How I Won At Life

"I'm lonely."
"I'm bored."
"I'm isolated."
"If I died today nobody would realize it for a month."
"When I try to make friends they look at me like I'm a freak."
"Nothing I say or do matters and I'm starting to not care if it does."
"I'm a failure at life."

Sound familiar? That's where my life used to be some 18 years ago. I was a single guy with a factory job and no connections to any friends. I showed up at church because it was what Christians are supposed to do but I left as soon as service was over. I spent most of my free time playing video games - in fact video games were my whole life.

But I fixed all these problems AND made myself a life with one simple trick. And since I hear the same complaints from so many other people, I have decided to share this trick with you.

But first a word of caution. I did not start out trying to fix my life's problems. I started using this trick, not as a trick to fix my life, but just for the sake of doing it. In fact if you use this trick just to fix your life I strongly doubt it will work.

Actually this is really important so I'm going to repeat it and highlight it and bold and underline it: I did not start using this trick as a way to fix my life.

Ready for the trick?

I started doing stuff.

It started when I noticed the lady at church who typed the church bulletin was overloaded. She did a lot of stuff around the church, from playing the piano to running children's church. I'm good at typing (got the Typing II award at high school) so I offered to start typing the bulletin.

Then they asked anybody who was willing to help clean the church to sign up. With multiple groups in rotation it's only once every two months or so, running a vacuum cleaner for a couple hours. Why not?

Then the church bus needed a driver. That one legit changed my life. I have seen little hellions of kids start coming to church on the church bus, and I have seen them change into wonderful kids in short order. It's amazing how a child can grow when you give the kid a little love.

Right about then was when God told me to be a preacher too. I'm STILL not sure about that one. I like being in the background, making sure the show works right. Plus I'm not so good at talking to people. But when I preach a sermon it seems to go well and be effective... Whatever, but I'm still not sure God got the right person. >.>

Then I started showing up to help cook church dinners. (I'm not a master chef, but anybody can follow simple "melt the butter, wash this bowl, stir that pot" orders.) Then I started sticking around to help clean up after church dinners. Then I joined the singing team. And I joined the signing team. And I'm a nerd so I became the default tech support for the church. And I'm a music nerd so I became the default tech support for the sound booth. Then I started collating Sunday morning attendance rolls and offering.

I didn't realize how this was changing my life until one day when we had a missionary visit. You know the drill, the missionary talks to the church about the country where he is going and asks for money to help him get there. I started idly thinking about what if God called me to pack up and go somewhere else? Hey it could happen. I'm a minister - not a pastor, just a local minister - and God might tell me to go across the country or across the world someday.

My mind automatically started objecting to the thought. I have a lot of friends that I would hate to leave. Besides, who would do the things I'm doing? I couldn't dump it all on one person. Besides all the people I know who would do it are already busy with other stuff. I would have to find multiple people to take over... wait a minute... what?

I wouldn't want to leave all my friends... I would leave a lot of holes in the church that other people would have to fill...

HOLY COW! I have lots of friends and I'm important!

How did THAT happen? I never set out to be important and make a lot of friends. All i was doing was a few jobs that needed to be done. But in the process I seem to have, quite by accident, made a lot of good friends. And they are not friends because I do stuff. They are friends I have met and become friends with just because I am in contact with them all the time. And I seem to have become an integral part of something much bigger than I am. If I want to pop up to visit my mother over the weekend I have to call multiple people to take over what I do on a regular Sunday.

Of course all this "life" stuff seriously cut into my video game time, but I didn't miss the loss a bit. Having a life is much better.

So that is how I accidentally fixed my life, just by picking up a few odd jobs around the church. It has worked for me and I have seen it work for a lot of other people too. It's not just a distraction from life or a way to feel important, it BECOMES a life.

And it can work for you. If you're lonely, disconnected, feel like your life is pointless and nobody knows or cares about you, try doing some things. The best way to be involved in something is to get involved in it. You might just wake up one day and realize you have accidentally created yourself a life.

I certainly do agree with you.

I do stuff around the house like doing dishes, getting the mail, taking out the trash, feeding our two cats, Tango and Sugar, and emptying their kitty litter pans, minor home repairs and grocery shopping. Occasionally, I cook our meals too, following the simple steps that you outlined. Yeah, I do some stuff also at my job at work that's beyond the scope of my job description but that can become problematic because after awhile it is now expected of you to accomplish these extra things.

I have learned in my working years that if you want to get something done quickly and efficiently ask a busy person because a lazy person would not find the time or be inclined to perform the task.

Your counsel is sound and wise and merits serious consideration. It definitely has worked in my case.

I have a life and you have a life as well.

I stare at my wrecked car, thinking about how I will fix it.

That's a good start albeit perhaps not doing stuff in the technical sense of the word.

I have all the parts, except the hood. I've been spending the last 3 months, painting the new fender, but I will go weeks without touching it.

Lessening the misery in my life would be great, but I don't trust people enough to develop serious friendships. There were a lot of people I told this to and they ended up being so frustrated over it that they tried to control me and demand that I have them as a friend, but I didn't budge. What I notice is that there are some people who do tend to like me, but it seems like they don't understand social cues well enough to tell that I don't want to be an actual friend to that person -- a serious friend, which is not like an acquaintance.

Sometimes I don't know why I bother telling people that. It seems pointless because no one that I have known so far thinks I should have the right to make that decision for myself.... Just a little rant. Sorry.

Anyway, on a positive note, I like that you mentioned "doing stuff". My parents and I are planning a move in the spring down to Virginia and what I want to do is go cave exploring and hiking and maybe even some camping. My theory is that "doing stuff" is going to make me feel better about my own life and give me all sorts of opportunities to better myself and enjoy the nature around me. Of course, there are going to be hiking groups, which is OK because it's for safety. It'll also be nice to know that at least I'm not the only one who wants to get lost in nature as often as possible.

Lynx, you hit that one out of the park. That's what I started doing at church. I got involved in most of the things you talked about. At church, I've cut a lot of grass, cooked, mopped, emptied trash, washed dishes, and helped with VBS. It's work, but it doesn't seem like work. In little ways here and there, you help advance the kingdom.

This is the best thing I've read in a very long time in the forums. When we realize that doing for others brings tremendous amounts of satisfaction and joy it becomes something we wanna do more and more... then before you know it you're "I'm bored" turns into "I wish I had time to be bored lol ."

Methinks the Lynx should preach that message. With a few appropriate supporting verses about the gift of helps, of course.

You will love Virginia! Lots of "God's Country" to explore, hike, camp, cave, canoe, tube, bike trails etc...

Hello, Lynx. Your story blessed my heart today. It’s so relevant to many people feeling lonely and bored out there. Please keep sharing in many forums as it can change lives. I’m praying that God will continue to bless you and use your story for His glory.

This is an inspiring story, thank you for sharing. Sadly, I am just a regular churchgoer in a church I am in now. Do not get me wrong, I actually want to join in different activities. I used to before in previous churches I have attended but not in this one. It is somewhat a big church and they get a lot of help. Maybe I just give a lot of reasons.

Anyway, I just want to share my experience before when I did something.

Last year exactly the same month, I was so depressed. It was a struggle for me to survive everyday. I couldn't find anyone, my company were christian songs, my bible, inspirational sermons and my work. December came and there was a typhoon in our region and they were needing help to prepare relief goods. I always want to help in anything but I am too shy or scared to go alone (without friends). But at that moment, just to escape my situations, just to distract myself, I volunteered. It was December 24 (before new years eve), I started to help. At first, I was just too focused in doing the task but later on I get to meet different types of people and started talking and mingling with them. The depression was still there, but at least I could shrug it off. I enjoyed what I did, knowing I was helping some people made me happy. I met people who were also struggling and we supported each other. At that point, I said to myself that "everything happens for a reason" and "I'm glad it happened". I made a difference, I made friends, it changd my life.

I may be struggling again now and I know life is a battle that is why I am looking for somethings to do again. Maybe being in this forum and sharing is one of them, and there might be more I can do, I just need to find out and get involved.

God bless!

Yeah I have occasionally heard somebody say something about being bored and reply "Boredom... yeah, I remember that. Sometimes I wish I still had boredom." Of course I'm joking. Boredom was more peaceful, but more pointless, and I much rather know I am doing something that makes a difference to people around me.

Back when my life was video games, my real life started conflicting with my video games and God started dealing with me about putting the game controller down. My primary objection was "What will I do with all my free time? TV is so boring, I've already read all the books I own, what will I DO with all that time?" God's reply was, "You'll do plenty." Yup.

A friend of mine made a good point that I should mention here: In the process of making a difference, at church or at a nursing home or wherever, you need to protect yourself from people taking advantage of you. There IS a fine line between people accepting your assistance and people taking advantage of you.

My church is well run. The business side of it is run more like a clubhouse than a corporation - we need money to pay the light bill, but our business is not the business of making money. I do know of churches that are run like a corporation though.

Basically it's a difference between making a difference and just being used.

Also what I said in the OP about not doing things just to fix your life, that makes a very big difference here. If you start doing stuff just to try to fix your life, it is a lot easier to think you are just being used, even in a place where you are making a difference to people and building your life. And on the flip side, a person who is too giving can think he is making a difference when he is just being used. Discernment is required.

Maybe someday at a church where nobody knows me, as an evangelist. I don't think I will preach it at my home church, because it would come off as bragging. I had to argue with myself a lot before I made the thread, but the sheer volume of complaints being posted that this thread would perfectly answer finally tipped the scales.

Preach it!

Hi CandieM,

I'm not sure what your career path is, but I recommend you look into getting a college degree in Forestry. You'd love it!

I enjoyed your post so very much!! You are an excellent "real life" writer. Your words are sincere, they motivate and encourage the reader.

Write on, Lynx, write on!!

@CandieM - check out this website: https://forestrydegree.net/forestry-careers-and-employment-statistics/

camping with people seems to always make you feel better getting away from all the people and spend time in the forest make you focus and think about things that matter to you without any interruptions. IMO