Divorce?

I apologize if I did not follow the point you were making. There are many people who would seriously give the advice you did...but usually not so directly.

Apparently a lot of stuff happened that I haven't read yet, but a wife telling her husband she will divorce him if he doesn't do X, even if X is going to counseling is manipulative.

Welcome and Blessings! No one truly knows yours and His situation. I have been divorced myself,it isn't an easy decision either way. I would suggest to you to examine yourself and make sure you are spiritually where the Lord wants you! Pray asking the Holy Spirit to lead you into the word about love and marriage! Prayer can change the way we look at things,and change the hearts of both involved. Lifting you up in prayer for guidance and right decisions! 🙏🙏🙏

Her husband is having an affair with another woman. I think he needs to examine himself. Think she's where the Lord wants her. You'd agree if you read all her comments. She has a heart to follow God.

Her husband is having an affair with another woman. I think he needs to examine himself. Think she's where the Lord wants her. You'd agree if you read all her comments. She has a heart to follow God.

Do you have any scriptures in mind where it says that God does not expect anyone to stay in an abusive marriage?

Can you me a scripture where God says stays you should stay in an abusive marriage?


What's abuse? I read comments like this, but I know there are people who talk about emotional abuse, psychological abuse, etc. If a man tells his wife, "You are so fat, I can't stand to look at you naked, and it is a real chore to sleep with you." She tells a marriage counselor or a pastor. The counselor or pastor says, "That's emotional abuse." Maybe so. It may be the man's honest opinion and belief, too, but a cruel thing to so.

Emotional abuse;

1. Humiliation, degradation, discounting, negating. judging, criticizing

2. Domination, control, and shame

3. Accusing and blaming, trivial and unreasonable demands or expectations, denies own shortcomings

4. Emotional distancing and the “silent treatment,” isolation, emotional abandonment or neglect


So now this wife goes on the Internet and reads a room full of people saying that she is allowed to divorce, or even divorce and remarry, if she is in an abusive marriage. The pastor or counselor said the husband's comment was abusive and all these people are saying she is justified to divorce if the marriage is abusive. Let's suppose both husband and wife are Christians. So it is it right for her to divorce? Is it right for her to remarry?

As per what I stated as emotional abuse above, yes,yes she is allowed to divorce. I don't agree with remarriage.



I suspect a lot of couple who do not get along well have engaged in verbal abuse. Yelling. Is that abusive behavior?

See what I posted above. If you are verbally abusing a person then yes I think you might say that is abuse...


I'd imagine there are a lot of couples who have gone through difficult times where husband and/or wife raised their voice. That's not good. Is it abusive?

There are parameters as to what constitutes emotional abuse. Raising your voice isn't abuse, unless you are constantly yelling and intimidating the other person, then yes, that is abuse.


Is it grounds for divorce? What about saying hurtful words? What if those words are honest-- you look a bit like a whale in those jeans?

I think you are over simplifying the situation. Abuse isn't about being honest and calling your spouse a whale isn't being honest,it's being hurtful. I have no idea why anyone who claims to love a person would ever say that. Whatever that comment is it's not about being honest.



Is it only abusive if the words are said with the intention to hurt the other? What if it was just a one-off comment. If your husband says hurtful words once, are you free to divorce him? If a man's wife says hurtful words once, is he free to divorce her? What scripture is this based on?

No one advocated that, read the comments.



Or are we just talking about physically abusive behavior? None of us wants to see someone get beat up or die in an abusive marriage. If you go to a feminist-run domestic violence center, they might give out a pamphlet that says basically once an abuser, always an abuser, that tries to convince you that if you are having marriage problems and your spouse exhibits certain traits common with those having marriage problems, that he just might kill you. Of course, the pamphlet probably will not address the issue of women hitting men, which happens quite a bit in marriages with domestic violence, too. Is a one-off punch, slap, etc. grounds for divorce? For remarriage? What does the Bible say about this?

So your position is every domestic abuse center is feminist run? Care to share facts to back that up? Abuse is wrong no matter the direction. And the danger of abuse is real. There is no such thing as a one off punch or slap, the law calls that abuse. If my husband, at 6'4, raises his hand to me,the next day papers will be served. For two reasons, first because a true man would never hit a woman and second, clearly he has no love for me if he would raise a hand harm me.



The problem here is the disconnect between the advice and what the Bible actually teaches.

No there is no disconnect. God doesn't expect anyone to stay in an abusive marriage.


And can we really say that God never expects anyone to stay in an abusive marriage?

Yes, yes we can. Also, it's against the law.


I remember hearing about Augustine's mother, that though her husband had a violent temper, she was so respectful and submissive that he never laid a hand on her.

Good for her. So you're saying submission will stop an abuser? At least he won't hit you? smh


Rome was a rather domineering culture where Rome dominating other cities was a part of the state religion the people were indoctrinated into, and the idea of the ruling class dominating others was part of their beliefs and values. So it must have been rough for Christian wives back then. But did Christians promote widescale divorce in cases of Christian wives married to Christian husbands?

The Bible tells you how to treat your wife. And the guide is Christ. Would Christ beat, slap, berate a woman? How do we see Jesus treating woman? When the woman touched His garment did He yell at her, tell her not to touch Him, after all, He was Christ! Or the woman at the well, the woman caught in adultery, how do we see Jesus acting toward women?


I am also thinking of the advice Peter and Paul gave to slaves. Slaves typically lived in the same household with their masters. Peter told slaves that if they were mistreated for doing what is right, that was commendable before God. But he didn't tell them all to run away.

And how were slaves to be treated according to the Bible? They were to be treated with respect and dignity. What was done in the south was wrong, morally and spiritually, and God sent Godly people to free them from their abuse.


Many of us have heard testimonies about some preachers past sinful days, how he used to be abusive to his wife and she prayed for him. He got saved, stopped beating her, started loving his wife, and got on the right track.

Not when it comes to abuse. She can continue to pray for his salvation. She doesn't have to put up with a beating.


I remember hearing a testimony from a preacher who said he used to have a mohawk and ride a motorcycle...that he used to beat his wife and do all kinds of other bad stuff. He was upset about her going to church. But he went to the church one time when his wife was there with a small group of other women praying, and heard her outside the door, pleading with the Lord to save his soul and it really touched him and he felt really convicted and led to his conversion.

Great, that's a lovely story. She survived her abuse, that doesn't always happen.


So can we confidently decree that this woman was outside of the will of God for staying in an abusive marriage and praying for her husband while married to him?

Yes, I can confidently decree it is not God's will for anyone to stay in an abusive marriage. And a few people you heard of doesn't change that fact.


If so, do you have any scripture to back up that idea? Did she sin against the Lord by staying married? Can we blame her for it?

Will add more when I get the time...

Do YOU know these ppl personally? Seems to me the hurt you sister is suffering has biased your responses! We ONLY have HER side!🙏🙏🙏

Wow! Just wow! The judging responses of the people here just amazes me. And not only are you judging her you are judging me! How dare you say such a thing to me!! This woman came here for advice. She made clear that she wanted to do what was right, that she was praying about the situation, that she was willing to go to counseling, that she herself was not perfect and she loved her husband. Still a group of you insist she needs to examine herself. Then her husband comes to her and says he wants a divorce, and a group of you say she's not submissive enough. Finally she says that her husband is CHEATING on her with another WOMAN and you still need to hear his side because maybe he's still in the right and she's not prayed, submitted, and examined herself enough!! Hey, remind me if I ever have a marriage problem not to come to you lot for empathy and advice. Apparently the woman is to blame no matter if the husband is up under some whore. How ridiculous!!

Wow! Just wow! The judging responses of the people here just amazes me. And not only are you judging her you are judging me! How dare you say such a thing to me!! This woman came here for advice. She made clear that she wanted to do what was right, that she was praying about the situation, that she was willing to go to counseling, that she herself was not perfect and she loved her husband. Still a group of you insist she needs to examine herself. Then her husband comes to her and says he wants a divorce, and a group of you say she's not submissive enough. Finally she says that her husband is CHEATING on her with another WOMAN and you still need to hear his side because maybe he's still in the right and she's not prayed, submitted, and examined herself enough!! Hey, remind me if I ever have a marriage problem not to come to you lot for empathy and advice. Apparently the woman is to blame no matter if the husband is up under some whore. How ridiculous!!

I'm sorry but this does seem to effect you in some personal way for it has made you very angry at myself and others. I ask your forgiveness! I will also be praying for your peace and comfort! 🙏🙏🙏

Wow! Just wow! The judging responses of the people here just amazes me. And not only are you judging her you are judging me! How dare you say such a thing to me!! This woman came here for advice. She made clear that she wanted to do what was right, that she was praying about the situation, that she was willing to go to counseling, that she herself was not perfect and she loved her husband. Still a group of you insist she needs to examine herself. Then her husband comes to her and says he wants a divorce, and a group of you say she's not submissive enough. Finally she says that her husband is CHEATING on her with another WOMAN and you still need to hear his side because maybe he's still in the right and she's not prayed, submitted, and examined herself enough!! Hey, remind me if I ever have a marriage problem not to come to you lot for empathy and advice. Apparently the woman is to blame no matter if the husband is up under some whore. How ridiculous!!

most of us will not easily admit that we entered into a 'carnal-marriage', and not a marriage that God ordained -
all of the trials and tribulations speak for themselves, plus all of the 'un-mention-able-things' that we just cannot
tell' at the time, but will eventually be confessed, out loud, one way or another, in His order,...

Emotional abuse;

1. Humiliation, degradation, discounting, negating. judging, criticizing

2. Domination, control, and shame

3. Accusing and blaming, trivial and unreasonable demands or expectations, denies own shortcomings

4. Emotional distancing and the “silent treatment,” isolation, emotional abandonment or neglect

There are parameters as to what constitutes emotional abuse. Raising your voice isn't abuse, unless you are constantly yelling and intimidating the other person, then yes, that is abuse.

So your position is every domestic abuse center is feminist run? Care to share facts to back that up?

If you go to a feminist-run domestic violence center, they might give out a pamphlet that says basically once an abuser, always an abuser,

There is no such thing as a one off punch or slap, the law calls that abuse.

If my husband, at 6'4, raises his hand to me,the next day papers will be served. For two reasons, first because a true man would never hit a woman and second,

Good for her. So you're saying submission will stop an abuser? At least he won't hit you? smh

Would Christ beat, slap, berate a woman? How do we see Jesus treating woman? When the woman touched His garment did He yell at her, tell her not to touch Him, after all, He was Christ! Or the woman at the well, the woman caught in adultery, how do we see Jesus acting toward women?

And how were slaves to be treated according to the Bible? They were to be treated with respect and dignity.

Now when presidente says things like a man might tell his wife " you're so fat I can't stand to see you naked and can't stand to sleep with you" or " you look like a whale" I don't know if he finds that humorous, surely he would never say such a thing himself. He doesn't see that as abuse.

I did not say it was not abuse. It might legitimately be considered emotional or verbal abuse. I have never said such a thing to my wife, and I would not encourage anyone else to. This was an example of something hurtful that might be labeled 'abuse'. But it isn't the same thing as punching or slapping someone. And many of the behaviors you listed as abuse are probably not as hurtful as the example I gave. I just don't see how that is Biblical grounds for divorce. People can repent, apologize, and move past things like that. There are also certain people who have mild forms of autism who lack empathy and do not realize their words can be hurtful. Where is the place for forgiveness and reconciliation.

I am still waiting for you to show us where the Bible teaches us to divorce if our spouse had said something emotionally abusive.

What about this verse?
I Peter 3
3 Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.Have you ever engaged in any of the behaviors in your list? .

Can you show any scriptures that allow someone to be divorced if their spouse blames them or has an unreasonable expectation, etc? Have you ever been married? If so does your spouse share these values? And if so, how many times?.

Unless there is a need to talk over noise or someone is about to get hit by a bus, it is generally inappropriate to yell at your spouse. I'd venture to guess that most marital arguments that involve yelling involve one of the abusive behaviors in your list.

Let's look at what I actually wrote in the comment you are responding to: If you go to a feminist-run domestic violence center, they might give out a pamphlet that says basically once an abuser, always an abuser.
There may be laws that use the word 'abuse.' But as far as I know, typically the operative word under Anglo legal systems is 'assault' and there is such thing as a one-off punch, and those are illegal,too.

So why did you just use an example of a man hitting a woman? Are you saying it is okay for a woman to hit a man....I'm just kidding. just applying your logic on the domestic violence comment.

there are people who are violent when provoked, and there are people who are violent if you irritate them in the least way.

God's grace is powerful enough to redeem psychopaths, wife beaters, husband beaters and even child molesters and murderers.

I haven't heard of anyone arguing for men hitting or berating their wives, or vice versa on this thread. You went from arguing that someone is justified to get a divorce if their wife has unrealistic expectations to ....is that insinuating that I think domestic violence is okay? Am I reading too much into your comment?