Hey Everyone,
This will be the last part of the thoughts I've been wrestling with regarding the relationship between married vs. single people in the church.
As we've been discussing, the wisest thing most people can come up with is that single people should stay among their "single" groups (as if there ARE any in most churches these days), and married people should hang out with other married couples. I understand the thought behind this completely, and I'm not disagreeing with the common sense behind it.
* But what happens when married people suddenly find that they are single due to a divorce or the death of their spouse? If singles are to stay with singles, and marrieds are to stay with marrieds, what happens to these people who find themselves as being "disqualified" among the marrieds?
It might just be me (and I wish it was), but the thing I keep hearing over and over again is that once a Married Becomes a Single, they are immediately shut out from The Married Circle (many of whom they have known their entire lives), and are now seen as possibly dangerous threats because now they are Single and just might steal someone else's spouse.
I was 25 when my husband left, and understandably, a good number of people patted me on the head, told me I was just a baby with plenty of time to find someone (except for those who told me I was forbidden to marry ever again), and that I should see my single time as a blessing to serve others and get closer to the Lord.
I know they meant well, but I'm also pretty sure that not a single one of them (pardon the sarcasm) realized at the time that they all had a 50% chance of becoming single someday themselves. After 20 years, some of them have come into that time of walking in a single's shoes.
Whatever has happened in their lives, they are now, and sometimes without warning, finding themselves in the same position. When I hear about that happening, I often wonder if they remember the advice they gave to singles like me, and how that advice is now working out for them.
When a Married Suddenly Becomes a Single:
* Should singles automatically accept these people as part of their singles group (if there even is one)?
* Should the formerly married be immediately forced out of "The Married Group" (because this is what seems to happen)? If not, how could these people keep or maintain ties with their married friends?
* Where should the Formerly Married (whether divorced or widowed) seek out friends and a support group? Should they now become like the Singles, only hanging out with "their own kind"? (Divorced with divorced; widowed with widowed.) If so, I genuinely feel sorry for people in this position, because they might have a hard time finding anyone who might meet the qualifications they are now expected to follow.
What should the "rules" be as far as who is allowed to socialized and become close friends with whom when a formerly married person becomes single or widowed?
This will be the last part of the thoughts I've been wrestling with regarding the relationship between married vs. single people in the church.
As we've been discussing, the wisest thing most people can come up with is that single people should stay among their "single" groups (as if there ARE any in most churches these days), and married people should hang out with other married couples. I understand the thought behind this completely, and I'm not disagreeing with the common sense behind it.
* But what happens when married people suddenly find that they are single due to a divorce or the death of their spouse? If singles are to stay with singles, and marrieds are to stay with marrieds, what happens to these people who find themselves as being "disqualified" among the marrieds?
It might just be me (and I wish it was), but the thing I keep hearing over and over again is that once a Married Becomes a Single, they are immediately shut out from The Married Circle (many of whom they have known their entire lives), and are now seen as possibly dangerous threats because now they are Single and just might steal someone else's spouse.
I was 25 when my husband left, and understandably, a good number of people patted me on the head, told me I was just a baby with plenty of time to find someone (except for those who told me I was forbidden to marry ever again), and that I should see my single time as a blessing to serve others and get closer to the Lord.
I know they meant well, but I'm also pretty sure that not a single one of them (pardon the sarcasm) realized at the time that they all had a 50% chance of becoming single someday themselves. After 20 years, some of them have come into that time of walking in a single's shoes.
Whatever has happened in their lives, they are now, and sometimes without warning, finding themselves in the same position. When I hear about that happening, I often wonder if they remember the advice they gave to singles like me, and how that advice is now working out for them.
When a Married Suddenly Becomes a Single:
* Should singles automatically accept these people as part of their singles group (if there even is one)?
* Should the formerly married be immediately forced out of "The Married Group" (because this is what seems to happen)? If not, how could these people keep or maintain ties with their married friends?
* Where should the Formerly Married (whether divorced or widowed) seek out friends and a support group? Should they now become like the Singles, only hanging out with "their own kind"? (Divorced with divorced; widowed with widowed.) If so, I genuinely feel sorry for people in this position, because they might have a hard time finding anyone who might meet the qualifications they are now expected to follow.
What should the "rules" be as far as who is allowed to socialized and become close friends with whom when a formerly married person becomes single or widowed?
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