Shall we marry for love or for God’s will?

Do you believe in prophecies? Well I do. Lets say that a prophet told you that God wants you to marry a certain person but you do not love that person nor have any interest on the person. What would you do? Obey God? Say no to God’s will?

Who did he say you were going to marry?
Did he give any explanation why you should marry this person?
What is this prophet's track record for accuracy so far?
And etc... too many questions to list. I would need to know a lot more than the available information before I could come close to making a judgment call on this matter.

Hello and welcome to CC.

If a "prophet" told me anything of that sort, I'd think that they haven't learned how to distinguish the Lord's voice from their own. I'd be wondering what kind of track record the person had in prophetic ministry, and who I might ask to vet the person. I certainly wouldn't take the message as authoritative. God could do something like that, but it isn't His usual method. I listen to Him for myself, and would be suspicious of such a message.

In the New Testament church, prophets don't function with the level of authority that Old Testament prophets had. 1 Corinthians 14 explains that a prophetic message is for edification, comfort, and exhortation. Directive prophecy should really be taken with a large grain of salt; a personal prophecy should confirm the leading that a person is already receiving.

i heard some time ago that a prophetic word should confirm something the Holy Spirit is already communicating.

but with any word i receive(d), i take it to the Lord and ask Him.

God would never tell you to marry someone you don't love.

Dino probably said it best, but just to add my two cents. I can't think of a single Biblical example where a prophet told someone to marry a certain person. In fact the only example I can think of where anyone was told who to marry was when God himself told Hosea to marry an unfaithful wife and that was to embody a specific prophetic message.

Now historically there have been plenty of times people married for reasons other than love. So as far as marrying someone you aren't madly in love with, it isn't immoral, but I think it worth asking "Have we become a people who are so self-interested that we're no longer capable of making and carrying out such a huge commitment to someone we don't have that emotional motivation towards?" Personally, I wouldn't completely rule out marrying someone I respected highly but didn't feel (or at least acknowledge feeling) all those in love feelings for, but there would have to be a pretty compelling and serious reason to do so. And since I feel no burning need to marry; such a scenario seems pretty unlikely.

I wouldn't have been silly enough to listen to a prophet, so it's a non-issue. What many call prophecy today is no different than going to a fortune teller. No basis in biblical truth, no facts and done by fakes.

I would have to know without any shadow of a doubt that the person was an actual prophet of God.. God warns that in the end times we would see Many false prophets..

Marrying a person without loving them to my conscience would be a sin.. God does not tell people to sin..

The prophets I am talking about are really from God, I can tell it. The thing I did not mentionate is that there were other three prophets (that dont know each other / from different churches) who saw me marrying a guy (that I actually know who he is due to their descriptions).


I do like this guy, I am fond of him but I could never see myself married with him because he does not have the characteristics of a man that I pray to God to be married with.

I sometimes think I should marry him for not regretting later for not doing God’s will but I sometimes think I shouldnt marry him because of the fact that I AM SURE he is not someone that I could spend the rest of my life with.

I wonder, am I not good enough to deserve from God a man according to my will? Doesnt God know that I do like certain characteristics and dislikes others in a man? I think to myself that maybe the solution is me being a better woman to deserve it. Perhaps I should “improve” myself so I can be equally worthy of a man that I dream of. (Not that Ive met him yet)

Hi Sarah,

I can very much relate to your post. But I've never known of a modern situation in which God commanded someone to marry a person they felt uncomfortable marrying (I'm not saying it can't happen, I just haven't encountered it yet.)

I was in a church for a very long time that believed in prophecy, but the head pastor always warned us to be careful of any personal "prophecies" that had to do with marriage, birth (pregnancies and future children), and death. It's not that they didn't believe such things could come from the Lord, it's just that they hadn't really seen any accurate "prophecies" about them.

A while back, we had a regular poster who had a dream in which they saw a person whom they felt God was telling them to marry, and eventually, they did meet this person from the dream, and married them. But, several years later, the marriage ended in a heart-breaking divorce. I am certainly not saying that God in anyway caused or wanted the divorce. But I'm just saying... even if God did will for them to be together, it's not a shield from the consequences of sin and human faults.

Many years ago, I believed "God" was telling me I would have a certain number of children, and even what to name them. It seemed viable because God was always telling people about having kids and what to name them in the Bible, right? I even went to other Christians for verification and the 3 I went to all felt it was from God as well (one of them being a pastor.)

And here I sit, in my forties with the desire to have children long gone, unmarried, and no children. I have no idea what happened... Was I just hearing from demons, and the people I looked up to saw how happy I was that they too became caught up in a lie?

I'm sorry for this long post, but I would like to share one more story before I wrap this up. A very long time ago, I had a dream in which I was trapped in a house, and two men were about to capture and kill me. I started to sink to the floor and scream, and as I did, water started pouring in through the windows, causing my panic levels to go through the roof. I knew that either these men were going to kill me, or the water was going to cause me to drown.

But as the water rose to my knees... An amazing thing happened--my feet grew together into a fish's tail, and I became a mermaid--swimming out the window to safety. The water (or terrible situation in my real life) that I thought was going to drown me actually drowned the men who wanted to kill me and allowed me a means of escape. And not long afterwards, a little boy, about 2 years old with very white-blond hair, came up and swam next to me.

Years later, I met that little boy in real life, and was in a position of taking care of him for the next 3 years. But a relationship with his father was impossible (alcohol and the myriad of issues that come with it), and it was heartbreaking to have to leave that whole situation behind.

To this day, I don't know if that dream was from God. I do know that it meant something, but are demons so bored that they would actually put together something that complex just for someone as behind-the-scenes as me?

I understand the dilemma you're having very well. If we think "God" is wanting us to do something, we start to panic because we don't know if we're doing enough to obey or get ourselves in line with God's will, and we certainly don't want to disobey.

One thing I CAN tell you, without a doubt, is that just because something comes from God, it does NOT mean that it will work out (such as a marriage that stays together forever,) or that it will be a happy situation.

God told Mary that she would be the mother of His Messiah, and years later, it says a sword pierced her heart as she saw her beloved son hanging from a cross.

God told Zechariah and Elizabeth that they would have a son who would pave the way for Jesus; I often wonder how they felt when they heard that their beloved son had been beheaded.

Jesus made Peter a foundational leader of His church, but was eventually martyred for his faith.

I am not saying any of this to sound negative or because I don't believe in the power of God (I most certainly do), but I'm saying this to hopefully spare someone out there from the excitement of "hearing from God", only to see things turn out quite a bit differently than they had pictured it to be.

P.S. If I could, may I also mention that it's very important to be aware of people who might be trying to spiritually manipulate you and others. For instance... a "prophet" who believes they are a prophet will want to make sure all their "prophecies" come true, thereby pressuring the people they have so generously "prophesied" over to do whatever it is they were told "by God"--through them, of course!

After all, they can only keep up their reputations as a prophet if the things they say actually come true, and if you aren't as agreeable with their words and they'd like you to be, I've found that the most common tactic is to accuse you of being rebellious against God.

What they fail to notice is, the real rebellion... is not doing what they want you to do, and how can they keep up their guise of being a "Person of God" if no one will listen to anything they have to say?

May God bless you with wisdom and discernment, and keep you safe from wolves in sheep's clothing.

So if I'm reading and understanding this correctly, there were 3 or 4 prophets who all gave you the same description of the guy they saw you marrying, correct? You have then interpreted them to be talking about this guy you know, but don't have much interest in marrying because of certain characteristics (though it's not at all clear if those characteristics are tall, dark, and handsome or that he's an abusive drunk who can't manage money (and one of those is a much bigger deal than the other)). Now you are questioning whether God is pleased with you and if you're good enough for God to bless, or if you need to do something to "earn" what you want from God.

Sorry but I don't see much God in any of that. And if there were a way we could manipulate God into giving us a spouse that meets everything on our list, we'd all be married to rich, gorgeous movie stars who were kind and humble. The most you should do in response to this situation is consider saying yes to a date if this guy you think is the one who was prophesied about asks you out on a date (and do take all the usual precautions you would for any first date). And if you don't feel comfortable or want to say yes to that date, then don't. If God is really bound and determined for you two to be together, the guy will ask again.

I agree with Kim... on all of it .

Agreed... by all means, stay away from us tall, dark, handsome guys. We're trouble with a capital "T".

It is not about physical appearence.

God gave you a brain and emotions for good purpose, not so you could abandon them at the door of fear. If you don't think this man is a good choice, for whatever reason, don't marry him... period. Put the "prophetic words" in God's hands and let Him deal with them. Don't carry them, and don't fear 'not doing God's will' in the matter. This situation is so far outside normal Christian experience, that it is likely that it's confusion from the enemy. While I'm not judging the people who delivered these messages, IMHO it would have been better if they kept the matter to themselves and simply prayed into it. I don't think anyone should be prophesying a specific marriage into another person's life; there's just too much pressure inherent in it... as there seems to be in this case.

Let me suggest this: dump "deserve" in the garbage where it belongs.

Work on improving yourself continually, regardless of whether there's a man in the picture. Your true worth is based on Christ's love and sacrifice for you. Be better for God, and for accomplishing His purposes in your life.

I suggest you put this whole matter into God's hands and leave it there. Ask Him for the peace and guidance that you need. Remember, staying single isn't a sin, and marrying isn't a sin, but marrying for the wrong reasons will lead to sin a whole lot more certainly than waiting for the right reasons. A bad marriage is worse than bad singleness any day.

Specific thoughts occur none of which is intended to be offensive to you personally.
1.The statements you have made about that which you assert a desire for Gods direction with and you say you have expressed your specific desires to God.
2. So you establish you desire God to direct the subject in your life by an element of your faith.
3. It is important to understand God doesn't always give us what we tell him we desire but because he knows our heart and desires he gives us what we need.
4. Sometimes what we need is his works in us and our lives to get us from point A. To point B. So we are more worthy of that which we personally desire.
5. Sometimes this includes adversities and what can seem like the wrong people in our lives.
6. It is important to realize you say by faith you want Gods direction and if truly so
A. Did God tell you to consult all these supposed prophets ?
B. If God did not instruct you to do so then why is your faith weak and looking outwardly to prophets instead of inwardly to God in faith ?
7. God does not require prophets to invoke his will. When something is truly his will it will come to pass.
But you are possibly setting yourself up for a test of faith if God did not tell you to seek the direction of prophets.
8. The Holy Spirit of God moving through you by his will is your lightning rod indicator which it sounds like you may need to practice trust and faith in.
9. In prayer always ask knowledge of your Will oh Lord and power to carry it out in Jesus name and for Gods Glory.
10. Beware of believing in the world outside of you if the Holy Spirit isn't moving inside of you in its presence.
11. Continue to ask for confirmation if it is Gods will the opportunity isn't going to vanish in a fleeting impulse.
12. How powerful is your God and your faith.....? If for some reason you were to miss a supposed opportunity to receive then do you not have the faith to know God able of replication as much as necessary.
Lastly....there is a saying,
"Be careful what you wish and pray for.....you might just get it".......
Let go and let God....means get out of his way.....he can't fix anything if you won't place it in his hands....when we cling to tightly to our own desires he can't work with them or us....
If you have trouble with anxiousness over a subject and are consumed by thoughts of your own....
Repeat if that isn't God,get out !
The Serenity prayer.....
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change.....the courage to change the things I can....and the wisdom to know the difference!
God bless and good luck be patient and give God the chance to help you help yourself!

One more thing ......God does answer prayers of the faithful even of the least unworthy for I came from those and I testify that he divinely and gloriously heals,provides, protects and sends peace and comfort. No aspect of our lives we give to the father is to great.
We can never be as faithfully reliable for God as he is for us!😀

what would you do?

I like what a Baptist lady I respect said in a similar situation. "Well, He never said anything to me, so no way."!

I don't remember any prophet in the bible doing such a thing, so i'm skeptical-to say the least.

I'm guessing you're in a charismatic or Pentecostal church. Read your bible. if you find any prophets telling anyone who to marry, then maybe it's of God.