again.

It also helps to be thankful to know things could be worse, they are for lots of
people.

Having said that I have pity parties too! I think we all do it’s part of being human.
It’s also natural to feel sorrow and even Jesus wept. Emotions are part of who we
are, sorrow is just as important as joy. Without sorrow we would not understand
joy, we would not be able to express sympathy or give comfort to others.
Without sorrow we would not understand the seriousness of sin. Without
sorrow we would be very shallow people.

There are just as many things to learn in times of sorrow as there are in joy.
Click to expand...
You have learned a lot in your years here on earth. Without knowing sorrow you cannot know what joy is. Just about everything is relative. Outstanding post based on your observations and life experiences.
 
T

toinena

Guest
#14
#14
Treadstone said:
Life doesn't have to be miserable because you are single. You aren't defined by who your girlfriend is or who your wife is. Be happy with yourself, and the rest will fall in place eventually.
Click to expand...
Be happy and play the balalaika.... Nice seeing you seemingly happy. Everything well I gather, Wild?
 
M

mar09

Senior Member
#15
Sep 17, 2014
4,927
1,259
113
#15
I try to help others and forget abt myself... of course we cannot always, as when we have physical pain for example, and no one is thinking or remembering to ask How are you?!
 
T

toinena

Guest
#16
#16
mar09 said:
I try to help others and forget abt myself... of course we cannot always, as when we have physical pain for example, and no one is thinking or remembering to ask How are you?!
Click to expand...
Yes. Sometimes I just want one person ask me sincerely how are you? During the day.

Just to feel there is atleast on person that cares.

Once a small card from a waitress from the day before can save a person from committing suicide!
 
Oncefallen

Oncefallen

Idiot in Chief
Staff member
#17
Jan 15, 2011
6,065
3,414
113
#17
Lynx said:
In my experience my misery has come from two sources. One is of course physical pain, like a toothache or headache. The other kind of misery is when I get so wrapped up in wanting something I don't have that I make myself miserable over it.

I have actually done that before. There is a type of machine called an audio interface, and I convinced myself that I wanted one badly. An audio interface is basically a way to connect a big bunch of audio inputs to a computer. It is what you would use to record a whole music band. Plug the microphones into the audio interface, plug the audio interface into the computer and you can record each separate microphone input in the computer as a separate track.

One time I spent more than two weeks looking up different audio interfaces. They are quite expensive so I was trying to figure out how I could get a good quality audio interface that could handle 32 microphone inputs but not pay so much for it. I searched google, amazon, ebay, sweetwater (online music store,) musiciansfriend (another online music store) and a lot of other places.

Know what I realized at the end of all that searching? Two things:

1. I was feeling miserable because I didn't have one of those audio interfaces.

2. I didn't even know of any music bands that needed recording. It was just something cool that I wanted because I thought it was cool. I was making myself miserable over something I didn't even have any use for.

Of course there is a difference between wanting something and dwelling on the something you want. There are lots of things I want, but they don't make me miserable. Miserableness (is that a word?) only starts when I keep thinking about the thing I don't have until it becomes all I think about.

How can you be happy when you are miserable? Fix the thing that is making you miserable. If it is a toothache, see a dentist. If it is something you want but can't get, stop dwelling on it. Dwelling on stuff you want but can't get is the surest way in the world to make yourself miserable.
Click to expand...
When you think about it though, covetousness is deeply ingrained in our sin nature. We want what we don't have and we REALLLLYYY want what we can't have.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#18
Aug 13, 2014
27,362
9,376
113
#18
Yup. Hence the tenth commandment. If a person can get that one down, life gets a lot better.
 
Oncefallen

Oncefallen

Idiot in Chief
Staff member
#19
Jan 15, 2011
6,065
3,414
113
#19
The Apostle Paul learned the secret to life................contentment regardless of circumstance.

Philippians 4:11-13 (NASB)
11 Not that I speak [a]from want, for I have learned to be [b]content in whatever circumstances I am. 12 I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. 13 I can do all things [c]through Him who strengthens me.
 
garet82

garet82

Senior Member
#20
Jan 20, 2011
679
85
28
#20
When i feel so desperated misserable n hopless i remember Jesus' words in

Matthew 6:26, 28, 33-34 (AKJV) Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much better than they?
And why take you thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin:
But seek you first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added to you.
Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient to the day is the evil thereoff.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-11 (AKJV) To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
What profit has he that works in that wherein he labors?
I have seen the travail, which God has given to the sons of men to be exercised in it.
He has made every thing beautiful in his time: also he has set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God makes from the beginning to the end.
Amen.

And many beautiful scriptures that comfort me.

Thats why i always calm myself even in very desperated time in live n seem like hope is gone that My Jesus will make everything okay coz He loves me and He will never let me down amen.
 
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